I'm new here, and have decided to post after lurking around for a few weeks.

My wife is ADD & 10 year old step-daughter ADHD...and only after having lived with them for over a year, I've discovered that I show many of the same symptoms they both exhibit, although I've never been to a doctor to discuss it.

Not all of the time, but sometimes, I have a really difficult time dealing with my step-daughter, and I've come to the conclusion that it's because I don't understand her mind a whole lot. She takes adderal each morning, and I can see a significant difference in her when she doesn't take it for a day.

My wife was on adderal as well until we got married & decided to have a baby, and it's been over a year since she took it (we had a miscarriage 3 months before a successful pregnancy). Just this morning she got a prescription to get back on it because she says she's having too difficult a time keeping her mind together since going back to work, and that her mind is overworking her to the point of physical exhaustion...again, something I have a hard time understanding.

We all can get on each other's nerves with our quirks & whatnot, but mostly we get along fine. The problem I'm having is I don't particularly like either of them having to take medications, but it's mostly out of fear of not really knowing what it'll do to them longterm. I've researched a bit on the internet, and it seems all of the information I find contradicts each other in some way, and I'm not sure what to think about ADD/ADHD or medications.

I guess I'm posting all of this because I'm at a total loss for how I should feel, and explaining it effectively to my wife. I got really upset about her deciding she needed to get back on these meds, and was accused of not supporting her in what she needs to do. On one hand I can see that, but on the other hand, it doesn't seem that she understands my feelings in this either. In the end, she needs to do what's best for her...but it all honestly scares me a bit.

I want to understand them both more, so we can live without any of the tensions that come up from my putting my foot in my mouth. Is there anyone here who either feels the same way I do or has felt that way, or is even in a similar position that you could offer up some ideas/advice?

Hello. Wanted to weigh in on the medication concern you have voiced. As the spouse and mother of ADDers I have to say at first when meds were brought up to us I was very much against them, especially for my son. That being said eventually I came around to the idea that maybe, just maybe, the doctor knew what he was talking about and that the misery my guys were dealing with could be somewhat alleviated by taking a simple little pill. I am the one who refuses to take medicine when I know for a fact that it will help the problem. My bad, but what right do I have to force my issue with meds on the two people I care the most about. My husband was the first to go on meds. Once I saw the immediate change I thought I was being neglectful for not letting my son try the meds. We agreed to a trial period of time to see how it went. My son went on 20mg Adderall XR daily and thankfully the dose is great for him and the change in his daily life and happiness has been monumental to say the least. Hubby has had a more difficult time finding the correct drug and dosage, but he also has many comorbid problems that add to his issues with finding a correct dosage. I am still not happy about them having to take meds. I still have concerns about stimulant medications and the possible problems from taking them, BUT the alternative of no meds scared me even more. The last thing I want in this world is for my son to have the same comorbid issues my hubby has. I believe that an earlier diagnosis, parents who are trying to learn everything they can about ADD and an understanding educational setting will go far toward his experience being vastly more positive than his dad's. I may be wrong, but when looking at my son especially I have to say, he is no longer failing school, has developed friendships with nice kids, so far has managed to stay away from self medication with illicit drugs and alcohol (WAY SCARIER THAN PRESCRIPTION DRUGS) and overall is a much happier person. Meds worked for us. It sounds like your wife feels they work for her and her daughter. Not taking meds doesn't appear to work so well in your household. Maybe you can ask yourself if your fear is worth the happiness and improved functionality of your family? In my case, my fear is just that, fear. The reality is there is a medical treatment that can and does help my family do better in the world. We all want our loved ones to do well in the world. Sorry for the rant.

No rant at all, but good insight. This past weekend, my wife threw a couple online tests my way, and they both determined that I present several symptons of being ADD...and even though I'm not entirely surprised, it is good for me to recognize these things within myself I feel. Mostly, I need to understand as much as I can so I can be as supportive to my wife & step-daughter as possible.

You brought up valid points in asking whether my fears are worth more than their immediate well being, and it really matters more what makes life easier for them, not my anxiety. For my step-daughter, I've seen it help bring her up to honor roll status in school this year. As for my wife, it's still hard to tell with her work performance, but I instantly saw the obvious energy increase (although she's still tired after a 9 hour work day, she's able to stay up later than she has since before we became pregnant last year).

Thank you for your insight & comments, it's much appreciated...I was beginning to think that no one wanted to waste their time with such a juvenile post. :)