again, I didn't know where exactly this should be posted but I thought I'd post it here since this is the general forum. if there's a better place for this could a moderator please move it? thanks


I was wondering if anyone else is also "anti-social" like I am?

I used to be a normal kid who would go out to partys and hang out w/ friends and stuff like that. but about half way through HS I started becoming "antisocial" and now I'm a full blown antisocial person.
I rarely go out anymore and I don't really have any close or best friends, my closest friends are just people that I've been friends with my whole life and I hang out w/ them every once in a while. but I don't have any friends that I hang out w/ on a daily basis.
I mostly just hang out by myself. it's not like I've ever had trouble making friends, I just rather be alone than be around people.
I'd have to say that my main reason for not really wanting to be around people is beacuse most people are ignorant. I like to have intellectual conversations and talk about stuff that actually matters in life rather than all of the petty stuff that most teens and young adults worry about.
It really goes much deeper than that though, but the main point is that there's no one else who's like me enough to where I could hang out w/ them all the time.

well, I'm just rambling now but I could elaborate more later.

but is there anyone else who is antisocial? what do you think your reason is? is it anything like mine?

wham bham you hit the nail on the head.

I was like that A LOT. I still am to a good bit of extent.

I think it has a lot to do with being open and not disgrunted with yourself, atleast that was the case with me for a while.

We are not necessarily anti-social since we are hanging out with the few close friends that we have, we're just not hanging out as much as we did before. There could be lots of reasons for that, school's closed down, people have gone away, the few people who you dislike are all of a sudden are around a lot.

Also, when we grow in life, for example, when we go to college, go to work etc, we aren't always around people.
Example,
on your commute to work, you're not around friends.
During your lunch break, you mite be around corporate people and not friends for lunch.
During your commute back from work, you're not around friends.
When you get home to your family or to yourself, you're not around friends again.

Life isn't about being around friends all day long everyday, we all go through bouts where we are just with ourselves.
I read up somewhere that the Average American college student still spends 3 hours alone everyday. Hard to imagine at college huh? But that's true.

I have to agree with Bowlerkid is that your not really anti-social because if you did find that group of friends that satisfied your needs then you would suddenly not become anti-social.

Also you still talk to your close friends.

You are just exhibiting some symptoms of anti-social behavior.

It's also not really impairing you life since you said

"I just rather be alone than be around people."

I would rather be alone than be around my family, but I can handle people in general. I don't like loud places, so most parties are out of the question for me.

As someone who lived with social phobia for 25 years I can say that avoiding people and social situations is generally not a good sign. I didn't want to avoid these situations I just felt too awkward and uncomfortable to face them. When avoidance was not possible I chose to self medicate. Two wrongs didn't make it right. Being antisocial guided my life on a daily basis. When we dismiss others as not being worthy of our company we are usually fooling ourselves and we miss out on a lot. Get yourself checked out for this antisocial behaviour. They now say socal phobia and depression are often linked. I would not have said I was depressed during my antisocial years but I was not living life to the fullest. The biggest part of being happy is being happy with yourself. I know now that this was missing during my antisocial days.

Don't worry. I know many people to whom this happened once. Many of my friends and my boyfriend and especially me....
I actually think this is quite normal to have such a period as teenager. (you said something about highschool, sorry if you are older)
You said you still have friends, so don't worry. I am quite sure you will meet people with whom you have more in common.
And especially if you are more interested in intellectual things than those around you, it is quite common to feel lonely.
Is there any place where you could find people who are interested in the same things like you are?
Most of my friends I know from a special program for pupils interested in sciences. Since 8 years, they are my closest friends, and there are actually people who envy me for the strong connection we have with each other.
And I would never ever call that anti-social behaviour. At least from what you write, I'd say you might be thoughtful or going through a period in which you feel disconnected or maybe you simply don't really fit in your environment.
Enjoy the time with yourself, read, do whatever you want, but don't blame yourself for not seeing friends everyday. I do not think that is so very normal, either....
BTW: Now, I cannot complain about my social life. I am even happy with it.
And when I was 15, I only had one single "friend" at school and one in an other city. Actually, noone else from my school even talked to me.

wham bham you hit the nail on the head.

I was like that A LOT. I still am to a good bit of extent.

I think it has a lot to do with being open and not disgrunted with yourself, atleast that was the case with me for a while.

We are not necessarily anti-social since we are hanging out with the few close friends that we have, we're just not hanging out as much as we did before. There could be lots of reasons for that, school's closed down, people have gone away, the few people who you dislike are all of a sudden are around a lot.

Also, when we grow in life, for example, when we go to college, go to work etc, we aren't always around people.
Example,
on your commute to work, you're not around friends.
During your lunch break, you mite be around corporate people and not friends for lunch.
During your commute back from work, you're not around friends.
When you get home to your family or to yourself, you're not around friends again.

Life isn't about being around friends all day long everyday, we all go through bouts where we are just with ourselves.
I read up somewhere that the Average American college student still spends 3 hours alone everyday. Hard to imagine at college huh? But that's true.one reason why I don't go out a lot is b/c you have to act fake and put on a front in front of other people, or atleast that's what everyone else does. and I'm not into all that bull****.

I am in college right now, 300miles away from home, w/ none of my old friends from HS here. but I still haven't found any new friends or anything, and whenever I'm not in class i'm always in my room.

I think I do kinda have social anxiety. at one point I used to HATE answering my phone just b/c I didn't feel like talking to anyone or hanging out & doing anything w/ anyone. I kinda lost a lot of the main friends that I did hang out with b/c they just stopped calling me anymore since I never wanted to do anything anyway.
I'm starting to talk to people more but I still only talk to anyone maybe 1-3 times a week.

I have to agree with Bowlerkid is that your not really anti-social because if you did find that group of friends that satisfied your needs then you would suddenly not become anti-social.

Also you still talk to your close friends.

You are just exhibiting some symptoms of anti-social behavior.

It's also not really impairing you life since you said

"I just rather be alone than be around people."yea but the kind of people that I could hang out w/ are very rare, I've never even met anyone else like me: I'm kind of a nerd b/c I put my schoolwork first and sometimes do what people consider "homework" just for fun, I'm a science nerd. but I also like to "party", I like to get drunk and smoke pot anytime I can, and I even like to experiment w/ different stuff. But all of the people I've met have either been one or the other; either over-achieving bookworms/nerds, or people who like to get high & don't care about school.

and I don't really talk to my close friends that much, more like just catch up w/ them every once in a while.

and I do think it is kind of affecting my life b/c I haven't had a g/f nor have I even "talked" to a girl since I've been like this. I have gotten *** a few times though but only w/ the help of my friend.

As someone who lived with social phobia for 25 years I can say that avoiding people and social situations is generally not a good sign. I didn't want to avoid these situations I just felt too awkward and uncomfortable to face them. When avoidance was not possible I chose to self medicate. Two wrongs didn't make it right. Being antisocial guided my life on a daily basis. When we dismiss others as not being worthy of our company we are usually fooling ourselves and we miss out on a lot. Get yourself checked out for this antisocial behaviour. They now say socal phobia and depression are often linked. I would not have said I was depressed during my antisocial years but I was not living life to the fullest. The biggest part of being happy is being happy with yourself. I know now that this was missing during my antisocial days.I think that you are/were exactly how I am.
I also used to self medicate whenever I had to go in social situations. the last time I had to do anything like that was orientation the summer before last and I stayed on xanax the whole time.
I used to say I wasn't depressed since I'm not really sad all the time or dwell on things, but recently I'm starting to see that I probably am depressed.

I try to justify my not being social by saying that it's just because I'm always studying and don't have time to, but I really do have some time to socialize, and the reason I spend so much time studying is so that I can get through school and be able to get a good paying job when I get out so then I'll have plenty of time and $ to do stuff with; unlike most of the people I see who blow their education off to go and have a good times now and then end up having to work their butts off to barely get by for the rest of their life b/c they can't get a good job... I'm working hard now so I can live it up later; they're living it u now and will have to work hard later.

oegboy,

OMG, I have a double! I can relate. My problem is that I have been like this, and probably getting worse, since my 20s and I'm in my 40s. I might be depresed, but I don't know it. I do not think I want to be with people. I just got off Lexapro and feel better withou it- my anxiety is almost non-existent on Adderall. Perhaps I need Welbutrim- I will see my doc in four weeks.

I know how it feels like to be a "party-nerd".

1. there might be more of us than you'd expect

2. some party-people become more nerdish and some nerds go more on parties as soon as they turn 20/25/30 whatever

3. I have both kinds of friends. Some more for parties, some for talking. You do not necessarily have to be exactly like your friends. Every human has thousands of different "faces" ... just find some people for the most important faces, like 2 for talking, 4 for parties, 3 for your favorite sports....


Besides, I think your problem is more about how you perceive yourself than about how you are.
You have the best of both worlds, so use it!

It's normal for old friends to drift away, all mine did, they have kids, they move away, they hang out with people you don't.

It's hard to find people who are not boring or who don't have a one track mind.
In any given crowd how many, or what percentage of people can talk about science, drugs, deep thoughts, politics, world issues?

Not many, but most can tell you the sports scores (YAWN)
What's on sale at Wal-mart (YAY)
Or who ate what on that dumb reality show that panders to the simple minded.

My kind of people are dynamic, moody, complex and real.

PS, I find booze dumbs one down to the level of normal, so ADDERS can get along with reg'ler folks at a party and feign interest.

Don't worry. I know many people to whom this happened once. Many of my friends and my boyfriend and especially me....
I actually think this is quite normal to have such a period as teenager. (you said something about highschool, sorry if you are older)
You said you still have friends, so don't worry. I am quite sure you will meet people with whom you have more in common.
And especially if you are more interested in intellectual things than those around you, it is quite common to feel lonely.
Is there any place where you could find people who are interested in the same things like you are?
Most of my friends I know from a special program for pupils interested in sciences. Since 8 years, they are my closest friends, and there are actually people who envy me for the strong connection we have with each other.
And I would never ever call that anti-social behaviour. At least from what you write, I'd say you might be thoughtful or going through a period in which you feel disconnected or maybe you simply don't really fit in your environment.
Enjoy the time with yourself, read, do whatever you want, but don't blame yourself for not seeing friends everyday. I do not think that is so very normal, either....
BTW: Now, I cannot complain about my social life. I am even happy with it.
And when I was 15, I only had one single "friend" at school and one in an other city. Actually, noone else from my school even talked to me.I have found a lot of people who have most of the same iltellectual interests as me, that's what I like about college is that there's a lot of people who like what you like, that's why we're at college in the field that we are is b/c we like it. but like I said, I also like to do stuff like get drunk and smoke mj whenever I can and most of those people don't even drink, I wouldn't even let most of them knw that I've even smoked pot before, they're kinda anal anbout that stuff. I can't hang out w/ people whom I can't tell everyting about myself to and not have them be critical of it.
All through HS I was liked by everyone and a lot of times would be the center of the crowd. I considered everyone in my class(90 people) to be my friend and could talk to & do things w/ all of them like good friends do.

In HS I had a lot of friends and liked going out. Then when I turned about 20 I felt like I grew up and none of them did. Therefore I kind of dont like being around people. Because I havent found anyone thats like me. I am 23 and the people my age all want to party and I dont. People older dont seem to want someone "younger" in there group. So I just do my own thing and to be honest I dont really care.

I think the key here is to ask the question: are you happy with yourself? Sometimes, I haven't had any "real" friends that I felt close to simply because of my environment...but when I've found those few friends, I'm very social. And when I don't have people I click with, I'm OK, because I'm pretty happy doing stuff on my own. On the other hand, I was very very sad for a while, and I remember not answering friends' phone calls, wanting to go out, etc--so maybe I was depressed? Either way, I was just not happy in general, and if that's how you feel for a long period of time, and it sounds like it from your posts, maybe you should discuss this with a conselor at school.

Bottom line, I don't think it really matters if you party, study, whatever--If you're happy with yourself, you're probably not anti-social. If, however, you feel kind of stuck, and unhappy, then, yes, maybe you are starting to get anti-social, IMHO.

I use to go out all the time hang out with friends in high school. After I graduated from high school I didn't really go out any longer. The friends I had just didn't seem like I was connected with them the way I was in high school. Grew away from them. Now, 5 years later, I'm married, go to school full time, and work full time. I don't have any time for friends. I miss friends sometimes, but overall, I don't think I'm a person that needs them. I'm very introvert, independent, and absorbed so much more now in family than ever. I use to self-medicate in social situations because I was nearly a mute. I never interacted with people or met people. I always figured if they liked me or wanted to know me that they would make the initiative. Never happened.
If it makes you unhappy that you don't have as many friends as you use to, then I would say its a problem. Otherwise, if you are happy the way you are, then maybe you are just being yourself and enjoy being that.

Or maybe you are just prioritizing your life differently now that you are in college. Maybe the friends you have made you don't really enjoy anymore. It could also simply be a phase where you want to be by yourself and contemplate.

I'm the same.....I can relate to this 100% and there's nothing wrong with youagain, I didn't know where exactly this should be posted but I thought I'd post it here since this is the general forum. if there's a better place for this could a moderator please move it? thanks


I was wondering if anyone else is also "anti-social" like I am?

I used to be a normal kid who would go out to partys and hang out w/ friends and stuff like that. but about half way through HS I started becoming "antisocial" and now I'm a full blown antisocial person.
I rarely go out anymore and I don't really have any close or best friends, my closest friends are just people that I've been friends with my whole life and I hang out w/ them every once in a while. but I don't have any friends that I hang out w/ on a daily basis.
I mostly just hang out by myself. it's not like I've ever had trouble making friends, I just rather be alone than be around people.
I'd have to say that my main reason for not really wanting to be around people is beacuse most people are ignorant. I like to have intellectual conversations and talk about stuff that actually matters in life rather than all of the petty stuff that most teens and young adults worry about.
It really goes much deeper than that though, but the main point is that there's no one else who's like me enough to where I could hang out w/ them all the time.

well, I'm just rambling now but I could elaborate more later.

but is there anyone else who is antisocial? what do you think your reason is? is it anything like mine?

I was never really a person who was popular, I've only ever had one or two friends at a time although those friends change rapidly except for one I've known since I was 12 and I've gone through stages where I've been very social to completely uninterested in mixing with people at all....I guess it depends on the mood and the stage I'm going through.

Hi oegboy,

First I want to replace "Anti Social" with "Introverted". "Anti Social" personality disorder is akin to "Psychopathy" Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer were Psychopaths.

You mention in two posts that you like to get drunk and stoned anytime you can. I can speak from personal experience that weed and ADHD are not a good mix. Smoking made my introverted state and social anxiety worse. One tends to focus on what others are thinking about you even moreso. I get the impression from your posts that maybe some of your peer groups find the pot smoking an unaccepted practice. Self medication with alcohol and pot in the long run will only magnify ADHD problems. I'm not saying to clean up completely, but watch yourself, Many ADHDers have a tendency toward addictive behavior. I took a long look at myself as I was coming down from a high one day. Was this the person I wanted to be? Was this helping me achieve my dreams? Not only that, but the girls I knew who got high weren't anything like the girls I wanted to date. I loved the high, Pink Floyd music never sounded better, but I didn't like who I was becoming.

You are lucky. You have the diagnosis, I didn't. You can get help with ADHD, I didn't know about it. You know you need to turn to your strengths, I didn't. If I had known, I hope I would have done things differently.

Dr Hollowell (Driven to distraction) writes that maintaining a connected lifestyle is important to thriving with ADD. That means getting out and communicating with others no matter how difficult it is.

My key out of introversion was my love of cars and motorsports. I got involved with a local sports car club. I found lots of people with similar interests. We got together, built race cars, made some great friendships. We still partied, but it was shared interests that built connectivity. I decided I'd rather spend my cash on cars and racing than drugs. Driving a race or rally car is an awesome high compared to any chemical I've tried. Of course that can turn into an addictive practice too.

Good Luck Brother,
Make the ADD work for you,

No offense to anyone who has responded to this thread but I would suggest you find your way to a Social Phobia online forum much like this one for ADD. When you start to hear person after person with similar experiences as your own it's extremely helpful. No matter how well intentioned people are they do not really know how you're feeling if they don't suffer the same affliction. Trying to rationalize the problem will not work.

I don't even know where to begin. i went out with a couple of friends of mine last night. We meet up with one friends other friends, people i didn't know. I was not happy about this and apparently it showed! At the end of the night when I was taking one friend home I got my *** chewed out. I apparently make no effort to talk to the others, I look ****ed off all the time, when others try to talk to me I act uniterested the list goes on.

She also pointed out to me that i am more of a one on one person. I guess this is something i knew, but never really thought about before. I don't like the large bar/club scene. I like to go out and have a convo with the people i am with. I have trouble trying to talk to someone I don't like or respect. Is that so bad?? I think its kinda natural. I am not one to put on the front and fake it!

The prob is I am currently and majoring in Culinary Arts/Hospitality. She claims i will fail out of this industry because I am not a people person. I disagree with that. I am very much of a people person once i get comfy. It takes some time for me to get comfortable with a new place, new job, new people, whatever it is. Is that so weird??

casper I've been through endless situations like you've mentioned. Feeling as though I'm being judged on each comment. Being tongue tied sitting beside a stranger on a plane. Unable to say something for fear of being ridiculed for it. Totally irrational. As long as I steered away from these situations I was fine. At work I was ok. I had a role and like an actor I said my lines. In social situations there is no script. If it doesn't come naturally people soon pick up on your tension. Social phobia is a huge hidden problem. My wife of 15 years did not know of my problem until I finally saw a commercial about social phobia and ssri's and brought it to her attention. Social phobia is not normal and it is treatable.

"Anti-social" means intentionally hurting people animals, stealing, setting fire, abandoning one's children and not caring, and having no conscience -- knowing the rules but not caring -- being unable to feel the "guilt" that average people's brains are wired to feel.

I think you mean "asocial".

Very different.

-Emma