View Full Version : Please Help


PamB
12-18-05, 09:13 PM
I will try to be as brief as possible. I have 7 children. Numbers 5 6 and 7 are with new husband. Child number 5 is my special boy. I knew he was different when he was able to crawl. I very literally had to tether him to the couch even if I was not preoccupied, due to the "open floor plan" of my home ie no doorways for baby gates. This baby's only mission in life was to find a way up or out or into or under. Endangering himself along the way. Broken arm at 13 months climing atop second station of desk while I changed clothes. Push anything used to climb up onto into garage. No table or chairs to eat. Climb out windows, create very calculated diversions to carry out a scheme. At every opportunity either naturally or created by him he would RUN out outside and away. Into neighboring homes, backyards not seeking ppl, just snooping.
Climbing 8 foot wooden backyard fence at age 2 to "escape". Must maintain physical hold on him every second when in public. Sneaks away. Then came OCD around 2 or 3. Balls to start. Balls of any size or type. Then "arranging" of things in specific orders with total meltdown if "rearranged". Child 6 born when he is 3 and he learns to take advantage of my distraction caring for newborn. Will allow self to get hurt if it is neccessary to achieve his desire. ie once requiring 2 firetrucks of men to hold walls of above ground pool away from wall of house where he became stuck trying to reach a ball on other side. Face badly scraped from stucco of house. He begins carrying all toys in bags around and unloading and arranging just to look at them according to size or color or species ect. only to put back in bag and repeat elsewhere. Does not "play" cars or dinasaurs like others. Simply lines them up in order as mentioned. LOVES puzzles spending abnormal time doing and undoing, right side up reverse, even arranging from the plain back side. Loves other children but plays along side and not with them. Will suddenly and without provacation scream something unintelligible 1, 2 or 3 times and then nothing.
Something like "ROP..........ROP...............ROP". All above things are anytime anywhere and no attention to social boundaries or appropriateness. In school demonstrates inappropriate "weird kid" behavior. He is now 7. example" while teacher is teaching math he will suddenly stand up and tell the teacher he wants to play a joke. When the teacher explains timing he does not seem to comprehend and CAN NOT accept the response becoming insistant. He simply can not move on unless he can get the joke out of his system. If allowed to then he is fine and can continue. But of course this isnt going to happen so it escalates to the point of physical removal from class. Other kids paint, he groups the similar colors taking from tables of all kids not to be a bully but simply to put the matching colors together. After many meetings and several failed strategies bus and school suspensions he now attends a special school with special transportation and seems to be doing well. He is extremely intelligent but his own preoccupations interfere and must constantly be redirected. Will follow rules to a game but if someone breaks a rule or even makes a mistake he has total meltdown which might involve (if he can get his hands on one) throwing a hammer at the perpetraitor of said 'crime' believing it to be absolutely acceptable punishment. There is no making him understand and will behave exactly the same way in 5 minutes. He NEVER is mean or bullylike or malicious. He is very loving but very obstinant and annoying. The purpose being to involve the person in question in what ever he is doing or wants to do. Sometimes it appears that mere silence can make him suddenly create a loud and disruptive situation not to annoy but to "begin a new chapter" if viewed as a sort of book. Every response is exaggerated and loud.
He wants friends soo much but insists on particular rules and time limits ect and becomes extremely aggressive and sometimes dangerous is they do not comply. And now for the confusing part. The final diagnosis by "a big guy"
is ODD and ADHD with mild Tourettes of which OCD is a component. But from what I read of ODD it sounds as if the affected person is malicious in his various behaviors. And had I not had 4 older children I too may have thought this or if he was abused or neglected or the like but we are a normal family. I am a VERY physically loving mother and dote on my children. Doting has not turned my other kids into "spoiled rotten monster brats" which is what I am sure is said about my son. This being my husbands first child has made things difficult for the whole situation. He is counterproductive and in denial until it is HE that is affected by our sons behavior. He is prescribed concerta and one other med that is used for bipolar disorder, i cant remember name. Supposed to help control outburst and aggression. Respidol??? My husband absolutely refuses to allow him to take it. He tries to explain our sons behavior as simply a rambunctious boys will be boys things. Even though it has taken 2 whole years of IEP to get him into this special school where they may restrain him and apply other methods of behavior modification with a very high adult student ratio. My son may have the disorder but either the disorder is misunderstood by the professionals themselves or my son is an exception. Again, he is absolutely not mean or vindictive in any way. Yes he honestly believes death is the appropriate punishment for someone playing out of turn or even quitting a game in the middle and will act accordingly SEEMINGLY a violent bully but in his eyes he is merely giving deserved punishment to a violator of rules or conduct (in his world) He does not defy authority for the sake of defiance or to show his ability to defy but because he honestly feels that he either knows better or that what he is doing is harmless (again in his world) and so what you are saying isnt applicable. And so he continues with what you are actively demanding him not to do. Example: Last night the doorbell rang during his dinner. My 15 year old was going to answer and the 7 year old also began to answer. I immediately told him to sit back down that he is NOT to answer the door at night time EVER. As I am speaking he continues to walk towards living room. I raise my voice significantly even swearing to get your *** back in this kitchen RIGHT NOW! He conitnues for door explaining that he thinks its his brothers friend using the word 'but' repeatedly. I must have yelled for him to not answer the door and to come back and sit down VERY quickly and about 5 times and he opened the door with his brother right behind him saying "see, I told you it was Aarons friend" with happiness and a feeling of pride and accomplishment as if I should now say something like "OH well in that case ok I'm sorry you did the right thing" It's even painfull for me to have follow through on the scolding and punishment for disobedience at this point because he does not see what he did as an act of defiance but an act of proving his maturity in answering the door and his accurate assumption of who it would be. How can you punish someone for something that in their heart was not a crime? Sort of like an insanity plea for a murderer. If he doesnt understand his infraction he certainly isnt going to understand the fine. If I follow through (and I must) he only views it as me bullying him, not liking him, not wanting him to do something that can illicit a positive response from me. He actually returns to the table proud with a big smile on his face waiting for his praise even though I just screamed and cussed and threatened for him to not answer that door AND to get back and sit down. This type of scenario is played out 100 times a day in different forms and each time it breaks my heart to crush this little boys spirit and the bottome line? He still didnt get it. He doesnt get it when the neighborhood kids tell him they hate him and go home. He smiles and continues to want to play until it gets ugly usually by the other kid first but then my boy retaliates on a much greater scale even dangerous and feels justifiable in anything he does. I know this thread is flowing very easy for me and sounds quite intelligent well thought out coming from me as I type (not to be full of myself) but I say this only to reassure you that we are not the nerdy dorks of the neighborhood that the others kids make fun of because of our geekiness. My teen girls are Hawaiian Tropic swimsuit pageant queens of the West Coast, My sons very handsome and popular. My 7 year olds only saving grace as a matter of fact is the fact that the neighbors all know his older brother, 15, is the 'coolest' guy in the neighborhood and his sisters are the most beautifull otherwise they might NEVER give him a chance. These same kids knowing his specialness give him daily chances and daily he comes home crying and angry. He will do things to gain favor which frightens me because when he is older I'm afraid others will make him a scapegoat for criminal activity to ensure his acceptance and admiration. I guess I'm just looking for somebody who knows what I am talking about and what if anything I can do. I am terrified at the prognosis of my little boys future. I'm afraid he may not even live to see it as a result of all of this. He wanders around aimlessly when there is no one to play with instead of coming home, going into random backyards, checking out unlocked cars ect. He doesnt steal things, just snoops. So as my title to this thread reads.....Please Help.

speedo
12-18-05, 09:44 PM
Risperdal is often given to children to reduce comativeness. It is also sometimes given for ocd.
It works well for a lot of people. It might help your son with his aggession and reduce the severity of his outbursts.

The child you described is decidely NOT just a rambunctious kid. There is decidedly someting different in him. I would not split hairs too much on the ODD diagnosis as it will definitely become more apparent in time. In any case, it is important that your child get the appropriate treatment, so do work with your doctors and act proactively for the wellness of your child.

good luck

ME :D

mctavish23
12-18-05, 10:03 PM
Hi,

Welcome to the Forum.

Whew, that's overwhelming just to read it.

Here are some excellent resources that cover a number of problem areas:

Taking Charge of ADHD by Russell Barkley

Raising Resilient Children by Sam Goldstein & Robert Brooks

The Parents Guide to Attention Deficit Disorder by Stephen McCarney & Angela Marie Bauer (Hawthorne Press)

The ADHD Book of Lists by Sandra Rief (if you get any of these books, get this one and get it first).

Here's several excellent websites to go along with the books:

www.wrightslaw.com

www.chadd.org

www.pacer.org

www.russellbarkley.org

www.allkindsofminds.org

I hope that helps some. Just as an fyi, ODD is considered to ba an artifact of ADHD.

Happy Holidays

mctavish23
(Robert)

mctavish23
12-19-05, 12:38 PM
I just thought of one other possible idea.

If your husband has reservations about Risperdal, perhaps a second opinion form a pediatric neurologist or pediatric psychiatrist,provided you haven't already seen one, might be helpful.

Also, I don't recall if you said your son had been tested by a child psych or not?

Test scores don't drive diagnoses, but getting a baseline on current levels of functioning can also help.

Once again, good luck.:)

addme
12-19-05, 05:30 PM
Stop allowing this child to go out of his way to prove you wrong. You are the parent and you enforce the rules you make. If your rule is, "don't answer the front door after dark". You must enforce that rule. It's a safety factor.
Is he a bedwetter?