lookdeeper
02-25-06, 05:18 PM
I know this is really long! I just have so much to say.
My husband has ADD so I was reading about it online, and it feels like I'm reading about myself. I'm not hyperactive, but neither is he. I do fidget ALL the time, though. I pick at my cuticles, tap my foot, twirl my rings or chew on my pen all the time.
I have been trying to get organized my entire life, and I have never been able to. Never. My mom had the worst time trying to get me to organize my room. She never understood that I just couldn't, even though I tried. I would start, but I could never finish. She finally seemed to get it and began calling me her "creative messy".
You should see my apartment. There are piles and piles of papers everywhere. When I try to go through and organize it all, it just takes way too long! I feel so overwhelmed. I'll spend hours on it and only be able to get the desk organized, but that leaves the dining table (which we don't eat on b/c there is too much clutter on it. Within a couple days it's messy again. I can't find anything.
I forget everything. I lose everything. Important things, like my W2 form, my insurance card, my son's insurance card. It's so frustrating because I know I'm not lazy or stupid, I just can't keep up with anything. I made good grades in school, but that's just b/c I'm smart and can think quickly. When it came to homework, I always turned it in late or did it at the last minute. I would sit down to do it, but I just couldn't finish. I can't explain why not, I just couldn't. I could only do it at the last minute.
At night I can't sleep even if my body is exhausted because my brain never shuts up. I just can't turn off the noise. My thoughts go from one topic to the other so quickly that I interrupt myself when I'm thinking. Does that make sense? I also have somewhat of a problem interrupting others when they're speaking.
I cannot handle stress, I just can't! I am so impatient and I have such a short fuse, I get so distressed so easily. And it seems that anything that requires sustained mental effort, such as reading directions or balancing a check book, is just too much for me. I get overwhelmed. I don't have the patience for it.
I always start new projects and abandon them. I think I could be pretty brilliant if I could just finish something I started. But I lose interest in them so quickly. I do the same with books. There are usually books all over the house with book marks in them at any given time.
I *always* burn food because I forget it's cooking. I start the washer and forget to put in detergent and close the lid, so it goes through the cycle with the lid open and no detergent. I do this almost every day.
I dropped so many courses in college because I was always late to class (but I don't know HOW), or I couldn't pay attention so I missed deadlines or assignments. But I know I'm not dumb. I've never thought of myself as dumb or lazy, just incompetent. I've always been an underacheiver. I've never lived up to my full potential. I just wish I could get my life together, but I can't. I am so sick of the clutter. I wish I could stay interested in something long enough to finish it, so I could finish college and get a career, and manage my finances and my life. Because I'm smart, so if I could stay focused on one thing then I could be really good at it.
My whole life I've felt like something is off, something is not right. I can't seem to connect with most people, but strangely enough the only people I can truly connect with (like my husband and my best friend) have the disorder. They're the only ones who "get" me.
My husband has ADD so I was reading about it online, and it feels like I'm reading about myself. I'm not hyperactive, but neither is he. I do fidget ALL the time, though. I pick at my cuticles, tap my foot, twirl my rings or chew on my pen all the time.
I have been trying to get organized my entire life, and I have never been able to. Never. My mom had the worst time trying to get me to organize my room. She never understood that I just couldn't, even though I tried. I would start, but I could never finish. She finally seemed to get it and began calling me her "creative messy".
You should see my apartment. There are piles and piles of papers everywhere. When I try to go through and organize it all, it just takes way too long! I feel so overwhelmed. I'll spend hours on it and only be able to get the desk organized, but that leaves the dining table (which we don't eat on b/c there is too much clutter on it. Within a couple days it's messy again. I can't find anything.
I forget everything. I lose everything. Important things, like my W2 form, my insurance card, my son's insurance card. It's so frustrating because I know I'm not lazy or stupid, I just can't keep up with anything. I made good grades in school, but that's just b/c I'm smart and can think quickly. When it came to homework, I always turned it in late or did it at the last minute. I would sit down to do it, but I just couldn't finish. I can't explain why not, I just couldn't. I could only do it at the last minute.
At night I can't sleep even if my body is exhausted because my brain never shuts up. I just can't turn off the noise. My thoughts go from one topic to the other so quickly that I interrupt myself when I'm thinking. Does that make sense? I also have somewhat of a problem interrupting others when they're speaking.
I cannot handle stress, I just can't! I am so impatient and I have such a short fuse, I get so distressed so easily. And it seems that anything that requires sustained mental effort, such as reading directions or balancing a check book, is just too much for me. I get overwhelmed. I don't have the patience for it.
I always start new projects and abandon them. I think I could be pretty brilliant if I could just finish something I started. But I lose interest in them so quickly. I do the same with books. There are usually books all over the house with book marks in them at any given time.
I *always* burn food because I forget it's cooking. I start the washer and forget to put in detergent and close the lid, so it goes through the cycle with the lid open and no detergent. I do this almost every day.
I dropped so many courses in college because I was always late to class (but I don't know HOW), or I couldn't pay attention so I missed deadlines or assignments. But I know I'm not dumb. I've never thought of myself as dumb or lazy, just incompetent. I've always been an underacheiver. I've never lived up to my full potential. I just wish I could get my life together, but I can't. I am so sick of the clutter. I wish I could stay interested in something long enough to finish it, so I could finish college and get a career, and manage my finances and my life. Because I'm smart, so if I could stay focused on one thing then I could be really good at it.
My whole life I've felt like something is off, something is not right. I can't seem to connect with most people, but strangely enough the only people I can truly connect with (like my husband and my best friend) have the disorder. They're the only ones who "get" me.