I need to let this out in a place where people can understand me. (copied and posted from another board i visit)

PANIC ATTACK. i am paralyzed.

DD peed on the floor so i have a load of laundry going. How do you all clean up all the pee? I put down towels to and stand on them to soak it up but then I usually forget about it. Can't put down the baking soda or borax until it drys-- can't have the cats around it or the kids. jSo what do you do to finish the cleanup?

I need to get to library and pick up a book today. But I can't do it. I don't know when. We need to do lunch soon, although girls were hungry at 11 and did pbj then. and I have to either keep 2yo DD up without a nap for today or else try to get her to sleep without nursing...which she never does with me. ugh

I need an organizer. I need money to get my house fixed up. Would any of you take out a loan to finish the basement and get organized? It's throwing me into panic attacks. And please don't suggest 15 minutes at a time. I don't know how/where to put stuff, and it requires so much more than just that. I can't do this.
I am so lost. My new med isn't helping yet. My shirts are getting too tight and my jeans are the stretch kind and get loose in the hips throughout the day--feels more like I am wearing maternity pants post partum I am going nuts.

JI need physical help inside my house. I want someone. I don't know where to turn. I want so much to have church support and yet, I can't ask and people don't have time. I want to just break down at Bible study tonight and let it all out. I don't want "It'll be ok" "Just do a little at a time" "That's how it is with kids." "my house is disorganized too" answers from them. Dang it, I want to let it out, and I can't express my frustrations and get in house help. I am hyperventilating and crying. Oh my, I can't believe I am typing all this out to you all.

I can't get routines started. I can't figure anything out. It's not the time to myself that i need....it's not get away from kids....it's not get out of house.... what I need is my house figured out. (yes, I know of flylady, and I often yell at her to shut up. I can't handle this.)

omg, is this you Scattered, or did you copy someone else's post?

This is me.

I has also posted it on another board I visit, that's why I wrote that i was copying and pasting it. I had written it out on the other board a few minutes before.

Thank goodness for television-- my kids are just watching PBS Kids today. And thank Goodness for the internet that I can post what I need to say.

Wow.

Well I don't know what I can do to help you... I am going through a lot of similar stuff, although not as bad... I am very sorry to hear how intolerable it all has gotten to be...

In terms of what can be done about it... hmmm.

You do definitely sound like you could use some help around the house. You know better than I do who you can and cannot call. Do you have parents, brothers, sisters who you could bite the bullet and ask for assistance?

Also, how old are your girls? Is there anyone else they could stay with for a day or two, or even just a couple of hours a day for a day or two? Just to give you some time to collect your thoughts and not have them in your face...

You sound like you are heading for a nervous breakdown, so something has got to change to reduce your stress level... but not knowing your life in more detail, it's hard for me to offer more specific advice or suggestions... and being broke and far away, there's not much more I can do for you other than offer my sympathy and ideas. :( :( :(

You mention Bible study, so I assume you are religious (not many nonreligious types attend, I'm guessing... heh)... so you have my prayers as well...

Okay, here's a possible lead but my lunch break is running out, maybe another enterprising volunteer can help you follow through on it, or if you find time, you can do some followthrough of your own:

http://www.getinvolved.wustl.edu/old_website/commserv/list_page.php?page=0&letter=W

This is a list of community agencies in St. Louis - the idea is that volunteers looking to help someone use this list to find a place to volunteer. However, my idea is that you should use this list to find someone who can help you. 90% of the agencies on it will not exist to help you specifically (i.e. animal rescue, rape crisis etc) but the list is very extensive, there must be someone who can help you with money or child care or something...

Hint: if you get "trouble accessing database" just hit refresh, it did that to me a couple of times.

There has GOT to be somebody there who can help you...

I know exactly what you mean.

As for the pee... a shop vac that is a wet/dry vac works wonders. You can soak up wha tyou can get, then poor more water on it, and soak that up. The wet vac part means it is ok to suck up fluids like water.

Then put a towel on it. And walk on it, and turn the towel...

As for your house. With kids, and I can't recall your mention of a domestic partner, it is going to be hard.

You need to define a tiny, but significant area, somewhere that you will make "empty" enough for your peace of mind... not "straightened' ... empty enough. That is straighter than straightened.

Then box stuf to clear it out of the way. If you don't reduce the clutter you will continue to paralize yourself with your surroundings.

You are right, the fifteen minutes at a time does me no good.

On the other hand, I went to Walgreens' Drug Store and bought a $4.99 kitchen timer (white round with magnet on the back and spring clip) and when I set that for 15 minutes and STOP and do something else and set it for 5 minutes or an hour, and come back and keep trading my time off ACCORDING TO THE TIMER, not how I "feel" (especially making myself quit! at the end of the time) It works out. Well then especially starting again WHEN THE TIMER GOES OFF AGAIN.

I really have to make the timer the boss, not me. (Of course I am setting the timer :) But the timer really has to be boss or I die!)

Good luck!

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time - it's easy to get overwhelmed by your own household, especially when kids are involved. I guess that's the main reason why I don't dare have kids just yet, because I don't have my own life under control so I can't handle taking care of someone else's just yet!

FYI there's a difference between feeling overwhelmed by or fretting over tasks/housework and having a proper "panic attack" :)

Breathe! When the pain in your chest gets so tight that you think you're going to have a heart attack, just stop, and focus on you breathing. Try and compress your chest with your hands. This does help.

Sounds like you need to ask your fellow church members for help. You need a break...a few hours away from the kids and the house can do wonders. You need some ALONE time! I know it's easier said than done, but I'm sure there are people close by who are willing to help. I'm a type A personality so I can empathize...I stress myself out more than I really need to. You need to let some of the things go. I know...I know...easier said than done. But hey, you have a lot of people out here that understand so know you're not alone.