I am usually the kind of person who keeps stuff to himself, but right now I really feel like I need a shoulder to cry on. Life for me has always been a rollercoaster; big ups, big downs. Currently I am experiencing probably the worst "down" of my life.

In the past four months I have broken up with my girlfriend of four years, been mugged, and losted my job.

Over all I thought I was really holding myself together pretty well after the big break up. But losing my job has, for some reason, just devastated me.

I had been working at Starbucks as a barista since November and everything seemed to be going pretty well. I was only late to work ONE time by two minutes (unprecedented for me:p ) thanks to my triple alarm clock system, and I thought I was doing everything right, but then my boss sat me down the other day and told me that some people just weren't cut out to be baristas. She said that my effort was fantastic, but I wasn't getting the system down, such as being able to call back the drinks and multi-task with the coffee-brews, pastry case, etc.

It took all of my strength not to break down and cry right in front of her. Some how I managed to maintain my composure and I agreed to complete the rest of my shift in return for a good job reference. I felt so humiliated. All of my co-workers, who I am now friends with, are going to think that there's something wrong with me. That I am "slow" or a "slacker".

I am also slowly coming to the realization that my life will probably not amount to much. I can just never get things right. I am always out of it, always spaced out, distracted. Yes, I know I have ADD and this realization has never been stronger than right now, but I feel as if I don't even know how to begin addressing the problem.

I took medication for the first time last year and it certainly helped me (80mg Strattera). I received a 3.8 (I'm trying to major in molecular biology) in my first year back in college in 5 years and was leading a productive life. But then my girlfriend got accepted to a PhD program out of state and I decided to follow her and apply to schools near her.

My "year in the sunshine" as I now like to think of it, was probably really not my doing anyway. My mom helped me out with the tuition and my girlfriend's mother managed to get me sponsored by Eli Lilly under some kind of charity prescription plan where I was paying only $12/month. So really, it was every one else in my life proping me up and making me feel like I was actually capable of succeeding.

Of course, when my girlfriend and I broke up (and she probably broke up with me because I am a lost cause) I stopped getting my stattera. My mother only agreed to pay for one year of school and it turns out I had outstanding debts and couldn't take out student loans for the next year. So I was accepted to a really good school, but had not money to attend. And to top it off I was now unmedicated. I thought I could get by without being medicated. Boy, was I fooling myself.

err, will type more later.

Peace
Don

So rather than come back home with my tail between my legs I decided to make a go of it here in Ohio (I'm originally from New Jersey).

I had enough money to, along with my roommate, get an apartment in a not so nice area. My original plan was to take one class for the fall quarter, but I didn't have the money so I pushed that back until the winter. My other goal was to get a job as quickly as possible and after I quite an initially crappy job I managed to land a position at starbucks. i was happy about getting the barista position not really because of the pay (the pay stinks), but because starbucks offers benefits and I hoped to get myself medicated again before I restarted school. Now that starbucks let me go I'm screwed.

I am in a strange state, with little money, no job, no friends, no girlfriend, no TV (it broke) no home internet, no school and basically no prospects. I managed to keep the gas on in my apartment for another month so thats a good thing. And I still have my cell phone and a couple of hundred dollars - also good things. But what the hell am I doing here? How am i ever going to be able to turn this around? Lately its been hard even finding reasons to get out of bed at 4PM.

Anyway, sorry about the rant. I just needed somewhere to vent I guess.

Best
Don

I took medication for the first time last year and it certainly helped me (80mg Strattera). I received a 3.8 (I'm trying to major in molecular biology) in my first year back in college in 5 years and was leading a productive life. But then my girlfriend got accepted to a PhD program out of state and I decided to follow her and apply to schools near her.

Oh Donnie....I'm sorry you've gone through this...but perhaps you can find a lesson in this?

You were doing so well in college...even after 5 years (which takes tremendous effort...I know!).

I am sorry about your girlfriend...about losing the job at Starbucks. But really...was working at Starbucks any kind of a career goal for you? I think you will find that the more educated you get...and you have that potential...the more tolerant your peers will be with your idiosyncracies. I know this because I work at a university with some really brilliant people...who are...or would be considered....wierd by the usual standards.

We all want to have a full life...including a girlfriend or boyfriend (depending on gender...or maybe not!) But sometimes following your heart...and I mean following the path that makes you feel good about yourself (studying microbiology?) can yield tremendous rewards.

I work with some people who have achieved great prominence in their fields...yet they are somewhat stunted (by normal...maybe barroom..standards) socially. Yet....in pursuing their intellectual interests they have found soulmates...equally interested in intellectual pursuits...and sometimes equally challenged in social....hum....'normal' situations.

You are special..unique. You are NOT a loser. Don't try to be what you aren't..because there are great rewards in being who you are....with all your gifts.

Be you.

Donnie, welcome to our forums...
I am really sorry about you losing your job. I certainly know how that is devastating..any job...and your girlfriend...a lot to lose in one year..

But, you have found us, and it looks like you are on the way to finding help..Have a browse around the forum and I am sure you will find some really helpful people..

I am also slowly coming to the realization that my life will probably not amount to much I am sure that is totally wrong...you are bright, intellegent and will go far!!!

So really, it was every one else in my life proping me up and making me feel like I was actually capable of succeeding.

First off,, no one else made that 3.8 for you no matter if you had help with meds and tuition or not. You did that and should be very proud. Now you know what YOU are capable of. May i suggest looking into finding a mental health facility that fills scripts on a pay scale. I know that in most places there is at least one mental health facility that can do this.

My mentor use to tell me that I have 24 hours to feel sorry for my failures and then I must move on. hard as it is to do,,, it becomes second nature after a while. OK,, so you lost your low paying job with great benifits,, time to find another. Even if it does not have great benefits and is still low pay,,, anything for right now is better than nothing and it will help you get outside your head. While you are collecting that paycheck,,, be looking for something more rewarding.

As for your girlfriend, that is awful and having someone you love leave hurts like hell. I am very sorry. All I can say to that is it won't hurt this bad forever and for now, your focus needs to be on healing and moving on in your life.

I wish you luck and I really hope you will be able to find somewhere with a sliding scale. Just don't give up,,,,,, a river that stands still never makes it to the ocean.

Myy mentor use to tell me that I have 24 hours to feel sorry for my failures and then I must move on. hard as it is to do,,, it becomes second nature after a while. OK,, so you lost your low paying job with great benifits,, time to find another. Even if it does not have great benefits and is still low pay,,, anything for right now is better than nothing and it will help you get outside your head. While you are collecting that paycheck,,, be looking for something more rewarding.

This just occurred to me that a mentor or a counselor would be great to have right now. If you belong to a church, get your pastor to recommend one. I can't tell you how much mine has meant to me over the years. We all need someone to go to for good, wise advice. I also can tell you, as you get older, it will get a little better too. But make up your mind you WILL amount to much! Once you dwell on the other things, it will feed upon itself and you can MAKE yourself a failure. There is a lot of power in words! Hugs to you, glad you at least wrote it all out. Let us know how you are doing okay? We are here for you!

Wow. A lot has happened since I typed those posts. :D

First, thanks to all for the responses. I am now actively trying to get helped. My mother has found me an interview for an experimental study that sounds promising, but I am also still looking for a way to find low cost dexedrine (which I have hunch will help me greatly, though I am also scared that it could somehow take away part of what makes me *me*).

After I got fired from my job at Starbucks I eventually ran out of money. Fortunately I had a best friend in NYC who offered me a couch to crash on. So I took a greyhound back to nj in late feb. Also, part of the deal was that I work for my friend's company. He has a start up sports memorabilia business in manhattan.

You know, what I have discovered in life is that you can never escape yourself. The location you are in really doesn't matter all that much. Somehow the situation always seems to drift towards miserable.

Here I am, working for my friend who is absolutely obsessed with his company, and I really really wish I could have done something differently. The business bores me, the pay is nonexistent, the attention he demands is constant, and basically I just feel completely and utterly stuck here and want to FLEE NOW. But I can't because he is my friend, and even if I wanted to I have no money to do it, and I would be cutting my last life line.

So I sit here at my desk staring out the window trying to pretend that I am half way excited, but sometimes it is difficult to hide how miserable I am.

It is great that I can get out a rant everyone, because in real life I just sit at my desk in silence.

The main thing though is that I am looking for help...

I am just reading this old post. We ALL need a shoulder to cry on sometimes. Let me try to make you feel better (in my own odd way)

1. Girlfriends are a dime a dozen. She had to be your gf so that you could learn from her and she HAD to go you that
could make room for what COULD be the RIGHT one in the future. True love will come, this was not it.

some people just weren't cut out to be Starbucks baristas. [quote]

LOL that made my day! THAT IS A GOOD THING!! Its like when I ws 18 and I was a fry cook at Sizzler, my boss told me the same thing and yes I think it hurt. But it was a DEAD END KIDS JOB (hint, hint) You WILL do better in the future!

[quote] am now friends with, are going to think that there's something wrong with me. That I am "slow" or a "slacker".
Doutbful, is so, they are not your friends. Stop obsessing over stuff thats not real!



I am also slowly coming to the realization that my life will probably not amount to much LOL man, just because you bombed out on a entry lever BS job and 'bucks, doesnt mean your like wont amount to anything. Your being quite dramatic here. I KNOW that it feels good to wallow in self pitty sometimes, we all do it. But keep things in perspective man! At least you KNOW you have some ADD issues and are working through the meds to take care of it and a YOUNG age. At your age I thought I was F$%#ING CRAZY! They didnt even have a name for ADD back then, let alone meds and I got it together enough to love in love (finnally with the right woman) and get a good paying career after years of BS jobs myself. Hell I STILL havent done much with meds yet and I KNOW my friends think I am screwed up. Do I care? ok, a little BUT I have had years to weed through the crap and select the ones that really know and love me and you will too.

Bad **** happens to good people too, you WILL prevail over this time and look back and say, "wow, that crap made me the man I am today" ;)

That's great Donnie..welcome back :-)

are you back in school yet Donnie? friend or no friend you must live for you and no one else. Look for another job and when you have it explain to your friend that although you appreciate everything,,,,,, that you feel it is time to part ways where business is concerned. good luck with the dex

No I am not back in school, Draven. Maybe some day. :(

friend or no friend you must live for you and no one else. Look for another job and when you have it explain to your friend that although you appreciate everything,,,,,,
I know, but it is a really tough delimma. This is my best buddy in the whole world. We've been through so much together, from my substance problems, to his college roommate dying, to his dad dying on 9/11. We've always been there for each other. And now. Well, now he was once again there for me when no one else was. He gave me a job and a roof over my head.

And who knows, maybe I could go big places with him. I've always thought he would be a millionaire someday so maybe it is a good thing that I continue to work for him. If the company starts making money this job would be great because I'd have the flexibility to go back to school...

So there are pros and cons, but sometimes I just feel like taking off to Argentina or something. He's always so damn happy. It's like he wears these rose colored glasses and everything in the world is great. Maybe it's because he has money. I bet everything is brighter when you have money.

lol,,, here is a little secret,,,, my kids dad is all about the money. When he and I were together we had none but made do and tried to be happy without it. Now he has plenty,,, lives in a huge house drives a nice car all that and then some and he has attempted suicide twice and is miserable. I think that has alot to do with his psycho girlfriend but without her he has no money so now he feels like if he leaves he is worthless. My kids and I stay broke,, I struggle everyday and still I can honestly say I am at the very least 10 times happier with my life than he is. So I have come to conclusion that it isn't the money that brings happiness it is the positive people and thoughts in your life that bring happiness and they cost nothing.