Hey, when i first joined this forum, i had all of the symptoms of add combined,

that was three months ago. Now I am beginning to realise that it may not be

adhd at all. Before, I had HUGE amounts of energy: I would hardly ever sleep,

I would call people at early hours of the morning just to talk, i had a lot of

confidence, I would talk excessively and rant on about things,

my attention span didn't exist and I had trouble sitting still for more than 5

mins, and the list could continue, but now...

I hate myself, I think I am worthless, and I have regular thoughts on taking

my life, i cut myself when things feel bad, I don't want to go out or talk to

any one because it feels like it is too much effort, I just spend my days

browsing the internet (i couldn't even be bothered to go out for a meal with

my parents at which I have not seen for 3 months), which was not like me at

all three months ago. Even my friends have noticed that i am acting

differently. I mean, is this the REAL me, was

that person three months ago, a act that I put on, in order to get me my first

Semester at university? I am really confused about who I am, am I hyper?, or

depressed? I really don't know. even in the last days

of college, although I was feeling sad, when I eat sugary stuff I became

really hyper

(which was normal considering my behaviour for the past few months), I felt

like I was myself but at the same time I wasn't. I am sorry

to rant on like this and I wish I was a better story-teller than I am but I really

don't know how to explain how I feel, I feel lost, I don't know who I am and I

know something isn't right in my head, but I am scared to ask for help.

And knowing that there is something wrong in my head am I searching for

reasons, as to expalin the way i am feeling i.e. adhd or bipolar or depression

cause surely if i was depressed i wouldn't know about it and depression must

feel worst than this. My Mum use to suffer from depression could this link to

the way I am feeling? Please help, this is a desperate cry for attention.

I don't

know what to do, and I am scared to talk to my doctor cause I have only

ever

spoken to my doctor about physical problems not mental and I don't know

how to go about it, especially without my mum knowing. And I think I am

scared that if I go to my doctor, he will say 'Oh don't worry, you are normal!'

which I think is what I am afraid of cause do normal people try to kill

themselves, even at the age of seven when I moved to London, I use to try

and suffocate myself under my pillow, but it never worked. Then, when I was

a little bit older, of the age of Ten I began to swallow tablets, any that I

could find, and My Mum has back problems and takes like 5 tablets a day

and I use to knick her tablets and whiskey from the cupboard, then I would

go to bed, and WAKE UP. Which was my worse nightmare in the world. So,

really I have tried to kill myself since I was seven, Oh yeah and you know

antibacterial solutions that you use to clean your house (Dettol), When I was

12, I twice swallowed a gulpful. The first was because I wanted to kill myself

but it only made me throw up and the second time was so I could Bunk off

school cos I knew it made me throw up. I went to many lengths and measures

to bunk off school back then. Now I am 18, and I am not as bad as I use to

be before. But one of my annoyances is my mother, maybe I am so good at

covering all this stuff up OR that she is just so egocentric that she doesn't

want to notice. I don't think she understands that I go through real problems,

she just seems to think that she Is the only one In the world that has

suffered from depression. She has told me that she once tried to kill herself

when I was still in her stomach, she doesn't seem to understand that I have

been trying to kill ME since the age of 12. Well, I am ranting on too much

now, I have lost the point of this forum. Well I have left it doubled spaced

so it makes it easier for you all to read. Happy Holidays!

Really I have no reason to kill myslef, i am not going through any tough

troubles as I have done in the past (don't wanna dicuss it as it is too personal

and it is all in the past) but I just have this

deep sadness, i think it stems from my childhood, which I think was mainly

happy with little bits of sadness aswell, I mean there are many more people

out there who have been

through a lot more than me and they don't commit suicide, maybe a I have

a weak mind, maybe I am mad?

Fidge;

I doubt that you are bipolar, based on your posting. I do detect a lot of anxiety, and that could be the main issue that you are fighting... I am no doctor, so what do I know ????

You need to do two things. First of all, relax, don't turn on to it and end up making a bad thing worse than it already is.

Secondly; You need to get to your doctor and tell him/her about your troubles. Print out what you wrote in this thread and take it to your doctor. Trying to get a diagnosis online is just far too risky.... go see your doctor. ADD and bipolar, and depression are all very real and treatable problems that your doctor is trained to deal with.

You don't have to suffer like this and your doctor can help.

good luck

ME :D,

I have just sent you some info by PM to help you locate ADD-aware neurologists/psychiatrists in the UK -- there're 4 or 5 in and around London.

SB.

Please od tell your doc about this. It is hard for a good medical professional to tell the difference between the two so people on line well have no chance here. You could have ADD and bi-polar together.

SEE A DOCTOR!

I agree with everyone on this and I think it's pretty likely you are bipolar, but you NEED a thorough professional evaluation.

Bipolar disorder is NOT something you want to "ride out". It's entirely treatable.

Seeing a doctor is definately a good idea. Things are not going to get better all by themselves. I know you're afraid to talk to your doctor about this, but it's the best way to figure this out.

Based on some of the things you mentioned, I think you should really try talking to your mom too. It sounds like you two have a lot of things to be worked out. That itself is going to be a long journey and must be taken step by step.

But your first step should be to see a doctor. Your health should be your number one priority because you are very important! College can be stressful enough for anyone. You shouldnt have to struggle just to make it through each day. So please see a doctor as soon as you can and tell him/her everything you can think of that causes you problems. I think what speedo said about printing your post out is a good idea. Make a list of anything you can think of, and if you feel comfortable with asking your friends this, you can ask them to make a list of how you've changed as well.

I wish you the best of luck with all of this. Try to stay strong and be good to yourself.