Hi,

Do any of you deal with people regularly [friends, co-workers, relatives...] who always need to know WHY you do the things you do or don't do? I'm not even talking ADD things which might appear unusual to them. Around certain people I always feel like I'm a defendant being interrogated, but it's always regarding things I consider to be mundane, insignificant or things to which the answer is totally obvious. And they ask in such a way that it's as if they are in disbelief that I don't think about or care about the same things or in the same way that they do.

Example questions:
"Why are you having turkey for lunch?"
"Why are you wearing those shoes today?"
"Why did you buy those shoes?"
"Why do you fold your shirts that way?"
"Why don't you fold your shirts this way?"
"Why do you take the bus to work?"
"Why don't you take the train to work?"
"Why do you comb your hair this way and not that way?"
"Why aren't you wearing a hat?"
"Why don't you use hand cream?"
"What do you do when your hands get dry?"
"Why haven't you checked out the XYZ Exhibit, it's really interesting?"
"Why haven't you learned to speak any Russian?"
"Why don't you get a license and become an insurance consultant?"

My actual response / My thoughts at the time
Shrug / Because I'm hungry and it was in my fridge!
Shrug / Um, because I don't like going barefoot on the city streets!
Shrug/ Um, should I consult you before I buy my next pair?
Shrug / As long as they're folded I'm happy!
Shrug / As long as they're folded I'm happy!!!!!!
I don't own a car / You know where I live and you know I don't have a car!
Shrug / Because I take the ******* bus, did I not make that clear?
Shrug / Um, sorry but I don't have a carefully thought out explanation of my $8 haircut which I've worn for the 20 years you've known me!
Shrug / Because I rarely if ever wear hats, either way what is it to you?
Shrug / Shrug???
Shrug / Can't say I've ever noticed dry hands but even if I did I doubt it would interrupt the flow of my day!
Shrug / No reason whatsoever, why should I check it out? I haven't been to a museum in years, why haven't you asked me about the dozens of other exhibits I haven't been to?
Shrug / Umm, can't tell you, studied French and Spanish some???
Shrug / Because I'm a librarian and.....WTF are you talking about????

I guess this could be held against me, just another ADDer who doesn't understand small talk. To me these types of questions feel like attacks though and I get ****ed that people expect me to defend my decisions, particularly when it's something as meaningless as shoes or a haircut.

Then again, I think I've perfected "the shrug" in response to questions I don't like because frequently "why" questions are followed with "you should" arguments. Don't even get me started on people who try and tell me what I "should" do...

strawberry,

Why can't they just leave us alone and let us do it the simpler, better ADHD way?

Huh?

This is a good humored tangent because this time it didn't bother me but is typical. I asked my 84 year old dad to "supervise" me painting a piece of furniture down the cellar. By the time he got done telling me how it should be done it was done.

No kidding.

Hey, crazies, leave us alone.

Bob

If it really irritates you and you want to shut them up what about saying "erm, on the topic of WHY's, why do you need to know? I just do/did/felt like it/didn't feel like it...etc" type thing

ETA- Or if they are really irritating you and you are not too keen you could just say "none of your business, shut up!"

One of the HS kids I supervise at work does this to me alllll the time! Question upon question upon question. It is mundane and drives me nuts. Some days I think he is just interested in what is going on, other days I Think he does it to drive me nuts. I almost have to mentally prepare to go to work with him! HOw bad is that???

I'm curious about other people, what made them choose their career, their political views, interests and activities, dreams and desires. These are things I can discuss in detail. But I probably spend about a millisecond per day thinking about my shoes. And you could join me for lunch with canoes on your feet and I probably wouldn't notice. Even if I did notice I still would not feel compelled to ask for your rationale because other people's footwear choices do not affect me.

"Why are you doing things your way when you should be doing them my way." I've never understood this characteristic in some people, I couldn't care less what others do unless it impacts my life directly.

Anyway, I'm done complaining.

Story of my life

On many occasions my blood rushes to my head when my spouse asks me the same questions over and over again while the answer is toooooooo obvious! But you have to except this behaviour from A LOT other people. Because you will be dealing with this for the rest of you life. Understand that many people lack the creative thought process that comes so natural to ADDers. They are just trying to make conversation. I know it is hard but try to respect this.

I thought I was the only person who gets irritated with the questions from people!

It's possible that some people may just be trying to start a conversation but if it bothers you maybe you should just respond with Why do you care? or Why do you want to know. Or turn the question right back around and ask them. Or just tell them to just stop asking you stupid questions or say if I didn't tell you that already that means I don't want you to know.

Why aren't more people posting in this thread?? WHY?

Very well Kokomo,

Today I was doing the laundry. I was getting the dirty clothes together. My spouse comes walking in and asks me: "will you be going to do the laundry today?" ......... The Lord forgot to give some people eyes :-( I felt like dropping everything and never ever do the laundry ever again in my life...

And let's not forget about the non verbal part either. Every time it just keeps surprising me how a non-adder can go on without saying nothing... It gives mee the feeling like I need to fill in the gaps: "are you ok? are you having a good time?". Does this ring a bell to anyone?

LOL!!
You are soooo funny, Koko (0:

I always like when someone asks 'Why are you doing that?' or 'Why are you doing it that way?' to repeatedly reply back with 'Because I am.'

It totally exasperates them and they stop asking 'Why'.

My blood pressure has always been really low. (0:


Nova

And let's not forget about the non verbal part either. Every time it just keeps surprising me how a non-adder can go on without saying nothing... It gives mee the feeling like I need to fill in the gaps: "are you ok? are you having a good time?". Does this ring a bell to anyone?
Uugghh! I hate that! Or if you are trying to focus and are quiet; it's the whole "What's wrong? Why are you in a bad mood?"

Geez Louise!! :mad:

Do ya know what , do agree with ya about the joe bloggers spending x amount of time talking sweet fanny adams about nothing gets soooooooooooooo irritating that ya wanna give em a bit of the old shaken baby syndrome if ya know wot i mean its like tip em up get on with it ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Praps there missing big chunks out the old shell. !

maybe they just want to know about you...