Hi, I'm new to this forum.

I was diagnosed a year ago with adult ADD (hypo-active). Suddenly, my whole life actually made sense! I was relieved to discover I'm not lazy, crazy or stupid. Who knew?!?!

I'm feeling less embarrassed about working within my limitations, and I'm trying to use my "tools" more openly (not always hiding that little note in my pocket which lists reminders of my daily activities like: shower; dinner; breathe).

What I'm continuing to struggle with is the secondary symptoms. I have spent my life trying to "pass" for average. Not wanting others to realize that normal activities were so difficult for me. To know the truth that my counters were clean, but my life was actually a mess.

I'm trying to figure out what the actual social stigma of adult ADD is. Obviously, I have confided in family & close friends, because they are able to offer support. But I think about how much easier life might be if teachers, committee members, etc., knew there was an actual reason for my struggle with losing papers & meeting deadlines. Not as an excuse, but as a way of feeling understood.

Blah, blah, blah.

So, I'm curious to know how others have handled this information about themselves.

Thanks.

Im not diagnosed by I am rather hypo-active as well..hard to get moving to do anything really. But, I could be wrong, because at the same time I'm the nutcase in my circle of friends.. but regardless of my type, the realization that I was ADD and not just completely in my own world and utterly non-functional in everyone else's was a huge relief. It gave me reasons for feeling so on the edge on so many occasions wondering how everyone else always seems to be one step ahead no matter what I do.

I don't generally care that I have ADD. It's who I am and I don't think I'd be who I am, and who I like being, without it. It gives me some pep in my personality I think, at least the random, hyper, unpredictable part of me..the hypo-activness doesn't exactly benefit any part of my life though, I'd give that up in a instant! But, everyone stuggles with obstacles in their lives, I figure ADD is just one those I get to handle, so I don't let it bother me really.

When it gets on my nerves most though is when I do mess up somehow and wish the world could know WHY I did that, or at least that I didn't mean to. Turning in assignments late, being late for class...it all seems like laziness or disrespect for the instructor and i HATE the impressions they get of me that way. Im sure I make more effort than anyone else to get out of the house on time, but its just so hard!!! And in social situations, when I forget birthdays, forget plans, say the wrong things...none of that is failing to care either. I've had friendships completely wash out over stuff like that, and it's terrible to feel its my fault but I try to brush it off becuase I know I really didn't do it on purpose.

Despite not caring about my ADD, I still haven't told very many people. I am not diagnosed yet so I figure most people would just tell me I'm crazy, since I know that noone I know has any clue about what ADD is really all about. I battle out all these frusterations on my own. I am working towards a diagnosis though, so maybe after that I'll be a little more open about it, I don't know yet. But yeah, I'm not really out of the 'closet' at all, but I'm coping.

I really don't mind telling people. If it comes up. I'm 35 now, so the damage is done, so to speak. What I mean by that is my actions have come to speak for me; I have nothing to hide.

But I wouldn't mention it in a professional context. I am self employed, and my clients don't care if I have ADHD -- they just want the work done, well and on time and on budget. I can't see how admitting my ADHD to them would be helpful, or even any of their business really.

I ditto Unimchu. But maybe I'm a little more cautious and at 54 a heck of lot more cynical. I tell people whom I'm sure are really my friends - maybe a sad commentary on my life, but I can count them on one hand. My ADHD is off limits to everyone else. They'd just use it against me.

Bob

I've told my sister's and family, I've told 2 people that I know won't devulge it to anyone else. I feel that it's really not anyone's business that doesn't know me. I feel that it's part of my essence and that makes it personal. It's also sad to say that I've only shared it with 2 friends, since that's all I really have at this time.:(

Im probably the opposite of all of you. I embrace my ADHD and am not afraid to tell it to anyone. Although I have been diagnosed since I was 10, until the last 2 years, I kinda kept it to myself. I figure you can become more comfortable with telling people the more you become comfortable with yourself having it, and that took me a good 8 years to be able to do it. So I would say, just do what you have to, if you feel awkward telling people, dont do it unless you are willing to take the risk. Think about it, will it affect the way they think of you, and does it matter if it does? These are the things that you have to ask yourself and see how much you care about what people think about it.

So, I told my 8yo son that it is entirely up to him who he talks to about it......

I found out the other day that he's been broadcasting to everyone at school, "I'M ADHD WITHOUT THE 'H'!!!" :eek:

Personally, I talk about whenever it comes up. But, I'm a cognitive psychologist, so pretty much everyone I know is familiar with brain-related issues....

Hi Barb;

Knowing what you do about cognitive psychology, how would you describe the disorder to others in a way so as to reduce the possibility that they think you are just 'making excuses' or 'making it up', or tell you to just "do something".... I must admit, in spite of the HEL* I've been through with this disorder, there is even an element of doubt within myself. I think if I didn't have the disorder and someone said they were unable to do A, B or C because of ADHD, I would have a hard time believing them.

So I guess, it's almost the case of how do you explain it to others, and perhaps even to yourself?

Yeah BARB let's hear it? I'm as curious now that you've let the cat out. Some pro bono advice please?




Hi Barb;

Knowing what you do about cognitive psychology, how would you describe the disorder to others in a way so as to reduce the possibility that they think you are just 'making excuses' or 'making it up', or tell you to just "do something".... I must admit, in spite of the HEL* I've been through with this disorder, there is even an element of doubt within myself. I think if I didn't have the disorder and someone said they were unable to do A, B or C because of ADHD, I would have a hard time believing them.

So I guess, it's almost the case of how do you explain it to others, and perhaps even to yourself?

My wife handled it just fine. She was the one who sent me to get diagnosed in the first place, when my daughter was diagnosed. My co-workers are fine with it, friends too (same group, mostly) They take is as just a part of me and most say that my ADHD is part of my creativity and genius(:)) and I wouldn't be the same without it.

I'm a teacher, and the kids have no problem with it. The add ones relate to me and the organized ones help me with organizational stuff. One appointed herself my secretary, which was great.

the problem has come from my parents, who insist it's not really true, and that i just found an excuse for myself for being lazy. They still think my daughter will grow out of it.

but other than that, only positive reactions from people, who take the time tpo tell me they're impressed with how well i cope and cop to things when I've messed up. NO ONE was surprised.

Chadicus

I've been working for the same boss and with the same people for over 4 years, and only diagnosed and taking medication for roughly 1.5 of them. I've told all of the co-workers that I deal with on a daily basis, and mentioned it to a few more. I'm sure quite a few others know as well.

My advice is similar to others, where you shouldn't be afraid to tell others that you have ADD. For some it will help to understand why you work/act/behave the way you do, and occasionally you'll find people that are willing to "work with you" that much more in your daily activities.

On the other hand, embrace the fact that not everyone will understand, and realize that several people will either think it's a copout, or will severely underestimate how it affects you. Don't be afraid of it, just be prepared. I've yet to have anyone use it against me or my work, but I've had a few instances where people comment about it. Below is an example.

I have a co-worker that while he's a decent guy and tries to work with me, he still makes comments that show me that he still has no clue. His son is even diagnosed with ADHD, and takes a different medication than I do to help him with it. But this somehow makes him feel that he completely understands it and he occasionally wants to "correct" me if he believes I'm using it as a crutch.

The other day, I was talking with a co-worker who had questions about ADD and how it affected people. I commented on how it was extremely difficult for me to pay attention during meetings, or long conversations. My medication helps a great deal, but I still have to work on it from time to time. When my co-worker walked in on our conversation and overheard this, he stated "That isn't true. When you are interested in something, you learn it just fine. But when it's boring to you, you don't listen as well. Otherwise, how do you know so much about sports cars?"

His comment sort of ticked me off. He fails to understand that for me, it certainly helps when I'm interested in something, because it enhances my ability to "hyperfocus". But by no means do I have the ability to turn it on/off at will, nor do I actively refuse to listen to something if it doesn't interest me.

I guess the moral of my story is: Don't be ashamed of your ADD, and don't try to hide it. Many people will understand and help you, others will never be able to see it in any other way than a negative. Tell the people you trust, and the rest will take its course. IMHO, I've always had my own saying in life, that I discovered from ADD:

"Nearly every person's biggest weakness in life, is the inability to understand others." So many people in life are unable or outright refuse to take time to understand why other people act the way they do, and try to embrace or accept it. Regardless of how many people give you this courtesy, always be proud of yourself and do so for others. It helps you to grow as a person, and helps you to accept and feel good about yourself, and your ADD/ADHD.

I usually cover the brain stuff first because it's difficult for them to deny.

fMRI studies have shown that when people asked to focus on a task the blood flow in the prefrontal cortex increases (this area is a large part of one of the three basic "attention systems" and is heavily involved in executive functions). But, when the ADDer is asked to focus on a task in their "trouble" domain, the prefrontal cortrex actually slows down. The harder they try, the slower it goes.

This is perfectly analogous to the feeling I have when trying to read research material pre-medication. It actually feels like the gears are grinding to a halt.

People usually misunderstand what attention is and what it's involved in, so they don't get the mechanism that causes the shut down or how discipline can actually make the symptoms worse rather than allowing us to accomplish what we set out to do.

What they also usually fail to understand is how hyperfocus works. I think many of us misunderstand it, too. It's not that we can do the things we are interested in and can't do the things we're not interested in. It's that we are interested in the things that we can do!

Dopamine gets deactivated at a much higher rate than it's designed to when we focus on "boring" tasks (defined by whatever it is we're deficient in). So, if we can engage in an activity that gets dopamine going but not the transporter that deactivates it, it's hard to stop. It's like giving a starving man a plate of food, then asking him to stop eating and go do something else!

Executive functions -- working memory, planning and organization, avoiding procrastination -- these things are impaired because they are ruled by attention systems that are physically impaired by deficiencies in dopamine activity.

I find that even people who know nothing about the brain will at least understand the biological nature of the disorder if you discuss what happens in the brain during impaired tasks. They still might not get it, but it's a start!

So, I told my 8yo son that it is entirely up to him who he talks to about it......

I found out the other day that he's been broadcasting to everyone at school, "I'M ADHD WITHOUT THE 'H'!!!" :eek:

Personally, I talk about whenever it comes up. But, I'm a cognitive psychologist, so pretty much everyone I know is familiar with brain-related issues....

Barb,
That is so hilarious about your son !!
I can just 'see' him doing that..
Thanks for the laugh..kids are so great !!

Nova

For me...I'm one of those people who could never be 'invisible', because I'm really energetic, I usually can't ever sit still for more than 10 minutes unless something is really interesting, I interrupt a lot (I really, really try not to, bless me), and I talk so much (you would think I would run out of words already)

So it always comes up one way or another.

I just smile and say 'Oh..I have ADHD'.
That's it.

If further explanation is necessary I'll keep smiling and say 'The prefontal lobes of my brain work differently than yours do. Here's the website where you can learn more information on how my brain works.'
And I'll write down for them the url to this site.

Nova

I'd just like to say I agree with the original post here. I have certainly had the same experiences and generally a negative reaction from others. In fact my own family continue to be in denial. I'm now investigating whether I can fit a PET Scan into my wallet so I can show people - "see the blue and green areas of the pre-frontal cortex..." Reminds me of why this forum is such a breath of fresh air!

I think society as a whole has gone completely insane.

Noone.

For the most part you will be considered a moron with an elaborate and convenient excuse.

I do whatever I have to and anyone who doesn't like it can feel free to kill themselves.

I simply work within my limits.

If someone is rambling on the phone I tell them to get to the point.
If they take offense at my losing my train of thought, I generally ignore them.


Apathy is a great tool when used wisely.

My entire family knows I'm ADD since I began getting tests when I was around 6. (I was a very bright child and my parents were extremely confused when I reached kindergarden and I didn't seem to be reaching my potential)

My best friends know and my boyfriend knows and everyone is pretty supportive. Especially my family since my dad is ADD and so is my 13 year old neice AND my sister's new girlfriend! So there are a lot of jokes!

I do struggle with who to tell and who not to tell. Having learned about it so early I have had a lot of experience with it going the wrong way. I know that some people will avoid giving me opportunities to advance etc. because they have low expectations of me...I don't neccessarily think they are trying to be mean they just don't fully understand.

So, I try to evaluate what my purpose is for telling someone before I decide to go and do it. If I just want this individual to understand me better on a personal level or if some aspect of the disorder is disrupting what could be a really nice friendship then I don't hesitate to tell them. BUT, if I am hoping to get some sympathy (I usually have to dig deep down to recognize this one) or if I know a negative reaction would REALLY really hurt me than I usually decide not too. The last two generally only happen with professional or school related things.

I guess I just try to evaluate what I'm hoping to get out of the situation and then go from there!!

personally.. i don't think i'll ever tell anyone outside of immediate family & close friends.

i guess part of me is assuming that it will never be something i'll need to mention. this is probably a poor parallel, but i've had a mild heart problem for over a decade, but i have yet to find a time where i've needed to bring it up. i'm assuming i'll encounter the same situation with adhd.

i was previously dx-ed (now, un-dx-ed) as bipolar with psychosis & i'm sure the stigma towards this is far worse, so i probably had even less desire to share this info unnecessarily. adhd is a rather benign dx, but it also carries the popular notion that it's a fake disease, an excuse for the lazy/undisciplined, etc etc. neither are nice things to have associated with oneself. if i were to tell my professor i was adhd, i tend not to think he'll be sympathetic, but rather, feel i was giving him a lame excuse.

the things i do to compensate for my scatterbrain are simply what they are. i don't think people realize i struggle as much as i do.. but i'd rather them not realize it either.

i dunno if i'm making sense.