I'm in a return to work program (after an armed robbery) and I'm in a new place where I don't know what I'm doing. I've been taken off some of the medication I was on and since then I've found it really hard. I have to go and ask people I don't know for assistance and I get anxious about the kind of response I will get because I've had my head bitten off so many times in the past. I understand the hard things but not the easy things so sometimes it seems like I'm asking silly questions and people don't always respond well to that.

Also the more anxious I get the harder it is for me to put a sentence together (verbally - writing is OK) and then I feel even less sure of myself when it comes to asking for help.

Last week I asked someone for help and I got a rather abrupt response so I felt reluctant to ask for help after that so then I got frustrated but you can't just get up and throw a tantrum at work. Then the scanner that everyone on the floor uses was not working and when I asked some passers by for help they all said it was not their problem and I did not know who to go to, to get it fixed. By the time I got home i was so stressed and I ended up crying myself to sleep.

I know I need to keep going to work otherwise I might regress (I've been off for 5 months) but I don't know how to deal with this. Any ideas/similar experiences?

Ouch.

You need to find someone you can trust at work... a coworker or a boss... it is difficult to take the plunge, but I think unless you can find an ally who understands you, this will get worse rather than better.

You know what I would do? Pick the person who looks the most approachable, and hand them a written copy of what you just posted.

Make sure it is NOT any of the people who have brushed you off so far.

In fact - Inspiration! - ask a bunch of people the same simple question, something meaningless like "Where do I find the spare pens?". The one who is the most helpful to that question - that is the one to pour your heart out to.

Sure sounds rough... sorry to hear what you're going through :(

A lot of times is them not you...Many places are great for throwing people into work situations with out giving them proper training.

Sometimes we need to remember that some of the reason people "bite our heads off" is because they are stressed out at thier jobs too. Most of the time it has very little to with us.

Maybe you could make a list of things that you need to know for your job. Or have something written down that you can use to cue you when you do get anxious and the words won't come out.

Thanks for your advice. I'll try it and see - keep you posted.

I hope everything works out great on your job for you.

Thanks Sass

Yes, please do hang in there....Hopefully after you've been there awhile and after you've gotten all of your questions answered (the hard and the simple).....things will feel easier and the "routine" of it all will start to sink in....

Good luck, Tudorose...Let us know how things fare for you.

Thanks everyone,

I had a much better day today. I still didn't know what I was doing, but when I had to ask for help I did it boldly and got better responses.

Awesome for you, tudorose! Remember the good feelings you had today...perhaps they can boost you if things get you anxious again.... :D

Originally posted by tudorose
Thanks everyone,

I had a much better day today. I still didn't know what I was doing, but when I had to ask for help I did it boldly and got better responses.


Hmmm.....this time doing it differently....BOLDER.....perhaps that it was made the difference......people might have taken you more seriously just by the way you asked for help.....I must remember that!!

I wanted to let you know what a little be of assertiveness can do for you. I was put on probation at my job because I wasn't bold enough. They wanted to hear more from me. So I let myself do just that... three months later, I got a raise. As long as you don't sound questioning your own question, you know in a meek voice, you'll sound professional. That is what everyone wants to sound professional. I think you are on a great start! :)

Originally posted by tudorose
I've been taken off some of the medication I was on and since then I've found it really hard.

I have to go and ask people I don't know for assistance and I get anxious about the kind of response I will get because I've had my head bitten off so many times in the past.

I understand the hard things but not the easy things so sometimes it seems like I'm asking silly questions and people don't always respond well to that.

Any ideas/similar experiences?

1) Get back on the meds you need. Do what it takes. Ask what it will take to succeed at getting back on the drugs you need to function.

2) People sometimes accuse me of being smart, and refuse to answer my simple questions. It drives me nuts. At that point it is them not you.

It just happened in a church group, but i changed one small thing and it woked anyway.

They told me to pick up "breakfast breads" for the event. i felt the panic run though me. I said, "Some one will have to tell me, point blank, exactly what to get because i wil never think up the right thing myself. and i looked directly at each individual person. there was some silence, but eventually i heard "mini muffins, mini baggles, and pumkin bread." That was what I needed, and I asked directly enough, and looked everyone in the eye (i didn't know them either... it wasn't exactly comfortable, but it was better than the alternative!) and I waited. I may have restated the "someone will have to tell me point blank" twice, because I maybe got more 'you know... breakfast breads" ... but I can't recall. The point is, I made the nature of the answer concrete for them, and one of them gave it to me.

I hope that similar experience helps you!

David

I had a good day at work today. I had a meeting with the team leader and rehab therapist, and they assigned one person to help me. Also my team leader said that I was coming along well and picking up things fast. Also my team leader said that if I'm having a bad day that I should come and talk to her and we can go for a walk or something. I'm happy now.

Tudorose....That's AWESOME!!! Good job :)

Wooohooooooooo :D :D :D

And it makes perfect sense from your employer's point of view. They WANT you to be productive and confident and know what's going on.

WOO HOO!!! YIPPIE!! You ROCK!! That rocks!! :D :D

Thanks so much for your help everyone. It's amazing how some good advice can change your whole mindset to a situation. That's what I like about this forum, it's so constructive and encouraging.

Yes that's great Tudorose....especially the part about your being happy now:)...and your team leader sounds wonderful.....I hope I have someone like that leading ME -- or MY team someday.....

I hope things continue to go well.....:)