View Full Version : Drepession is crippling


lilsass999
02-15-06, 02:00 PM
Hi, new to this. Read anothers posting and felt her pain. Unless someone has ever expereinced depression they truly cannot understand what its like. We all wish we could just "snap out of it" and be happy. I tend to sway back and forth with depression or maybeim njust in denial. Ive been through alot from the age of approx 21-37. first i married at 21 and had a baby. i was very happy..... until about age 24 I went through depression denial of it, self destructive behavior to cope with the pain, hiding my scars, abusing diet pills, then finaly after 4 years of being sick of beingsick, and losing my job, i went cold turkey and stop all the desructive behavior in my life. I had so much shame but enough ofenough. Then i had a baby at 31 and became reclusive again. I wanted to be happy, andfelt guilt for not being hte mom i had been with my first child at the age of 21. Then at 34 expereinced dramatic sudeden death in my family, and snapped out of my depression because that person always worried for me. If at any time i should have crashed it was then. i held strong. then year after the death found husband might ave been cheating or thinking ofit, I was curious. i still held strong. feeling that loss of my loved year, about tw oyears after the fact, i began to explor other forms of attetion i missed... ive been cheating and not happy, filing a void. depression ha crept upon me once agin, i started diet pills once again, and feel like an empty shell inside , neve wantingto go outside, feeeling sorrow for not knowing how to get back feeling content within my marriage. gosh this is crazY. i dont want meds because years ago, i gained alot of weight onthos meds and made matters orse. thus the diet pills. i feel once again, i am losing my grip on who i am... Yes, i am seriously seeking psychiatric help , to maybe decipher what and where iwent wrong. I am the type of person who putso na good frot for others, and no friends... I feel so alone...... i just want to be happy in some way , but more so just content with my life..........

Scattered
02-15-06, 03:21 PM
Welcome to the boards, Lilsas999!:) This a good place to give and get support. I hope you find something here to help make your way a little easier. I hope you'll find your way over to new member introduction and let us get to know you a bit.

Take gentle care,
Scattered

...Daria
02-16-06, 12:44 PM
Hi, new to this. Read anothers posting and felt her pain. Unless someone has ever expereinced depression they truly cannot understand what its like. We all wish we could just "snap out of it" and be happy. I tend to sway back and forth with depression or maybeim njust in denial. Ive been through alot from the age of approx 21-37. first i married at 21 and had a baby. i was very happy..... until about age 24 I went through depression denial of it, self destructive behavior to cope with the pain, hiding my scars, abusing diet pills, then finaly after 4 years of being sick of beingsick, and losing my job, i went cold turkey and stop all the desructive behavior in my life. I had so much shame but enough ofenough. Then i had a baby at 31 and became reclusive again. I wanted to be happy, andfelt guilt for not being hte mom i had been with my first child at the age of 21. Then at 34 expereinced dramatic sudeden death in my family, and snapped out of my depression because that person always worried for me. If at any time i should have crashed it was then. i held strong. then year after the death found husband might ave been cheating or thinking ofit, I was curious. i still held strong. feeling that loss of my loved year, about tw oyears after the fact, i began to explor other forms of attetion i missed... ive been cheating and not happy, filing a void. depression ha crept upon me once agin, i started diet pills once again, and feel like an empty shell inside , neve wantingto go outside, feeeling sorrow for not knowing how to get back feeling content within my marriage. gosh this is crazY. i dont want meds because years ago, i gained alot of weight onthos meds and made matters orse. thus the diet pills. i feel once again, i am losing my grip on who i am... Yes, i am seriously seeking psychiatric help , to maybe decipher what and where iwent wrong. I am the type of person who putso na good frot for others, and no friends... I feel so alone...... i just want to be happy in some way , but more so just content with my life..........
You remind me of me. I think some details are simply opposite but just as bad believe me. I am still trying to be content.. at least! with my life. It is the hardest thing. I am in a relationship I believe may just be just as toxic as depression all together. My significan other and I are both under deep depressions and don't know how to face them correctly... How do we find correctly? you know...
Anyway, insted of running, I am holding on and trying to find answers. If I can not, at least I tried first. I don't want to be so much of a dissapointment to myself to know I just quit and gave up on myself and a person I consider to be my best and dearest friend above all.

So, Lisass... count on talking with me anytime. We may be able to help with just venting once in a blue. I find it helps even a little which can also become a lot.

Sincerley, Dar.

Joyous56
02-16-06, 11:43 PM
Welcome Lilsass. I am all to familiar with that out-of-control-depressed feeling. I also understand the way it comes and goes and makes you never know if it's gone, if it's coming back...or even if your feelings are real, or the depression. You aren't alone in what you said about putting on a good front for others. We're told (or we believe) we should just get over it, it's something we can/should control, get off our buts. I became a great actress....but it's hard not being yourself, especially if your 'self' seems a poor second to that girl with the smile on her face.

You are not alone.....and you can get some help. Keep writing....

MrsBubblebrain
03-06-06, 02:58 AM
Am very familiar with how crippling depression feels. I have never seemed to reach that 'content' place. I feel horribly guilty that I can't, but I just don't seem to be able to access it. Life constantly seems like a huge insumountable challenge of things to do and things I haven't done etc....