At the moment I am in a relationship with a non-ADDer. Gotta tell you guys that the slow thinking of this non-ADDer is starting to bother me! Why all those questions that already have obvious answers!?!? For example, I do two nightshifts a week; is it really necessary to ask me every week how my day was while I slept because I had a nightshift!?!? "well yeah, I had a good and social time in my sleep, wasn't bored at all!!!". At times like this I am dying for a relationship with another ADDer :-)

Hey, tetsuo76:

Welcome aboard.

There’s lot’s to learn about this particular subject, to be sure. You’ll find that there’s almost always more going on under the hood in any female, ADDer or normal, than you can access when you first meet.

Truth is, it’s probably a good idea to always assume women know more about what’s happening, even inside us, than we do. It’s not exactly what’s going on, but it’s a good first approximation.

Getting deeper takes time and especially trust. One of the best ways to gain and keep that trust is assuming she sees something you don’t almost all the time, and trying to cultivate a sense of humility about it.

I don’t mean giving up yourself or subjugating yourself or anything like that. It’s just shedding any tendency to allow assumptions to rule you.

She’ll pick that up, and so will others. That can be a problem, too, because you can’t get in without meaning to stay, and you risk all if you screw that up…

--Tom& Kay

This thread was so funny and true to me that I had to reply.
I was married for 10 yr to a non add'er. It was so difficult for me and he never understood why sometimes the house was perfect and other times messy, never got why I had great plans for projects but never finished projects. He HATED the way I changed subjects and talked so fast that noone could understand. He would be embarrassed of me and almost feel sorry for me when we were out in public. All of this made my depression worse, which led to self hatred, cutting, and suicide attempts.

Now I am in love with a guy 6 yrs younger who was dx adhd as a kid and has a dad and brother with adhd. So he gets me.
He encourages me to be me, and he is never ashamed of me, or puts me down.
Now, we do fight, and boy can they be in tense. We are both stubborn and both speak impulsively, and keep both feet in our mouths, But we understand and are so much easier to forgive one another. Does that make sense?

My family gets un nerved w/ him at times because he is so hyper and speaks without "thinking". In their eyes its ok for me, but he should not be like that. "He just refuses to grow up" is the one I hear most.

But my x inlaws used to say similar things of me so I totally get him. I dont have to make excuses or hide or attempt to be be perfect for him, and vice versa.

It works for us.

Truth is, it’s probably a good idea to always assume women know more about what’s happening, even inside us, than we do. It’s not exactly what’s going on, but it’s a good first approximation.

I find this statement to be a gross generalization to be put in the same catagory of "truisms" as "Men don't cry", "Men don't help with housework", "women are fragile and need to be taken care of". It may be an especially fallacious statement if the woman has ADD.

It is important to qualify generalizations rather than try to make them absolute.

At the moment I am in a relationship with a non-ADDer. Gotta tell you guys that the slow thinking of this non-ADDer is starting to bother me! Why all those questions that already have obvious answers!?!? For example, I do two nightshifts a week; is it really necessary to ask me every week how my day was while I slept because I had a nightshift!?!? "well yeah, I had a good and social time in my sleep, wasn't bored at all!!!". At times like this I am dying for a relationship with another ADDer :-)
Im so confused by this, correct me if im wrong...

You get bothered by the non-adder asking you how your day was while you slept? Maybe its the way the person asks you..... I dont see how that could be annoying or bother someone.

I myself, am a non-ADDer and my boyfriend has ADD. We ask each other, i guess what you would call, ridiclous, obvious answered questions all the time!

I just want to understand how it bothers you i guess.

But we also have to remember, what may be obvious to one person, isnt obvious to abother. ADD or not...

"I do two nightshifts a week"

Tetsuo,
I know since it's your schedule, it's easy for you to remember it, but you have to also remember that since you have a fluctuating schedule, she might not always remember to say 'how was your day' on some days, and not on others, LOL!

So saying 'how was your day ?' is more an average/standard question/greeting...in any relationship.. (0:

If you're that bothered by the technicalities of the question...maybe you could suggest to her to ask you how you are are doing, from now on, instead of how your 'day' was.

Just a suggestion. (0:

Nova