STYLe4MotiOn
12-12-05, 11:35 AM
On dexedrine for a while now, 3 x 10mg a day, and it's working like a charm; finally, after some adventures with Ritalin and the like, I'm glad I found something that has no depressive, psychotic, or schizo-like side-effects.
I now can concentrate, and all the energy I have I direct towards the goals I couldn't reach before, because of my inability to sit still & concentrate.
But the restlessness/insatiability stays; I have a very strong urge to keep working on projects (especially the projects I've set up myself, and are more rewarding) all night, because I want to finish and get results.
Not to say I haven't had results yet; I've passed the stage where I constantly was cleaning up the mess I made without the therapy and dexedrine.
My personality is focused on gluttony, and add rationality to that list and you have the start of a workaholic. The workaholism was held back before (and oh what frustration that gave me, I gotta tellya...), but with a full ability to concentrate, I have no real limits, except for human's basic need for sleep, and even relaxation.
However, relaxation *is* working for me; inventing/planning projects, learning, developing, etc etc etc.. sitting down just doesn't cut it.
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This is quite positive actually, however what bothers me is that I can't control it!
There's a hidden feeling of boredom/emptiness inside that goes away when I am working on something excrutiatingly interesting and I'm entirely focused (say natural hyperfocus, under the influence of Dexedrine), that keeps me from relaxing or sleeping; it comes to the point when I think people are a waste of time.
Wich happens on and off dexedrine, but more on the dex, because alot of the time people where previously an outlet of the energy that I couldn't use - the energy I now use to go where I want to go.
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Has anybody succesfully dealt with *1 the urge to keep going and going (restlessness/insatiability), and *2 the almost constant empty feeling inside (boredom/masked depression)?
I now can concentrate, and all the energy I have I direct towards the goals I couldn't reach before, because of my inability to sit still & concentrate.
But the restlessness/insatiability stays; I have a very strong urge to keep working on projects (especially the projects I've set up myself, and are more rewarding) all night, because I want to finish and get results.
Not to say I haven't had results yet; I've passed the stage where I constantly was cleaning up the mess I made without the therapy and dexedrine.
My personality is focused on gluttony, and add rationality to that list and you have the start of a workaholic. The workaholism was held back before (and oh what frustration that gave me, I gotta tellya...), but with a full ability to concentrate, I have no real limits, except for human's basic need for sleep, and even relaxation.
However, relaxation *is* working for me; inventing/planning projects, learning, developing, etc etc etc.. sitting down just doesn't cut it.
-
This is quite positive actually, however what bothers me is that I can't control it!
There's a hidden feeling of boredom/emptiness inside that goes away when I am working on something excrutiatingly interesting and I'm entirely focused (say natural hyperfocus, under the influence of Dexedrine), that keeps me from relaxing or sleeping; it comes to the point when I think people are a waste of time.
Wich happens on and off dexedrine, but more on the dex, because alot of the time people where previously an outlet of the energy that I couldn't use - the energy I now use to go where I want to go.
-
Has anybody succesfully dealt with *1 the urge to keep going and going (restlessness/insatiability), and *2 the almost constant empty feeling inside (boredom/masked depression)?