...are there any? I'd think that that would be the ultimate match-up. There would be much more understanding of what is going on with the other partner. Most are probably not even on this forum because they were never frustrated and driven to vent or look for help, LOL.

If internet dating isn't your thing (it isn't mine), wonder how you'd go about meeting an ADD in everyday life. What would you look for?

My DH is most certainly ADD, but not diagnosed. It certainly doesn't give him any insight into my most debilitating symptoms because they involve a world he wants nothing to do with (academics).

On the other hand, we TOTALLY get each other's habits of hyperfocusing, collecting EVERYTHING related to what we're currently interested in, not finishing projects, impulsive spending, book collections, and tons of other things.

My husband is ADHD and I have been dx as ADD. I think that has an "ADD couple", it can be more of a struggle on a daily basis..........to keep your marriage going. But on the other hand I do agree with you 100% about the other person understanding things about you more then a non-ADD person. In fact my husband and I were just discussing that fact this past weekend

It is an "adventure".............that is for sure!!! lol

Although my wife is not ADD, they do tend to gravitate together. There are a bunch of ADD/ADD couples on these forums, in fact.

There seem to be both pros and cons to the match-up. It's hard to say that they do better as a couple.

My psychiatrist says what he sees quite often is an ADDer with a non-ADDer, who has ADD people in their family.

I met my current girlfriend on this forum and it is going wonderfully- Fantastic dynamic- both ADHD

I'd try adult support groups and see where you go from there!...are there any? I'd think that that would be the ultimate match-up. There would be much more understanding of what is going on with the other partner. Most are probably not even on this forum because they were never frustrated and driven to vent or look for help, LOL.

If internet dating isn't your thing (it isn't mine), wonder how you'd go about meeting an ADD in everyday life. What would you look for?

My husband and I are both ADHD and I can tell you that it has it's ups and it's downs.

The downs: The house looks like a pigstye a lot, because neither one of us can concentrate on one thing long enough to put things away when we're done with them. If only one of us was ADHD I think things would be much better in that area because the mess would only be from one person. When we argue, we have a real tough time. We have so much trouble with letting the other person say everything that they need to say without interupting, and then when it becomes one our turn to talk we can't remember everything we wanted to say. Sometimes we end up by saying "oh well, what's the point? We don't even know what either is talking about!" Sometimes it ends up being comical. The last thing I will say is that it's also bad when both partners aren't organized with the bill payments. When there's not one responsible person who is in charge of making sure the bills get paid on time, learning to live with freaking out creditors gets to be a way of life and rather stressful.

The Upsides:We can relate to each other much better because we know what the other's challenges are and what's going through the other's head. We can cut the other some slack and not get angry over those little slip ups that might really annoy a non ADHDer. Having ADHD brings us closer together because we can share the problems that we all face having ADHD.

I guess my "downs" paragraph looks a lot longer than the "ups" one, but don't get me wrong, it's not that bad. Just challenging! I wouldn't give it up.

Four years in a relationship with a fellow adhd person has had it's ups and downs. It makes a huge difference if both parties are actively pursuing ways to improve upon the relationship and to manage their adhd "symptoms." If they are, fantastic. If they're not...ugh.

Funny. Very few "downs" here. I guess because we disagree on so little and are both tolerant of so much.

It's not just a common ADD, though. It's other commonalities as well.

William, if you don't mind me asking...how did you meet your current girlfriend on here!?:eyebrow: details please!

I think if there were "ANY" couples that didn't get frustrated and need to vent once in a while... then there would definitely be a problem ready to go "POP" any moment.
-Just my $.02.

I think if there were "ANY" couples that didn't get frustrated and need to vent once in a while... then there would definitely be a problem ready to go "POP" any moment.
-Just my $.02.
Well, I think you're wrong there.

DH and I disagree rarely.

I find many of his habits INCREDIBLY annoying, but he tries to keep them in check and I don't hold a grudge. I'm sure he's got a long list of complaints about me, but he either tolerates it or tells me. If he gets too critical (which he can certainly be at times), all I need to do to cool him off is point it out.

There's nothing "bubbling under the surface" if you do 2 things:

1) DEAL with problems AS THEY OCCUR, &
2) DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

If it matters, it can't wait. If it can wait, it doesn't matter.

^ You made loads of sense there but you really don't get frustrated after "dealing" with it for too long without venting to even one another? Just sincerely curious.

I've been in love with an ADDer in the past (diagnosing him in retrospect), but I would not have wanted to marry someone with ADD, I don't think, despite the fact that I wouldn't have to wrestle with "Getting Him to Understand Me" (my own beloved Pygmalion project who just really doesn't "get" it).

Of course, my husband pays all the bills and makes all the money, two things that always used to make my life miserable (worrying about "keeping it together" enough to have a well-paying job, and the monthly misery of organizing all the bills). Unlike in my past relationship, where I kind of had to be in charge of everything because he wasn't interested in doing any of it (always hyperfocusing on something else and left it to me) my husband has no problem taking care of it.

He's my rock and it's really nice.

^ You made loads of sense there but you really don't get frustrated after "dealing" with it for too long without venting to even one another? Just sincerely curious.
Nope.

Like I said, if it's important, you don't wait until it builds up. If it can wait, just let it go. Life's too short to spend it gnit-picking each other.

I really think that most conflict in relationships comes from insecurity. If you can't tell him (or her) flat out that it ticks you off when they leave socks on the floor without worrying that they will leave you over it, there's a lot more wrong than socks.

Do I ever get mad? Sure. But it's pretty rare and I don't hold it in. And one thing we NEVER do is act passive-aggressively. That's probably the most distructive behavior there is.

I'm in it too. Its a good match, but at the same time, everyone is different. The other thing is, just because I have adhd, doesnt mean i dont get frustrated by him, and vice versa.

And I think that in a practical daily living together scenario (which i'm not in yet but will be in 2 years time), it might be a bit of a struggle with just...... the logistics of doing daily things. Example, he will bring wet swimming clothes home in a bag and leave them wet in the plastic bag for a week, until he needs them again, by which time he remembers that he forgot to dry them last time. Do you think there's much chance that I will be able to help him remember that? And then there's the way the house might look - the complete chaos.

I could go on.

I'm not saying its bad, I'm not saying always perfect. It's a perfect match - but what does that really mean? Its not going to mean a blissful, easy, stressfree life at all.

But I'm not complaining.

barbyma... You have me thinking now about my entire relationship. I found myself asking myself if he was the one I wanted anymore this morning. But I think I am afraid to let him go because he is supposed to be and I hold him dear as my closest friend. He says I am his as well. ... Guess now I have much to think about.
Thnx.

Additives & Daria,

Let's take the wet clothes as an example. You've got a few choices. The common choice is to behave passive-aggressively about it. Unfortunately, that will just lead to resentment on his part.

Another choice is to say, "Honey, you know those will get moldy if you leave them there. Why don't you lay them out to dry now while you're thinking about it?"

So what if you have to say it every time.

And still another choice -- lay them out yourself.

I see marriage as a team effort. What I forget or am prone to forgetting my husband either reminds me about or picks up the slack. I do the same for him. Do I wish he'd do it himself? Yes. And he tries. But I recognize that he doesn't take advantage of me and I do my best to not take advantage of him. We work together to get done what needs to get done.

Additives, you will, too. The house might be a little cluttered (ours certainly is), but we manage to keep it clean by working together.

It takes two, but doing your part is the best way to get him to do his IMO.

Daria, if you're rethinking your relationship over this, there's something else wrong -- am I right? :(

^barbyma... I just realized the "something else" was him. Yea, something else is wrong and I think I was blocking it out to stay positive.

My husbind is an ADDer.
If I had a chance to make my choice again I am not sure I would do the same.

Good luck, Daria. Do what's best for YOU.

I am ADHD. My husband is ADD. We dated for 2 years before getting married. Neither of us were diagnosed or medicated at the time.

The hardest areas for us were, as several mentioned above, keeping the house clean and paying the bills. Neither one of us had any interest in either one of these very important activities. Instead, we were interested in fun activities like camping, boating, etc...The house and bills could wait. (Which means that when you finally find time to clean the house, the electricity may be turned off for not paying the bill.)

Another very tough area for us being add and adhd was my husband's jealousy due to his low self image especially if alcohol was involved. It didn't help with me being ADHD, very outgoing and very socialable. I can talk to just about anybody and he would get jealous. That's just me and how I am. He now realizes that...it just took him over 15 years to understand it.

We had our daughter a year after getting married. Life was still good. As a family, we continued to do the fun things we had done before.

Then two years later we had our son. It's been **** ever since.

Our son is diagnosed and medicated with adhd, ocd and mood disorder. He's been medicated since preschool. He is now 12 but it's been a long, rough, hectic 12 years and I try to block alot of his childhood memories out of my mind. Seriously. It was a "very difficult" time for us as a family. His being adhd plus some, me being adhd and my husband being add.

I got medicated in March 2005. My husband got medicated in June 2005. It's been alot better since then.

We still have our add/adhd challenges of not cleaning the house and paying the bills on time, but we don't clash as much with our son as we used to prior to our getting medicated. With our also having add/adhd, we are able to emphathize with our son more than if we didn't have add/adhd ourselves. We know that he can't always help his words and actions. We know that punishments such as spanking, grounding, etc... may work for alot of people, but not for our son. I call him "My ticket to heaven".

So...to wrap it up....

I am adhd and my husband is add. I am an optimist and he is a pesimist. We are ying and yang. We've been married going on 16 years now. If we can make it through raising our son, we can make it through anything. :)

Good luck, Daria. Do what's best for YOU.
barbyma, I just did. :(

Thank you.:)

Hi.

His 'real life' girlfriend, here. (0:
*waving* hello to everybody

He's sooooooo right.
Our relationship dynamics is amazing together, and in our case, both of us having ADHD, definitely works for us !

I totally adore him as *is* !!!

^ you are blessed and I wish you only more.:)

William, if you don't mind me asking...how did you meet your current girlfriend on here!?:eyebrow: details please!

I'll tell you Cameron.

We met like you 'meet' everyone else on here.
You get to know one another, first as friends..then you talk, you laugh, you cry, you scream, you support one another..you listen to one another, you watch each other go through some unbelievably difficult times and still survive, and then you realize that once in a blue moon, someone grabs your heart, as you're doing all 'that'.

We live close enough to one another, IRL, and the rest, as they say,
is 'history'. (0:


Nova

Thank you so much, Daria.
I wish us 'more', also.

And I wish you eternal joy, also

Nova