Hello, I thought i posted yesterday but I cant find it, so if you have a feeling of De Ja Vue its just me going mad. My son had a very stressful week, four weeks ago, and it seems to have triggered many of the behaviours of OCD. H is nearly 9. He is constantly saying sorry to God for swearing with is fingers, his fingers havent sworn but in his head they have. He says sorry for being racist, he hasnt got a racist bone in his body - and is a lovely boy - he says he is scared that if he hates racists or swears that God will make something bad happen. But he has to say it three times. He can get stuck in sorrys for an hour, two, when it is really bad all day. He says sorry for scatching, he hasnt scratched. Then he screams out for the thoughts to go away as he knows he shouldnt have them.

When he dots i's or j's he has to say in his head 224466 224466 224466 again it has to be three times over or he thinks something bad will happen.

I have been to the GP who has said it is a phase and the worst thing I could do would be to get him help. That he needs everything to be normal and constant reassurance from me and he will just pull out of it. Well it i has been a month and he is not pulling out of it. He is saying sorry sorry sorry as we speak for various imagined wrongs. Doctor said I was doing the right thing by distracting him when things got too bad - like working out on a punch bag to vent his frustrations. He was getting better but then had a stress induced (my own diagnosis) relapse. The doctor still wont refer him anywhere.

Thanks to a friend I found a place called Time to Talk who in turn have referred me to a place called VIBES who help children with these kinds of problems.

He is a bright, high achieving educationally and in sports - he did go through a handwashing till his hands were raw stage last year - so there were signs, he has always been what I used to call "a fusser". Checking sell by dates on food and that kind of thing.

What can I do to help him? I am sure this is OCD but doctor wont give him a label. It is not a label I want - I want to know what I can do to get him through this - Any and all advise would be really welcome. Cheers :-)

cheekychic

OCD is all about anxiety. YES, do distract him when he is "stuck"! It might be that he is developing anxiety and the OCD surfaces when he is very stressed. Helping him to understand anxiety and teaching him how to work through it is helpful.

It could very well just be a phase he is going through, but keep an eye on it. Children sometimes develop obsessive habits, but later "grow out of it". Personally, I think that more than a year of strong ocd behaviors is more than a childhood phase.

It could also be that another condition is causing the anxiety behinfd the ocd. anxiety disorders, sensory integration problems, ADHD, touretts syndrome, aspergers syndrome (autism in general), and bipolar disorder often have OCD as a comorbid condition (possibly because those disorders cause stress and anxiety).

In any case, anxiety is the key to ocd. If you can help him to reduce his anxiety he may be a lot less likely to break into ocd rituals.

god bless you and good luck

ME :D

Hello, I thought i posted yesterday but I cant find it, so if you have a feeling of De Ja Vue its just me going mad. My son had a very stressful week, four weeks ago, and it seems to have triggered many of the behaviours of OCD. H is nearly 9. He is constantly saying sorry to God for swearing with is fingers, his fingers havent sworn but in his head they have. He says sorry for being racist, he hasnt got a racist bone in his body - and is a lovely boy - he says he is scared that if he hates racists or swears that God will make something bad happen. But he has to say it three times. He can get stuck in sorrys for an hour, two, when it is really bad all day. He says sorry for scatching, he hasnt scratched. Then he screams out for the thoughts to go away as he knows he shouldnt have them.

When he dots i's or j's he has to say in his head 224466 224466 224466 again it has to be three times over or he thinks something bad will happen.

I have been to the GP who has said it is a phase and the worst thing I could do would be to get him help. That he needs everything to be normal and constant reassurance from me and he will just pull out of it. Well it i has been a month and he is not pulling out of it. He is saying sorry sorry sorry as we speak for various imagined wrongs. Doctor said I was doing the right thing by distracting him when things got too bad - like working out on a punch bag to vent his frustrations. He was getting better but then had a stress induced (my own diagnosis) relapse. The doctor still wont refer him anywhere.

Thanks to a friend I found a place called Time to Talk who in turn have referred me to a place called VIBES who help children with these kinds of problems.

He is a bright, high achieving educationally and in sports - he did go through a handwashing till his hands were raw stage last year - so there were signs, he has always been what I used to call "a fusser". Checking sell by dates on food and that kind of thing.

What can I do to help him? I am sure this is OCD but doctor wont give him a label. It is not a label I want - I want to know what I can do to get him through this - Any and all advise would be really welcome. Cheers :-)

I have been to the GP who has said it is a phase and the worst thing I could do would be to get him help. That he needs everything to be normal and constant reassurance from me and he will just pull out of it.
:eek: This has put me in tears and that doesn't happen easily.

I'm appalled!!!

In my opinion, this "doctor" should have his license revoked.




What can I do to help him? I am sure this is OCD but doctor wont give him a label. It is not a label I want - I want to know what I can do to get him through this - Any and all advise would be really welcome. Cheers :-)
Diagnosis isn't a label. It's a means for providing treatment.

A patient has a disease whether the doctor names it or not.

If you really want to help him, and it sure sounds like you love your son and want to do what's best, take him to a mental health professional for a second opinion.

I would beg, because I'm really bothered by this, but something tells me you'll do what's best.

Does it go away if he stops the medication?

Emma

OCD is all about anxiety. YES, do distract him when he is "stuck"! It might be that he is developing anxiety and the OCD surfaces when he is very stressed. Helping him to understand anxiety and teaching him how to work through it is helpful.

It came to a head when he had a really stressful week (normal for us but not for an eight year old) He kicked a ball accidentally through a neigbours garage window, I went with him but told him he had to apolgise and promise the lady we would fix it. Then he had his sixth teacher in two years, due to the school keep changing them. He had to play a team at footie who hit him the previous game, the stress factors just came all at once.


It could very well just be a phase he is going through, but keep an eye on it. Children sometimes develop obsessive habits, but later "grow out of it". Personally, I think that more than a year of strong ocd behaviors is more than a childhood phase.

I do hope so for his sake, I really do. He has been like this for a month now - excluding last years handwashing stage - I have him at a child counsellors at the end of this month who can refer him to specialists if they think he would benefit.

It could also be that another condition is causing the anxiety behinfd the ocd. anxiety disorders, sensory integration problems, ADHD, touretts syndrome, aspergers syndrome (autism in general), and bipolar disorder often have OCD as a comorbid condition (possibly because those disorders cause stress and anxiety).

I have so much to learn -

In any case, anxiety is the key to ocd. If you can help him to reduce his anxiety he may be a lot less likely to break into ocd rituals.
Cheers,
It really helps knowing people understand this - it has come as such a shock to me.

god bless you and good luck
Thanks

:eek: This has put me in tears and that doesn't happen easily.

I'm appalled!!!
Bless you.
I have always trusted this particular doctor, but I cant buy his diagnosis of do nothing and it will pass, my poor son is suffering with this too much. I told him we were getting him some help from the 23rd of this month, he said, "mum it might as well be years" It is hard for him and heartbreaking to watch him.

Diagnosis isn't a label. It's a means for providing treatment.

It is the treatment I want. I want some help for him. Fortunately I have found somewhere and have managed to bypass the doctors. I hope they can help - they specialise in childrens mental health issues and seem to be the right place. Ill know more when he starts there. Fingers toes and everything else crossed.

If you really want to help him, and it sure sounds like you love your son and want to do what's best,

Be sure that I do - I adore the bones of my little man.

take him to a mental health professional for a second opinion.

I am fortunate in having found somewhere who can assess and help (hopefully) but they can also refer. It was just through asking other friends trying one place them in turn referring me to another. I got nothing from the doctors, zippo! But I am not known for giving up easily or accepting professionals opinions if I find them suspect. I want the doctor to be right but I cant let my son go through this without any help waiting for it to go away.

Thanks for caring - I will do whatever I can.

And to Queens - he is not on any medication - cant get that far - still hoping we wont have to.

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And to Queens - he is not on any medication - cant get that far - still hoping we wont have to.
Just to prepare you, if he has OCD, there are only two known treatments that work. Medication and behavior modification.

While behavior mod is effective for OCD, it's a life-long struggle. The medication for it is actually the first line of treatment and may be sufficient.

Medication for OCD is slightly higher doses of SSRIs than one would take for depression. Prozac & Zoloft are usually the first tried and have a great track-record. They are also pretty safe and well-tolerated.

I honestly believe this is very treatable and shouldn't be ignored in hopes it will go away. It sounds like you've found a good group though. Keep us posted!

I feel for you- I am going through he same thing with my son, like you, we started out with the pediatrician, tried counselling (made it worse), In order to avoid meds we went to the neurologist to rule out anything medical. The time it takes to get these darn appointments is ridiculous. We are talking MONTHS and we have PPO I can only imagine the nightmare of someone with HMO. Like your son, mine seems to be stress induced ocd, as well. We have tried EVERYTHING, we JUST started meds a few weeks ago. He was involved in karate, which as we noticed seemed to make his meltdowns worse on those days. We eliminated that, reducing one stress in his life and it helped. We are working together but its a constant battle.

My advice to you... look for triggers in his routine that may reduce his stress. Also- this is the best place to be, these people have helped me thorugh some of the toughest most stressful days. This is an excellent support tool for YOU. They listen, offer advice and many of them offer it from personal experience. My son is very bright as well, but how can a child (no matter how intelligent) explain what he or she is going through with the ocd. Talking here has given me a much better understanding of what he is going through so that I can help him, or at least try to.

I understand your frustration and confusion, and most of all your helplessness. you are going through so many emotions but you have to be strong and offer as much love and support to him. Learn as much as you can about ocd, I nought my son a book called UP AND DOWN THE WORRY HILL, he read it and said "mommy that little boy sounds like me". Its hard for us to help unless we have an understanding.. one step at a time...
Best of luck! Keep us posted!

The biggest trigger is school - cant avoid that one - but at the same time he has to have routines and normal life going on too. He has a new teacher - sixth in two years and he is strict - his blow out happened on day two of having this teacher, my son just seemed to overload with fears/anxieties. He is still apologising almost constantly. I keep interrupting asking questions or distracting in other ways. He had this tummy bug that was going around last week and he seems to now be linking school dinners with the bug. He wouldnt eat it yesterday but he does tell me everything so at least I can deal with it. My child is a big eater - loves his food - this is a new thing.

I have told him today that if he doesnt eat, that is what will make him ill and he will get headaches from being hungry. That to stay well he must eat his dinners. I hope he has eaten something today. Counselling starts on the 23 of this month in group work with other children with anxiety problems. Ill get to Amazon to check out some books too.

Maybe because I have backed off with the discipline, I am letting a lot slide with him that I didnt before - but he is getting really rude to me. This again is something new. Maybe he knows I am being softer, he is very bright, maybe he is taking his frustration out on me I dont know. I am making it clear that this behaviour is not acceptable. Until a month ago we were a great team, discipline was working, he was happy. Its all just fallen apart so quickly. I am delighted to have found this site with other people who understand and can help.

Cheers

yES SCHOOL IS OUR BIGGEST TRIGGET TOO, YET HE EXCELS AT IT. BUT LIKE YOU SAID WE CAN NOT ELIMINATE THAT ONE. DISCIPLINE DOESNT WORK ON THE OCD- AT 1ST WE THOUGHT IT WAS BAD BEHAVIOR AND TRIED DISCIPLINE, TAKING AWAY VIDEO GAMES ETC. DIDNT WORK. OUR IS IN PHASES, WE DID THE HANDWASHING THING TOO, I DONT EVEN REMEMBER HOW THAT STOPPED...

CAN HE TAKE HIS LUNCH TO SCHOOL?

YES IT DOES COME ON QUICKLY. IN OUR CASE IF I LOOK BACK I CAN SEE SIGNS AND SYMPTINS AS FAR BACK AS WHEN HE WAS 18 MONTHS BUT AT THE TIME WE ASSUMED THESE ARE THINGS A NORMAL KID DOES AT THAT AGE. LIKE A SECURITY TYPE OF THING. WE LIVED THROUGH HELL LAST YEAR, THEN HE WAS BETTER OVER THE SUMMER, WHEN SHOOL STARTED ... SO DID HE. AT THAT POINT WE REALIZED WE NEED HELP! THE SHOOL YEAR IS SO LONG FOR US TO ALL BE MISERABLE.

IS HIS TEACHER AWARE OF HIS SITUATION?

yES SCHOOL IS OUR BIGGEST TRIGGET TOO, YET HE EXCELS AT IT.
My son is exactly the same, top groups for everything.

BUT LIKE YOU SAID WE CAN NOT ELIMINATE THAT ONE. DISCIPLINE DOESNT WORK ON THE OCD- AT 1ST WE THOUGHT IT WAS BAD BEHAVIOR AND TRIED DISCIPLINE, TAKING AWAY VIDEO GAMES ETC. DIDNT WORK. OUR IS IN PHASES, WE DID THE HANDWASHING THING TOO, I DONT EVEN REMEMBER HOW THAT STOPPED...


I let most discipline slide as I didnt know what was the OCD frustrations and what was naughty, started to see cycles now and have put back in some boundaries. As for the OCD behaviour, just trying to distract him or sometimes, like now, just ignore it for a time.

CAN HE TAKE HIS LUNCH TO SCHOOL?
He could but we seem to have gotten over that one, nipped it in the bud :::beams::: He said yesterday he thought of me at dinner and what I had said so he ate everything. Phew......


YES IT DOES COME ON QUICKLY. IN OUR CASE IF I LOOK BACK I CAN SEE SIGNS AND SYMPTINS AS FAR BACK AS WHEN HE WAS 18 MONTHS BUT AT THE TIME WE ASSUMED THESE ARE THINGS A NORMAL KID DOES AT THAT AGE.
Yes it was the same here, he was scared of Santa Clause, scared of the dustmen, the man on the huge lawnmower, but I thought that was just childhood normal stages.

LIKE A SECURITY TYPE OF THING. WE LIVED THROUGH HELL LAST YEAR, THEN HE WAS BETTER OVER THE SUMMER, WHEN SHOOL STARTED ... SO DID HE. AT THAT POINT WE REALIZED WE NEED HELP! THE SHOOL YEAR IS SO LONG FOR US TO ALL BE MISERABLE.
Does your son concentrate on the down sides of life. My son will say and this happened and this and this - that were negatives in school - when really a lot of kids would love to have his life, he does sports, goes to clubs has loads of good things going on.

IS HIS TEACHER AWARE OF HIS SITUATION?
Yes I have been to the head and to the teacher. Teacher has been understanding but still keeping the pressure on workwise. My son hates him, he says most of the children do too. The ones I have spoken to dont like him, so thats not unique to my boy. The teacher says, rightly too I guess, that the children need stretching, that my son is particularly bright and he wants to get him to the top levels. Of course I want him to do well, of course he has to go to school, just at what cost.

How old is your son by the way?

he is 7, and he doesnt concentrate on the downsides... yet. YOu are right its tough to differentiate ocd from bad behavior- but you get the hang of it... eventually. Its tough to handle the rituals, on one hand you need to get them to stop but on the other if you don't do them, it is REALLY BAD, but by doing them you feed the ocd. No win situation. I know on this site they suggest behavior modification, and while I agree with that and think its the way to go... with a child so young its easier said than done. I am hoping the pschiatrist will be able to help there.

My son can not be involved in alot of activities, its too much. He isnt into sports but wanted to do karate, which he did for over a year. Taking him out has helped relieve the stress. I also keep our weekend running around to a minimum and that has helped too. He seems to do better if we stay at home than errands or whatever. He is still involved in Scouts which isnt as time consuming as karate.


It sounds like his fears of Santa etc ARE normal and they do out grow that.

Our big thing is the bedtime rituals (I really had a hard time my whole story is in that segment), I have successfully eliminated most of what I have to do with the ritual, I thought WOW HUGE step!!! A step at a time, but my husband says he has added things to the ritual he does with him. I am not really confident with the med he is taking it doesnt seem to be helping anything. I know the rituals will not disappear overnight but I would be happy to have them reduced.

Like last night my husband had a Scout leader meeting, so he did the goodnight ritual. WEll he isthe one who usually tucks him in etc. I was putting my daughter to bed and apparantly I was supposed to tuck him in BEFORE Spongebob came on tv, and I didnt- he went into meltdown, called my husband who had to leave the meeting to come home because he was freaking out so much. For a (dont want to say normal child but...) it would be no big deal, an I am sorry let me tuck you in now would suffice... not with a child with ocd!
Its difficult when your child and teacher conflict. Fortunately my son LOVES his teachers. I only recently made her aware of his situation because it was beginning to interefere with school (he'd have to saty in for recess etc to complete his work) It wasnt because he had a hard time with it, he was just poking around (which drives me nuts!) He takes his sweet time with EVERYTHING! When we started the meds he was sleepy and his work took really LONG, so we swithed it to bedtime and that seems to have helped. But I am so lucky that she is so supportive of it. WE keep in close contat with progression. I felt weird telling her, but I didnt have a choice any more.

OCD is so common yet it seems like a dirty little secret...

he is 7, and he doesnt concentrate on the downsides...
Thats great - my son seems so low now - and he was such a happy little bunny. He is 9 on Friday :-)


yet. YOu are right its tough to differentiate ocd from bad behavior- but you get the hang of it... eventually.
I am getting there slowly - and telling him off for the bad behaviour strangely seems to be helping, like he needs the boundaries. The boundaries let him know I am in charge and somehow make him feel safer. Its hard to explain.


Its tough to handle the rituals, on one hand you need to get them to stop but on the other if you don't do them, it is REALLY BAD, but by doing them you feed the ocd. No win situation. I know on this site they suggest behavior modification, and while I agree with that and think its the way to go... with a child so young its easier said than done. I am hoping the pschiatrist will be able to help there.
I am hoping the VIBES place that deal with mental health issues in children will be able to help - not long now and cant wait. Have to take him out of school every Thursday morning to attend - just let the school try and stop me.

My son can not be involved in alot of activities, its too much. He isnt into sports but wanted to do karate, which he did for over a year. Taking him out has helped relieve the stress. I also keep our weekend running around to a minimum and that has helped too. He seems to do better if we stay at home than errands or whatever. He is still involved in Scouts which isnt as time consuming as karate.
Mine loves his footie but playing a team of 8 year old thugs sent him into overdrive, it was one of the triggers the weekend he melted down. In three years playing football I have never seen such disgusting behaviour from both children and their parents - they should be disgusted with themselves but they are too nasty to even see that their behaviour in diabolical. We only play them twice and year and it wont be a trigger till next year, when I wont let him play them.


It sounds like his fears of Santa etc ARE normal and they do out grow that.

He has outgrown his fear at the same time he stopped believing in him. I am happy that he is happy either way.

Our big thing is the bedtime rituals (I really had a hard time my whole story is in that segment), I have successfully eliminated most of what I have to do with the ritual, I thought WOW HUGE step!!! A step at a time, but my husband says he has added things to the ritual he does with him. I am not really confident with the med he is taking it doesnt seem to be helping anything. I know the rituals will not disappear overnight but I would be happy to have them reduced.
This is going to sound bizarre and please dont take it the wrong way, but from where I am now and OCD that can be located in one time zone, bedtime, would be a relief. I am not belittling the importance of it. My son says sorry nearly all day, on and off - sorry this isnt coming over right. I just dont understand it yet, I want to help him but but just cant wait to get into VIBES to find out how best to do that.

Like last night my husband had a Scout leader meeting, so he did the goodnight ritual. WEll he isthe one who usually tucks him in etc. I was putting my daughter to bed and apparantly I was supposed to tuck him in BEFORE Spongebob came on tv, and I didnt- he went into meltdown,

Meltdown is totally the right word - it is so distressing for them. For us, with the limited knowledge I have, going mad at the punch bag seems to help.


called my husband who had to leave the meeting to come home because he was freaking out so much.

I left my ex as he was abusive when my son was two to give him a "normal" childhood - I feel so guilty - perhaps I should have left sooner - I know the right thing to do was leave him - I have no regrets there - but I do feel so guilty that I didnt do it sooner.


For a (dont want to say normal child but...) it would be no big deal, an I am sorry let me tuck you in now would suffice... not with a child with ocd!
Its difficult when your child and teacher conflict.
Im going in for a battle with a supply teacher tomorrow, his regular teacher is fine, the supply one who he has for half a day a week is a complete cow - she's about to find out how I feel about her "discipline" of my child when he is suffering from OCD.

Fortunately my son LOVES his teachers. I only recently made her aware of his situation because it was beginning to interefere with school (he'd have to saty in for recess etc to complete his work)

Awwwww Bless him - it is not his fault - hopefully no more recesses and much more support.

It wasnt because he had a hard time with it, he was just poking around (which drives me nuts!) He takes his sweet time with EVERYTHING!
My son cant concentrate because he keeps needing to say sorry in his head which overtakes the teachers instructions sometimes. He is keeping up though, I saw the teacher yesterday.


When we started the meds he was sleepy and his work took really LONG, so we swithed it to bedtime and that seems to have helped.

My boy had his first night in his own bed last night since the OCD symptoms started - round of applause please :-) ::::::preens:::::::::: I was so much more rested too it was brilliant. He will be in his bed from here on in too.


But I am so lucky that she is so supportive of it. WE keep in close contat with progression. I felt weird telling her, but I didnt have a choice any more.

OCD is so common yet it seems like a dirty little secret...

I am hiding it/playing it down to his friends and their mothers but I am beating a path to the head of school, his teachers., Time to Talk, Vibes and anyone else who has the ability/facility to help him.

I am so glad to have found you and this site. It helps so much. :-)

I believe learning all you can about any disorder is key -- here are a couple of books on OCD that I've found very informative.

Tourmenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals by Ian Osborn, MD - I learned a ton reading this book -- great explanation of OCD and discussion of what helps in treatment. It's published by Dell Publishing. I got it for as part of my continuing education credits, so I'm not sure if it's available at popular books stores or not, but you could always get it from Dell Pub or Amazon.com. I learned more from this book than I did in my entire counseling program about OCD.

Another good book by John Ratey called Shadow Syndromes has a chapter about OCD and also discusses other psychological conditions (many conditions come with company -- ADD, Depression, Anxiety, etc) in their mild and more serious forms and gives medical as well as life style suggestions.

Scattered

nO i UNDERSTAND YOU ARE NOT BELITTLING THE SITUATION... oops sory I was in caplock. Its hard enough to deal with at bedtime. Not to say it doesnt happen other times, but bedtime is the one time it was happening almost every day. I can not imagine living on eggshells constantly waiting for it to happen. We are finally at a point where we can see it MAY be starting so we try to head it off, to AVOID the meltdowns.


I have found that anytime you talk about it to friends and/or family and they have little or no knowledge about it... they try to put it off as BAD BAHAVIOR, your child is spoiled. That is so not the case. My mother in law STILL believes that my son is just spoiled and that my husband and I 'cater' to him. Well let her see a meltdown and see what she thinks then. That is why I think it IS a dirty little secret- I bet in 5-10 years it will be very public.

Do not blame yourself for not leaving your ex sooner! This has NOTHING to do with your son having OCD- its a chemical imbalance in his brain. While absuive relationships can certainly have a negative effect on a child- it can NOT cause ocd!

I know what you mean about the bed, we had finally got my son in his bed, then the major meltdowns started so I let him sleep in ours, but he is a wild sleeper. ANyway he is back in his own bed but my husband has to lie with him until he is asleep- still he gets up in the middle of the night to climb in with us.

Thanks for the books Scatter - Ill get over to Amazon now. The more I can find out the better for him.


nO i UNDERSTAND YOU ARE NOT BELITTLING THE SITUATION... oops sory I was in caplock.

Good thought you were shouting at me for a second ;-)

Its hard enough to deal with at bedtime. Not to say it doesnt happen other times, but bedtime is the one time it was happening almost every day. I can not imagine living on eggshells constantly waiting for it to happen. We are finally at a point where we can see it MAY be starting so we try to head it off, to AVOID the meltdowns.
We are only having a few meltdowns now but it is the constant repititions all day. He has no school for a week due to the holidays, he is much calmer. I am taking his mates to a Pool and Snooker Party this afternoon - 14 of them - and am feeling quietly confident that he will be ok.

I have found that anytime you talk about it to friends and/or family and they have little or no knowledge about it... they try to put it off as BAD BAHAVIOR, your child is spoiled
I've not had that yet - my family know - my mum doesnt understand it. I have had to tell her off for crying in front of him. It isnt going to help if he feels his behaviour which he cannot help is so distressing for adults that it makes them cry! I have had a few tears since this started but always when he has been fast asleep. My sister is a nurse who specialises in psychiatric illnesses for the elderly so she has a very good understanding of it - that helps though she is over 100 miles away and cant do anything practically to help.


That is so not the case. My mother in law STILL believes that my son is just spoiled and that my husband and I 'cater' to him. Well let her see a meltdown and see what she thinks then. That is why I think it IS a dirty little secret- I bet in 5-10 years it will be very public.

Can she use the web? Id be inclined to print out of a few of these messages or to buy her a book on OCD, that is if I could hold my tongue.

Do not blame yourself for not leaving your ex sooner! This has NOTHING to do with your son having OCD- its a chemical imbalance in his brain. While absuive relationships can certainly have a negative effect on a child- it can NOT cause ocd!

Thanks for saying so. I left when he was two, we had years of court cases because I wouldnt let him have unsupervised, my ex could not keep him safe (long long story). Finally after my ex told my son aged 6 he was not normal - I managed to get contact stopped completely. My son was doing well. In the last few months he has been curious about Dad, so I let him come to see him play football and as he behaved - he seems to have, if not calmed down, realised that if he is nasty - he wont get away with it. My son seemed to be benefitting from contact, albeit it supervised. I suspected all this may be wrapped up in his anxieties.


I know what you mean about the bed, we had finally got my son in his bed, then the major meltdowns started so I let him sleep in ours, but he is a wild sleeper.
He is still creeping back in - If I am tired it makes it harder to deal with.


ANyway he is back in his own bed but my husband has to lie with him until he is asleep- still he gets up in the middle of the night to climb in with us.

Anything that works to get a good nights kip is worth it.

I just wanted to jot a little note to express my admiration.

You are obviously a devoted parent and you're dealing with a problem that's completely new to you in the best possible manner -- by putting your son's immediate needs first and forming a plan to educate yourself and others in his life so that you can be more effective in the long run.

I hope you get the help your son needs soon. Proper treatment will make all the difference for the both of you!

Good luck!

I agree- y ou are doing what you need to do and putting your son first- its so hard doing it together, but as a single parent handling it, my goodness. I totally applaud you!
My mon cries about it constantly too- they have a really spevial bond, she babysat him twice a week from 6 months up until a few months ago, he is really close with her, so this is really hard on her. Because of being seriously ill she can no longer watch them, cant drive etc. She lives about 35 miles away and we cant get over there much because every time we do he flips out and it sends him into meltdown! His meltdowns pretty much trashed our Thanksgiving so luckily my mom understood... so at Christmas she and my sister came to our house to celebrate. My other sister thought he was spoiled until she heard the whole story - she was supportive enough to do research on it and now she is fully supportive of me.

As far as my mother in law- she was never really 'hand on" she seriously lacks the maternal instinct genes so no matter what research we provide her with ... she will remain the ultimate skeptic.

Thanks for the kind words Barby & Baby - it helps me to stop feeling a complete failure and to stop feeling like somewhere I have let him down. I know I am better off being a single parent in this situation, with my ex. He wouldnt understand it and I would have two "children" to keep calm. Thank goodness I am single. Though if I had a supportive husband to shoulder the problems that would be better.

My Mum and yours are the same Baby - My son is the Golden Child, she looked after him as a baby too but like yours is too ill to now. She also gets stressed seeing him which in turn stresses him, which isnt good. She has to learn to keep calm, keep her emotions in - then let loose when he has gone. It is good your sisters are now on board. I think the MIL is best avoided or slapped :-) Just joking, well, OK just a little bit serious ;-)

He had a great party on Saturday, had 14 children playing pool and snooker, he was great. Its half term here and he is in Kidz Club - the school bully has signed up too - I cannot tell you how my heart sank yesterday when I saw him there. This child doesnt have any medical problems apart from having no problems with punching hitting and kicking. He is in trouble every day at school - literally. Just when you need to get his stress levels down - something happens to put them right back up there on the richter scale. I have to let him there as I am in the final months of taking a University Degree. I cant drop out now after 4 years of full time study. I will talk to the organisers this morning to keep them apart. I dont want anything happening there that will make things worse.

No matter how much reassurance, if you are like me (and it seems like we are so in sync) you will still feel at fault. Although my husband is suportive sometimes I think he isn't as 'nurturing' don't know if its the male gene (NO OFFENSE GUYS!) or if I baby my son too much?

I LOVE the idea of slapping her silly- but she is so detached. One one hand we have my mom which treats him as you said the golden child that an do no wrong. Seems like MIL is around when its convenient. We moved to another state about 4 years ago, and because my son didnt like the 35 mile drive my mother (in her 60's) would wake up and be at my house my 6 am twice a week just to cater to him. I will not complain it certainly made my life easier. But now that she is too sick, one we had our 1sxt appoinmnet with the neurologist and asked MIL to watch my daughter (who is 1) and it was like some major imposition. My mom even in her condition and unable to drive, was willing to drive out here to watch the baby for about the 2 hours or so we were gone.

Its very hard to eliminate stress makers, my son LOVED karate, but we had to quit- he is ok with it now. Actually his big issue was that he didnt want the other kids to outrank him since he held the highest belt rank. Now its CCD every Sunday we have issues, he hates it. Its always an argument- WHY DID YOU HAEV TO MAKE ME CATHOLIC? So after some deep discussions we decided that while we are catholic- we dont even go to mass, if he wanted to quit he could. Well obviously he opted to quit- he was the happiest kid this past SUnday! We are looking into alterante programs that are once a month with home teachings so he can make his sacraments.

NO you can NOT drop out- you must finish not only for yourself but for your son! Hang in there, it will get better.

I know you mentioned an upcoming appoinment... what kind of doctor are you taking him to?

No matter how much reassurance, if you are like me (and it seems like we are so in sync) you will still feel at fault.

We certainly are - have regularly beaten myself up over this since Christmas. I thought I had parenting licked - we were great, he was well behaved, we had gotten through the difficulties of leaving Dad. Then this.......... Yes I do blame myself - even if everything points to it not being my fault.

Although my husband is suportive sometimes I think he isn't as 'nurturing' don't know if its the male gene (NO OFFENSE GUYS!) or if I baby my son too much?

My ex was downright heartless - he would never understand - some Dads would be a fab support - I just know we are better off without my particular ex.


I LOVE the idea of slapping her silly- but she is so detached.

To be honest I dont know how you havent at least verbally slapped her silly.

One one hand we have my mom which treats him as you said the golden child that an do no wrong. Seems like MIL is around when its convenient. We moved to another state about 4 years ago, and because my son didnt like the 35 mile drive my mother (in her 60's) would wake up and be at my house my 6 am twice a week just to cater to him. I will not complain it certainly made my life easier. But now that she is too sick, one we had our 1sxt appoinmnet with the neurologist and asked MIL to watch my daughter (who is 1) and it was like some major imposition.

That is what my ex was like with our son. Some people just dont have that nurturing gene - sad for them in a way - though my sympathies go to the children/grandchildren who lose out because they cant nurture/parent.


My mom even in her condition and unable to drive, was willing to drive out here to watch the baby for about the 2 hours or so we were gone.

My mum is like that. My son might be having a sleep over tomorrow as I am stuck for university. I will worry like mad but they will both have such a good time.



Its very hard to eliminate stress makers, my son LOVED karate, but we had to quit- he is ok with it now. Actually his big issue was that he didnt want the other kids to outrank him since he held the highest belt rank.

My son is high achieving too at sporty and academic stuff. He puts his own pressure on himself just as your son does. I tell him do his best and thats all I ask. He needs to be the best of the class for himself. I just want him to do his best even if that is bottom of the class.

Now its CCD every Sunday we have issues, he hates it. Its always an argument- WHY DID YOU HAEV TO MAKE ME CATHOLIC?

We are catholic too but I am non practicing - my son goes to a Catholic school. My son has a major problem with God at the minute. He has just learned about Noahs Ark and thinks if he doesnt constantly keep saying sorry he will upset God and God will send a flood down to kill everyone! What can you say??? I told him God was having a bad day and promised he would never do it again. Then tried to explain the concept of parables and that I think it is just a story, our God loves everyone and wouldnt REALLY hurt us. It is very hard for children to understand without frightening the pants off them.

So after some deep discussions we decided that while we are catholic- we dont even go to mass, if he wanted to quit he could. Well obviously he opted to quit- he was the happiest kid this past SUnday! We are looking into alterante programs that are once a month with home teachings so he can make his sacraments.

My son is doing his through the school - but we are more likely to be found on a football pitch than a church on a Sunday :-(. Would your son perhaps benefit from team games rather than individual ones - when the onus is on a lot of people to win or lose? My son had to give up golf as it was a one on one sport - but loves football as it is a team responsibility. Ie. If they lose it is not his fault alone??
Just a thought?


NO you can NOT drop out- you must finish not only for yourself but for your son! Hang in there, it will get better.


Can you hear my fingernails being scraped down the blackboard, thats all I am hanging in there by at the minute. ;-)

I know you mentioned an upcoming appoinment... what
kind of doctor are you taking him to?

I dont know - its a charitable organisation that can refer him to a specialist if they think he needs it. I cant do it through the GP - its like hitting your head against a very hard brick wall. I will find out more soon though.

Hope you are having a peaceful bedtime with your son.

I understand the frustration, discouragement and guilt of raising a kid with special issues. I also was a kid with special issues, so I know the incredible difference a loving family's support and consistency can make. What you're doing is incredibly important and it is making a positive difference -- it may take you longer to see that -- but it can mean the difference in someone dealing with their disorder and being destroyed by it. You deserve big pats on the back and hugs too!:)

Scattered

YOu are being way hard on yourself.... you are doing a wonderful job, and ONE LOVING parent ALONE certainly beats the trauma he would have if you were still with your ex. Hope you took time for yourself to heal on that relationship.

We started with the gp at the advice of the school counseller I talked with. Then we tried counseling like I said it didnt work. Then we went to a neurologist to rule anything out there (he ordered a sleep study, thinking it could be sleep apnea which is often misdiagnosed as ocd) Now we are going to the psychiatrist. But this has been going on since September- all of these specialists have 'waiting lists' which is so frustrating. So we are hoping the psychiatrist will help us work on that cognitive behavior thing! 3 more weeks until that so we will see...

My son does well in primarily group activities, but he isnt into sports. Now he is only in scouts and if he gets overstimulated we tend to have the meltdowns more frequently.

My friend has a son that has similar issues but with him she NEEDS to keep him busy 24/7 ... how exhausting!!! In summer she enrolls him in EVERY activitity- just looking at his schedule makes me need a nap!

Take a deep breath.... relax.... take a bubble bath and think positive thoughts!

By the way- Happy Valentines day! Remember... you are not alone!

It is me again.......... Hello..... We have managed most of the repetitive behaviours and have normality established for the weekends YIPPEEEE.........This does mean loads of physical activities to keep him calm, so it is tennis in the snow, cycle rides footie. Im exhausted ggggg

He has started counselling - he is doing five weeks of group work at an place independent of the school and doctors. The school counsellor has seen him now and is extremely concerned about him as I am. He told them everything he has been going through. The school who I believe now, may have been paying me lip service, are taking it seriously and have done an emergency referral to CAMHS. The GP would not refer him or accept his behaviour is anything more than a phase. In another three weeks,the school counsellor, his current counsellor and me will get together to work out who should look after him until his referral to CAMHS comes through.

But.......

We do still have one very major issues. School. He hates it. Hates it totally. He hates his teacher. He has had 6 teachers in two years. We are now told that they have fallen substantially behind where they should be and this teachers brief is to bring them back to where they should be...... but at what cost?

One little boy with ADHD and ADD has gone back two years in his behaviour. When the teacher shouts he has reverted to sitting under the table in class or burying his head inside his clothes. My son is being cheeky - he has always been exemplary in his behaviour. I ask him why - he says he hates school, he hates his teacher and he doesnt care about him. It really is not like him. His meltdown was two days after the new teacher started. I was looking at a poem he wrote about school before this teacher came and he loved it. I struggle to get him in there now.

I have spoken to other parents whose children are so unhappy they are seriously considering pulling their children out of the school. These children have been together since pre-school thats seven years now so I know my son has other issues and I am not just blaming the school but four that I know of are considering leaving.

I honestly dont know what to make of it all or what to do. Any ideas?

wow.. I HATE when they say its 'just behavior'- ESPECIALLY from a gp, let them live with it for 1 day and they will see

I can not imagine not having the support if his teacher/school= that certainly adds to your grief.

Im glad you are in treatment, what a long road eh? We started oh geez in September - it has taken 6 months to get where we are.. no where! Lately he is back to his NIGHTLY meltdowns- last night my husband literally picked him up kicking and screaming, carried him to the car with the intention of taking him to the hospital. As bad as it sounds- I almost wish he had taken him.. I can not wait for hos next appt

My son is in his room now saying "sorry" repeatedly. Its not a fraction of what it was but it hasnt gone yet. He has football this morning, tennis yesterday and a party later so he will be OK today. After all that though I am expecting a meltdown when he starts to think about school tomorrow. I found a poem he wrote about school and his teachers in December, it was light upbeat and happy. Its weird how things can change so much in such a short time. Id dread to see it if he wrote one now. Poor little mite.

At least now we are in the system, he has been referred to CAMHS, he has VIBES to talk to - so at least I feel like I am doing something.

It doesnt sound bad at all - you just want some help to help your son through this. I know how that feels. I am not keeping up at university, I am supposed to be reading three novels and a play before Tuesday. It just isnt possible. He has to come first.

Right off to get the brekkie on. See you laters xx

I am sure that when you read that poem you were crying your eyes out...

Does your son know/ understand what is going on with him?

'at least you feel like you are doing something?" HoW CAN YOU saY THAT! You do EVERYTHING you possibly can. don't knock yourself, it may FEEl like you arent doing anything but you love and support him and that is EVERYTHING!

we are trying something new, we decided to switch his med time to earlier so that maybe it would have more time to work... its bedtime now and so far it has been quiet. I do not know if that is because he is getting the nasty cold the rest of have had or if MAYBE it might be working.... ok I just went in to plug in that decongestant plug thing and he is out cold! So obviously this will take a few days to check out. But I have to say TONIGHT WAS GLORIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! At least with our appointment being postponed that will give us a chance to see if the new time works out

Barb is correct with respect to the treatments available that work.

There's an excellent book;older but none-the-less still among the best available.

It's The Boy Who Washed His Hands Too Much.

Please check it out when you get a chance.

Thanks everyone. Yes he knows exactly what is going on - he is a really bright lad - which makes it worse for him in a way. Just to update you. He is now pretty much back to normal at home we still have the sorrys repeated but nothing to the extent it was. He is happy again at home which is such a huge relief to me as just a couple of months ago he said he was not for this world and would stab himself when he was older. That has all passed it has been a long struggle but I do feel we are making progress. A horrible thing for any parent to hear or any child to feel.

We have narrowed it down now and are just left with a really defiant child at school. His meltdown was on day two of his new teacher starting in the January term. Im not making excuses for rudeness to a teacher but trying to give you the bigger picture. He hates his teacher, is completely miserable and school and is acting out with what the teacher calls low level disruption.

I have been in as the reward structure at school isnt working. They use housepoints but the same child repeatedly wins and golden time if they get enough ticks but then it doesnt happen - or he does get it when he has been naughty? I have tried to link in home rewards so he would benefit for the points/ticks that he gets to reinforce it as the teacher is completely failing with him and I see if I could back him up. But its a nonsense, he gets ticks when he has been really naughty and then I have to reward it as I promised a treat for getting so many ticks? Anyway waffling now, I have a meeting with his counsellor, the school counsellor, the head and myself to decide the best way forward for him.

He has had an urgent referral to CAMHS?

What can I expect at this meeting - has anyone got any ideas? I feel it is me against the school. His current counsellors recognise the child/teacher relationship is a problem. They have even phoned the school counsellor to make sure the teachers never refer to him again as "A brat" "Pathetic" "A waste of time" "No wonder you have had 6 teachers in two years, they cant put up with you" etc. etc. etc.


I had already made the point to the head and pointed out that the teachers were very lucky that I was seeing her as the only reason I didnt go direct to them was that I was not sure I could hold my temper with them.

The school want their counsellor to take over, I want his current ones to keep him as I dont trust the head not to cover her **** rather than do what is best for the child. She has let me down badly in the past on another matter and I have already lost total confidence in her. Other parents have warned me that she will back up the teachers no matter what.


There are a quite a few unhappy children there now - who used to love school - but now dont want to go in - so there is a problem apart from my son. Sorryu for the essay but you lot are brilliant and I dont know who better to ask for help.

CC

I am so happy for you that things are more normal at home! WHat a huge relief, that will help in other areas. No matter how we try to cover up- they sense our stress.

I was appalled at what the teachers say to him- that is totally unacceptable! If they feel that way- perhaps they should find another career path? lets show some respect here.

forgive my ignorance, what is CAMHS?

I don't know -- maybe I'm just terribly nieve. I taught in private school and I can't imagine a teacher, especially one working with special education children not being fired for such comments -- even just once, forget repeated offenses. Just mandating she not use that kind of language won't change the attitude she conveys through body language and ways of interacting. I hope she won't be part of your son's life much longer (or any other child's). Okay, I've probably said too much -- I just feel very strongly about all professionals working with children, especially the more fragile ones, showing respect in their dealings with them.


Scattered

CC

I am so happy for you that things are more normal at home! WHat a huge relief, that will help in other areas. No matter how we try to cover up- they sense our stress.


I spoke too soon - he woke up on Monday - and his first words were a scream of his teacher's name. I stroked his head to calm him down and just matter of factly he said to me that he was going to stab himself and he could face "teachers name" any longer. I said that would break my heart - he said again, really calmly "I will kill myself Mum, I will - I cant take him any longer". It wasnt a child using threats to stay off school - he wasnt having a tantrum - I know him.

I phoned CAMHS - Sorry they are the Child & Adolescent Mental Health Services and his current counsellor both advised me to keep him in the school and to see the head. He has been referred to CAMHS who help children with all sorts of problems - the problems you see on this site are all covered by them I think. But it is hard to get in - as the criteria is strict. I have had to get to the GP to back up the school nurses referral to CAMHS as this has to be taken seriously. Two referrals are better than one apparantly.

The heads of schools response was: She has read his books - he's not working anywhere near his potential and that she will come down hard on him. I just told her that my son was threatening suicide!!!!!!!

I told her she backs off my child until she has the go ahead from his counsellor to go hard on him. I agree with school discipline but FGS there is a problem here. The counsellor says it is what he needs - then fine she will have my support - she does not have that right to unilaterally come down hard on a child who is clearly emotionally fragile. I am totally disgusted by this and will be informing his current counsellor who is coming to the group meeting on Friday. Thank goodness I will have some support.

The head has said my son is saying this just to scare me, tried to insinuate he was fooling me. She said the teacher is a wonderful man who cant do any more for my child. So please tell me why he is so completely miserable, why he has black moods on a Sunday, why he wakes up screaming the teachers name and tells me that he would rather die than go to school - A school he has loved being at for the past five years and only now, co-incidentally 8 weeks after the new teacher has started has he changed so drastically?


I was appalled at what the teachers say to him- that is totally unacceptable! If they feel that way- perhaps they should find another career path? lets show some respect here.

I was too - they are old teachers that is no excuse - passed their sell by dates if you ask me - the sooner gone the better and not just for my son. His main teacher doesnt do the name calling stuff these are ones that take the class for a small part of the week. I have seen the head and his counsellor has also spoken to her so it is not just seen as me being an overprotective mother.

Please tell me honestly - do you think I am being overprotective - something the head has called me before - or should she, as I think, be taking this seriously too?

I don't know -- maybe I'm just terribly nieve. I taught in private school and I can't imagine a teacher, ..........working with special education children not being fired for such comments --

I don't think you are naieve - I'm appalled. The head is big on covering over for her teachers according to other parents though she has admitted these two teachers are causing problems and since I went in and said the next time he is called a name I will be into their classrooms to basically give them a taste of it - they have now started to be nice to my son - just shows they know they are doing it. His main teacher has not been as directly insulting but tells the class regularly that he will make their lives a misery, its no wonder all the teachers have left (that one was him) etc etc.

I have found a very good school, on my doorstep that has vacancies. I am tempted to move him but am scared to because I would be taking him away from all of his friends and he is a very popular little man. I dont want to make a knee jerk decision which could be devastating for him.

You havent said too much at all. I dont want to come over as I am not responsible for my child's behaviour or his problems, goodness knows I have asked myself over and over what I have done wrong - what can I do better. But the head wont accept any responsibility and wants to punish my son for not working - telling me he is threatening suicide just to scare me. I thank goodness that I also have his counsellor and soon CAMHS involved. I feel these people have my son's best interest at heart and are not following an agenda to protect useless staff.

I am coming more and more to believe getting him away from that school might be the best thing.

Please take his suicide threat seriously -- I worked as specialist in children's grief -- this is the kind of thing that needs to be taken very seriously. I would call his counselor before the appointment. Is there no other setting where he could be moved to immediately? I do not feel you are overreacting. Suicide threats by children need to be taken seriously. Children do commit suicide. Does he have access to something he could stab himself with? Part of what you look for is a plan and the ability to carry the plan out. Children have also been know to step in front of cars. Whether he intends to carry this action out or not, something important is going on that needs to be addressed or he wouldn't be reacting this way. One of the things you look for is a change in behavior -- and you said until recently he liked school. I hope you will keep speaking up -- get someone else on your side (counselor, CHADD, OCD group, someone) and make them take your son's needs seriously.

Take care,
Scattered

XXX XXX XXX XXX
XXX XXX XXX XXX
XXX XXX XXX XXX
XXX XXX XXX XXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX <--- Pillars of support.

Two for Scattered - she's so VERY RIGHT about taking these threats seriously.

Two for you, Chic.

I'm flabbergasted at the attitudes of some teachers & administrators.

Some kids, like mine (especially the ADD child) need a task master. Some need the structure and the whip-cracking. Some need to be cut some slack (also like my ADD child at times).

Yes, it's an art to figuring out when and who needs what, but that's their job and children's LIVES are riding on it.

I know it's a very tough decision you've got. You can't make him continue with this teacher, but you don't want to remove him from his peer support, either.

I'd keep in mind that the school year is nearly over, but on the other hand kids are also pretty good at adjusting to new environs and making new friends quickly. I know, I'm not helping. Sorry.

I just wanted you to know you've got support for whatever decision you make, even if there's nothing we can do. And, please, do take his threat seriously. Even children as young as 2 have been known to go through with such threats.

I have some good news - if you can have good news in this situation.

The counsellor has completed his first five weeks - she independent of me has identified the teacher as Ciaran's problem. I am no longer a lone voice I have a professional on board agreeing with my instincts. She also says I must take his threats seriously and is coming to the meeting with the head on Friday.

I have one more professional to swing around - the school nurse. She is really crucial and carries more weight than the counsellor. She is coming to see Ciaran and I tomorrow to assess him to see if he even qualifies for CAMHS - and if he does to put him on an urgent referral - or it could take 6-9 months to even be seen.

But the school nurse will be there to support him until he gets into CAMHS. I have also arranged some continuity with his first counsellor - who has been fab - though her sessions are over, he can talk to her anytime and attend sporting activities once a week with children from his age group who have similar difficulties. She will be there before during and after those sessions to talk to him one to one if he needs it.

Tomorrow is a critical day for us. If I get the support of the school nurse in identifying school as a problem - the head has to act. If not.......... I just dont know.

Off to school run now - poor kid - reply more later. Thank you allxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I spoke to the head again today and told her that I have spoken to his counsellors who have said suicide threats are not to be ignored - that it could be a real - it certainly does reflect his fragile state - she back tracked big time - she said she had spoken to the school nurse about him - and I think she realises her attitude stank! Scattered I will hide all knives and sling all tablets out of the house - I dont think he knows he can OD on tablets but I wont take the chance.

The counsellor has said he has very good self esteem which is unusual - she normally sees children who are very low. I said I work a system at home heavy on praise for good work - his trophies are pride of place in the lounge for example and dont focus on what he cannot do but what he can. She says that has come out. Im worried sick now - he is at school with a teacher he hates and all I can do is to count the hours till schools out.

CC- I just don't know what to say.... I feel that we have bonded as mothers with issues. I don't want to not respond, but I also have no clue what to say to you. I certainly feel for you with the whole waiting game. It takes forever to get appointments with anyone regarding pediatric mental illness. Will your son be on Spring break soon?

I may not be talking, but I AM listening and am here for you...

Me

Hi Baby and scattered, thanks for being their just to know I am being listened to and am not going mad is great. CAMHS have now seen my son and share my concerns, they have said they will be pushing to get him in within a couple of weeks - that he cant wait months for an appointment.

Well we had the big meeting yesterday with the teacher, the head, the counsellors and me ...... I am now totally and completely horrified. The teacher was presented with a report which said that my son was feeling suicidal as he couldnt face his class any longer - the teacher's response was:-

1. I am going to get the unions involved - this makes me look bad.
2. I can work anywhere for more pay and less hassle than this
3. It is my fault from stopping my son getting over his problems because I talk to him
and this endorses his fears
4. My son took an instant dislike to him just because he is a man and it is not his
fault.
5. He rejected the counsellors idea of a worry book saying it would make it worse
even though the head, the counsellor all said it works.
6. The head gave him her full support - though we did push the worry book idea
through.

I am at war. I am writing a letter of total disgust to the head of school, copying in the counsellors and the Board of Governers. I want this teacher out - he has been there 10 weeks ish - he has 12 out of 30 children underperforming to the point those kids have to see the head every week with their work. Yet she supports him. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I am so angry. He tells them - And I have this from a few children not just mine that:-

"I will make your life a misery" my son says he already does.
"I dont feel safe in this classroom" (Who the hell is in charge him or the kids?)
"No wonder you have had six teachers in 2 years" (schools fault not the kids)
"I wont be back on Monday" (the kids cheer inside)

My son now constantly worries that he is going to be sick - asks me 40-50-60 times a morning - I have to say no you are fine. I can't study, am falling behind at uni, worry constantly that he is ok. The counsellors say that he has to go in to school as he needs his peer group and normality to go on around him.

I am in the middle of a long long letter to the head and copying in the world and his wife! Ill get this teacher out and if I cant Ill have to get my son out but then my son loses his mates - though now he just wants to get away from that school - he hates it and he loved it until this new teacher started this term.

Sorry another moan over. When I feel better I will try to help others, promise but for now I am a wreck - I cant function myself - cant study and just need to share. Sorry I am a selfish poster at the minute - but promise to make up for it later xx

Thanks for listening.

Cheeky,

Please don't apologize. You are must unselfish, but helping others is certainly not a requirement in ADDF.

Nobody expects anything from you here except honesty.

I am horrified that the man you described is teaching children.

My own experience: my son's 1st grade teacher was sure my son was stupid. I hope it's just a coincidence that your problem teacher and mine are both men. The principal was convinced both my son (and another child in the class that the teacher though was dumb) were both gifted. Thanks to her intervention, he has a wonderful teacher this year who recognized he was a gifted child who needed specific help in the first week. Guess who was right about both the kids?:)

Please hang in there. Continue to be an advocate for him. Do whatever you can to make sure that teacher doesn't make life hell for other kids.

Don't worry about us. There's plenty of help & support to go around!:)

Im usually dishing out advice on other matters - here I am floundering - I dont know how to help myself never mind others. I feel like I am just asking and not giving but right now I have nothing much to give and I so need the advice and support given by all of you wonderful people.

I have the letter to every professional involved ready to sent, the Board of Governers, the School Head, The Local Education Authority, and all of the counsellors/nurses who have so far been involved. Might even copy in the GP for good measure.

Thanks again for listening, supporting and being all round wonderful people xx

OH my gosh!!!!!!!!! Excuse the language but what an ***!!!! He pretty much professed to it- what the he** is he teaching for??? You want to all someone selfish- call HIM that- what a creep!

Yes it would be an ordeal to transfer your son away from his friends, but what a small price to pay for peace of mind- besides- he is so stressed out- I dont think he would even mind!

You are NOT selfish- you are doing YOUR JOB as a warm and loving mother. Sounds like HE is not doing his job, I can NOT believe he gets support.
he may not want to get the unions involved- but YOU SHOULD! I am not a supporter of the unions, I think they are well, we will not go there, but if he is so afraid of looking bad, obviously there is a reason and he is clearly turning it around on you like he is doing you some big favor- Scr%# him! Turn him in and let them investigate! This is not an acat of revenge- although that is a bonus- but he doesnt sound like he should be working with children!

We are here- vent all you want!

me

My son begs me to move his school - the counsellors say he cant cope with change and it could make him worse - it doenst get much worse than this. Im not in a union but I am a dab hand at fighting "professionals". I have a letter prepared for the head, the counsellors, the Local Education Authority and the Board of Governers. Someone will sit up and listen to me - I'm on a mission to get my son away from this teacher. Hopefully out of the school.

Forgot to say thanks to everyone for the support - I need it so much right now

Thanks xxxxxxxxxx

Why dont you transfer him into s new school, yes it would be an adjustment, but if is can be more relaxed and HAPPY in a new environment, wouldnt it be worth it? Touch choice to make, I know. HEre 4 U

me

Cheeky;

Does your child have a therapist/psychiatrist ? If so, what does he/she have to say about all of this? If not, why are you relying on the school system that is so antagonistic to the needs of your child ?

Is your child being treated for his OCD and anxiety ?


ME :D

This all started on 6 January this year - I went to the GP initially who said it was a phase. I hoped he was right - waited two weeks took him back and still he refused to refer him. I sought out myself a charitable organisation called VIBES who help children with mental health issues - they have been brilliant. At the same time I went to the school made them aware of my son's OCD behaviours and they wanted the school nurse involved. The VIBES course lasted five weeks and eventually identified the teacher as the problem or the trigger. During this time, due to his suicide threats - the school and the GP have referred him to Childrens and Adolescent Mental Health Specialist (CAMHS) - these are the only people (I think) who can diagnose ADHD/ADD though I dont think my son has this - I think it is stress induced OCD and teacher induced depression!!!

I am keeping him involved with activities (not counselling sadly) with vibes - they have handed over to the school counsellor until his referral to CAMHS.

Sorry its a bit long winded - but its been a fight to get him help.

And yes I am very tempted to pull him out of the school but VIBES who I trust, who have nothing to do with the school - have said he reacts badly to change and it might be the worst thing.

I am on plan a - will is an all out assault on the teacher's suitablility to be around children at all.

I have spoken to Vibes - they have said let CAMHS do their assessment first, let the school nurse do hers (Vibes say she is on my son's side and sees through the teacher) before going for the teacher. Says a pre-emptive strike - could backfire. It is just so hard doing nothing when you see your child in such pain.

The head of school has now gone totally ballistic at me. She has bawled me out as she has found out I have been talking to other parents saying my son is suicidal as he cant face the teacher - this is true and asking them if they had concerns about their children. Two parents have been to see her because they are worried about theirs too - just not to the extent that my son is suffering.

She asks do I have no feelings for the teacher, dont I care that he is hurt. I said I care that I have a son who feels his life is not worth living because he cannot face him in school. She was shouting at me, really angry / saying the teacher has nothing to do with my sons problems that he cares very much about my son. I said if he did could he please show it as when he learned he was suicidal due to him - his response was he is going to the union, this makes him look bad - he can get better paid jobs for less hassle elsewhere.

She is rattled because I told the school counsellor that 12 out of 30 kids have to see her every week with their work as they are underperforming. She wanted the whole matter contained and tells me she couldnt care less if I pulled my son out of the school.

So all around a successful day at the office :-(

I'm sorry you're having to deal with an administrator who appears to care more about CYA than addressing the situation. Hang in there and continue to do what's best for you and your son!

Scattered

Hang in there and don't back down!

This is not how a competent administrator behaves!

We have our first meeting with the mental health specialist today (CAMHS) Ill let you know how it goes. I have kept him off school too - If I cant stand the thought of going near them - how can I expect him to?

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD six months ago. I had seen my G.P and spoken to her teacher at school but felt like no one was listening to me. Because my daughter had no learning difficulties just social problems I was made to feel like that it was a parenting problem! In the end my daughter was having suicidal thoughts. In one temper out burst she climbed onto the window ledge and said she was going to throw herself off. In another she grabed at a knife in the kitchen saying that she just wanted to die. It was heartbreaking seeing her so unhappy. Who said that your childhood years should be the happiest of your life! This made me take her to see a doctor privately. It took me just five days to get an appointment where as on the NHS I was told it would be eight months. How can you leave a child in that much pain for eight months.

Now my daughter is medicated and alot calmer I have noticed OCD behaviour. She is obsessed with germs. One example no one can touch her tooth brush, if I do she flips out and washes it under the hot water tap for ages removing the germs! I have spoken to her doctor about this but once again felt I was given the brush off. Like you I have noticed that stress is a trigger to this behaviour.

I just wish you good luck and hang on in there.:)

Welcome to the forums Crankie! I'm sorry your daughter is also going through so much. OCD is a genetic condition although stress can exaserbate it. It can also appear independently of any obvious stressors. You might want to take a look look at the book The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Washing by Judith Rapaport -- it's a little older, but is a classic and offers very good insight into OCD. OCD and ADD it appears may share a genetic pathway, so it's not at all uncommon to see both of them together. John Ratey's book Shadow Syndromes also gives a good explanation about various disorders including ADD, OCD, anxiety, depression and others and discusses the interrelationships, as well as, medical and non medical interventions.

Scattered

Hiya Crankie, My son has yet to be diagnosed with anything but I have been so lucky he was seen in less than a week due to the suicide fears. They can do it if you can convince the GP or school nurse.


I did have the school listening but when his counsellor's report showed the trigger was the teacher they have turned on me big time. I told my sons school counsellor that 12/30 are not performing and have to see the head weekly, one boy with ADHD reverts to sitting under the table as she has to know the full story.

The head has accused me of launching a vendetta against the teacher!

She asked don't I care about the teachers feelings and I could take my boy out of the school she would gladly see the back of him. Asked me why two other parents had been to see her about the teacher - as if I had set them up to do it. Shouldnt this be telling her something? I have decided to move him away from this moron of a teacher to a new school. There's no choice now.

Like you the head is desperate for this to be a parenting problem and I was ready to be told it was me. In the early days I went through fear for my child and guilt it was my fault. My son too is obsessed with germs and fears he will be sick constantly.

Good luck to you too :rolleyes:

wow your sons head teacher sounds quite a woman. To put it politely!!

I have found through my meetings with my daughters teachers and headteacher that they really don't know what they are talking about. I understand that they have alot of children some with other problems but to be honest I found the lack of knowledge quite worrying. Girls with ADHD seem to differ from boys and they did not seem to know this!!
It is comforting to hear from other parents facing the same difficulties as myself. I tend to beat myself up over my daughters problems and wonder if I had done things differently. Like you do after a bad day!!! So hearing that the big bad they had wondered if you had parenting problems made me:) . Not to say that I would not take any parenting advice on board. Anything to educate myself and make our lives just that bit better.

Thanks.

My 13 year old son has a diagnosis of adhd, ocd, mood disorder and learning disabilities. He has been medicated since preschool since being off the chart hyper.

I have a ton of posts in regard to our being kicked out of every daycare in our zipcode due to behavior issues...How one of his Catholic School Preschool teachers told me to bring him back when he was properly medicated....How a Catholic School Principal from yet another school called me when he was in Kindergarten (one week prior to graduation) and said that his diploma was in his bookbag and they were going to "call it a day".

He is now in 7th grade in a Public School. In the last 8 years (counting Kindergarten) we have had a few teachers that were very helpful and understanding with his special needs. We have also had a few teachers that are lucky that I never saw them outside the school parking lot. I had to teach them "adhd 101" and how not to mess with a parent advocate.

The one person that I can honestly say that I hate is the guidance counselor that we had to deal with for 7 years at the elementary school. Since Kindergarten, she would tell us that my son had no social skills due to not being taught this at home early on.

That really upset me especially since my daughter received the "Do the Right Thing Award" and also won the "Dare to Say No to Drugs Essay Contest" out of 3 schools. Why would I teach one of my kids social skills and not the other one?

Ha!!! Let the games begin!!!! That guidance counselor didn't know what she was in for during the next several years with me. Every time we went to an IEP meeting or a "can we come back to school after being suspended meeting", we would have an issue with her. She was evil.

We hired a special ed advocate at $50 per hour to go to the meetings with us.

The principal was a militant and was no better as far as disability awareness issues. She would come to the IEP meetings also and would always leave when anyone disagreed with her. I was not afraid to confront her either. My standard phrase was "Maybe you need to hire a teachers aide" or " If your school cannot teach my son, I will find a private school that can and the school district will pay for it."

I constantly sent faxes to the head of the special school district and also the head of the regular school district. I am sure they cringed whenever they saw that it was from me. After getting the run around for so long, you get into a zone of relentlessness.

After a few years, my mom and I handled the meetings ourselves without the advocate. I walked into the meetings with my binder of paperwork, tape recorder, teacher notes, etc.... That guidance counselor was the worst. She was like talking to a brick wall.

I couldn't wait until we got out of that elementary school and I no longer had to see her face. But.....I still had to see her face twice. Both times when I received the school district newsletter and the guidance counselor from "you know where" had received an award for guidance counselor of the year or something. (Gag me. Were there no other entries in the contest or what? My dog could have done better.)

For years, I wanted so badly to put her on every adhd/add/disability awareness magazine subscription or newsletter in the entire world, but I didn't.

I know deep down inside that my persistence on disability awareness made a difference in the lives of every kid like my son that followed in that school.

You will find good teachers and not so good teachers. You know what is best for your child. :)

Just to put a little bit of balance in here and so that others don't get discouraged from all the horror stories posted here, I'd like to share how my kids' school has been a vital part of getting DS through this.

Important: my child is not hyperactive and has had absolutely no behavioral problems until recently.

First, he had a superb kindergarten teacher who didn't understand why he would sometimes do the work for her with no problems and other times basically refuse or just not get it done. She called us every couple of months, we had a talk with him, he did better. Then, a couple of months later he'd start to slide....

In the 1st grade he had a basically incompetent teacher who thought he was dumb. By January it was apparent that he did not know or understand my child or any of the other kids in the class. All I did was mention that there was a problem to the principal and by the time I pick him up from school the very next day she'd talked to his kindergarten teacher as well as the 1st grade teacher and had observed the classroom. She concluded my child was gifted and misunderstood. For the 2nd grade she placed him with a much more appropriate teacher.

By about the 4th day of school, the 2nd grade teacher called me with a list of observations she'd made that indicated to her that he would benefit from a full evaluation. We both suspected dyslexia, but after a full battery of tests it was obviously ADD.

Since dx, the school has implemented an IEP (even though he doesn't really qualify since he's got decent grades in a gifted classroom and reads 2-3 grades above his level) and the teacher has made every effort to not only accomodate his needs, but to make sure that he doesn't take advantage (he certainly tries!).

Currenly, DS is dealing with emotional maturity issues. He's very sensitive to petty annoyances and is rather intolerant. Before starting medication, I don't think he was quite as aware of these things. Now they drive him nuts, so he makes his teacher nuts! But, she's been in contact with me 1-3 times a week to let me know what is going on. He's 8 & doesn't always tell me the whole truth.....

I just wanted to share so that those out there just learning about this disorder know that the entire world isn't incompetent. There are many schools and teachers that are sympathetic, knowledgeable, responsive and quite well trained. We've been very lucky.

Take Care!

It is good to hear the good news stories too Barbyma. I now have my son off school - I am not sending him back there - ever - he is a lot calmer in just a few days. The final straw was the day after the stand up row with the head, the teacher sent my son to her under the disguise of being told off for bad behaviour - to tell him the teacher couldnt be the only source of his problems and what else was on his mind. He came home in a complete state.

We see the new school on Tuesday. I had wanted him at the local Catholic school but I dont give a monkeys now - I can see the school field from my bedroom window (well a titchy bit of it) it's that close. The old one was a 15 minute walk away. I just feel that things are going to get better. My son just wants to start there as soon as possible and he is so much brighter already - the OCD behaviours are not going to go away but like one poster said, they will never go until the source of his stress is removed. I will still need to get him help to find him better ways of coping with stress/anxieties. We're not there yet but I think I have taken the first step.

Good luck with this new school. As barbyma has reminded us there are some really good schools out there with understanding teachers. My friend who lives out of my area tells me some great stories of her school and the help they give her child! Hope you find one of these.

I'm so glad to hear that, Cheeky!

I wish you & your son the best of luck at the new school.

There are many good teachers out there who are skilled in dealing with both mental and physical disabilities.

My son is currently in 7th grade and the teachers that he has this year are by far the best we have ever had. We frequently communicate back and forth via phone and email. Not only when he is doing bad but also when he is doing good. Positive feedback is very important for both my son and I. When I tell him that I spoke with his teacher who said he was doing great, his face beams and he is very motivated to continue doing well.

After going through so many years of elementary school teachers/counselors and principals that didn't believe in add/adhd, I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to let anyone stand in the way of my son receiving a proper education due to his diagnosis of adhd/ocd/mood disorder/learning disability. So far, so good.

good for you adhdxyz - I just hope my son settles in quickly to the new school. I have told him any misbehaviour here - any not working - anything less than 100 percent effort and I will send him back to this old teacher in his old school. He is seriously motivated.................................Chuckles .

I know this sounds cruel but my son is very bright and knows that I have not been down on him for his poor behaviour in this class. Basically he wont work for this teacher as he just simply hates him. I know how bad he has been feeling and havent come down on him at home I have just let him talk to me about what he does and how he feels. He has to know that although I have supported him in getting away from this teacher, I wont do it again. It is now up to him to settle in and start to work the way he did before this teacher arrived. I worry that the other kids wont accept him though he is really sociable - he will be the new boy.

I will still have to work with the compulsive behaviours but I dont see how he can even start to get better while he faces his trigger in the classroom daily. Seeing the new head of school on Tuesday, then I get to tell the current head she can shove her everso high achieving school where the sun does not shine :-) Damn my halo's dropped off again.

So happy you're going to be at a new school -- like you said, the OCD and other problems won't all just go away, but you'll have a much better environment in which to address them. I'm glad he's doing better already. Let us know how things go in the new school. Wishing you all the best!:)


Scattered

Another bad day - he is not dealing with stress at all. I can hardly type for tears in my eyes. He is a goallie - and this morning he lost 5-1 - not his fault - he was up for man of the match until the last ten minutes of the game as had done some great saves, we were just out classed. Goal five went in - he lost it, kicked the goalpost several times and his coach quite rightly told him off, he didnt take it well so he was sent off. This just doesnt happen normally. Where has my little well behaved boy gone?? We have spent the afternoon between fits thinking he has touched something that will make him sick, me assuring him, him screaming some more and me crying. I just want him to be better - I am so useless - if I cry I upset him but sometimes, like now, I just cant help it. Now I am scared that if I move his school, it may not be the trigger and I may make things worse but I know it wont. I believe that I cant start to get him better until he is away from the school but I wish I knew with certainty. But these things dont work like that do they - it's instinctive.

I know this sounds cruel but my son is very bright and knows that I have not been down on him for his poor behaviour in this class. It doesn't sound cruel at all. We expect our boys to give 100% effort to everything, no matter what the situation.

My ADD son has tried to take advantage on occasion with teachers, but his just won't stand for it. I imagine we'll have to remind him every day next year; chances are he won't get a teacher who understands him quite as well!

I'm so glad you've chosen to move him. I do think it's a better choice than what you've been dealing with!

I know how you feel. I think as parents we all have those days. I call them dark days.

It's funny, not really but it normally starts as soon as we get up. Just after getting my daughter ready for school I could normally burst into tears!! I have to wash and dress her. She can't do it herself as if I left her she would not use soap or brush her teeth. All her clothes annoy her as the seams and lables rub her. So you can imagine it can be a very testing time.

I try so hard not to cry in front of her and will just walk out the room. As when she gets like this there is no reasoning with her. She does not seem to realise that she is upsetting anyone else other than herself.

I find the more stressed I get the more wound up she gets and then she can really lose it!! I am not super human and some days I am better at doing this than others. I think that is a really good point as you can't beat yourself up for being human. I know I have been there. I just look back some days and think that I could have handled it a bit better so I will try next time!

To get myself through I just keep reminding myself that tommorrow is another day.:)

Crankie

Sounds like I am writing! But you sad it we ARE all human, we cant be super moms (and dads) we can only so the best we can and love our kids 110%. I never imagined that being a parent could be so trying. It IS hard at times to hold the tears back, and as much as I hate to cry in front of my son, sometimes I just lose it and here come the water wo

This is why I find this site soo good!!!

Actually finding other parents who understand dark days. Instead of wondering if myself and my child are from the funny farm! Other people just don't understand the stress that adhd can cause the children aswell as the parents. I do try and explain especially to the other parents at school why my daughter does certain things but alot of the time I can tell they are just thinking I would not put up with that!!

I always say I would love them to walk a day in my shoes!!

As for loving our children 110% I go with that. As I tell my daughter I will always love you no matter what!!:)

I am sure this site and all of you lovely people have kept me sane too. Though my friends may disagree.

I have had a bit of good news. The consultants have ruled out ADD ADHD and the autistic spectrum - they believe it to be stress induced OCD and that they can help him with behavioral therapy. This is not yet an official diagnosis but the consultant was fairly sure but said they would confirm once the Doctor and consultant had gotten together to decide which way forward to help him.

I love my boy to bits too - even when he is telling me he hates me.

CC

YOu know he doesnt mean it so take it with a grain of salt. Just today I had to hear how parents are the worst thing in the world, and why do we need parents? A few hours later I was the best mom in the world.

That blasted stress induced ocd! They are KIDS - they shouldn't have stress! But look at the bright side- you are getting him help early enough so he can learn to cope with stress. Its a long road. We (supposedly) have our 1st psych appointment next Saturday- (yes with that whole insurance nightmare, I lucked out and found a pediactric psych that not only had an opening in only 2 weeks- he also has SATURDAY hours, the bummer is that its not in my area, I have to travel to another state but its only about a 30-40 minute ccommute) Lets hope I do not get cancelled again!

Its seeming as the lexapro IS helping him, although at times it almost seems as he is wired and I want to lock him up (just kidding)

CC- forgive me we have had alot going on, please remind me, is he on any meds? For us it was a last resort we really didn't want to go that route but saw that we really didnt have a choice. The goal, of course is to get the behavioral therapy so we can eliminate the meds.

ccheekychick

It is good to hear news of that diagnosis. Hopefully things will get better soon.


babyboy;

I'm glad to hear you found some meds that are working for your child.

ME :D

No he is not on meds we are at the very beginning of getting a diagnosis then we will go for the behavioural therapies first. It is getting really bad though and am having a tough weekend. Went shopping on Friday, he rammed the trolley into me twice, punched me and kicked me for not getting his own way. I did shout at him in the car park that he was not to hit me ever and held his arms to restrain him from hitting me again. Some woman shouted at me that I was a bullying ***** and to leave him alone. I dont even smack as a punishment but he had also ran across the car park I was scared he was going to hurt himself.

He went to a party yesterday and was so rude and sulky I took him home, which started off a major blow out. He was scared he was going to come into contact with raisins - its one of his things at the moment along with not swallowing. He punched my arms, headbutted me and as I was driving back he punched me in the back of the head and kicked the back of my car seat. This child has never ever hit me. He is so full of anger and not coping. He was sorry by the time we reached home, he is now promising me everything if I just will stop looking sad. Had a damned good cry last night and he heard me. I have tried to hide the upset from him but now I think he needs to see it - This is so hard - I have to hope CAMHS will help give ME some coping strategies too as they help him.

My daughter will attack me too!! Normally when she has really lost her temper and it just soo up tight! The thing is after she has calmed down like your son she is so sorry. Almost ashamed of herself. She will tell me she loves me and did not mean to hurt me.

The thing is I belive her, I just think that she gets to a point where she can not control herself. It is like a switch is flipped and you best get out the way. I just tell her that it is unacceptable behaviour but I can't go on about it as I have said I really belive it is not her fault. Saying this I don't like me chances when she is sixteen and trying to attack me!!

I really don't know the answer to this. All I do is try and lead by example by not spanking her. I tell her that hitting people is not the answer and try to talk to her after she has calmed down !!!

You want to see some of my friends faces when it comes out that my daughter has attacked me:confused: I can tell they are thinking I would not put up with that. Welcome to my world :)

People dont have a clue - I could never have imagined this even six months ago but here we are. He was really good yesterday. I am hoping that when he starts his treatment which is likely to be behavioural therapies - he will find ways to manage the OCD so that it doesnt build up like this.

On a funnier note - he wont touch things that he thinks have touched raisins. And a boy in his football team ate a currant bun 29823 million years ago. He touched the football therefore he wont touch it or it will make him sick - Keeping up??? Anyway he is the only goalie who wont use his hands!!!!!

He has another match in two weeks if he is still the same Ill have to tell the coach to play him out. gg One day I will look back on this and laugh. I hope ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crankie & Cheeky

I admire you for trying so hard to not hit.

I agree it isn't great to teach kids to solve their problems that way.

I have confidence that they'll get better with maturity and behavioral training.

cheeky-- I hope the behavior therapy is enough. It seems from your descriptions that it will be, at least for now. Hopefully he'll get better as he grow up, not worse. It can be a little like eye sight that way; you never know.

My son would do that too- and crankie you are right- its like a switch. (Knock on wood) its been awhile but it only happened during the major meltdowns (the ones that he couldnt even recall, the ones I refer to as seizures). I have had to grab his arms and restrain him from lunging at me.

But you know what? People see that in public and their 1st reaction is that you are the mean parent- they do not know that you are protecting yourself and trying to calm your child down. Like Crankie said "I wouldnt put up with that". It isnt 'putting up with' and until they have walked in your shoes and lived with a child with ocd- they will NEVER EVER understand. My husband will not even tell my mother in law that my son is on meds because she doesn't believe its ocd. DEnial? or ignorance?

CC- honestly I am so not an advocate of meds- any kind- I suffered through the worst migraines you can imagine, bronchitis, tonsillitis etc. and refused to take meds unless I was REALLY bad. The last thing in the world I wanted was to medicate my son. But it really got to the point where I realized that I HAD To do it for the sanity of our family and most importantly to help my son, be a calmer person, so he COULD be happier.

Last week was rough- it was the 1st week back from spring break, which just goes to prove that school is a trigger- I still dont understand that. His work comes easy for him, he loves his teachers, has man friends, etc. But SOMETHING to do with school is a trigger. The real test will be summer vacation. I am HOPING to be able to take him off the Lexapro during that (with doctor supervision, of course). Especially since most of summer he spends taking alllergy meds, but we will see what happens there.

Coping method for you? Hmm.. still working on that- crying is good, (except the headache and puffy eyes that follow) but its a way to release the stress and pain. Visit here and vent- I am sorry I cant offer more, but this forum truly has saved me from going absolutely bananas. We are all experiencing similar situations and we are lucky enough to get the help, support, advise from ADULTS who suffer from ocd. I have found that to be PRICELESS. It has helped me get a better understanding of HOW my son feels. How can a child explain it?

You do need to try to find a 'calm down' activity for him. Like my son will go play pac man on the computer- as strange as it sounds, it DOES relax him. Maybe if you talked to your son, ask him what he finds the MOST relaxing, whether its a video game, quiet time in his room, maybe reading a book. There has to be something he can do on his own to 'wind down'. I know it has helped us so perhaps it may help you?

By the way- the raisin thing is so not weird! My sons food can not touch- he needs a different utensil for each food, he has what he calls 'gagables' so if he sees a baby (except his sister) or a bug outside, if someone chews with their mouth open, he gags and is done eating. :confused:

Thats what I had - someone shouting at me for being a female dog!! If only they knew. No I would never hit him - I have never even smacked though when you are getting punched in the head there is no option but to restrain him. He is a very big nine. In one way it is better that it has come out now as if he decided to beat the crap out of me at 13, 14 + Id have no chance with him.

I cannot wait to get him into the therapies. So far we have had general self esteem counselling not OCD related as no official diagnosis yet. Now he is with CAMHS (Childrens and Adolescents Mental Health Service) he is still being assessed.

School is the big trigger for my son too since the new teacher started but he is almost universally hated by the children in his class. I have heard others say they would like to stab him, they hate him, another high achiever called him a bully. Nice bloke!! NOT.

If he needs the meds then he'll get them as this is no life at all - but very much a last resort on that one. I am struggling now - he has been off school for two weeks and another two to go. I need to study myself for my degree but it is impossible when he constantly needs me to check things for germs or screams if he thinks he has touched something.

I hate seeing food when adult people are eating it. Mouths should be shut when eating - he sounds like a very sensible young man :-)

Can I have a scream please? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I NEED A BREAK ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~ Thank you - I feel better now :-)

He is so angry too - he has hit me again - now wants my reassurance that the stuff he has touched isnt going to make him sick. Have said I cant help as my role is a punch bag and while I am being hit I cannot help him with his problems. I dont know how to get through to him that it is not OK to take his frustrations out by hitting me.

Bloody OCD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO laughing matter- but do you think he would believe you get germs from hitting? WHat about if you told him the next time he hit you would hit back (but dont actually do it!) WOuld that put a fear in him so he would abstain?

If he thinks I have touched something he finds germy - he wont come near me, he'll run off from me and it gets dangerous if it is near roads. Its a good idea but if he thinks I have germs he goes loopy.

I think meeting violence even with the threat of violence is only going to escalate him. He is so angry it's like shutdown - just at that time I cant reach him. What brings him down quicker than anything is telling him he has hurt me and I need him to be in his room away from me for a while. Though the red mist can last anywhere between 5 minutes and half an hour so far. He doesnt lash out for that long but these black moods come down on him and his language can be foul too. Later when he wants hugs, I tell him I love him but am so hurt at his behaviour I cant cuddle him and we are really cuddly. Having that closeness removed really upsets him. Then I will remove some activity or another. That almost sounds crueller when you write it down but I just am so anti violence - smacking - hitting etc. It's because his father hit me a couple of times and I just wont have hitting, threats of hitting or anything like that as part of our discipline routines.

He has a cat he loves - and I do tell him that if he hasnt calmed down by the count of 5 - the cat goes out for a walk. He just loves that cat and wont let the poor thing out when he is home because he is scared the cat will get bird flu!! I do let him out when he goes to nanny's and school.

I didnt know it - but later worked out that my discipline is referred to as positive parenting - (except the cat threats ggg) and it did work till OCD landed - it's a whole new rule book now and I am still working on what the rules actually should be. I just know it has to be without smacks or me threatening even to punch/kick him back ~~~

I cant get to see the counsellor for 2 weeks due to Easter. It feels like 2 years. Im such a wingebag - just finding it tough going right now.

I agree- but with my son, the thought of it freaked him out to the point that he stopped- he knows I would never do it, but I had no idea how to get him to stop- (bear in mind that my daughter was in my arms because she was an infant) guess it does sound cruel! Aak! you must think I am wretched!

I hate seeing food when adult people are eating it. Mouths should be shut when eating - he sounds like a very sensible young man :-)
Oh, I TOTALLY agree with him there!

tRUE IT is REPULSIVE, BUT HE HAS ACTUALLY VOMITTED FROM IT! OOPS NOT YELLING JUST TOO TIRED TO TAKE IT OFF CAPLOCK! LOL

Only as cruel as me threatening to send his beloved cat out knowing he thinks the cat will die from bird flu - I am truly evil ggggggg. I think we have to press whatever buttons work with them. The raisins thing is a real problem at the minute, he freaked out in Sainsbury's yesterday as on the way in there was a display of hot cross buns. I couldnt get my shopping done, the poor kid was genuinely terrified but he didnt hit me this time :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Cheers claps applauds:::::::::::::::::::::::

Even better I couldnt get my washing powder, which now means I dont have clean clothes to iron - so every cloud has a silver lining :-)

it will all work out but it is a long road- you WILL get there!!!!

Diagnosis has arrived he has OCD I asked the consultant what caused it she replied "undoubtedly the teacher" Where to I go from here?

Can you get the consultant to put that in writing and show it to the school's principal, school board, administration?

Diagnosis has arrived he has OCD I asked the consultant what caused it she replied "undoubtedly the teacher" Where to I go from here?My understanding from what I've read is that OCD is not "caused" by anyone (although stress can make it worse -- and you certainly had a very scary teacher from what you relate). Medically speaking around 70 plus percent of OCDers can be helped by medication and/or behavior modification therapy. You really need to work with someone who specializes in or is very experienced in treating this population.

A couple of good books to inform yourself are:Tormenting Thoughts and Secret Rituals by Ian Osborn, MD -- it's put out by Dell Books or the classic The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Washing by Judith Rappaport.

Take care -- I'm glad you have a formal diagnosis to work with now.

Scattered

I think what the consultant meant but didnt actually say as I asked a direct question "what caused this?" She said "undoubtedly the teacher". My son must have a predisposition to OCD but it needed sufficient stress and anxiety to trigger what has turned out to be a complete melt down. The teacher was the cause of that stress and anxiety.

He did say that he had come in hard on the class as they were behind where they should be and that he had some really tough kids in the class and he was used to teaching rough kids. The moron doesnt have rough kids in that class I know most of them since they were two years old at playschool for goodness sakes! They are mainly good kids, some with ADHD, a couple no medical probs just naughty/cheeky - you know a normal class of children.

I dont think he has caused the OCD it but I do think he is the stress anxiety trigger that was sufficient to cause a complete meltdown. I am sure my son was less able to deal with him as he has had a difficult time, gone through me splitting with his dad when he was two, court cases and stuff for contact. (long story but over now 2 years ago) But I honestly believe that without this teacher, this OCD meltdown would not have happened.

On a brighter note - he is in his new school and the difference is almost immediate - he is remarkable. He still worries about currants, infections but I hardly have to check things, he is happy, smiling and looks and acts like a 'normal' little boy. He no longer feels suicidal and we havent even started the CBT. He does still need it because I dont ever ever ever ever ever want him to have to go through the last few months again and he needs to learn how to cope better with his stress/anxiety. But I have a happy boy and he has a happy Mum. I hope this continues.

I'm so glad you have gotten your son out of that situation, it definitely sounds like the teacher contributed to your son's situation. I hope he continues to improve!

cc-

That is so great- I am so happy for you! :) :) Isnt it a huge weight lifted when you see some improvement? Just keep following through on your treatment. Now that you arent so stressed I am sure he senses that too which will help him!

It is brilliant - he is happy again and I cant tell you how much that means. I am going to talk to the consultants secretary and see if there are any mechani