I'm posting this at the risk of sounding like a total moron if no one here relates with this :)

What is the elusive 'issue' that has affected your social relationships the most? Was there something you were unknowlingly doing/saying (or not doing/saying) that was driving people (friends, coworkers, family) away from you? How did you find out what it was, and how did you deal with it?

I'm talking about something that normally takes a good friend to tell you about (sort of like when you've got a hole in the seat of your pants that you don't see).

One was how I look around when people talk to me. I was told it made them feel I didn't care about what they were saying :o OUCH ! I had no idea I did that

I try very hard to not look around and if I do I say "I'm sorry it's not you or what your saying, my eye caught something"

Not everyone cares and they are in still insulted

Especially important tip, keep a close friend who will be BLUNT and ask them BLUNT questions because friends like that are the ones that allow you to improve yourself sort of by giving you tools which is the information.

I have the tendencies of interrupting people. It's plainly rude but I'm impulsive in nature. On the receiving end people feel as if what I have to say is 'more important' and I couldn't care less what they have to say about the subject matter. I also tend to have a foggy mind at the least opportune time. If I'm put on the spot, I have a hard time articulating - particularly over personal subjects (oppose to professional). Professionally speaking, I can talk the talk no problem. Just don't ask me how my day is going. LOL

There is another very long and intellectual thread on this subject in the general add forum that answers your question with a ton of research material.

What I have noticed since I started taking ADDerall last week is that I am now communicating more directly and confidently. This is because I seem to have control of the things that come out of my mouth as well as the improved ability to translate thoughts in to words. So my main issue in this area has been FMD (Foot in Mouth Disease).

I’m not sure if that qualifies as “elusive” though.

James

Is this (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22657) it?

Is this (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22657) it?
Sorry, the thread I was referring to was: http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22322 (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=22322)

Thank you for clarifying.

I'd say mine's primarily an issue of social avoidance which I've made good progress on resolving in the last 6 months. Definately connected to self esteem. I tended to feel the other person was better off not talking to me and I had nothing to offer. Of course the other person percieved my behavior to be likely rude and that I was shrugging them off.

I've gradually shifted my behavior to be more outgoing/confident, and joking. I think I do a lot better within personal and group interactions and take advantage of most social opportunities that are presented directly to me.

While I feel more connected to people I normally interact with and have made more acquaintances this unfortunately hasn't really led to the creation of any new friendships in the real world.

Romantic relationship wise hasn't really improved though. I'm about 30-40 lbs overweight and feel very self-concious of that and have a lot of difficulty adhering to a healthy lifestyle of reasonable calorie intake with exercise. I don't enjoy exercising, slack off on it, and I get craving for sugary food fairly frequently. I keep tell myself I will try harder here once I get down to a normal weight but I just cannot seem to make that day arrive.

A problem in both areas I think for me is limited social interactions; I go to work, go home, and that's it. I had a decent number of friends in school but the pool of people I interacted with was much greater.

Online I think I make friends pretty easily via the games I play but although they are real people and real friendships I do not feel it's a true substitute for socialization in the real world.

But I definately think things are going down the path to where I think they should be, and hopefully continuing to identify and challenge inhibitions that normally prevent social interaction for me, weight loss, and a greater number of social interactions will get me there.

The ironic thing is my goals are simply a few good friends and a romantic relationship-- a small number of people-- but overcoming long-term behavioral inhibitions and developing further social skills in the process is actually a pretty long and difficult process.

My main issues are social avoidance (due to self-esteem issues and shyness) and depression--when I get down, I get morose, silent and/or grumpy, all of which make people want to avoid me, exactly when I need them to cheer me up the most. I also have a mind-mouth connection that runs waaay too slow--by the time I think of something useful to say, the conversation has already moved on well past the point where my comment is relevant. So I just shut up and stand there like a big doofus.

My main issues are social avoidance (due to self-esteem issues and shyness) and depression--when I get down, I get morose, silent and/or grumpy, all of which make people want to avoid me, exactly when I need them to cheer me up the most. I also have a mind-mouth connection that runs waaay too slow--by the time I think of something useful to say, the conversation has already moved on well past the point where my comment is relevant. So I just shut up and stand there like a big doofus.
I had the same problem for quite some time re: responses, one thing I've noticed is it's much easier to be wittier online or give a better response since you have more time to think, but practice both online and in the real world helped me give better responses faster.

I think one of my problems is I have little self-awareness. I try to think about my body language or posture and the next thing I know I realize that my foot is up on the desk and my arm is back behind my head. I can't monitor what I'm doing and pay attention to the conversation at the same time.

I also zone out of conversations - which my friends will call me on. But in a group people are less likely notice maybe? So I think I spend a lot of time not saying anything which probably makes people think I'm either boring or not interested in what they're saying. Medication helps - but it's usually worn off by the time I go out with my friends at night.

my biggest problem is social avoidance. i've always felt "different" or "abnormal' around other people so i just tended to avoid others in order to avoid that feeling. if i am interested in a conversation, i tend to interrupt or blurt out something inappropriate. if i am not interested, then i can't pay attention and have even wandered off out of boredom - i've gotten a little bit better with practice but it is frustrating.

i'm lucky to have found (-literally by chance) a few friends who just accept me the way i am. i try not to interrupt or space off too much but when i do, they understand. haven't had any luck finding a mate though. over the years, i have rarely dated and when i did, i either encountered lots of unwanted advice or complete denial that i had any problems. but i guess i'll gear up to try again.

my biggest problem is social avoidance. i've always felt "different" or "abnormal' around other people so i just tended to avoid others in order to avoid that feeling. if i am interested in a conversation, i tend to interrupt or blurt out something inappropriate. if i am not interested, then i can't pay attention and have even wandered off out of boredom - i've gotten a little bit better with practice but it is frustrating.



THAT'S what I was trying to say!