I feel very alone with my ADHD. The only person that will even take intrest in my problem is my therapist! My phychiatrist doesn't really seem interested-he just sees me every few months for thirty minutes to ask me how I think my meds are doing and gives me my prescriptions. He and my therapist are in the same set of offices. The other day while seeing her, he walked by and greeted me by calling me the WRONG name! I feel really special!

My family will not talk about my ADHD. I have two daughters with ADHD. Everyone will comment on whats going on with them, but ignore the fact that I need support too.

I was at rock bottom when I was diagnosed. I had been treated for depression for 10 years, what my family doctor thought was bi-polar for 2 years. The phych. that doesn't know my name (lol), is the one that discovered the ADHD. The meds have changed my life. They have changed me. I am so much better, but my family doesn't even acknowlege that I'm different. I honestly don't understand how my parents/family can ignore my emotional needs. I have feelings. I would like for someone to pat me on the back and tell me how proud of the changes I've made, the differences they see in me. Is that to much to ask?

I prefer to think of my family as ignorant, but I really hate them for their denial of my ADD (as well as some of their own). They avoid the subject.

One of my sisters is convinced her husband has it (she is right), but does not want me to have it. My mother has it, but she prefers to think she is rude and uneducated (by always interrupting conversations and being rather stupid in mental ability). My sister refuses to read my books about ADD, even thogh our mother and her husband have it - she has two children at risk! Referring to someone else, my sister recently said: "he says he has ADD to justify his laziness."

My other sister finally told me the other day that she was concerned about her 5 year old daughter having ADD, because "she goes to get something and forgets what she was going for before she gets there and starts doing something else." When I offered her one of my books, she told me that she was not interested in it, that she rather read one specifically about ADD in children. She has no interest in understanding ME! She is very ignorant about it: she said she did not understand how they would give a stimulant to a "hyper" chid...

My mother told me once that Ritalin was a very bad drug. A few weeks later, we were watching the news and they were talking about the meta-amphetamine problem. I enjoyed telling her that since she had told me that Ritalin was very bad, I had asked my doc for amphetamines and was taking them, but that I had no plans to inject it. She got up and went to feed her stupid cats.

I cannot help but dislike my family, even if they are ignorant, because they are selfish.

My mother, the only thing she will say about this (fyi-only when she is mad @ me) is "are you really sure the therapy and meds are helping? I'm not so sure"! Wow, what a pat on the back for following your treatment plan.

I don't know if my family can see any improvement in me, since I think my improvement is only in the way I feel and my ability to study. I'm still disorganized. Furthermore, I don't have much interest in going out and doing things because I still have the old habit of thinking those things stress me out. One improvement they could notice, but apparently don't, is that I am more able to tolerate (for a longer time - but I still leave) three or four of them speaking at the same time and changing the subject on each other. Perhaps I am also more able to tolerate the loud volume of their TV.

I can totally relate to this, my whole family is completely ignorant, some are in denial, some acknowledge it with very ill informed views not only on ADD/ADHD but mental illness in general, (hence I'm no longer on speaking terms with my family apart from my 12 year old brother who possibly has mild ADD) and the simple answer to your question is NO my family is NOT supportive in ANYWAY!

crazy girl,

I have major depressive syndrom as well as my adhd. You never know with this combo how you'll feel from day to day. I have a big problem with scheduled events, like maybie what I delt with twice today-going to school events, being around other parents, really messes me up-I carry my adavan with me-lol-My daughter is a varsity cheerleader. I barely survived football season. I hated having to sit in the stands with all the people.

We have two more school functions Saturday. Should be a wonderful weekend!

crazy girl,

I have major depressive syndrom as well as my adhd. You never know with this combo how you'll feel from day to day. I have a big problem with scheduled events, like maybie what I delt with twice today-going to school events, being around other parents, really messes me up-I carry my adavan with me-lol-My daughter is a varsity cheerleader. I barely survived football season. I hated having to sit in the stands with all the people.

We have two more school functions Saturday. Should be a wonderful weekend!
Sorry to hear about your family situation. My mom was kind of in denial in the begining, but after reading "Driven to Distraction" and seeing some stuff on TV, she really understands now. My dad was very open when I explained everything. Maybe because he can relate, if you know what I mean. :D He actually was the coolest out of anyone about it. I let him borrow "Delivered from Distraction".

Your symptoms sound a lot like Social Anxiety Disorder. Check up on it.

Thanks for posting this thread.

I've had similar experiences to those mentioned in this thread. I finally got to a place where I was proud of myself. It would have been great if my parents and extended family had been able to show support, encouragement, etc. but they didn't. I still have to lead my life as productively as possible.

I found two books to be particularly helpful for me. Toxic Parents is by Susan Foreward, PhD. I used this book in conjunction with therapy. The second is Wishcraft by Barbara Sher. It's now available in pdf form online. www.wishcraft.com

It hurts that others aren't able to see the changes within ourselves that are so important to us, but you know what? YOU see them. :) Best of luck to you.

Not very supportive but that's alright, they will listen to me if I want to speak about it but for the least amount of time possible. I can't blame them though. My mom is the one that has the most interesting insight and appreciation even though she doesn't want to speak about the disorder explicitly. She said to me the other day that I don't look at her anymore when we talk and that it's like I'm reading a teleprompter when I'm speaking. So yes, there's my support. She should have been a therapist.

Toxic Parents is a really good book!

My mom isn't in my life right now. Her behavior has been such over the last year or so, that I just cannot and will not handle her. She was not particulary supportive about any kind of help or diagnosis, but I didn't expect she would be. Anything most people struggle with, she sees as a spiritual problem. *shrug* That's not to say that she was a horrible parent. It's just that she probably has untreated mental health problems and they are only getting worse as she ages.

My husband is supportive in a passive sort of way. He trusts my judgment and is behind whatever I decide to do and wants me to be happy. He rarely complains about the chaos that often reigns in our house, though he occasionally contributes to it, lol.

Yes you're right you don't know how you'll feel from day to day but at the moment I feel like sh*t and like timh said you sound like you may have a touch of social anxiety....I had the same problem as a kid, I even hated eating lunch in the presence of my friends at school, so I can sort of understand what you're going through but at the same time I can say that I've imporved.

I have major depressive syndrom as well as my adhd. You never know with this combo how you'll feel from day to day. I have a big problem with scheduled events, like maybie what I delt with twice today-going to school events, being around other parents, really messes me up-I carry my adavan with me-lol-My daughter is a varsity cheerleader. I barely survived football season. I hated having to sit in the stands with all the people.

We have two more school functions Saturday. Should be a wonderful weekend![/QUOTE]

My husband was the first one to agree with me that i have a problem. Tho he forgets being suportive many times...I think he wishes there wil be a magic pill to get rid of my problems.

My familly classified me as lazy, messy, and thought that I have a lot of potential but I am to bad to take atvantage of it. I guess I did not have my son's "luck" to have a learning disabillity so there was nothing wrong with me- been in the top of my class (except highschool when I felt towards the middle of it-but that was only teenage attitude, wasn't it?)therfore it could not been anything wrong with me.Even that I was so distracted and forgetful that I would probably lost my head if it was not attached to my shoulders...:) Even tho I had difficulties making friends, finishing what I started, and lack self motivation-no matter how hard I tried.

My mother thinks she has more problems than me/and the truth is that she does/ so I do not need support from her-did I ever got her support?

I realized this afternoon that my daughters are not at all supportive either. They are old enough (17,13,10) to see the pain I'm in and to see what my parents are doing to me-but they do it too! You would think since 2 of them have adhd themselves, and the other with major depressive, they would be a little understanding.

Still, as of now, the only people to turn to is my doctors. Its heartbreaking to me that nobody will step up and help me. Nobody has ever asked me "what can I do to help". Instead, my parents, and girls push and push, to make it worse!

I keep the few friends I have in the dark. They know nothing of my problems. Certainly I have kept it from the people at church. I don't want them to judge me. I can, with my meds seem quite normal, as long as its a situation AWAY from my family.

To make everything worse, my parents are saying things like "your meds are expensive, why don't you just drop them and the therapy, doesn't look like its doing any good anyway"! FYI, It does do me good-WHEN THEY ARE NOT AROUND! I'm a whole different person in my daily life, they don't see it because when they are around, they are pushing and pushing me to get upset! It seems to be their favorite past time! LOL

Oh! Thanks you guys on the book tip! Toxic Parents, very good read!

I am only new to this forum:p I have read this thread and decided not to bother telling my parents!! If they did not notice something was wrong all through my childhood, there is no way they will see anything now!

Thanks to all these great ladies here too..it makes for some great reading:D

Tracy,

You may be right about not involving your parents. I don't know how old your parents are, but mine are 75 and very against adhd meds.

It has gotten so bad this past week with my folks, that my therapist offered (at no charge), to have a session with just my parents. She thought maybe she could make them understand what they put me through. I agreed (nervously) to her talking with them. I'm going to talk with her Tuesday, and tell her I think it would be a good idea for my 17 year old to also attend. Her and my parents are the main "button pushers". They must have pow -wow's a few times a week to plan their attacks! LOL

In all seriousness, the less people that know, the better.

OMG, you must be so brave!! I even lied to my parents about WHY I wanted to see if they had kept any old school reports of mine. I said I wanted to show them to my kids...LOL..
My parents are about 66..and to tell you the truth, I was brainwashed until this year that ADD dod not exist, and *they* were just naughty children...and I also admit, it's taking a lot of re-programming to get that out of my head!!

"She thought maybe she could make them understand what they put me through."

what did they do if you don't mind me asking...I just said to my DR after I got my ols school reports, I was so mad at my parents for not seeking help for me, and he said don't blame them, back in the late 70s, they could have taken you to a dozen doctors and none of them would have been able to help...I think that made me feel a bit better??


Tracy,

You may be right about not involving your parents. I don't know how old your parents are, but mine are 75 and very against adhd meds.

It has gotten so bad this past week with my folks, that my therapist offered (at no charge), to have a session with just my parents. She thought maybe she could make them understand what they put me through. I agreed (nervously) to her talking with them. I'm going to talk with her Tuesday, and tell her I think it would be a good idea for my 17 year old to also attend. Her and my parents are the main "button pushers". They must have pow -wow's a few times a week to plan their attacks! LOL

In all seriousness, the less people that know, the better.

My parents DID take me to many doctors as a child in the mid seventies. NONE of them so much as suggested add/adhd as a possiblity. In retrospect, and when I see my own children (who are so much like me), it seems clear. Then again, hindsight usually is, right?

My problem with my parents wasn't in what we didn't know then, it's what they did once we DID know. Instead of breathing a sigh of relief, and going with me through therapy in order to heal and move on, they used it as an excuse for very bad parenting choices. I say parenting choices, because it's so much nicer to type than physical and mental abuse. Oh wait...I did type the other part (smirking). I let go of a lot of the anger over things they did back then, but I think a part of me will mourn more for what we lost when they chose to not try to move forward. The best way I can honor my parents is to stay away from them. It's also the best way for me to love my children. They were copying the negative anti-adhd behavior exhibited by our family members, and two of my children are also adhd.

I don't make a point of advertising to people that we're (myself and kids) adhd, etc. I just try my best every day. If other people don't notice, that's okay, too. At the end of the day, I know what I did do, how hard I tried, and that tomorrow is another day. It's hard to stop hearing the negative messages we grew up with--they play on a continual loop in our brains. The good news is that you have the power to copy over that loop with happier messages.

My psychiatrist was very supportive. She kept trying to help. I was frustrated with my therapist. Felt like she was saying things in effort to placate me, to no avail. My psychiatrist also diagnosed me, took almost 9 months, but she kept trying and was always a phone call away. I am very grateful to her.


As for the family...I find they dont' want to talk about it. My Mom will tell me although I've always been a scatterbrain, she doesn't think I have ADD. Okay, mom. Whatever. I think she says it to justify why she never took me to a doctor. She likes to downplay my problems, or say it was because we moved alot, country to country, different languages, that's why I had trouble in school, overlooking the fact that I only had trouble in certain areas but excelled at anything creative, especially languages and writing.

But that's okay. I get along better with everyone these days...ADD is usually not a topic of conversation though. Makes them uncomfortable. And I can live with that.

I would have to agree with that. I have told my parents and they just think I am crazy and looking for an excuse. VERY frustrating!!

My mother, the only thing she will say about this (fyi-only when she is mad @ me) is "are you really sure the therapy and meds are helping? I'm not so sure"! Wow, what a pat on the back for following your treatment plan.Oh, lovely. That's when you oughta say:

"Yeah, mom. They are....as long as I stay the hell away from you."

I feel very alone with my ADHD. The only person that will even take intrest in my problem is my therapist! My phychiatrist doesn't really seem interested-he just sees me every few months for thirty minutes to ask me how I think my meds are doing and gives me my prescriptions. He and my therapist are in the same set of offices. The other day while seeing her, he walked by and greeted me by calling me the WRONG name! I feel really special!

My family will not talk about my ADHD. I have two daughters with ADHD. Everyone will comment on whats going on with them, but ignore the fact that I need support too.

I was at rock bottom when I was diagnosed. I had been treated for depression for 10 years, what my family doctor thought was bi-polar for 2 years. The phych. that doesn't know my name (lol), is the one that discovered the ADHD. The meds have changed my life. They have changed me. I am so much better, but my family doesn't even acknowlege that I'm different. I honestly don't understand how my parents/family can ignore my emotional needs. I have feelings. I would like for someone to pat me on the back and tell me how proud of the changes I've made, the differences they see in me. Is that to much to ask?No.
They are willfully ignorant.
And that's fine I don't expect much.

Hi SillyNilly,

I feel for you. For some reason, people seem really tied to the stigma of brain chemistry issues. I often remind others that diabetes is a chemical imbalance -- but no one gets judged harshly for having that! (Unless they could control it by diet & chose not to.)

Anyway, as a woman, you may find great comfort in Sari Solden's book Women With Attention Deficit Disorder. I found it explained me!

You know how people joke that life should come with an instruction manual? THIS is mine!

I have quoted some lines from the book to family & friends -- just so they would know that I'm not the only one who has certain thoughts/feelings/experiences.

It's sooo reassuring to realize that for who I am -- a woman with ADD undiagnosed until adulthood -- I'm classic!

I refer to myself as the posterchild for ... what I just said above.

... hey .... new tag line for me!

Oh, did I digress?

So, please consider reading the book. It just might bring you some peace.

Things are so worse around here. This week has torn my family apart! Who gets the blame??? Me!

My oldest daughter, 17, went balistic on me the other night. She is now staying with my parents and is telling everyone I'm a phyco! I didn't do anything to her! I know that sound childish to say, but I absolutly did not do anything.

Oh well, maybe its because of my behavior last Saturday-I was so "phyco" that I took her out of town and got her a prom dress-it snowed, we laughed, had fun-thats got to be it! LOL

Being that she now is staying at my parents, things will not get any better. Example: Wednesday night, I was online, so was she-I had something important she needed to know (church issue). I i.m.'ed her, just turned bad. My ten year old was chatting with her trying to defend me. She told my 10 year old that "mom is a phyco". Last night my father came by here. I told him what she had said. His reply " oh she thought she was talking to YOU!"! Somehow in his mind he thought that would make it all better! Everyone applaud! Paw's made me feel better!

I just want to note, that I am not crazy or a phyco. Now a year ago, I would beleive it. But I am better now and see things more clearly. It has been a long year. I had to quit work, and take baby steps to try to overcome my depression. I am not a 100%, but now I feel a set-back because of this week. My adhd treatment was not affected, just my depression. How can people be so mean, as to kick you when they know how fragile you are? Wouldn't they want you to get stronger and better? It would benifit my daughter's life for me to be better! Right? Would you rather have a mom that is depressed and crying all the time, doesn't want to socialize much-or would you rather have a spunky fun mom? As you can tell from last Saturday, she had her spunky, fun mom back-she blew it! I'm still spunky, as long as I'm not home. Its sad to say, but as long as I'm away from this house, away from the kids (nothing against the younger ones), I've still continued to feel good. On my way home in the evening, the closer I get to home, the tears start rolling down my face.

This is really sad thread. I think the sadest part if that the patterns are the same.

I find that my family are very much in denial. They think I am lazy, disorganised and my lack of career success is my own fault. This is despite a heap of concurring doctors on the Dx and a host of validating psyche testing behind me! Occasionally my mother might so much as recognise that I have a valid handicap but in the same breath states that I do not need treatment, support or any help. So all I end up getting for my communications is a veiled insult to my intellect. Like I said - I have ADHD not mental retardation for %$#sake !

My life is really messed up even at this age and now I'm supposed to avoid treatment? That really sounds like responsible proposition. I think they (family) are often in denial because they cannot accept that a correct DX implies they too have a "mental health problem". Ouch!

I feel very alone with my ADHD.
My family will not talk about my ADHD. I have two daughters with ADHD. Everyone will comment on whats going on with them, but ignore the fact that I need support too.

This really is a sad thread. Here's my 2 cents..which isn't worth much.

The hardest job in the world is being a Mother..just being a woman comes a close second. When you become a Mother, nothing is ever about you to anyone else. What I have learned recently is that if you wait for others to give you inspiring words, and pats on the back before you feel good, then you will be feeling bad a long time. Another good lesson I learned recently is what anyone else says or does is hardly ever about me. They may be saying you this... or you that... for example..When your parents say you don't have ADD, you need to get off those meds... that most likely means I'm scared, confused, and guilty, because if I were a better parent I would have done something. Now, with the kids with ADD/ADHD, remember a lot of ADDers have the world is about me thing going on. Some have to work on thinking of others needs. The kids are probably saying, why doesn't Mom snap out of this and help me.
I know these things do not apply in every situation.... but they apply a lot. Just remember.. when someone comes down on you, it's hardly ever about you...it's about their own insecurities. Don't go looking for pats on the back and kind words..they're hard to find these days. Get out and earn those pats on the back...and if they don't come, you should still feel better knowing what a good job you did at the hardest job in the world...MOM

*Note to self to read toxic parents*

Wow... I was diagnosed with Bi-polar and mistreated for 15 years. DX with ADD 2 months ago, and on Adderall for the last 4 weeks.

My mom's biggest comment is that she doesn't understand how she could have missed it. Then after some reading she sees many of the traits in my father.

Now, should i choose to inform my father, which I won't do, (haven't talked to him in over 8 years.... not because we hate each other, or don't get along, just outta sight outta mind) Anyways...I'm sure his comment would be something along the lines of...."which @#$%@#$@%$#$% shrink would tell you a thing like that?"

I think some of the reason for parents to look away, choose not to validate the DX would be they feel guilty. Either for not being there, noticing or choosing to look the other way. Lack of education in the field is also big.
As a parent, I know that I don't want ANYTHING to be wrong with my children. If it was, even if there was no way I could have prevented it, I would feel guilty.

Many things that have been said on the thread Are indeed sad. Many are true and there is much insight.


It is a slow process, this we are already aware of. We need to allow them time to adapt to the realization. If they choose not to, or over look the obvious then that is ultimatly their choice.

The only thing I can say is be patient with them, and don't treat them like they are treating you... you already know how that feels. So do I.

Thanks for starting this thread, and as I read it, I see that I am not that bad off, really, I sympathize with you-I am there to some degree, I have the space-outs ADD stuff, and have had, but my mom was the one that pointed it out to me-she is wonderful, she has the hyperactive kind, but is a sweet puppy with people, she always lives her life for people, me, I could do nicely without them.

But I know what it is to just not have energy to do stuff, not that I am lazy cause on some days I can clean like a banshee, it all has to do with moods, and exercise helps, but do you ever feel like in the dumps because you can't do something you know you need to do to succeed, and then you let all the negative talk dominate in your brain, I do, and it is just awful.

So I am random here, but yes, my family understands me-my husband doesn't-he thinks I am using ADD as an excuse for not doing what I ought, and trying hard at stuff that doesn't matter, and not trying hard enough at stuff that does, go figure, thanks for starting this thread, and I am pullin' for ya! LORI

When I found out at 32 that I had ADD my dad and stepmom were very receptive to the idea but my mother told me what a bunch of whooey it was and that she really didn't believe in it. Although my sisters son has been dx with it for 6 years and she is very supportive of him. My stepmom said "I wish we had found out when you were a kid", which actually made me feel like she really did care. Lots of bad stuff going on when I was a kid and even though I went to a Psyc then it was still missed and thought of as anxiety because of divorce. She said it never crossed their minds because it wasn't "talked about" as much back then.

Sorry for the rant just wanted you to know I kinda understand. It helps me that my husband is pretty supportive. But as far as my mother ...:mad:

Just so you will fully understand, my mother, over the last 4 years has had oh, about 3 mini strokes. this is of course my fault-at least thats what the family claims. Its been a year and a half since her last episode.

Today, for once, my mother and I got along great! Really we did! Spoke to eachother several times on the phone-we just laughed it up each call!

I pulled up at a job interview this afternoon and realized I had forgotten my palm pilot. I was lost without the past employer's addresses. I called her and asked her to please grab her phone book-she interupted me. I couldn't understand her, it was if she were a small child trying to speak, she finally got the words out "I think I'm having...she hung up. I knew this was worse than the times before. I called the house back, got my father on the phone, and flew to there home. I was expecting ambulances to be there when I arrived-nothing, nobody? Luckly, the neighbor, a nurse was weeding her yard. I grabbed her up and took her in with me.

Before I go any further, wasn't it smart to bring a nurse with me? Wasn't it normal to have tears streaming down my face?

We walked in, there sat my father madder than hell at me! Even worse, I brought a damn nurse along! He was ****ed! He looked at me and put me down for crying, said "you always loose it-can't you control yourself?". My mother was lying back in her bedroom ALONE having a stroke! He just says for everyone to leave her alone, she's feeling a little better. I couldn't help her! She needed medical care! Even if she got through it, every mini stroke causes more damage to the brain!

I went outside and called my brother. We were dumb-founded! My father saw me out there, he hit the window (in anger) so hard the nurse across the street could hear it!

I just do not understand. No matter what I do, its wrong!

Luckly, a while later, I heard my mother call out to me. I went in and there she was, as nothing had happend, ironing my kids clothes (normally my job?), she went to the kitchen and cooked everyone a nice dinner?:confused:

I must live in an alternant universe.

Hi everyone,

I'm new to the forum but I had to to post in this section. I was just diagnosed last year with ADD and since then it's been a rollercoaster of emotions. After diagnoses, my mother admitted to think there might be somthing wrong when I was younger but never really persued help for me because doctors at the time told them that if I did have it it wasn't effecting my schoolwork so it wasn't a problem. She also admitted that she thinks my father has it (My older brother has been diagnosed since he was a toddler).
The problem is that I don't see her actively trying to help me or even understand what's going on with me. I feel like she assukmes that it's toom late for her to do anything about it becayse I'm in college and it's my responsibilty to be the grown up. She's not mean about it, she just doesn't talk about it. I'm afraid to bring it up because whenever I get upset it seems to frustrate her.
My dad tries to cheer me up when I get low and he seems to understand but I tihnk the topic makes him uncomfortable too. He hasn't gotten evaluated for ADHD himself because he tihnks he's too old and gone too oong without help for it to be worth it. He believes he's developed coping mechanism strong enough to overcome his problems.
sometimes I feel like my parents have given up on me, or that they feel like they've realized too late that I have this problem and maybe they feel guilty for not getting me help sooner. But I feel very alone with my ADD.I've struggled with the idea that it might not even be a disorder at all and that I"m just making excuses for poor disapline. I've tried to find support on my college campus but there doesn't seem to be many people who are vocal about ADD. whish leads me to believe that most people don't believe ADD is a real disorder either.

pardon my rambling...I get very emotional!

i could ramble on for days, weeks, months......i do not understand my parents at all-guess everyone could tell from my last post.

i found out late this afternoon, that one of my best friends, Angie, passed away thursday, in a car accident. i am numb-can't wrap my brain around what has happened to her family and everyone who knew and loved her. two little boys no-longer have a mommie, her husband lost his wife, her parents-a daughter, her sister..........all of us, her friends from childhood on up.

rachel and i spent all evening trying to get everyone up to speed, so they would know about the services tommarow. by 10 tonight, we had suscessfully assembled our entire gang-we all have been apart for years. in fact, in order to find numbers for 2 girls, i finally had to get in the car and go to one's parent's home and to another's house.

(there is a point to this-give it a minute)

angie and i spent years together as friends, can't remember a summer w/o her. she spent a lot of weekend nights at our home. my PARENTS knew her well.

MY PARENTS REACTION: QUIT BEING SO UPSET, STOP WORRYING OVER GETTING IN TOUCH WITH EVERYONE! my response: i yelled at my mother "my friend is dead-it hurts" -PARENTS SPEECH REPEATED.

wouldn't anyone be extremly upset? that is the correct reaction-right? one girl i called vomitied at the news, called me back so she could confirm what she was told!

see i ramble too! in all seriousness, it would be nice to have an adult in my life that i could talk to-that would understand my feelings when things go bad. is that too much to ask for?:confused:

my phych. reminds me every visit that I CANNOT CHANGE MY PARENTS! but i'm a single parent, can' t shut them out of my life! to be scolded for grieving, give me a break!

Have you read the book "toxic parents" by Dr Susan Foward? It may help you understand your parents...They won't change...neither will mine. I won't even bother telling them about my ADD, they won't believe me, as I seem to be so organised...

wouldn't anyone be extremly upset? that is the correct reaction-right? one girl i called vomitied at the news, called me back so she could confirm what she was told!

Your reaction is exactly what it is, A REACTION! and you are entitled to your feelings, you can't change what you feel you can only try to understand it. I used to worry all of the time about what EVERYONE thought about me and people used to tell me that I was overdramatic or I stressed too much etc.etc., I was driving myself crazy trying to please everyone by changing how I showed my emotions and even having the emotions themselves. My therapist told me that I needed to figure myself out more and allow myself permission to feel what I feel and take care of myself, I think us ADDers don't take care of ourselves because we don't believe that we deserve it because of shame that we feel (especially if diagnosed later than childhood) and if the people close to us only reaffirm that shame then it really feels like we are undesrving of anything, even our own feelings. You need to LOVE yourself and give yourself a break, I know its hard to find self-confidence especially when dealing with difficult people and situations but I personally know that my life becomes eaiser everytime I allow myself what I need because I'm not secertly dying on the inside because i'm not dealing with what I need to.

BTW, you said you are seeing a psych. are you seeing a therapist? if so, what kind of therapist are they? Mine told me that the way she handles things is unique from most therapists because she doesn't make me focus on any one problem in my life (sooooooo helpful b/c things seem to go wrong every week that I need to talk about) she helps me deal with all problems in my life and helps me find the connections to things and sort those issues out so that I can handle other issues better. She is the one that originally suggested geting tested for ADD, and my life has been better since. If you are not seeing a therapist, I highly recommend it, if you are maybe you should reevaluate if that person is really helping you out because it sounds like they are not really helping you especially if you cannot find a way to accept yourself even if your parents don't.

my phych. reminds me every visit that I CANNOT CHANGE MY PARENTS! but i'm a single parent, can' t shut them out of my life! to be scolded for grieving, give me a break!
A girl I knew (not well) died of cancer a month ago and my reaction to those things always makes my parents angery. I want to deal with it my own way. I don't like going to funerals. They make me uncomfortable. It just seemed wrong that I would go to her funeral after not talking to her for years as if I was an important element in her life. It seemed presumptuous and fake to me. I was sad that she passed away but I want to remember what she was like alive. My parents thought I wasn't dealing with my emotions right. Can't I deal with my grief my own way? I'm a quiet and thoughtful person.
Anyhow, it's just another example of my parents not quite careing enough to ask me how I feel. Instead I feel like they were more worried about beign embarraced that I didn't go to the funeral.

I have two sisters, who live back in Ohio. (0:
They're a hoot, and I love them so very much-but I realize that we all have our own lives to lead.

I have no other family members, that I choose to involve in my life since the age of seventeen, when I moved out, to live on my own- so my support has always come from my self and my closest friends. (0:


Nova

Well, its been a long month. I've not even been here posting since, well, you know.

I think grieving is hard enough, but when you don't have anyone around that understands how you yourself needs to grieve, it prolongs the pain. I feel I'm constantly searching for that one person that will say they understand. Its very isolating.

Big hugs to you SillyNilly. I'm glad you're back. I've been concerned. Please feel free to pm me if you need to vent, okay? Hang in there.

thanks for the hug-needed more than you know-lol

angie's death really changed me. i've learned to not sweat the little things and accept all the screamers in my life will always scream-just ignore them, they aren't going anywhere. i know i'm a good person, no matter what they say!:D

I was wondering where you were too..I am glad you are back..feel free to vent here, we are listening :-)

didn't think anyone would notice my absense-lol

i felt a whole lot better yesterday when i returned to the boards. everyone around her understands eachother. that is a great comfort.

i'm a lot quieter now, so i won't be ranting and raving anymore!lol, well maybe sometimes.

i've been away from my daily routines as well-that will mess with an adhd mind. i learned the hard way this past month. so this week's theme around my house is getting back on track. i used to think how boring my daily routine was-now i long for it. so wish me luck! stayed on schedule today, just six more days to go!

good luck ;-)..it seems strange anyone would even miss the mundane chore of housework LOL

housework? who said anything about that?lol~no my routine doesn't include things around the house~for someone on a stimulant, you'd think my house would be spick and span? for some reason i just don't want to do it! my daughters and i split the house in half to keep it clean~they keep there side clean, well lets say the 11 year old pulls her and her sister's weight on cleaning~she is on adderall as well, she loves to clean? my side is only the kitchen, laundry/laundry room, my bedroom and bathroom. you'd think a teenager lived in my room~its trashed most of the time. not dirty, just clothes all over! lol

i just can't get modivated to do it? unless i have a date with someone new, i clean like crazy before i let them come over! lol ~ but men around her are rare, so i'll have to come up with a new reason to modivate myself!

so i'll have to come up with a new reason to modivate myself!The fear of unexpected visitors does it for me every time!! That's my motivation:p Maybe the motivation .....your parents may pop over for a visit! :eek: and wow, you can surprise them into silence!!!

sunday, monday, tuesday= 3 days stayed on routine!

i feel so much better! LOL :D

sunday, monday, tuesday= 3 days stayed on routine!

i feel so much better! LOL :D excellent, what a nice post for me to read first up at work (while I should be working of course!):p well done
xx

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My familly classified me as lazy, messy, and thought that I have a lot of potential but I am to bad to take atvantage of it.
Oh boy is that ever my family. My depression and ADD are a crutch, an excuse to be lazy. It is all in my head and because I am not the way they think I should be my therapist and drugs aren't working :mad:

It leads them to be very inappropriate with me as well as judgemental, critical and of course it is all my fault!

My therapist said in a perfect situation I should limit my contact with my family because that sets me back, but she does know that it is impractical so we just keep working on ways to cope with them to protect my progress.

thats what my therapist says too. i have to accept the fact that THEY will not change. just find a way to deal with them, without getting upset. one thing i do is stay away from their house as much as i can. that makes them mad!lol~but if i were there, they would be mad anyway! they must enjoy picking on me!