Ludger
10-08-03, 05:46 PM
This is my first letter to the forum. It takes me a long time to compose and express myself. This may be my only letter of any length I write.
I am a male, age 56 and have been married for 32 years. We live in southeast Georgia. I suspect I may have ADD, without hyperactivity, if I understand correctly. There is an overwhelming amount of information to digest.
Several weeks ago my wife gave me an article from the Sunday newspaper on ADD. Of 21 questions regarding ADD, I responded to 20 of them.
My wife and I have always felt that I may have a learning disability. I am now in the process of educating myself regarding ADD. (The foregoing has taken me approximately 20 minutes to compose.)
I have read many messages, printed them and highlighted pertinent items. It is amazing to see how many fellow ADDers that have symptoms similar to mine. As I have gone through the messages and seeing others with the same problems, has sent me into a depression.
Since I am unable to remember or put into words what those symptoms are, I have lifted them from other people's messages and am noting the ones that pertain to me in italics I thank you all.
Here are some of them: I have to write everything down or I'll forget. I don't remember things that I read five minutes ago. I can't remember if I told people something or just thought that I did. I have a difficult time learning new things. I am unable to digest information quickly. I do not learn quickly. My boss gets upset that I ask questions about things that he thinks I should already know. If I have to do a mental task quickly, my brain shuts down. It takes extreme effort to concentrate. I can dismiss other's feelings and ignore my own. I have low self-esteem, poor image of myself. I am non- confrontal and emotionally shut off. If I have several items to get at the store, I will forget at least one unless I write them down and then still forget one of them. My closet is a mess and the top of my bureau is stacked with things from ages ago, and/or in a garbage bag. I have difficulty with constructive criticism, but am better at it now. I can cross the street and not look for cars. It's a wonder I'm still alive. I have difficulty remembering something and explaining it to some one else. I get it all mixed up. I forget something only to remember it later.
The following symptoms are mentioned in an interview with Peter Jaksa, Ph.D, at a Menninger Clinic Seminar, 10/30/96. The following also pertains to me: Have difficulty sustaining attention, make careless mistakes, not paying attention to detail. Doesn't seem to listen. Don't women say we men don't listen anyway. lol Get easily distracted by outside stimuli, like people talking, forget to do things. I can be considerably organized at work and disorganized at home, to the consternation of my wife. I have a lot of anger.
I am constantly fatigued and wish I could get up just one morning and feel refreshed and ready to do something, anything. The last time I remember having a good day and ready to conquer the world was one day the summer of 1992. The other was about two hours in June, 1964.
SO, the next step is to see a physician to determine if I have ADD or depression, and to get counseling. I abhor the thought.
A matter that concerns me is medication. It appears that many individuals on medication have problems with adjusting to the medication, or after a number of months it isn't any longer effective. That is something I don't want to deal with over a long period of time. I want it to work right away. Instant gratification. That is a real pain in the butt, to put it very politely.
Next is the cost involved. I have not checked to see what my health insurance will pay regarding ADD, or counseling.
Money is an issue. I don't have money left after each pay check. As a result, any small additional amount of expense is a burden.
Perhaps I am complaining now. I found out this past summer that I have cataracts and glaucoma. The medication for the glaucoma is expensive. I will have surgery for the cataracts at some point in the near future. I'll have to pay about $800.00 per eye. That will take forever to pay off. Recently we have started helping support my wife's elderly mother because my wife's siblings, except one, are to selfish to help, and won't make the sacrifice. I usually don't get involved with my wife's family matters. But, this is one situation I had my say and told them how I feel. Now they don't talk to me. Too bad. They all live in another state. The car has over 120,000 miles on it.
There aren't any support groups in my city. The nearest ones, I note from this web site, are 60 or 80 miles away. I called our local mental health services to see about ADD groups and was told they didn't know what ADD was. I was astonished.
My only friend, male, I met this past June. I am able to discuss anything with him. Unfortunately, we are only able to see each other about every two weeks. I can telephone him, but he usually isn't available to talk for any length of time. Without going into details, I met him several months prior to June. I simply said one word "hello" at a time when he was frightened and in deep despair. He told me later that that one word of kindness meant more to him then I would every know. It made him feel that all would be better. Isn't it amazing that one word would mean so much to someone? Sorry for the rambling.
I have a boss that secretely sabotages my work, then yells at me for making a mistake. I do have an understanding supervisor. Getting another job isn't an option. I have two years to retirement. I have always been extremely mistrustfull of people and this certainly doesn't help. Fortunately, I can complain to my wife and she listens patiently. Why she puts up with me I'll never know.
I want to say how delightful it is to see other ADDers on this site.
Am I lazy, stupid or crazy? Not any more. I have purchased the book.
Now I have something in writing to show a doctor.
I am a male, age 56 and have been married for 32 years. We live in southeast Georgia. I suspect I may have ADD, without hyperactivity, if I understand correctly. There is an overwhelming amount of information to digest.
Several weeks ago my wife gave me an article from the Sunday newspaper on ADD. Of 21 questions regarding ADD, I responded to 20 of them.
My wife and I have always felt that I may have a learning disability. I am now in the process of educating myself regarding ADD. (The foregoing has taken me approximately 20 minutes to compose.)
I have read many messages, printed them and highlighted pertinent items. It is amazing to see how many fellow ADDers that have symptoms similar to mine. As I have gone through the messages and seeing others with the same problems, has sent me into a depression.
Since I am unable to remember or put into words what those symptoms are, I have lifted them from other people's messages and am noting the ones that pertain to me in italics I thank you all.
Here are some of them: I have to write everything down or I'll forget. I don't remember things that I read five minutes ago. I can't remember if I told people something or just thought that I did. I have a difficult time learning new things. I am unable to digest information quickly. I do not learn quickly. My boss gets upset that I ask questions about things that he thinks I should already know. If I have to do a mental task quickly, my brain shuts down. It takes extreme effort to concentrate. I can dismiss other's feelings and ignore my own. I have low self-esteem, poor image of myself. I am non- confrontal and emotionally shut off. If I have several items to get at the store, I will forget at least one unless I write them down and then still forget one of them. My closet is a mess and the top of my bureau is stacked with things from ages ago, and/or in a garbage bag. I have difficulty with constructive criticism, but am better at it now. I can cross the street and not look for cars. It's a wonder I'm still alive. I have difficulty remembering something and explaining it to some one else. I get it all mixed up. I forget something only to remember it later.
The following symptoms are mentioned in an interview with Peter Jaksa, Ph.D, at a Menninger Clinic Seminar, 10/30/96. The following also pertains to me: Have difficulty sustaining attention, make careless mistakes, not paying attention to detail. Doesn't seem to listen. Don't women say we men don't listen anyway. lol Get easily distracted by outside stimuli, like people talking, forget to do things. I can be considerably organized at work and disorganized at home, to the consternation of my wife. I have a lot of anger.
I am constantly fatigued and wish I could get up just one morning and feel refreshed and ready to do something, anything. The last time I remember having a good day and ready to conquer the world was one day the summer of 1992. The other was about two hours in June, 1964.
SO, the next step is to see a physician to determine if I have ADD or depression, and to get counseling. I abhor the thought.
A matter that concerns me is medication. It appears that many individuals on medication have problems with adjusting to the medication, or after a number of months it isn't any longer effective. That is something I don't want to deal with over a long period of time. I want it to work right away. Instant gratification. That is a real pain in the butt, to put it very politely.
Next is the cost involved. I have not checked to see what my health insurance will pay regarding ADD, or counseling.
Money is an issue. I don't have money left after each pay check. As a result, any small additional amount of expense is a burden.
Perhaps I am complaining now. I found out this past summer that I have cataracts and glaucoma. The medication for the glaucoma is expensive. I will have surgery for the cataracts at some point in the near future. I'll have to pay about $800.00 per eye. That will take forever to pay off. Recently we have started helping support my wife's elderly mother because my wife's siblings, except one, are to selfish to help, and won't make the sacrifice. I usually don't get involved with my wife's family matters. But, this is one situation I had my say and told them how I feel. Now they don't talk to me. Too bad. They all live in another state. The car has over 120,000 miles on it.
There aren't any support groups in my city. The nearest ones, I note from this web site, are 60 or 80 miles away. I called our local mental health services to see about ADD groups and was told they didn't know what ADD was. I was astonished.
My only friend, male, I met this past June. I am able to discuss anything with him. Unfortunately, we are only able to see each other about every two weeks. I can telephone him, but he usually isn't available to talk for any length of time. Without going into details, I met him several months prior to June. I simply said one word "hello" at a time when he was frightened and in deep despair. He told me later that that one word of kindness meant more to him then I would every know. It made him feel that all would be better. Isn't it amazing that one word would mean so much to someone? Sorry for the rambling.
I have a boss that secretely sabotages my work, then yells at me for making a mistake. I do have an understanding supervisor. Getting another job isn't an option. I have two years to retirement. I have always been extremely mistrustfull of people and this certainly doesn't help. Fortunately, I can complain to my wife and she listens patiently. Why she puts up with me I'll never know.
I want to say how delightful it is to see other ADDers on this site.
Am I lazy, stupid or crazy? Not any more. I have purchased the book.
Now I have something in writing to show a doctor.