Do you find that no matter what you do it's never good enough?

Exactly how I feel all the time.

When I was growing up, my dad's favorite phrase was "That was very good but ..." Somewhere along the line we have to learn that while what we do may not be perfect (seldom even close in my case), that we're enough. It's helpful to seperate the behavior from ourselves, because somewhere along the line "It's not good enough" starts feeling like "You're not good enough". When I get there I'll let you all know!:rolleyes:

Take care,
Scattered

No I feel I do really well some times. Depends are you saying that you feel your performance is never good enough or anything you do as in activities. I have learnt to feel good about my self for things that no one else can do that I know. According to my friends one thing they say is amazing is my way of finding info. I skim pages of crap quickly and always get lucky. How else would I have found this forum.

I have felt that way, but I was very uninspired to do anything. When I was finished to the satisfaction that I had completed the base requirements for the projects, I would say that it was "good enough". My business teacher overheard me one day, and gave me a phrase that has been the single most driving force to actual try to do something- "Good enough isn't good enough".

I still feel like I'm wasting my time and energy on projects that are highly irrelevant to the things I would like to do with my life, but I do my best in everything. If *my best* isn't "good enough" for whomoever I was doing something for, they should have done it themselves. End of story for me.

Why? I don't know!

not good enough is one way to put it.

perfection... or nothing.

eventually not even trying is better than trying and not being perfect.

anything else than perfect is a failure.

failure, as an explanation for not being perfect, is much more acceptable than just getting by or "good enough".

I wasted so much time on this while everyone else had moved on and realized good enough is indeed the way to go in many things in life but me no, no I still thought good enough was not enough and if it wasn't perfect well it might as well not be at all.

The past tense in this last sentence isn't gratuitious. Today is my first day on Concerta 18mg, my first pill ever after being diagnosed.

I stopped worring about perfection along time ago, there's no point to it...cuz you can never get there..

I frequently find myself with problems of "nothing is ever done"... unless there is a definative end to a task (I got there, I made the object, I passed the test, etc..) I tend to start panicing and wonder what I forgot or got wrong :(

Wow is this an issue close to home!

Yes, for me it's perfection or it's not done. Thus I never finish anything. It got to the point where I simply gave up trying because I knew I could not meet my own expectations and wasn't willing to settle for 'Good Enough' But I'm getting better now. :D

My therapist and I are working on a hypothisis that my perfectionist tendancies have caused many of my depression issues. (See above- I quit doing things- anything!) I have to either be on or off, almost digital in nature. Perfection or nothing. So we're trying to figure out how to make me more analog in nature. I just can't seem to grasp the concept of 'Good Enough' actually being okay. I'm pretty sure my 'Good Enough' will have to be better than most, so the cycle goes on...

Be well,

Craig

There's 2 kinds of "not good enough". One is not good enough to satisfy you. The other is not good enough to satisfy others.

For the second, keep in mind that the majority of people only speak up with they have criticism. They're very quick to point out when they've gotten lousy service, for example, but never let people know when they're doing well. Sometimes I think most people don't even notice the good.

For every criticism, there are probably 50 compliments that go unspoken. Those backhanded compliments, though, are just plain mean. When every compliment or apology has a "but..." attached to it, it completely negates the good stuff.

The first is a little more difficult -- you've GOT to accept that perfect isn't necessary and isn't needed. In fact, many people dislike "perfect" from others because it makes them feel bad about themselves. And perfect is boring.


Just a note about criticism:
I always put some effort into letting people know when I'm pleased or impressed. I believe that the best way to get goodness from the world is to put it out there -- be a good example. So, we always as to speak to the manager at restaurants just to tell them how great the team is doing (they usually only get to hear complaints) and I write letters when I'm impressed with something, like the staff at my kids' school, or the service we recieved from the crew on the cruise we took last year.

If you express the positives, people who recieve those comments will be more likely to do the same, and so on.

Just a thought.

Everything is hitting really close to home here too. I am the same way - has to be perfect or nothing gets finished. It makes it incredibly hard to start anything and deliver a finished product (normally writing) on schedule. And this phenomenon is messing up my consulting life. I have just started therapy and just beginning diagnosis determined to get to the bottom of this.


What's worse, I won't communicate with anyone until whatever I need to do is done -- which also causes huge problems with clients. I just go dark for days which is damaging to all sorts of relationships. I'm not on meds yet . . . and hope to be soon. Does anyone have a suggestion or coping strategy?

What's worse, I won't communicate with anyone until whatever I need to do is done -- which also causes huge problems with clients. I just go dark for days which is damaging to all sorts of relationships. I'm not on meds yet . . . and hope to be soon. Does anyone have a suggestion or coping strategy?
Yikes. At least you recognize that this is a problem.

I would try to FORCE yourself to communicate at the very least. Then, as far as the perfection goes, get someone else to evaluate your work. You are your own worst critic, while someone you trust might give you a more objective opinion.

I don't know what's a way to cope with this. it is something hard to break out of, like a state of mind.

Without considering ADD at all, I once thought striving for perfection actually had a rational basis because I had done it before, or close enough. (Did anyone say anything about ADDer's being special or talented or something? ;))

Just realizing it isn't always possible and looking at myself and how ridiculous the situation really is is a start, I guess, to cope with this. Failing miserably always helps too, or at least it should.

This is the essence of much, much of what I need to fix. Before anything else. I like Craig's analogy of trying to become more analog as opposed to digital, because it really is pretty bad now, it's not only being a perfectionist anymore, it's thinking that failing is alright too, at least much easier to deal with than "imperfection".

Someone once told me that the best thing I could do would be to do something that I'm REALLY BAD at. She said it would give me some perspective!

I get caught up in the perfection loop a lot, especially with my screenplay writing.

It's so hard to commit to that Fade To Black when there are so many possibilities to explore, and each revised action opens up a seemingly infinite amount of further opportunities.

It's ironic that an avalanche of ideas can be so frikkin' counterproductive. The prevailing logic is to just forge ahead with what you've done 'till the bitter end, then revise and rewrite. I just have a great deal of trouble getting to the end. Maddening.

My dad says I have such problems finishing things because i'm unconsciously afraid to fail. It's not that at all. I just want all my projects to be jaw-dropping, which is no less self-defeating. As Adam said earlier, good enough ain't good enough.

Well, when I am at work, I do the best job that I can do in the time I have.

Because I want people to look at my work and think 'WOW, nice work'.

Problem is, that in todays world I discovered that quantity is more valued than quality.

The past tense in this last sentence isn't gratuitious. Today is my first day on Concerta 18mg, my first pill ever after being diagnosed.Congratulations -- hope you find it very helpful!:)

Another Concerta User,
Scattered

PS: Just don't make the mistake I did and expect it to make you perfect -- we have this on going disability called "being human"!:p

Thanks Scattered, I think it might be working, although I need to go on a higher dose my doctor said but I need to start somewhere.

I already feel it though, a nice, tired feeling, like after the gym, and something else. its's hard to explain but it's like someone had said to me I've come to show you where the center of your body is you idiot!
:) ;)

Lost in Space said "I don't know what's a way to cope with this. it is something hard to break out of, like a state of mind.

Without considering ADD at all, I once thought striving for perfection actually had a rational basis because I had done it before, or close enough. (Did anyone say anything about ADDer's being special or talented or something? ;))"

I think that perhaps ADDers are talented in so many different ways, because our minds race and we research and can probe very deep very fast. It doesn't suprise me that you felt you had achieved perfection. I got used to hearing that my work was "brilliant." I remember producing brilliance out of marathon working sessions, intense flows (without meds) that I thought could be repeated at will. I ALWAYS signed myself up for the most difficult projects and difficult schedules. Sure I dropped a few balls, but the positive feedback to the volume and quality of my output vastly overshadowed my failures.

Now, is a very different and very disappointing time for me. I have a child (simply delightful and wonderful) and can't pull the all nighters anymore. Her schedule is more important than mine, and no, she can't wait to go potty until I have finished that last sentence.

I am working independently, without a team of people who think I'm brilliant and are willing to put up with my insane schedule so they can learn from me. New clients expect me to prove it every day like everyone else, return phone calls, hit deadlines, lob the ball back over the net when they hit it to you.

That is very understandable. People pay for that service. They don't know my "brilliance" and what I could do for them (in my mind), because it takes too long to get there. I can't perform the mundane, so why expect the extraordinary.

I used to think it was them-- wanting too much in too short of a period of time, for too little money -- but it is me.

Not only is it hard being "average" on the ego; but it is hard being average (read: normal) in practice.