And suddenly wonder:confused: if you didn't have it as well? If anyone has any good articles on girls & women with ADD I would be very interested in it.

I have a son with AD/HD. I have known since he was very small that he was ADHD. I have a brother with it as well, and I suspect my mother has it also. She is a Master Degree counselor, and a psychiatrist that she works with has told her in no uncertain terms he is positive she has ADD. My son was just diagnosed at age 9 though, since our pediatrician wouldn't diagnose early on, without confirmation from the school system.

Anyway, that's what brought me to this forum, to gather up information. One of my favorite things to read is the thoughts from members that are ADHD, so that I can get some insight into my son. It helps me understand him more.

Reading through this though, I'm seeing myself in so many of the people here. One person posted (sorry can't remember who you were), that they could have a coffee cup on their desk, see it, say they are going to take it the kitchen, and end up in the kitchen with no cup, a week later, the cup is still on the desk. That is totally me. I am chronically losing a thought just as fast as it comes in my head. I am the queen of procrastination. I am famous in my family for sending birthday presents months late in the mail, because I just can't do it. Just having to do something like that, knowing I need to get it done, completely overwhelms me.

Here is where I get confused though. I don't think I had any symptoms like this when I was young, which is why I have always contributed this to anxiety and depression. It very well may be just that, but I would really like to know for sure. I was an A & B student all through elementary and Junior High School. I was very active in sports, and activities, bright, and never struggled with concentration, to my recollection. I remember times of spacing off while reading, but nothing that really set me back. I assume everyone experiences that to some degree?

In high school everything changed. I went from an A/B, honor roll student, to ultimately dropping out of school. I don't exactly know why. I just liked to socialize more then I wanted to study. I also became very defiant, and hated any type of authority at all. I was previously never a defiant child.

All of my inattentiveness seem to start around the time I had my first child (my child with ADHD), around 20yrs old. This is when I really started to feel like I was in a fog most the time. "Spacey", is the word I use to describe myself, and everyone around me would agree with that description. Like I said, I can lose a thought as soon as it enters my brain. Then later I Will get it back, and oops there it goes again. It's hard to start things, yet then I will sit and worry obsessively about the fact I need to get something done, but I still never do it.

My short term memory is horrible. It is so hard for me to remember things. My husband can sit me down, have a written out plan of the bills for the month, and within 5 minutes I can't tell you a word of what he has said to me.
I lose spaces of time, not long periods, but times that it's like I'm day dreaming. I'm lost inside my own brain, alone with my thoughts, and I don't process anything at all that is going on around me. I hear nothing, see nothing, the only thing going on is my own thoughts in my head.

On the other hand, if I am interested in something, like my current research of ADHD, I could sit and read all day long, and I won't forget a thing that I've read. If it's something that I'm interested in, I can absorb the information and not get distracted.

This all confuses me so much. I know I've suffered with depression on and off, and most definitely anxiety. Predominately anxiety, IMO. So I'm unclear on if the things I experience are just remnants of depression and anxiety, or if there is more to it then that.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Any thoughts?

Thanks for any insight you can share with me!

On the contrary... I found out I had ADD and now realized that my younger son has it and didn't even think to check myself out for it when I found out about my oldest daughter having ADHD.

It was all backwards for me.. I can say that I am thankful for it though. It makes more sense now and helps me take care of things with more understanding and less upset and yelling.

I think, if you feel you may have the same as your child or something is the same context, you should make an apointment as I did when I was first introduced to this forum by my close friend. You can say he was the one who actually diagnosed me. When I got on to this forum to check it out, I was so very surprised and caught off guard when I saw I was not the only one dealing with the issues I was having.
Good luck!

That's me -

Our son was diagnosed with ADHD this past September. The Psych suggested the book "All About Attention Deficit Disorder" by Thomas W. Phelan. It described the whole issue in very good, easy to understand detail. At the end of the book is info on adult ADHD. I didn't read it because I was focusing on my son.

But my husband did read it - and suggested I do the same thing. So I did. And I started bawling because what I read was ME- nearly all of it. I was crying because it dawned on me that there was a reason for the way I am, think, and behave.

I went to the same clinic my son goes to and lo and behold - I have ADHD too. And depression.

With help from the meds, I'm able to correct and control the actions and thoughts that have given me so much trouble over the years - especially in adulthood. (I'm 42)

I highly suggest this book; I found it at Barnes & Noble. If you see yourself in it, do go get an evaluation. :)

Hey LacyLew,
can I ask... Do you think even after you have been evaluated that this would be a good book to look into also? Just curious.(Barnes & Nobles is my fav place :) )

my daughter's diagnosis prompted me to go and get myself tested.
but i read "driven to distraction" by edward hallowell, first. and realized that a lot of the questions applied to me (and my dad!) and that it went from my dad, who was most likely ad/hd to me to my daughter. she was exhibiting behaviors exactly like i did at the same age/stage.....

Daria - Do go get the book. It's a paperback, priced at $14.95. Even though I bought it months ago, I still refer to it every now and then just to refresh my memory about things regarding my son and myself. In a nutshell, it lays out eight traits that occur in children, but are modified in adults. I've just written down snippets of what the book says but they are:
1. Inattention (distractibility) such as flitting from one task to another around the house or not finishing work at your job.
2. Impulsivity Fearing social situations because of what you might do or say, having road rage, acting without thinking about consequences, etc.
3. Difficulty Delaying Gratification That sense of frustration and impatience when you're forced to wait and think. Such as waiting for your turn to talk and express your opinion, spending money too fast, pushing credit limits to the max.
4. Emotional Overarousal Having a temper, low frustration level and tolerance when it comes to dealing with kids and/or spouse, people around you always feel like they're walking on eggshells.
5. Hyperactivity In adults this tends to come out as restlessness or fidgetiness, can't sit still for very long. Some in this category will talk very fast and non-stop.
6. Noncompliance adults usually have less of a problem following rules, but may still have a tough time with antisocial behavior.
7. Social Problems Many feel isolated and lonely, but this feeling can wax and wane. They find it hard to maintain long lasting relationships, may blame everyone else for their problems.
8. Disorganization Problems juggling different aspects of their lives. Memory is erratic, may start things but not finish, have a hard time staying on task, lots of procrastination.

It also talks about adult diagnoses and treatment. It's an easy read, thankfully, or I wouldn't have gotten through it!! Good luck.

Yes, it was my son's diagnosis that spurred me to get diagnosed.

I think that happens a lot to adults, because when we were kids, children like us were usually just the bad and/or lazy ones. Learning about ADHD and how it related to me was eye opening, to say the least.

And suddenly wonder:confused: if you didn't have it as well? If anyone has any good articles on girls & women with ADD I would be very interested! Sari Solden, Lynn Weiss and Kathleen Nadeau are all respected for their titles on women and ADD, but Solden may be the best known. I like all three, personally. You also might enjoy the magazine ADDitude.

Overall, just know that you are far from alone! Thousands, perhaps even milions, of parents have been diagnosed by now, I'll wager, due to seeing themselves in their kids. There is so much more understanding now than there used to be, especially for the inattentive, non-hyper, stripe, and much wider awareness that it persists into adulthood, or even waits until adulthood to become a diagnosible problem, especially for women.

When I first got involved in ADD circles (circa 1992) there was a dearth of good information, limited perspective, and a lot of skepticism from clinicians who were just as likely to tell a female that she was "just depressed" instead. And there was very little data, especially down in the trenches, on the subtle but important differences, such as that some females may be especially med sensitive and need much smaller-than-average doses of stimulants. Today, there seems to be much more sensitivity and broader awareness among clinicians. Even if exceptions sure still exist, it doesn't seem to be the same struggle to be seen at all that it was in the early 90s.

All of my inattentiveness seem to start around the time I had my first child (my child with ADHD), around 20yrs old. This is when I really started to feel like I was in a fog most the time. "Spacey", is the word I use... On the other hand, if I am interested in something, like my current research of ADHD, I could sit and read all day long, and I won't forget a thing that I've read. If it's something that I'm interested in, I can absorb the information and not get distracted. This may be the most misunderstood aspect of ADD! For a good number, perhaps the majority, it's about how much STIMULATION it takes to concentrate reliably. Looked at that way, it makes total sense that it would not be much of an issue when something absorbs you, but a genuine obstacle the rest of the time. It boils down to our inability to generate sufficient amounts of dopamine in the right places at the right times.

It shouldn't surprise me that this misunderstanding persists so widely, but as much as other aspects of ADD awareness have improved, this notion tends to stick. People want it to be like a light switch that's either on or off, which makes it easy to say you 'have' it or not, but it just isn't that simple.

It's more like depression in the sense that it waxes and wanes depending on the rest of what is happening. That's why it can be much worse at work and much better at home (or vice versa, especially for women {grin}), and why you will meet so many people in a forum such as this who have done amazing things in life but struggle constantly to keep the little loose ends from coming untied in the rest of their life.

Of course if it is only an issue in one particular setting and nowhere else, then you need to ask if something in the environment or your feelings is the trigger instead. But if the root issue is struggling to stay plugged in when "understimulated" and it leaks into all domains when you need to persist at low stimulus tasks, then ADD starts looking more likely, even moreso if you have a diagnosed child.

Hope this helps a bit, and best of luck to you!

I don't have any stats at my disposal, but anecdotally speaking, it appears that more and more adults are going for evals AFTER their kids have been dx'd.

In my practice, I make it very clear, that for ADHD-H-I & ADHD types, the ONLY evidenced based therapy known to work is behavior management.

Realistically/Rationally, the ONLY way that can be applied in a consistent manner, is for the parent(s) to get evaluated ( and then treated if they have it ).

Thank you all so much for the information. I am shocked and fascinated all at the same time by all of this. I don't know how I have missed this. I have known for years that my son had ADHD, and have done a fair amount of research on it also. I guess maybe it's because I think of ADHD as it presents in him, and not the wide spectrum. It just never sank in that I could have this as well, although I don't think I have the hyperactivity part of it, if this is indeed what I have.

I have done some more reading last night on women and AD/HD, and again everything fits. I was all Tomboy as a child. I didn't have a female friend until 3rd grade. It wasn't for lack of girls, or that I didn't make friends easily, I just had to interest in the things that girls were interested in. I liked dolls because I always loved babies, but hated Barbie's, dancing, all the things that girls find fascinating. In 3rd grade I started to have some female friends, and started to bloom into a girl:p after that.
I always had horrific hand writing. I remember the teachers constantly saying I would be a doctor because I had the brains, but horrible hand writing. I remember a friend writing down the alphabet for me in Junior High in her handwriting and I copied those letters over and over and over until I adopted her style of handwriting. It's still pretty poor even now though.

I also read in an article as an example, that mothers that can't shift there focus from one thing to the next will blow up if they are cooking dinner and the kids are at her feet asking for things. This is totally me, 100% me. I am typically a very calm, patient mother, but those are the type of situations that totally overwhelm me and I will blow (not hurt anyone, but yell, which is still unacceptable). Luckily my husband has learned my triggers over the years, probably even better then I have, and he knows when to pull the kids away and he helps them instead.

Another thing that I'm horrible at is making decisions if there are to many choices. We were in the store a few days ago trying to pick out Tylenol for my son, because he would like to have pills to swallow now instead of liquid. I had to figure out the dosage for him, which I did, but forgot what is was about 10 times in this process and had to ask my husband again. There were so many choices in the store to choose from that I just couldn't make up my mind. After about 5 minutes of trying to decide I couldn't take it anymore. I got totally overwhelmed and told my husband we had to leave, I was getting to aggravated. We came home and he went up to the store by himself and picked out something in 10 seconds. :eyebrow:

Anyway, thank you for all of your help and insight. I'm going to keep reading, and speak to my doctor about this too.
Thanks,
Melissa

This article, Parenting and ADHD looks at how parents behaviour can influence their children's ADHD.

Chris

I was soooo all tomboy when I was a child. I sometimes wish I could also keep my feelings from getting in my way now. That was one of my traits as I was growing. Not showing emotion or feeling too much to make decisions justly. eh..

Oh and BTW... LacyLew.. thanks I am definitely intrigued enough and those snippets.. ooofff yea.. I can read more.

Thanks again for sharing your stories with me. I really appreciate the help :) . It's been very insightful, and I think I'm going to talk to my doctor.
Melissa

I was diagnosed as a kid but my parents decided against meds. I began about a year ago to suspect I hadn't quite outgrown it. My daughter was diagnosed by her pediatrician about a month before I was formally evaluated and diagnosed. It was kind of a no brainer -- she's very much a chip off the old block;) .

Scattered

I see it in both of my parents, actually. My father is innatentive, easily hyperfocused (the house was litterally on fire and he didn't know until the TV went out because the fire burned some of the wiring), whereas my mother is Impulsive, oppositional, and prone to mood swings...

However, the fact that I have obviously gotten a horrid double-dose of ADHD from those two, meant I was diagnosed... neither of them has picked up on the fact that they have it too... Nor do they acknowledge it's existance...