View Full Version : Almost Lost Everything Cause of my Dirty House


Draven
12-16-05, 12:24 PM
Yes once again,,, I am discussing my mess. I should have sent you that information so you could help me with the schedule EYEFORGOT buttttt I forgot. My house was a total wreck and then I went and had an axiety attack cause it was so bad and I couldn't find anything.

I dumped laundry baskets clean and dirty pulled out drawers,,, just went into a frenzy. Finally I gave up and my ride was in a hurry so I left the mess (by the way,, it was a mess before the anxiety attack keep in mind lol) and went to turn in my paperwork to the housing authority. We then went to Walmart where we got a call that my bosses bosses boss along with one of our board members,,, had just walked into my apartment.

For those of you that don't know me,,,, I am a client advocate for a domestic viollence shelter. I have an apartment on the same property because I am always on call. My bosses boss forgot to call us day before yesterday to let us know that that her boss we need to go into the apartment. Needless to say,,, I freaked out cause I just knew it was all over with. She told my boss that my apartment was condemable and that if the health department came out they would shut us down.

I don't think is thaaaaaatttt bad,, but it was pretty bad non the less. This was the day I had dreaded ever happening and it did. Thankfully,,,, My bosses boss cares about me, understands me and as she said to me, knows that my place can be emaculant one day and a landfill the next. I was soooo embarresed but I did what i use to wouldn't do and I went strait to both bosses and talked about it. Luckily,,,, I didn't lose my job or my place to live and seeing how I start school in a couple of weeks,,, i didn't lose that either cause if I had lost my job and home,,, school would have had to be postponed if not cancelled all together.

I really hope this was what I needed to wake me up. I envy those who are able to keep everything in its place and be all neat and clean. It kills me that I am always scared someone will come in my house or that one day my kids will be so emarressed that they will finally understand why I won't let their friends come over. I hate this with a passion and I am not sure it is all ADD. I know that I come from a very abusive child hood and I started thinking about it last night.

The majority of the times that I was severly abused was over little things not being done like forgetting to fill an ice tray or empty an ash tray or make my bed. As stupid as that sounds,,,, it was my reality and what brought it home for me was My bosses boss telling me that yes Brandie you messed up but I am not gonna kill you for it or take everything you have worked for away.

Those were always fears growing up and again, as stupid as it sounds,,, usually those fears were centered around forgeting to do a simple chore. So now I guess my question would be if it isn't just the ADD,, how the hell do I fix what ever the problem is.

I literally start hurting all over when I start to clean, I instantly feel like I can't stay awake much longer, I become depressed, my anxiety level skyrockets, I just want to get out and get away from it. Although I know part of my messyness is the ADD I also know it can't be all the ADD. I don't know. I had the worst day I have had in a really long time yesterday and just thought I would share with you yesterdays events, and the crap that has been going through my head.

Toad
12-16-05, 12:38 PM
It's a good thing that they understand you, it could have been worse.
We don't invite people over either. When someone comes to the door it is only opened a crack.
Everywhere one looks its a complete mess, then it gets cleaned, then 2 days later it's the same again.
I to, do not understand how people keep immaculate living environments, and so to, do a lot of people who post here.

Always try to get a new attitude about good cleaning habits, like pick stuff up, don't walk by it, but it never happens.
Now, if you go to either one of my parents homes you could forego the plates and eat right off the floor at any time (the dog did it), what the hell happened to me :confused:

Nucking_Futs
12-16-05, 01:02 PM
How many rooms do you have?

barbyma
12-16-05, 01:56 PM
I'd normally say that I'm sorry this happened to you, but I think you're right about needing a "wake up call". We all need to be jolted into a reality check once in a while. I got one recently and, as terribly unpleasant as it was, I'm a better person for it.


I hate this with a passion and I am not sure it is all ADD.

I'm sure it's not all ADD, but the really bad part is living with a constant level of anxiety about "getting caught" in an embarassing situation (like this one).


I literally start hurting all over when I start to clean, I instantly feel like I can't stay awake much longer, I become depressed, my anxiety level skyrockets, I just want to get out and get away from it.
THIS PART is most definitely ADD. It's funny -- when I start cleaning up (for me this is reorganizing my piles), I actually get energized, but I still feel a desparate need to get away from it; I go out and buy stuff that is designed to help me organize! However, what you describe in the way of fatigue and depression is exactly how I feel when faced with technical reading and study.

Hang in there. Try to develop some type of system that allows you a place for everything. Then, have a particular place to throw everything you don't know what to do with at the moment. I've found this helps a lot. Then, periodically (when you can't fit any more in) go through that "misc" pile.

Good luck!

Nucking_Futs
12-16-05, 02:08 PM
I started with a list of the rooms in my house.
Then moved onto where visitors walk in and what rooms their likely to see.

Kitchen~~Clean Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I do the dishes everyday. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I grab my broom and start at the ceiling and sweep all the way down to the floors. The I wipe out my frig and cupboards, wipe off my counters and stove then vacuum.

Those days I only pick up the rest of the house.

Living room~~gets picked up every night and cleaned the sameway the kitchen does every Tuesday and Thursday.

Bathroom~~same as the living room

Our bedroom~~gets cleaned on Saturdays

The kids clean their OWN room on Saturdays

Sunday we catch up if we need to.

Make a list by room what needs done and go from there.

irish guy
12-16-05, 02:47 PM
In many states a Landlord just can't walk into your apartment anytime they want to. I'd look into the tennant's rights of your state. If they do it again you might be able to have them arrested for unlawful entry.

Draven
12-17-05, 11:00 AM
Thank you all so much for your replies.

Toad, I thought that was funny about the dog does it and it made me think of what I told a friend of mine. I told her that you have those people who are so clean you can eat off their floors then you have my where I am scared to eat off the table lol.

Charity, I am working on that list now and I im'ed ya back. Thank you and I should have taken you up on your offer a month and half ago instead of putting it off.

Barbyma, I appreciate your honesty, I did need a wake up call,,, I just hope this is my last wake up call I will need cause it surly wasn't my first. I try to get those drawer things you buy at walmart that are plastic to try and organize but then I end up with 9 junk drawers lol,,, I have 3 of them with 3 drawers each. I got a little unexpected money the other day so I am gonna figure out something to help find a place for everything.

Irish guy,,, that is true for Florida as well but my situation is different. Even though I work here,,, the apartment was previously used for clients and paperwork wise, I am still a client,,, (they continue to get paid for me being here that way). Since this is a shelter and they tell you in the beginning that there will be walk throughs and room checks,,, they are covered. I am seperate and they have always respected my privacy and not came in. Even when we had our health inspection,, they decided to not go in. This time,,, she had one of our board members and he wanted to see the whole property so in they went. My boss's boss forgot to give us the heads up the day before unfortunatly.

Again,, thank you all

Prairiewind
12-22-05, 09:22 PM
Draven, have you considered hiring someone to come in once or twice a week to clean? I don't know what the average price is, but even if someone came in once a week for an hour that might help. The fatigue and depression and 'hurt all over' sounds more to me like it's just too painful with regard to your childhood. I'm no psychologist and I don't know how old you are, but it almost sounds as if your body can't deal with what's in your memory. Too much pain, too 'close to home', fear of punishment too fresh in your life. Nucking Futs had a great idea but even doing ONE small thing per night might ease you into the more time-consuming things without the overwhelming stress.
I used to have THE worst[I] angry thoughts going through my head when I cleaned but I eventually refused to let my past rule me now.
Maybe with the approval of your boss some of the kids could come every now and then and earn some money by helping you clean. Having them around might working with you may help you get through the veil of the past.
Good luck! You'll be ok:)

Ian
12-23-05, 12:32 AM
Flylady.net has changed my life. :D

meadd823
12-24-05, 11:03 AM
You know I can see where having a problem keeping a home can be a problem more so for this situation but even for others who do not have people inspecting!!!

I am doing some thing really ADD here as I believe that although the non-ADDers have problems relating to others who are opposite (us) we can do better by learning from others about the "other side" of the fence.

OCD being so compulsively neat a particle out of place send one into a state of un-nerving, clean house but not necessarily a happy home. Yes it may be all clean floors but far from a bed of roses. Maybe all can help each other while appreciating that being completely opposite isn't the answer either.

I could not live in a home where I could not walk from room to room without climbing some thing. I wouldn't want to live some where that was sterile either. I couldn't co-habituate with folks who would flip because my brand of clean wasn't good enough any more than I could deal with one who refused to rinse out their old food out of dishes when done.

Each of the ones who fall into these two categories could learn about the folks in the other one maybe will we see that so sought after ADD desire...balance!!!

The hyper link:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24191

Merry Christmas!!!!!!

webol
12-29-05, 01:06 AM
All I can say is thank jesus for my wife or our house would look like a pig styecause i'm ADD but luckily she's OCD, jokeing shes not really but everything has to be clean and in its place or she can't go to bed.

meadd823
12-29-05, 01:21 AM
pig styecause i'm ADD but luckily she's OCD, jokeing shes not really but everything has to be clean and in its place or she can't go to bed.


Does she mind this??? I guess it would depend on other circumstances as to weather or not she works outside the home, children and ages, and how much of a mess family members leave for her to clean up.

If you believe non-ADD spouses enjoy being the only one who does the cleaning then you haven't visited the non-ADD section yet. Many of the partners and spouses actually resent doing all the cleaning. This would be especially true if she has to hold down a full time job out side the home.

I believe one way of making house keeping easier is to decrease the amount of stuff one has in the home. Getting rid of things that are not necessary is a good first step.

MrsBubblebrain
03-06-06, 01:56 AM
'THIS PART is most definitely ADD. It's funny -- when I start cleaning up (for me this is reorganizing my piles), I actually get energized, but I still feel a desparate need to get away from it; I go out and buy stuff that is designed to help me organize! '

:eyebrow:

Carol
03-07-06, 01:28 PM
This sounds like classic ADD to me. I think it's due in large part to two aspects of ADD: procrastination and a "tendency to become bored easily." Both are on virtually all the symptom checklists for ADD. What are we most likely to procrastinate on? What do we find boring? For me, it's housework.

When someone has a problem with focus and attention, as in ADD, whatever doesn't interest them is neglected, because it is not sufficiently stimulating. My response to 'if it isn't just the ADD,' is: IT'S THE ADD!

If you look at Hallowell & Ratey's books, they make a clear distinction between problems of 'will power' and ADD. Draven, you don't want to be this way, you want to be able to keep your house in order, so if it was will power, then you'd do it. But something interferes, and that something is ADD. It's like the title of the book "YOU MEAN I'M NOT LAZY, STUPID OR CRAZY?"

Needless to say, I have a problem with housework and clutter - my piles have piles. And I find boredom excruciating, like Draven says, 'I literally start hurting all over when I start to clean, I instantly feel like I can't stay awake much longer, I become depressed, my anxiety level skyrockets, I just want to get out and get away from it."

I just want to say, don't compound the problem by looking for a flaw in your character - that's the path to lowering self-esteem, not solving the problem. It's also the classic response that non-ADDers have to many of the problems of ADD, and it's part of the problem of rejecting ADD as a true disorder.

How old are your kids? Can you explain the problem of ADD and disorder to them? It might be better for them to understand why they can't invite their friends over. They might even help.

I've struggled with this problem, and what's been very helpful to me is the realization that: it's not a moral issue!

meadd823
03-13-06, 12:20 AM
I believe Dravan's problems is with others wanting to come in and inspect her home....which would be a moral problem for me ..... having other people come in a dictate what I can and can not do or impose their standard upon my life style would not go well at all for me.

The rest of us who do not have this problem it is our own code of cleanliness that we feel obligated to!