I am not sure where to start but first thing is
I do not trust my SO. I do not know if I am still in love with my SO. He has done many intollerable and horrible things. Is it because he also had ADD or just because I am too nice. He may feel guilt to leave me for sure?

I have to read more but I have now been indulging in the "DETACHMENT" and self control of emotions information. I feel sincerely depressed over how we have grown to this instead of grown to being what some call "happy".

Love.... hmph. Love is another word that hurts to even think of these days or even believe in.

Anyone please share thoughts.
Thanks, Dar.

Daria, I really don't care if he's ADD or not, he is responsible for his actions. Treating you like crap is not ok. You mentioned in another thread you'd been cheated on "numerous times". By this SO? He's no longer that "significant" and doesn't need to still be an "other".

Take a girls' weekend, figure out why you stay, why you might go, pros, cons, and what you really want. What can you afford to give? This person sounds like a lot of work, is he worth it? What are you worth?

You're obviously a very nice person to get this far. Keep us posted and vent if you need to.

Daria,

For me, trust is a cornerstone of a relationship, and so is consideration.

It''s really not acceptable for him to treat you poorly, if it is not acceptable to you in your heart.

The critical thing is you understand what your principles are and not sacrifice them in the relationship, because that will really grind you into a pit of depression. maybe this is where you are?

If he is doing things that hurt your feelings or feel unkind, he needs you to tell him specifically what those are so he can correct them. If you have told him plenty of times and he is not interested in even trying to change those particular behaviours then the ball is back in your court.

When I accept less for myself, I feel like I am less. Do you agree too?

But as you know yourself, just because you are ADD doesn't mean you are not a nice person.

Things to consider, hope you get some good responses.

cs

Long ago 17 yr.s to approximate I dated a girl I cheated on quite a bit , we dated for 6 yr.s , and when she finally dumped me ,I had to admit, she held on to me longer than I ever would have. I learned from that relationship and never cheated on another woman ,and my advise to you is when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired,
you may take steps that will help you feel better about you.

Daria,

I agree with everyone else on here, if he is not treating you as nice as you treat him, you shouldnt stay on. Relationships are about treating each other with respect and as equals (love of course too). If he is cheating on you, thats not what you should be getting. I can tell from this forum you are a really really nice girl, and as a guy, look for the nice guy thats just a little bit more shy than most, hes the one thats really true and nice. I dont think cheating should be accepted at all in any relationship myself an would not wait for an instant to drop a girl if she cheated on me, and I could NEVER EVER cheat on a girl, to put somone through that kind of psycological harm and torture is just horrible.

Also, if you tend to get in a lot of bad relationships, its time to reassert what you are doing and going about getting them. I mean... you are like 10 years older than me and all, but you gotta start finding guys that want to be your friends at first and stay that way. I find that all relationships that i have seen most successful have started off where there was a friendship base over anything, both in my parents and all my friends relationships. Its much easier to cheat on somone that you have no connections to and no consequences from in this case.

Dont know if that all helped or made sense, if you need me to extrapolate, id be more than glad to.

My motto has always been "without trust there is nothing." I also agree with the words posted before me in this thread. When at the end of the day you realize you're sitting next to the person who is supposed to be your SO, and you are still lonely/sad/unhappy/unfullfilled...it's time to start thinking from within yourself "why?" It's also time to seek outside help (ie a therapist) and work on changing what you CAN change: You. :)

It's an involved process, but far worth it when the end result is happiness and (dare to hope :) ) inner peace.

I wish you the very best in your pursuit of happiness.

When at the end of the day you realize you're sitting next to the person who is supposed to be your SO, and you are still lonely/sad/unhappy/unfullfilled...it's time to start thinking from within yourself "why?" It's also time to seek outside help (ie a therapist) and work on changing what you CAN change: You.

You really hit the nail on the head.

Long ago 17 yr.s to approximate I dated a girl I cheated on quite a bit , we dated for 6 yr.s , and when she finally dumped me ,I had to admit, she held on to me longer than I ever would have. I learned from that relationship and never cheated on another woman ,and my advise to you is when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired,
you may take steps that will help you feel better about you.
May I please ask, what was the "lesson" you learned from that relationship you speak of?

Daria,

I agree with everyone else on here, if he is not treating you as nice as you treat him, you shouldnt stay on. Relationships are about treating each other with respect and as equals (love of course too). If he is cheating on you, thats not what you should be getting. I can tell from this forum you are a really really nice girl, and as a guy, look for the nice guy thats just a little bit more shy than most, hes the one thats really true and nice. I dont think cheating should be accepted at all in any relationship myself an would not wait for an instant to drop a girl if she cheated on me, and I could NEVER EVER cheat on a girl, to put somone through that kind of psycological harm and torture is just horrible.

Also, if you tend to get in a lot of bad relationships, its time to reassert what you are doing and going about getting them. I mean... you are like 10 years older than me and all, but you gotta start finding guys that want to be your friends at first and stay that way. I find that all relationships that i have seen most successful have started off where there was a friendship base over anything, both in my parents and all my friends relationships. Its much easier to cheat on somone that you have no connections to and no consequences from in this case.

Dont know if that all helped or made sense, if you need me to extrapolate, id be more than glad to.
We were best friends before we started dating. We still seem to hold this bond that we are afraid to let go. I mean not afraid but like we know eachother very, very well. He just has a very different way of looking at life. He holds emotions far from his actions.He states he often hurts when it is just too late.

I think my deep depression is due to the fact that I am now really reasserting myself and trying to make a decision I never thought I would have to.

lol that lying sucks and cheating shows BAD CHARACTER

Daria,
Here's a really good question..
When you think about this guy, do you smile/ laugh more, or do you find yourself getting angry/crying more ?

Think about that question honestly by yourself, and see where it 'leans' towards..

If it leans towards your crying more than laughing, when you think of the guy, then end it !!

It's not as if there aren't any more guys out there....geeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzz !!!!!!!

They aren't all scumbags, either..so don't cop an attitude that they're all alike right away..but don't get involved with another one, until you heal yourself from this relationship, either, if you do end it.

Why would you be in a relationship if it's making you miserable ??
Don't be complacent, Girlfriend. It's a waste of life!

Daria,
Here's a really good question..
When you think about this guy, do you smile/ laugh more, or do you find yourself getting angry/crying more ?

Think about that question honestly by yourself, and see where it 'leans' towards..

If it leans towards your crying more than laughing, when you think of the guy, then end it !!

It's not as if there aren't any more guys out there....geeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzz !!!!!!!

They aren't all scumbags, either..so don't cop an attitude that they're all alike right away..but don't get involved with another one, until you heal yourself from this relationship, either, if you do end it.

Why would you be in a relationship if it's making you miserable ??
Don't be complacent, Girlfriend. It's a waste of life!
Nova,

Thanks for the words of encouragement (I think :o ). I have actually sat down to think on this very much since this post. We are still a couple. It has been hard due to our lack of knowledge of communication. I am currently researching litterature, as is he, about understanding one another and hoping to work things out.

I do hurt at times when I think of him but when I noticed that most of the recent thoughts that come to mind are not bad at all. I do smile because when I think of it, he has shared so much with me.
I had to decide whether or not I want to try once again.Well I decided at least to give it a real try on my side before giving up all hope. So far, it doesn't seem like such a bad idea.

So now I would say that obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is worth fighting for.

A new "try" couldn't hurt especially when done as a team. (crossed fingers)

I'm just saying for you to think for yourself, about your needs, Daria.
It's great to get support and feedback- but only you can make the decision in the end.
One way or another-only you can make the decision about your needs.

Our 'I/me/self' will always be here, long after our 'feelings' dissipate, Daria.
I want you to be happy, Daria. I truly do (0:

Nova

Doesn't it though...

Hey Nova, I appreciate the concern and positive thoughts for me.

I have finally felt a calm come over me and what I feel and how to express that. I have a good feeling it has been worth the wait.

I am not going to let anyone keep brining me down and allow myself to crumble as I almost did when I first posted this thread. I promise. I know now that I deserve more than that. I said it before but never believed it until now.

(two thumbs up to you Nova for being you and still thinking of me) :)

Daria. :)

Setting personal boundaries

may help you with this relationship or any relationship you may have in the future.
Here is a link to some information that may interest you regarding relationships...it has helped me.

from the article:

[[ "Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation - although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate. The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."

"It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has no boundaries, with someone who cannot communicate directly, and honestly. Learning how to set boundaries is a necessary step in learning to be a friend to ourselves. It is our responsibility to take care of ourselves - to protect ourselves when it is necessary. It is impossible to learn to be Loving to ourselves without owning our self. ]]

~gourmet~

http://joy2meu.com/Personal_Boundaries.htm

G,
You have no idea how useful this information is. (0:
You are such an angel!
The link on that site has such great information!!
Thank you so much for providing it!!

ps- I've missed talkin' with you (0:

Nova

Hey you G and N! (aheh)

I have been doing my research... This and prayer has actually been proving it's significance in just a few days and we are doing it together.... :)

"Biggest Mistakes People Make when Considering
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Not being Authentic and Honest with Themselves and
with Other People in Their Lives

One of the biggest problems we see people making
in relationships is not being honest with themselves
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The object is not to hurt the other person by
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to approach it that you want to work together
to make your relationship better. If your
relationship is damaged beyond repair, this may
not be possible but if this is the case, you
<SCRIPT><!--D(["mb","have nothing to lose by being honest.

Of course, only you can judge when you need to
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way.

Whatever your situation is, we suggest that
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Question to consider:

How can you be more honest in your relationships?


Tomorrow, look for Lesson #5 in your email in-box.

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Susie and Otto Collins

For More Infomation about or to get your copy of
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Visit http://www.stayorgo.com ("]http://www.stayorgo.com[/url]
<a href\u003d\');//--></SCRIPT>have nothing to lose by being honest.

Of course, only you can judge when you need to
share what's on your mind. If you are in an
abusive relationship and you might be in
physical danger if you do share what's on your
mind, we suggest that you find shelter in a safe
place and then deal with being honest in a safe
way.

Whatever your situation is, we suggest that
after you have determined what you are truly
feeling, you share this information with the
people who are impacted by it as soon as
possible.


Question to consider:

How can you be more honest in your relationships?
----------------------
INFO:

Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship and Life
Success Coaches, authors of several books and
courses on relationships and married, life partners.

In addition to having a great relationship, they
regularly write, speak and conduct seminars on
love, relationships and personal growth. To
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For information to help you create trust in your relationship,
visit [url="http://www.relationshiptrust.com/)

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-------
For anyone that may be able to use some good info I hope this helps you as it is proving to help with me.
Good luck!
Dar.