On an impulsive whim this morning, I stopped by Chapters bookstore to see if they had any books on ADD that I might like to read.

I decided on two books - including Sari Solden's book "Women with Attention Deficit Disorder."

I've managed to whizz through 3 chapters of it in about 45 minutes (must be a record for me!!)

As I'm reading through it, I'm finding I don't know whether to laugh or cry. She is describing my life - the struggles and the pain I have been dealing with for so long. It's quite the emotional rollercoaster!:faint:

Those of you who have also read this book - please share your reactions to it. (I haven't checked if there is already a similar thread, and I apologize if this is a repeat).

It's an excellent book -- one of the first three my counselor recommended for me! Women's experience of ADD is quite different then mens -- it's nice to have some validation that you're not alone in this.

Scattered

I've read this book and I found it very helpful but it's very emotion provoking meaning it made me laugh, cry and get angry.....yes this book describes me to a T

I have read this book, I highlighted ALOT of phrases and paragraphs because they make soo much sense & you finally realize for the first time in your life you are not a woman alone. When I was finished highlighting almost everything in book, I showed them to my husband (only I most importnant phrases) I told himthis is the way I feel everyday..and he looked at me with and"I am so sorry I never nknew" look.

It is a wonderful book, although did not cry, for me it was a total relief :O)

:) Yes! It was my first "post" ADD purchase. Went to the bookstore after my BT said that many things i was describing were ADD related. I did cry, out of relief. I think i highlighted the entire chapter on disorganization. Wonderful book. Made many things make more sense for me, and would highly recommend it.

Just curious, cuz I'm a dude, see...

However, I'm a dude that very clearly has Innattentive ADD. There's not a hyperactive bone in my body. If anything, I'm hypoactive - languid, lethargic, and daydreamy. For exactly this reason I never looked into a diagnosis of ADD - in spite of a friend calling me "Mr. ADD" for years.

While I can relate to a certain percentage of general ADHD literature - it's the descriptions of Innatentive ADD that capture my attention. Unfortunately, most ADD books I've read focus on ADHD. Driven to Distraction, for example, has a small section on Innattentive ADD, and it's to little sections like this that I turn first, and it's in little sections like this that I most frequently underline things.

The book you describe is written for women with ADD, and - seeing as how women are more frequently diagnosed with Innattentive ADD than men - I'm wondering if this book is primarily about Innatentive ADD. And if it is, would it provide highlighter material for a dude, er... I mean, an erudite and sophisticated gentleman:rolleyes:... who has Innattentive ADD?

(Can anyone recommend some books that focus primarily on Innatentive ADD?)

Hi Spoonbits;

Yes, that is one of the main things I like so much about this book (so far). After all, the title of the book is "Women with Attention Deficit Disorder" - I think she purposefully left out the "Hyperactivity" in the name. Although there is some information in the book regarding women with ADHD, she does talk alot about the hypoactive ADDer - which for me has been a God-send!

I had the same problem with respect to doubting whether or not I had ADD - my lethargy and hypoactivity just did not seem to match all the literature on ADHD. I'm hoping that with the new DSM expected out in 2010, there will be a name change, or more of a focus on the specific symptoms of the Inattentive type. It is my belief that ADHD - hyperactive type, and ADHD - inattentive type are likely related, but separate disorders, and I think that the misnomer causes alot of people (like you and me) to either delay or completely avoid seeking help for their ADD-related difficulties! So much more research needs to be done on the Inattentive subtype. In my experience, this mis-naming of the disorder keeps professionals in the field from fully understanding the disorder, and adds to the frequent (and often harmful) misdiagnosis.

I would recommend this book to you then - if you don't mind all the references to "she" and "her" ;) :)

I just found it on ebay :-)
I should have in within the next week or so!

Last time I went to the bookstore, I actually went with the intention of browsing this book, having read reader reviews of it on Amazon. (one of those reviews I just had to copy, as it was such a good description of Inattentive ADD.) I suspected that there was likely more Inattentive ADD information in it than in the standard ADHD lit. Unfortunately, the bookstore I went to did not have a copy at the time.

Out-of-control little boys, as you know, are the squeaky wheels of ADD, so they've gotten the most grease. And since those little boys frequently turn into men with ADHD, commensurate interest has followed. Fortunately, the more inhibited and sluggish variety has been spotted along the way - quietly sitting in the corner, gazing out the window.

When my friend called me "Mr. ADD" - I would invariably think something like "Yeah, yeah. Whatever." After all - sheesh! - I wasn't a disruptive little monster making life miserable for third grade teachers. Nor had I ever been.

Along with "Mr. ADD", however, she continued to mention my tendency to hyperfocus - and that word was the key to further investigation, because I could not deny that I did this "hyperfocusing thing". So finally, after a good long while, I decided to look up "hyperfocus" on google. And you'll never guess what popped up. ADD this, and ADD that. So I started reading. Reading a list of traits was like looking in a mirror. In time, I came across a description of Inattentive ADD, and that description was like Windex®. It polished the mirror into sparkling clarity.

Anyway - say... is there an Inattentive ADD section in these forums? I haven't poked into every last nook and cranny, but I don't recall seeing a dedicated chunk of addforum webspace devoted to the issue. Look... you see? We're left out again! (Unless I'm mistaken) It's those pushy yakkity-yak hyperactive types, I tell ya.

LOL, I wouldn't have a clue if there is a forum, but could you imagine if we all had a get together! That thought amuses me, I'd be butting in everywhere, or tuning out from everyone else butting in, but I probably wouldn't notice..the same would go for a forum like that!
It would be funny
Go grab the book, there seem to be a few in the USA ebay and a good price too

I totally felt the same way with Sari's book. I think that's the same one that starts with the image of an ADD person realizing that they have a different map than anyone else and that even though they get lost so often they still clutch their "old, crumpled, faded map, holding on to the hope they will find that buried treasure chest and reclaim their abandoned hopes and lost dreams" (Sari Solden,1995)

I still cry when I read that ....many of the stories have made me want to just hug my former self ....the little 8 year old girl (me) who had to sit on the class porch for an hour cuz she didn't know how to answer the question on a "just for fun" math paper handed out in class....the teacher assumed I just didn't want to do it and made me sit outside. I was too embarrassed to tell her that I didn't know how since all the other kids thought it was SO easy and fun. I wish I could talk to that girl now.

My therapist gave me a copy and I've been reading it for the past two days. I too laughed and cried, out of relief, but also out of a sense of loss.

The whole book seems to be about me! I really like the chapter on disorganization and the effort it takes me to do things. Or not to do things at times Ha!

I was diagnosed as a child with ADD. I was treated for a few years, then stopped. Then forgot about it all. They said we grow out of it, well that wasn't the case with me. I'm now 45 and just now addressing this issue again! My 15 year marriage ended two years ago, but there was more to it than my untreated ADD. But, looking back I see so many things that could have been addressed differently if only I had known what was causing me to be this way.

I am now pursuing help and hope to find out if medication is next on my list of things to do. I took ritalin as a child, for about a year, and it did help apparently. I had good doctor care for several years, which really did help me do better in school. But, that was then. As I grew up and became an adult, my symptoms became a burden and at times made me think I was going insane. I sought help at around 40, which helped with my marriage falling apart, I mean helped me handle that better as it happened. But that counselor never talked to me about ADD or I never brought it up I guess.

Now I have the time and the professional help. I'm glad I found this forum and I hope find out lots more. I just feel a little depressed that I will never have the ability to form a close love relationship due to my ADD. I hope that isn't true, but my disorganization and my zoning out in conversations, etc... seems to be a real problem with men! Ha, I wonder why? It really was a problem for my ex. He called me lazy, messy, scattered, etc... I've felt like such a defect as a woman. Can anyone relate to that?

I haven't cried this much in a long time. To know that it' ADD is a help, but it's sad too right now for me.

Stacy in Ohio

Zen,

I can totally relate to the feeling defective thing.

Every little while my boyfriend will point out something I do that is really hurtfull to him, or there are days that while I know he doesn't mean to make me feel bad he will tease me about every little thing I do. This can make me feel extremely useless.

For instance, he will make a joke as he turns off the back burner which I turned on by mistake but put the food on the front burner that's not on, then he will laugh at how I have left all the cupboard in the kitchen open, then he'll comment about how I don't clean as I go when cooking. Then later in the day he will joke about how I always interrupt when he's busy with something, and then on how when I ask him something I don't hear the answer.

He is always smiling and I don't think he knows when he's doing it but some days when I'm already beating myself up plenty for being so scattered it really makes me feel totally hopeless!

Sorry for butting in once again, ladies, since I'm a guy (and in posting here, I have the vague feeling that I'm walking around in the lingere department or something.) But the book drew me in for innatentive ADD reasons - so I've been following this thread.

He called me lazy, messy, scattered, etc... I've felt like such a defect as a woman. Can anyone relate to that?
Well, you know - my mother is very naturally organized - with her lists, and calendars, and schedules, and her ability to get things done. When she separated from my father and moved out of the house I grew up in - it shortly turned into a pig-sty of ungodly proportions. It was a real eye-opener. It occurred to me that - wow... it was my mother who kept that place looking respectable all those years, I just didn’t realize it.

My father remarried within a few years, and once again the house was looking respectable - with the exception of his “den”. You can hardly set foot in there it’s so cluttered. So I definately grew up with the perception (and it wasn’t even conscious) that women did all the organizing, task assigning, and tending to details around the house. (And what do you know... my brother’s wife runs the show in their household.) To be honest, the first time I came across a woman who was untidy and disorganized - I was surprised by it.

Me - I’m single, but I live with a way ADD female roommate. And the two of us ADD peas live in quite the sloppy pod. And you know what? It kind of sucks. It’s like compound interest.

my copy arrived today :-)

Well, I'm going to have to read the book.

My above post was intended to confirm that, for sure, there's a huge cultural assumption that women are supposed to be on top of things in the home.

Bachelor pads are synonymous with unkempt. As a guy who has a hard time removing the "un" from "kempt", I can at least sorta hide behind cultural assumptions.

Hi, Zen - I can relate to your issues in a big way. My marriage ended after 8 years and yes, I was the lazy one who wasn't pulling their weight in the relationship. And like you, I also had other things contributing to the failure of the marriage but my ADD was a big part - he just didn't get me. Not to mention that I have 2 sons now with ADD (not to mention my dad and brothers) so my ex will be learning more about it, hopefully, as time goes on.

Either way, I too felt defective and got quite depressed on more than one occasion and while I'm searching for the right medication (ritalin only makes me race more), I'm trying get help with learning how to co-exist with my symptoms better while trying desperately to hide these symptoms from my co-workers and maintain their respect.

But the good news is that I did find a guy and we got married recently and while we still have a ways to go before he fully "gets" what it's like to be ADD, he does try to understand. And I try to understand his OCD... what a pair we are. :)

At any rate, my point was that it helps to get happier about yourself and then that proabably when you'll attract someone new - when you're feeling secure and happy with yourself.

The book is very good :-) It was like most of it was written about my life...I am going to send it to my friend to read.

I loved this book. It was such a relief to finally "fit" something. I laughed out loud at the section about how ADD women have only two perceptions of time -- "now" and "notnow."

I've highlighted half the book, I think. And I show it to my husband or friends when I'm trying to explain (read: justify) why I think I have ADD at all. (My mom thinks I'm just "creative.") But I think she has ADD tendencies that have just never reached that level where they noticeably affect her life in a negative way, so to her, it's "everyone does that." Yeah. But not to the extent that it messes up their life and exhausts them as they frantically try to "pass for normal."

ADD women have only two perceptions of time -- "now" and "notnow."

."
I must have missed that line, how true is it? LOL :D

hey everybody, well this too is one of the first books i read after being diagnosed with ADD and yeah, it made me sigh a breath of relief, but at the time I think realising that now that I know what the problem is so now I have to take action, when i was just coming to terms with the ADD, well it all seemed too much. But I've thought about ordering that book again.

I laughed and cried while reading this book. I read this book a couple of weeks ago, 4 years after having first been diagnosed. I have been in denial all this time and just recently came close to acceptance. This book is a big part of the change. I am combined type, so I am a little different from whe focus of this book, but it was great for me to hear why I went undiagnosed for so long (I was first diagnosed at 20). I would definitely recommend this book to anyone! I also enjoyed Terri Matlen's book Beyond Post-its and Palm pilots, survivial tips for woment with adhd. I definitely lauged with that one!