03-15-06, 12:02 AM
whenever my wife brings up the subject of "financial planning" or "consulting with a financial planner" I tend to go ballistic, well maybe not ballistic, but as soon as she insists we see a financial planner I dig my heels and say we are doing fine. I don't trust easily. Think financial planners can be the "good" the "bad" and even the "ugly" . . . I also feel angry that over the years I have done some pretty good research on the mutual funds that we have and they have been good, steady performers. So I get angry that my wife seems so quick to listen to the advice of a friend, or our tax accountant to "go see a financial planner" as if I am stupid, don't know what I am doing, etc. Seems like when an "expert" (even if only a friend) says "My broker is . . . " that my wife listens and then seems to turn a deaf ear to me when I disagree. I have a hard time with this issue and it is not good for me, my wife, or us.
btw: we have been married 32 years and are basically fine, though I have ADD (duh!) and struggle with co-morbid depression and anxiety. I take meds for the depression (which also help with the anxiety, except for certain specific situations).
Any thoughts on this matter! Would like to try and calm myself before I go off like this.:confused:
03-15-06, 12:35 AM
I'm just wondering if your wife might be expressing an interest in finances and is looking for ways to become more involved?
Is it possible that she might feel that you are not letting her into the sandbox?
On the other hand, to keep a positive spin on it, a financial planner, who would deal with more than just your mutual funds, might serve a number of good purposes:
1) "confirm" your capability with the mutual funds
2) let your wife become more involved in the financial workings of your relationship
3) make some suggestions for your finances/bill paying/future planning that would benefit your financial situation!
If you get a finacial planner that you yourself feel is very good and this person can be your official financial planner, it may likely stop your wife from listening to everyone/anyone else who may or may not be giving the best advice.
I"ll tell you from my experience in relationships in general that when someone wants a piece of the pie you've been controlling, you cannot over rule them, it just doesn't work that way. The best way imho is to get involved yourself and be more proactive, or your bone of contention will just escalate.
The other thing is...you might ask her if she feels there is something about your fianancial management that is concerning her and be honest about how you are feeling. It might be simple like: I just think we should take a look and make sure we are taking a look at every financial angle that might be of benefit.
good luck, keep posting
03-15-06, 01:37 PM
Speaking only from my personal experience us adders like to do things ourselves. I often realize that me doing things myself and trying to be self sufficient often isolates other people.
For example my job. I have a partner where I work. I like to do things my way because it works for me that way and I dont like change. But I can often see the way I affect my partner. Im sure sometimes she feels as if shes my secretary and not my partner. I have learned to bite the bullet so to speak and let her give her contribution because after all, she is my partner and after all your wife is your partner.
03-18-06, 09:07 AM
Maybe your wife just wants to feel sure of financial security as you both age. It doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't value your judgements, but maybe feels a wider range of opinions could bring up new ideas that you hadn't thought of.
Maybe it's a woman thing, i know with me i always seek a few different perspectives when trying to make a decision, i don't just go to my partner and thats it. But that doesn't mean that my partners advice or opinions have any less validity to me, it just means i'm trying to get as many angles covered as i can to get a broader picture than just one person can provide, no matter how good their track record is in decision making.
I used to do the same type of thing when confronted with renovations or house repairs. They were things I was quite capable of doing, but didn't enjoy so I procrastinate with them like a son of a gun.
I'm not sure this mirrors your experience in anyway. Just a shot in the dark. Take what you like and leave the rest. :D
Now we tend to set deadlines and I can accept the inevitable consequences easier now with or the deadlines. I've actually completed some renovations that were long outstanding, but there are always more in the wings.
With all the various efforts I make to better cope with who I am, I'm much more secure about about how tasks get delegated. It's been a long time coming and long over due.
I know what you mean. For example we are currently remodeling our kitchen. I keep telling her my ideas and she agrees with them. She would still insist on going to see a kitchen design place. It would make me mad that she would want to go there. Then I realized that I could actually learn somthing new. So we went and it turned out that I did learn somthing new and not only that we were able to be on the same page.
I would say with your situationfirst I would ask her why she wants to go if you haven't. Also you could take this as an opportunity to learn from a financial planner and possibly show your wife how knowledgable you are.
04-08-06, 11:24 AM
I think all the replies are on.
Also, it does seem to be a thing some women do. I can say something a hundred times, but until her sister says it ONCE, it's of little use. Get used to it? <shrug>