Hi,

I was diagnosed only 2 months ago. Since that time, I am trying to find the right dosage of medication.
I've not really improved yet, but now I can see so clearly what is going on. I can see now what happened to me throughout my life. And that makes me so sad.
I feel like I have chosen the wrong career (biochemist) as labwork requires lots of organisation and attention.
I do not know how much improvement is possible by taking medication, seeing a therapist, learning self-management and so on.
And I feel helpless as lots of medications are not available here in Germany.
The doctors don't know much about it, either, so there is noone who could give me the feeling it is manageable.
Although I am not very happy with my work at the moment, I am glad I know something about medication. At least I can now read myself about my options and can tell my doctors about them.
But I'd feel better if there was a doctor who could take over responsibility.
Of cause, I am prone to depression having inattentive ADD. And I do fight those feelings of loneliness, guilt and sadness.
Still, I am very sad at the moment.

Has anyone of you ever gone through something similar?

Is it normal to be sad, that it was discovered so late (24)?
How much happened to me that could have been avoided, if I got the right treatment earlier!

Sorry, I just had to speak somewhere about that.

Pia

It's very normal. I was also diagnosed at 24 I was actually angry not sad but pretty much went or am still going thru the same thing. I was angry that I had to learn to deal with things I should have learned to deal with as a child. Which means I have to take more time out of my life to fix myself before I could start enjoying myself. Seems like I'm always trying to fix me so that one day in the future I'll be happy. It's the belief that great things are waiting for me in the future that keeps my going. I know one day I will live up to my potential so right now I'm just preparing for that day. It helps if you have something to look forward to or to fight for.

Thanks for answering so quickly! I feel exactly the same: I am fixing and fixing and fixing and the hapiness just doesn't come. Like after every mountain you've climbed you only see this was just the beginning.
When I was 16, I started seeing a therapist as I was anorectic. I really worked hard and fought against that disease. I've recovered 5 years ago, and I've been "clean" since 4 years now.
As the eating disorder got better, I hoped to be happier.
But I was not prepared for the world outside and got more and more depressed. I tried 2 therapists, I asked 2 doctors whether I could have a depression, but none of them really saw it or suggested medication.
In February 2004, when I was 22, the depression got that bad I was thinking constantly about suicide.
I started taking effexor and went back to my first therapist (she is actually a therapist for children and adolescents).
The depression slowly got better, but still I had problems getting started, was disorganized....
Now I know I have ADD. Thats the third "mental disease" I've been diagnosed with, (the fourth, had anorexia and bulimia) and I suspect, Post Traumatic Stress disorder would fit as well. Sometimes I have nasty flashbacks from my childhood, but at the moment it is better to leave that. I am not stable enough for looking at my traumata.
It just looks like a never ending story.

Still, ADDers are said to be persistent, and so am I.
And I do feel better without the eating disorder, I feel better being less depressed.
And there are not much mental diseases left :p

Pia

That's right just look at how much you've already overcome. You are a fighter. A lot of times we think that we're weak because we have problems or are going through a tough time. I know I have felt like that, you say to yourself if I was stronger I could beat this but thats not true. I look back at my past and see how much I have overcome and realise I'm anything but weak infact I'm a lot stronger then most people I know.

We seem to have a lot in common, I see that as a good thing. I usually learn the most about myself by recognizing behaviors in others. You mentioned seeing your faults for the first time and thats what it's like when I talk to others. I think OMG I do that too and never realized it, which is great because once I recognize it then I can fix it. Like I said I'm always fixing.

These boards can be a great help. You can use them to get advice, vent your frustrations, or just be goofy for awhile to take your mind off your problems. The best part of course is that there are others here who actually understand what your talking about because they are experiencing it to. Sometimes it's just comforting to know your not alone.

No matter how bad off you think you are, someone out there always has it worse. Be thankful for what you have. I have ADD and I feel blessed that I was born with all my limbs working, with a high IQ, with a good supportive family and such a hot body that babes dig :D

Your a biochemist.

I polish and wax floors for poverty wages, couldn't make it as an auto mechanic.

I should be depressed, not you.

Brace yourself

Cause the hits keep on coming!

Is it normal to be sad, that it was discovered so late (24)?
How much happened to me that could have been avoided, if I got the right treatment earlier!

The clarity that comes with treatment isn't always pleasant, is it?

I'm 39 and was just diagnosed. I've read some posts here from people who weren't dxed until their 40s or 50s. Yes, it's normal to mourn for the lost opportunities, but you can't look back. Besides, if it had gone differently, you'd be a different person today.

It sounds to me as if you're not okay with yourself. You'll never be happy unless you can accept yourself they way you are, and I'll bet you're a terrific person.

Regarding the job/career situation, this could be a product of your unhappiness and not the cause of it. If that's the case, getting your mood problems handled should help the job situation.

Or, you could be right in that it's just not the right job for you. I spent 10 years in a career before deciding it was the wrong one for me. I went back to school at 30 and will soon be finished with my PhD. I've already begun a new career as a researcher and teacher. I find the constantly-changing environment is perfect for my easily-bored mind. I've been in academics for 9 years now and still love it. Before I'd get ansy in a job after 6 months.

If you are not willing/able to return to school to pursue a different career, maybe you could teach? I don't know what the requirements are in Germany, but here you don't need much more than a B.A. to teach elementary and high school.

Let me just add one more thing to those posting here: there will always be people in the world worse off than you. It's unfair to minimize someone's pain through guilt and comparisons. She might be better off than people who've lost their legs or those that dropped out of high school, but that does not mean she shouldn't be allowed to better her situation. The solution to helping others does not lie in "evening the score". By your standards, if my neighbor is in a wheel chair, I can't complain about my headache unless I cut off my legs first. Fair?

Hi,

I was diagnosed only 2 months ago. Since that time, I am trying to find the right dosage of medication.
<snip>
But I'd feel better if there was a doctor who could take over responsibility.
Of cause, I am prone to depression having inattentive ADD. And I do fight those feelings of loneliness, guilt and sadness.
Still, I am very sad at the moment.

Has anyone of you ever gone through something similar?

Is it normal to be sad, that it was discovered so late (24)?
How much happened to me that could have been avoided, if I got the right treatment earlier!

[snip]
PiaDear Pia: [Great nic!]

Sorry this is so long and text is large but I have vision problems.


Yes, many, many people go through exactly what you have experienced including severe ADD/ADHD, depression, general sadness, terrible flashbacks from childhood, inability to get things done, trouble on the job and "late" diagnosis or FAR worse.

I now recently received a confirmed diagnosis of severe ADHD inattentive type. I am 55 and only was presented with the possibility that ADHD may be the root cause of most my life-long difficulties this last July, 2005.

I have had most of the problems you experience plus health problems and years of trying unsuccessfully to find out what was wrong. I have an IQ over 130, graduated university and have had some great jobs.

At times I have done spectacularly well in my employment, been happy in my personal life and successful for long periods. At other times I have been unable to get anything done, lost jobs, my personal life has deteriorated, I've had no money, was a depressed and a dismal failure.

I had spectacular results with Ritalin when I started on it in July but that waned off about 2 months later. Together with my doctor, we are both trying to find the best dosage and medication. It may not be an easy process.

I have been underemployed or unemployed since 1996 when I was downsized, along with 13,000 other people, from a long-term job that I loved.

Since then, I have been unable to find steady work even at a minimum wage jobs that I am able to do. It seems that I can't remember basic verbal instructions that are needed in the type of low-end jobs I have been finding. I also have trouble quickly writing them down and lose them if I do manage to write them out.

To you I say these things:

1) Count your blessings. There are people far worse off than either of us.

2) Rely on your persistence --- it will get you through in life.

3) I found that if I forced a smile on my face, it is very difficult to be sad and depressed.:) I then pick myself up and go out and do something to improve my situation. This together with a never-give-up persistence has been my only hope at times.

4) Try to do in life what you like and do well. This may require one or many job changes in your life.

5) Try to work in a job with resources you need so you sparkle and excel. I found that when I had an excellent secretary who was very well organized, I was able to get her to do what I didn't do well and she excelled because I was full of ambition, great ideas and projects that without me she would never be able to be involved in. She had great shorthand and I dictated large amounts of work that would have never been even started had I been forced to write it down in long-hand or on a computer.

6) Don't expect any doctor 'to take responsibility' for you treatment or your happiness. You will never find anyone other than yourself who can do a better job at sticking to getting the best for you. You may get some help, but you will aways know when something isn't right.

7) Trust in yourself but get help in the areas you don't do well.

8) Make a continued effort every day to be the best and happiest person you have ever met.

9) VOLUNTEER! If you possibly can find some free time, volunteer for part-time work where you can help others. Many organizations will be happy to have just a few hours a week. Make sure to find something you believe in, like and want to do.

10) Go out of your way to help others when ever you can. It is very hard to be sad and lonely when you are helping others. If you have to fake it so you appear happy! Fake it so that your depression doesn't rub off on the people you are helping. Look happy, keep yourself busy at what you love and you will become happy!

11) Try to do something good for others every day even if it is only a small thing. You will feel better and learn from the experience.

12) Join groups, get a trainer/mentor or get other professional help so that you can get the tools and training needed to live your life.

13) Remember look out for your own interests too. If you don't, nobody will ever be as persistent and do as good a job in the end as you will.

14) Get the right medication, memory aids or other tools you need to live your life.

Best wishes and have a great life.

Vic

PS: I also work VERY slowly. I started this post before anyone else had repied to your message but this got posted later than theirs.

Your a biochemist.

I polish and wax floors for poverty wages, couldn't make it as an auto mechanic.

I should be depressed, not you.

Brace yourself!

Cause the hits keep on coming!

Hey, gentle, gentle! The non ADD world already judges us for not "just bucking up and doing it", let's not do it to each other. Viktor Frankl who wrote the terrific little book, "Man's Search for Meaning" said that pain is like a gas in that it completely fills whatever container it is in. He was a Jewish surviver of the Hitler's Death Camps who had lost all his family -- so he was well qualified to speak to the subject of suffering. Pain is individual as is our sensitivity to it and ability to deal with it and there is no value in comparing pain or invalidating someone else's pain.

Pia, a lot of the symptoms you describe are frequently companions of ADHD. I was diagnosed at 44 (an extra 20 years to make mistakes). I was a little frustrated that I hadn't been diagnosed earlier, but also felt pretty lucky, because I saw how many traps I had narrowly missed stepping into or from which my family had provided a safety net. After the initial relief of finally having a diagnoses that made sense of it all, the reality hit about how much of the problems I'd had in my life were my own fault. Even though meds significantly improved my performance, it as you said also improved my awareness of how many mistakes I had made (and more importantly was still making). Be patient with yourself -- it takes time. I found my counselor was really helpful in helping me begin accepting myself, but it definately a process. In their book, Your Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy, the authors discuss the grief cycle. At first there is denial that it's that big a deal, then bargaining that meds will make it all better, than anger that this happened to me and about how folks have misunderstood and judged you, then the pain of how this hurts (which typically makes you want to go back a step or two), and finally acceptance and integration of the fact of yourself as an ADHD individual with both your strength and weaknesses viewed more in balance. It does take time and support, especially if there are comorbid disorders (depression, history of eating disorder, etc)!

Hang in there -- you're probably doing better than you realize, it just doesn't seem that way, because you're seeing so more of the whole picture. My grandmother once told me after I had just finished a Master's in Reading and decided that what I really wanted to do was be a counselor (so was back for another master's and feeling like I'd wasted time), that we use everything we learn. She was sure enough right -- my first job after graduating with my MA in counseling was a terrific job working with kids and grief in the schools -- they hired me, because of both degrees and not I'm looking toward working in school with LD and ADHD, so it is also useful. You'll find unexpected (and probably wonderful ways) to use your training!:)

Scattered

as you can see, thy're not joking when they say these boards are great. There are some great posts in here.

The essence of this thread is exactly what I'm going through right now, hi Pia.

I was diagnosed inattentive about 3 weeks ago. I had been diagnosed with plain and simple "ADD" 8 years ago but it seems that I have a problem with following through after a diagnose. I am working with 2 doctors. I am not on any medication yet but I will be starting on a stimulant soon. My psichologist is telling me I need to take it and that I'm stuck in adolescence, that I act like the kids in the videos, and lots of other stuff to provoke the spark because I have a natural aversion towards taking medication and I keep putting it off. Considering the diagnosis took some work i find this pretty unexplainable but that's another story.

I thought I wanted to try strattera first, (my preferred drug from all I've read) but it is not available in Spain yet (I think they are holding it off). It will be a few months until it is available, but again I wonder if I am just postponing taking medication when I know I should be. Do you have strattera in Germany?

I also feel that I am going to be depressed at all the time and energy I've wasted on learning how to live with this kind of brain on my own and on basically making some choices that maybe are not the right ones. I've never really been depressed so I am scared.

I see it all very clear now. I am 33 and I am thinking of changing careers, city of residence, and a few other things. I have never felt this awake and in control and in touch with who I really am in my entire life though, and this is without meds, so I know anything can be done. I just need the glasses so I don't trip and fall when I walk towards it. (my psychologist's analogy) I don't know, something has happened that has clicked and things are clearer, although my symptoms are stronger than ever.

You have a lot going for you. Lots of luck.

Thank you all very much!
I did not expect so many replies in such a short time.
It feels really good not to be alone.

@ MafiaKiddo: Sometimes I also have the feeling I might be quite strong. Some people might think of me as weak, but I think they are scared. They are scared because the thought of not being well (or suffering so much) is imbearable for them. By thinking of me as weak they feel more safe as if it could not happen to them.

@barbyma: You are right, I do not feel very comfortable with my self. It got already a lot better, but I use to be autoaggressive instead of aggressive. Partly that might be because of my brain chemistry, partly because I was told all the time it was my fault.

@marmalade man: Probably you are right when you say one does not feel that bad when one forces a smile. The problem is that I have a huge aversion against doing so. My mother could not stand it when I did not look happy, so I was forbidden to look sad. She always tried her very best, but I am an adoptive child, and as all adoptive mothers she doubts she is good enough. When I was sad or ill she felt like having failed, so she told me even not to be sick. Still, I can't force a smile (maybe I will at some point) as I had to fight for being able to express my emotions.

@lostinspace: we do have strattera in Germany. It should be possible for you to get it, as you can order whatever you want within the EU. I think it even has the same name. Should you wish me to, I could send you a link to an online pharmacy.

@all: I did not want to say my life is a complete failure. There are things I have that are precious and valuable to me.
I also know there are millions (better: billions) of people who live under worse circumstances.
I could have been born in a slum, somewhere in the 3. world, at least I was able to finish school and so on.
I am only suffering of the bad things that happen to me now. That does not mean there were not lots of people who suffered more.

I don't like "counting pain" , I've once read psychiatrists call it the competition of who is the "Queen of darkness".
But I do not really think you can "measure" suffering with jobs, with physical or mental or whatever abilities.

For example, I have had lots of surgeries. I have a problem with my ovaries, and in spring it got that bad they'd nearly removed one of them, the other one was turned once so its not working for sure. So I nearly lost the ability to have children. Of cause, I was sad. I think being able to have children is very essential to every woman. But it was not that bad.
Or I never felt any anger that I was adopted , it was simply the best choice the mother who gave birth to me could have met.

What really makes me depressed is that nagging feeling telling me I was wrong, mis-constructed, a pain for everyone. That I could be happy if people tolerated my presence. That I do only harm.
It's very deep as I grew up with it.
What makes me depressed is that I was bullied by my classmates and my parents thought it was my fault. They did not even try to help me, they thought I'd be that "difficult" it was just normal everyone disliked me.
It makes me depressed that my father denied me therapy when I was anorectic. Only when he saw my hair was falling out and I got "lanugo"-hair
(black, fine hair all over the body, pre-term babies sometimes have it, it shows up when you do not have any fat to keep from freezing)
he changed his mind reluctantly. I probably do not have to add I looked like some of the people in "hunger-regions" (sorry for my English) they show in the news.

Well, I really believe external reasons are easier to tolerate than doubting ones whole existence.
But on the other hand I never had to worry whether I'd have something to eat or a place to sleep the next day.

Well, enough sad things for today.
Thanks @ all for you replies!

Take care,
Pia

You are not alone...and welcome to the boards. :)
Sie sind eine gutte mensch. (I have German parents - sorry for spelling errors)

Hi and welcome to the forums! I'm in Germany, too, and am curious about what area you are in? I can really empathize with the difficulties here in finding good, knowledgable docs and psychologists for dealing with ADHD in adults, but it is getting better.

Your idea of going with a child psychologist/psychiatrist is a good one. That's how I connected with my doc for adults. I don't know what meds you've tried, but there are quite a few different long acting ritalin forms here, Strattera too. Although, my son's doc won't prescribe Strattera because it's too new and wasn't developed specifically for ADHD.

You sound like you are a real fighter and have been through a lot! Take one small step at a time and give yourself lots of credit for pushing for a better life for yourself.

Keep us posted!

Kim

I was rx'ed at 28 years old and I totally relate to the sadness you spoke of above. It's been 2 years now and I still get so frustrated with myself when I have (what I call) an "ADD moment". What is getting better is my self-esteem. Now that I realize why I do the things I do, it relieves a lot of guilt I used to place on myself for my ADD behaviours. I have learned that the one most important factor in understanding any mental/neurological disorder is "to learn how to seperate the behavior from the individual". It's a hard concept to grasp because the people in your life and you yourself have probably already made judgements about you due to your ADD behaviors. I found that many people around me thought my ADD behaviours were just my "personality" but after medications (some of) those behaviours have stopped. It's almost like everyone - including yourself - has to get to know you all over again after medication. To learn to see that my behaviors do not dictate who I am has been really hard for me. My family still struggles with this concept, but the more they learn about ADD the more open-minded they are becoming about the disorder. I think they have been puzzled all these years as to why their daughter who was always intelligent and talented has seemed to go downhill as the years progressed. I think they thought that I've been "screwing up" all these years and now they are realizing that's not the case. It's equally as important to educate yourself about the disorder as it is for the people around you to be educated as well so you can sort out what is ADHD and what is maybe just your personality - although it's a hard distinction to make sometimes.

Regarding medications, I tried Strattera first. I was on Strattera for 1.5 years - it helped at first but after awhile my doctor kept having to increase the dose for it to continue to be effective. Eventually I reached the maximum dose for my weight/age and it still wasn't working well, so my doctor switched me to Adderall 4 months ago. It definitely works better than Strattera so I am happy with the results so far. I also take 10 mg of Lexapro daily which has been extremely effective for me. I had anxiety and some depression and that is totally gone now with the Lexapro. I've heard of many people taking a stimulant combined with a low dose of an anti-depressant (ssri) and having good results so you might want to inquire if something like that is available where you are. Ritalin is a common stimulant used to treat ADD for 20 some years now, so maybe it's available in Europe.

Good luck!

I didn't mean to sound so blunt in my post, but I am also serious.

Wallowing in self pity didn't help me any, and it ain't going to help you, although in some circumstances it can help you find yourself.

My point is, is that depression is a hungry monster, and when you feed the beast it grows, when the beast grows, you shrink, then you are stuck in a depression rut.

So really you do have to buck up, I did that, I trained my brain to cast away negative thoughts (I credit that to a stint in meditation years ago, meditation taught me how to control my brain from a 3rd person perspective)

I know, I know, I t'aint that simple, you know what, neither is life.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/d9/Matt_Foley%2C_Saturday_Night_Live.jpg

I have been chronically depressed a few times in my life, doctors say you need medication, well I prescribed myself some weed and meditation and I credit them both for bailing me out. That was years ago

I still have inattentive ADD, I'm not on any meds, I'm not rich but I'm not starving, I have a roof, live in a decent country.

Yeah, I'm lucky, despite my struggles.

OK, I'm getting self-centric here, now it's you:
You made it through bio-medicine school, and you don't want that to go to waste, I realise that. I've been there.
All I can say is that there are/were some very brilliant minds out there who are/was ADD.
See that incandescent light bulb up there? I wonder if matter will bend that light?

Good luck :rolleyes: :)

hey Toad, Matt Foley the Motivational Speaker is in the middle of your post!

I hope you're not implying by the time we're 35 we'll all be living in A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER. :D :D :D

@Toad:
Well, I was not really offended by what you said. I see your point, and I think you are right.
But I do not think it is always right not to express our feelings.
Of cause, when I start ruminating why noone ever liked me, I should stop that, as this is clearly depressive.
On the other hand I think it is natural and healthy to be sad sometimes.
To me, depressive and sad thoughts feel different. At least I am recognizing that difference more and more.
To be sad and angry when one recognizes how easily so many horrible things could have been avoided....
To be sad and feel guilty when one recognizes how many difficulties one has brought to others....
That does not feel like depression. And it is not overwhelming.

And maybe I did not express myself good enough.
I was sad yesterday. I had one of these human moments everyone seems to have.
In the bible, even Jesus asks his father why he has to suffer so much as he was crucified.
I wanted to share those sad thoughts, but that is only one part of me.
Still, I go everyday to the lab and try my very best.
We had a Christmas party yesterday at the institute and I tried to enjoy it.
I am quite sure noone would have seen I was that sad earlier that day.
But then again, it is relief to share those feelings of grief with people who know what I am talking about.

Maybe that does not apply to everyone, but I've made the experience I do only feed the depression by not allowing myself to feel.
Afterwards, when the first wave of emotions is over, I can reframe and look where that came from. And the more I get used to feelings (did not feel much during depression and eating disorders) the more I feel safe as I know it is only a short time and I'll be well again after.
I try then to talk about it with people who might not be infected with those sad thoughts, or to write poems.
Or, when I am angry, it helps me to destroy anything I wanted to waste anyway. Or to say very nasty things about that person.
Mainly I say that to my boyfriend as he knows I just need that as an outlet and that I am not serious.
I do have very very strong emotions.
But I do not suppress them anymore. I just try to find a safe way to express them.


Sorry for that long reply:o

I hope I made myself somewhat clearer....

Pia

When I am in a bad mood, I actually want to be that way, it's like a need sometimes.

When you feel yourself shift, try imagining your head feeling lighter, and think about things that make you happy and charge yourself up.
I've nipped being depressed right in the bud that way when I've felt it coming on. Unless of course I want to feel like a heel.

IN-PUT->OUT-PUT

Pia,

there is Strattera in Spain, commercially, but they are holding it off in the health system so if I don't want to pay for it and continue with the social security system I have to wait for them to approve it. Have no idea what they're waiting for or of what they are afraid, considering they have all colors and shapes of stimulants already and no non-stimulants whatsoever.

And... it is not natural to be sad without reason. Sometimes extreme feelings of dispair and hopelessness, what certainly looks like depression can give your ADD brain the adrenaline it needs to get by. I was always aware that this was not a true depression, and that somehow it felt "good", I think it is just that, a chemical reaction that is taking place, that your brain needs, which to you looks like a depression. A real depression is much worse.

OK, I've just looked up some words.:o
Maybe "sad" was not the right word.

I REGRET I've been so difficult to live with.

As I see now ADD might be manageable, I MOURN the loss of some opportunities.

I do not want to be depressed. And I do not think I am. But there are feelings that are not always pleasant that belong to the spectrum of emotions that is "normal". And those feelings I do not want to suppress, but to express in a safe, appropriate manner.

I hope I made myself a little bit more clear.:)

But thanks for the discussion!

I think it has to do with accepting your lot in life.
Getting over it and then keep forging ahead.

We are not strangers to doom and gloom thinking, envy-ing the dead and so forth.

The troubles we go through is what makes us, us. Getting into and digging yourself out of depressive episodes is a good way to learn empathy toward others,
as well as being teased as a kid makes one stick up for the underdogs in this world.
If we were happy all the time, that wouldn't be right, would it?

I REGRET I've been so difficult to live with.

As I see now ADD might be manageable, I MOURN the loss of some opportunities.

I do not want to be depressed. And I do not think I am. But there are feelings that are not always pleasant . . .
Pia,

It's great you're willing to post about your feelings. Talking is a heck of a lot better than denial or avoidance.

When I Mourn lost opportunities and have regrets, I'm working through to acceptance of the past; a prerequsite for moving on.

Dealing with ADD is essential, so you don't make old mistakes over and over again.

I was diagnosed recently, in my 40's. I've wreaked much havoc and ran through several careers.

I was a synthetic organic chemist stuck in a lab when I was 25. I was disorganized, sloppy after a hazardous fashion (occassional explosions, frequent unreported fires) and bored (well, temporarily, until I broke out the 200 proof laboratory gin!). Not necessarily in that order.

Come to think of it, ADD has its advantages;

never a dull moment -- inside the magical morphing monkey mind! :D

But I do not think it is always right not to express our feelings.
Of cause, when I start ruminating why noone ever liked me, I should stop that, as this is clearly depressive.
On the other hand I think it is natural and healthy to be sad sometimes.
To me, depressive and sad thoughts feel different. At least I am recognizing that difference more and more.
To be sad and angry when one recognizes how easily so many horrible things could have been avoided....
To be sad and feel guilty when one recognizes how many difficulties one has brought to others....
That does not feel like depression. And it is not overwhelming.


Actually being aware enough of self and one's own emotions is one of the first signs that ADD is being treated with some margin of accuracy.

I understand inattentive people react differently than those of us who are hyperactive but I believe it boils down to emotions and the expression thereof. I would react before I even acknowledged I was having an emotion being able to "name it" totally out of the question.

I am not 100% sure but I believe inattentive do react but often are not sure what reactions or feelings belong to which problems situations and inattentive tend to stuff their emotions.

By the way those who say just because one has a career where they earn good money means that person can't be sad shows a horrible ignorance in life. I have had plenty and I have had not. Both states rendered their moments of sadness and grief. Money does not equate happiness.

You are showing signs of normal reactions of regret a type of grieving process that is actually not only normal but if dealt with properly can actually be healthy!!!!!

The first part of dealing with our emotions past present and in our future is being capable of acknowledging and owning them. You have done both.

Yes depression can be overwhelming and destabilizing when due to a chemical imbalance or if source is left unresolved but feelings of sadness or regret that does not interfere with our ability to "function" is a part of life for most normal healthy adults weather ADD is a factor or not.


well I prescribed myself some weed and meditation and I credit them both for bailing me out.


Meditation a good idea

Smoking pot is illegal. Please note, guidelines prevent the encouragement of illegal activities on this site. Besides, weed has been shown to make symptoms of ADD worse(clinically speaking ).....self medicating isn't sucking it up !!!Smoking weed is not "dealing with it" either it is an avoidance tactic!!!!!

One thing that is proven to improve depression and blue mood and is legal: exercise in an amount that will invigorate you without causing pain or harm. Brisk walk on a nice day, stretching exercised such a simple basic yoga. Those weird positions we see on TV is not all their is to yoga. Yes meditation and prayer have been shown to improve mood!!!

Should blue mood or feeling of sadness persist longer than two weeks or interfere with ones ability to function a health care professional should be consulted!!!!!!

Thanks for sharing and being so understanding of every ones differences in views!!!!!

I also was diagnosed not long ago.
Suddenly I realized my life was a product of many elements..which included ADHD.
I had grief....but noone died.

This was hard for me to understand and recognize. I began stressing over my past instead of paying attention to what I was doing.

Now I'm determined to keep my eyes on the road ahead and leave the past behind me...it's gone and soon to be forgotten.
I know the past is where I have been..but it is not where I am going.
Even though I know I have been shaped and must start at this point, I'm not looking back unless I have to.

Grief is a necessary process.
My advice would be to acknowledge that grief and then don't look back. You've got your life ahead of you and I'll bet it holds many treasures. :)

~gourmet~

I know what you mean, I wish mine had been discovered 7-8 years ago when school work started becoming a challenge for me. Avoiding the verbal abuse and degrading comments from my family would have been an excellent plus.

But I look back on the symptoms and It's almost like every significant impact on my life has been because of the ADHD. All these weird little traits about me that I just thought were me, were actually a brain disfunction... go figure. I think my life would be 110% better if my parents would have just payed attention to what was going on with me, instead of comparing me with my straight A sister.

meadd823 said:
I am not 100% sure but I believe inattentive do react but often are not sure what reactions or feelings belong to which problems situations and inattentive tend to stuff their emotions.
I agree, stuffing emotions is a coping strategy because as kids we were so very affected by them. Being teased, yelled at etc.
meadd823 also said:
Smoking pot is illegal. Please note, guidelines prevent the encouragement of illegal activities on this site. Besides, weed has been shown to make symptoms of ADD worse(clinically speaking ).....self medicating isn't sucking it up !!!Smoking weed is not "dealing with it" either it is an avoidance tactic!!!!!
Your right, it is an avoidance tactic, helped me avoid deep depression.
I don't believe it makes ADD worse and I think the law is an *ss.
It's illegal to them, not to me.
So, I got to stop talking about weed?
I don't think Cannabis is a bad thing and I don't think it should be a banned topic, however if I must omit things that I believe are beneficial to me despite those who believe contrarily, as much as I believe that is wrong, omit or tone it down I must.

I feel stifled here now.

Your right, it is an avoidance tactic, helped me avoid deep depression.
I don't believe it makes ADD worse and I think the law is an *ss.
It's illegal to them, not to me.
So, I got to stop talking about weed?
. . . I feel stifled here now.
Regardless, addforums is not the appropriate place to argue the illegality or merits of marijuana.

Advocacy is not allowed, but there have been some research results posted: http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=8647

I don't know what's the big deal.

Advocacy? More like sharing of experiences, hoping that will be of help.

There are tons of threads about cannabis on these forums, from all points of view too, explicit with details on why, why not and even how to. No need to feel stifled.

In any event, I don't think cannabis helps at all. You are not smoking one but many different substances. The common denominator I see in the dozens of people I know/have known that smoke regularly is that it makes you stupid.

I don't smoke it to get through my day, I smoke after work, hell, I think I'll twist one up right now. It Saturday.

Makes you stupid?

Where's the unbiased truth?!

Yeah, it Saturday, I left off the 's because I have become stoopit.
Yet I am smart enough to catch my fumble.

Just don't ask me to catch a football.

I'm going to get drunk tonight too, but that's OK, cause booze is legal, and we all know how beneficial booze is.

Yay beer!

OK, I'm getting to be a smart *** today.

This thread is about pia and his/her depression.

Now back to the regularly scheduled program.

Please note, guidelines prevent the encouragement of illegal activities on this site

Hmmm I said encourage others to engage in illegal activities not admit they happen. There is a difference. Had I felt you were bald face encouraging the use of pot I would have edited the post. You stated what worked for you pure and simple. Sharing this borderline yes, but Not over the line in my opinion!!

I am not anti-pot I simply do not believe that Pia (or any one else) should use it as a means to deal with present regret. Changing ones mood/mental state to avoid dealing with emotions is not a good idea period. In the case of pot the avoidance in and of itself is actually more damaging than the substance used.

I was responding to the suck it up and deal with it attitude...I was merely pointing out that numbing the emotion with weed is not dealing with the emotion. My perspective pure and simple.


I do like the way Gourmet wrote her response
I also was diagnosed not long ago.
Suddenly I realized my life was a product of many elements..which included ADHD.
I had grief....but noone died.

This was hard for me to understand and recognize. I began stressing over my past instead of paying attention to what I was doing.

Now I'm determined to keep my eyes on the road ahead and leave the past behind me...it's gone and soon to be forgotten.
I know the past is where I have been..but it is not where I am going.
Even though I know I have been shaped and must start at this point, I'm not looking back unless I have to.

Grief is a necessary process.
My advice would be to acknowledge that grief and then don't look back. You've got your life ahead of you and I'll bet it holds many treasures.

Well said, accurate, and good advice!!!!!!!!

Regrets from my past once acknowledged and dealt with are excellent lessons for my future. I may not know how to improve my life or where to go from here but like most adults diagnosis later in life I have a long list of what doesn't work!!!! :rolleyes: