View Full Version : Too Sensitive to Sleep with Someone Else


Lunacie
03-20-06, 11:05 AM
Being married was hell for me. I couldn't stand to have someone touch my back when I was asleep, I would tense up and then the next touch would just about make me jump out of my skin. The snoring drove me crazy, even wearing earplugs didn't help. I would lay there and wait for the furnace fan to kick on and that would sooth me enough to finally go to sleep - and then it would shut off and either my husband would start snoring again or he would touch my back and I was wide awake and all tensed up again. I suffered from sleep deprivation the whole time we lived together. Sometimes I miss having a relationship, but mostly I'm so glad I can get some sleep and not be so tense all the time.


Anyone else have this kind of problem?

chameleon
03-20-06, 11:22 AM
Wow that must have been horrible!
I like it when my partner and I are touching when we fall asleep.
I'm can't sleep in bed right now though and we have both grown a bit accustomed to having our own space - him sprawled out like a starfish on the bed :p
But I hope to get back to bed soon.
It's my turn to play starfish :D

Kokomo
03-20-06, 11:31 AM
Hmmm.....we have a California King with one of those beds that you cannot feel the other person move and a fan on every night for white noise...try those if you end up in a good relationship again. Also, just tell your mate that you don't like contact when you're sleeping, it's not that unusual or weird.

Lunacie
03-20-06, 12:46 PM
chameleon, thanks for the sympathy even though you don't share the feelings.

Hmmm.....we have a California King with one of those beds that you cannot feel the other person move and a fan on every night for white noise...try those if you end up in a good relationship again. Also, just tell your mate that you don't like contact when you're sleeping, it's not that unusual or weird.
My ex certainly made me feel unusual and awfully weird when it meant not sleeping with him so that I could get a little sleep. I tried to get him to go see a doctor about sleep apnea or having that surgery so he wouldn't snore so much, but he felt like it was my problem and I was the one who needed to be 'fixed'. I know that's typical for guys, they would rather 'fix a problem' than do something about themselves.

Even if we'd had a king size bed he would have wanted to snuggle. And he would snore for a while and then get quiet and I'd start to get to sleep and then he would suddenly snort and start snoring again. I did sleep better with a fan on or the air conditioner running, but that sudden snort got me every time and then I couldn't go back to sleep because the snoring was so loud. It got so that I couldn't even sleep when he wasn't snoring because I was waiting in dread for it to start.

Oddly enough, we lived less than a block from the railroad tracks and had freight trains going through ever night and that didn't bother me at all. I guess I knew that the train would be gone in a minute or two. But the guy snoring next to me would keep snoring and snoring and snoring...

Kokomo
03-20-06, 02:57 PM
Sounds like he was just a jerk....you're not strange at all and he should have tried to address his snoring problem. I must have a fan on or I cannot sleep and I have heard of tons of people who feel the same way. I like to snuggle BEFORE we are actually going to sleep, but once I am ready for bed, I don't want anyone near me or any body parts touching. I get really warm body temperature-wise and just don't want to snuggle while sleeping. So, if you're strange, so are a bunch of us too!!

chameleon
03-20-06, 03:23 PM
Ooh! Ooh! I'm the same in the sticky hot summer nights situation - so's my husband. NO touching!

Flamin Mo
03-20-06, 03:48 PM
Another "no touchy" here :) I can't stand being breathed on either. And I simply cannot sleep in the same room as a snorer.

Lunacie
03-20-06, 05:27 PM
Thank you all for comfirming that I'm really not so weird. Yeah, my ex was a butthead, shows you how low my self esteem used to be that I stayed with him for 25 years. :o

william tell
03-20-06, 05:54 PM
oh oh oh This thread rings the bell
I know exactly what you are talking about, I loathe to have anyone touching me when about to nod off.
It makes me feel trapped, the snoring thing I am not familier with, being a dude, I have had reports that I occasionally snore, though not lately, slimming down and being a stomach sleeper probably helped :D

chameleon
03-20-06, 06:22 PM
Another "no touchy" here :) I can't stand being breathed on either. And I simply cannot sleep in the same room as a snorer.omg that's the WORST!

When I get trapped with my face under a man's open mouth seething out sleep breath where I'm trying to breathe....
Well I'd like to do this to him - :foot:

Crazygirl79
03-21-06, 07:28 PM
Lunacie.
I can partially relate to what you're talking about, but I have to have complete silence to go to sleep or I have to rock to some music to put myself to sleep depending on how I'm feeling at the time. but I'm half and half when it comes to touch.

I do feel what you're going through so don't feel alone.
Selena:) Being married was hell for me. I couldn't stand to have someone touch my back when I was asleep, I would tense up and then the next touch would just about make me jump out of my skin. The snoring drove me crazy, even wearing earplugs didn't help. I would lay there and wait for the furnace fan to kick on and that would sooth me enough to finally go to sleep - and then it would shut off and either my husband would start snoring again or he would touch my back and I was wide awake and all tensed up again. I suffered from sleep deprivation the whole time we lived together. Sometimes I miss having a relationship, but mostly I'm so glad I can get some sleep and not be so tense all the time.


Anyone else have this kind of problem?

Lunacie
03-21-06, 08:04 PM
Thanks Selena. How the heck do you ever get complete silence? I would love that.

janesays
06-04-06, 10:39 AM
Yes I am the same way. I cannot sleep well with my significant other. Just his presence is irritating because I wait for him to roll over and then I have to kick him so he gets back to his side of the bed. Sometimes I think that I tense up because the expectations that he has just because we are in the same bed together.
Men, they get all aroused and then you say NO and then they whimper and make you feel like a frigid beech.

BananaSlip
07-30-06, 02:17 PM
I'm so sorry you had to go through such a long time of unhappiness, Lunacie. Glad that you got through that one!

I have the problem of waking up upon "contact sweat". My hubby has a high metabolism and gives off so much heat that a touch from him that lingers on for more than 10 seconds sends me off in an itching frenzy and wakes me up instantly. I love cuddling with him, but I love my sleep, too.

However, I found a couple of solutions. 1) I wrap myself in my own sheet so when he touches me, the sheet absorbs his sweat, and my sleep does not get disturbed. We also keep the ceiling fan on so that he stays cool. 2) I bought a body pillow. I use it as a barrier between myself and my partner. My hubby loves to cuddle with me, and he doesn't seem to notice the pillow between us during sleep. (We cuddle without the pillow when we're awake of course.) If he gets too grabby, I just use the pillow as a decoy, and he takes it away from me, snuggling happily with it and not me! :D

It's hilarious when I think about it, but we do what we can to get our sleep, right? Well, take care, and I hope it all works out for you! :o

Faylen
07-30-06, 08:58 PM
It's not unusual to be hypersensitive to touch and/or sound if you have ADD - I always was like that, and felt guilty pulling away from dh when he touched me in bed, or retreating to another room to sleep when his snoring was too much. But once we both knew it wasn't personal, it became a non-issue. Plus, I finally realized one of the reasons I'd always been an insomniac - I thought my hypersensitivity to noise was a character flaw, but now I know it's normal! W00t! I grew up in a quiet suburb, but with five other family members in the house. Even with them in separate bedrooms, all it took was one of them snoring (even on the other side of the house) or getting up to go to the bathroom, and I was bolt upright in bed. When I was living in apartment buildings later, a 5-hour night was a miracle of restfulness. In any case, you know that you want to sleep, untouched, and in quiet, and if you've really found a good partner, he'll understand that and do what he can to accomodate you. If he doesn't, you've saved a lot of time you might have wasted trying to make the relationship work. Win-win all around.

Imnapl
07-30-06, 10:32 PM
Wealthy people have slept in separate bedrooms for centuries; because they could.

FrazzleDazzle
07-31-06, 01:10 AM
I can go both ways, I love to snuggle. But when it actually gets to blankie time, no touchy, or I go bonkers! I go to sleep very well by myself, but when I have a blankie buddy, I have a rough time. I have to roll over and be back to back to get some sleep, or I'm unwittingly obsessing over every heartbeat and breath, like I might miss something. And any touch makes me have resltess leg syndrom, and I just feel extremely CRAMPED and TRAPPED! I must have sleeping FREEDOM! :-)

My ex was the same way to, lunacie, he had sleep apnea real bad, and of course it was my problem because I was the one who "suffered" from it. It is very bad for the health and the heart though, so tough bleeps if they don't want to go get it checked out and treated.

I really do love my own bed, and my two teddy bear pups, they don't TRAP and CRAMP me as long as they stay on the side of me and I can roll away. I love them there, I feel safe. I think a lot of it has to do with the status of the relationship and the feelings involved with the person, (or teddy bears) in my case.

JmeB78
10-06-06, 06:36 PM
I wake at everything. If DH moves, if one of the kids gets up to use the bathroom, ect... I have been told I have a sleep disorder, in which I don't hit stage 4 sleep, but have never had a study to prove it, and the meds perscribed did not help, just made me lathargic. I would love to sleep all night long, and for more then 4-6 hours a night. I feel so tired most of the time. I have wished many times for my own soundproof room with my very own comfy bed. Maybe when my kids get older, and start moving out I can arange it :D

cb3000
03-06-07, 10:59 AM
i have had that too-i used to always be wide awake if i was being touched even a little. it's not as bad now but it is still there a bit. i'm not a super sound sleeper most of the time-i wake pretty easily.

dormammau2008
03-06-07, 01:54 PM
had new ceteins for window an driveing me mad to much light at night going to have to get dark blind for the back ....sleeps suffering an so me spelling lol

dorm

heidioakes
01-17-09, 06:44 AM
If I think my boyfriend is facing me while im trying to sleep, it makes me crazy. FAns help bigtime for sound.

andartarius
01-17-09, 10:59 AM
yea same here, i dont like to be touched or i wont be able to sleep and my mind wanders and the sun will come and i wont have slept an hour. I do love to cuddle but somehow i must stop in order to sleep.

mpcp1
03-10-09, 04:42 PM
I have the same problem. I haven't had a good nights rest in a few years. I have to sleep with a fan on to block out some of the noises, but if there is snoring I won't get any sleep even if it is mild snoring. And earplugs do nothing to block out snoring.
I too, at times, do not like to be touched, which makes it difficult because my partner likes to cuddle. I even squirm away from my poor mom when she hugs and kisses me, LOL.
Im glad I am not alone. Im just not sure what I'll do for the rest of my life. Will I ever get a good nights rest? LOL

γ-quantum
04-11-09, 08:43 AM
same here, when sleeping next to my boyfriend, i was woken up the an occasional snore, by a touch (even if just accidental and mild), and even by him turning around in bed. we often went to sleep together nevertheless, and i'd just get up and go back to my own room and sleep there at some point, and i'd come back in the mornings often, too. :)

he was very understanding though, it was never an issue or something to be p****d about for him, it was just normal. just the way things were.
but i only chose men who are a lot like me as potential partners, thats probably an advantage... he doesnt have any diagnoses, but i'd say he has ADHD, very typical (didnt know i had it back then though, it just came to my mind when i started reading about ADHD) - and additionally, he is highly intellectually gifted. still the smartest person i know, even though we split up because of his alcohol dependancy. oh well, but thats off the subject. :p

Sonja
05-21-09, 08:57 PM
Yeah, I think a king-sized bed is a good option. It lets you cuddle when you want to cuddle and separate when you want more personal space without feeling overaware of "omg there's a person right there".

Snoring is a real issue for many couples. It's usually better to treat the snorer rather than ear-plug the listener. Snorers should take the problem seriously because it can really harm their relationship and their partner. They can talk to their doctor and find solutions. Often involves losing weight or only sleeping in certain positions. I've heard of the tennis ball trick taped to teh back of your pyjama to avoid back sleeping. ;)

equilibrium
09-28-09, 09:47 PM
Sometimes I think that I tense up because the expectations that he has just because we are in the same bed together.
Men, they get all aroused and then you say NO and then they whimper and make you feel like a frigid beech.


OMG, this is me.

We have a king bed, can't feel movement on the other side. We also have a white noise sound machine going and my partner kinda understands now that i hate the sensory stuff-touches, cuddles, arm weight on me, etc. It is strange, I feel almost anti-sexual in bed or ever lately due to my hypersensitivity to ALL things, touches, feelings. It is sooo frustrating. I hate disappointing my love, but can't pretend to enjoy anything. He has definitely been a deprived in the last little while...poor guy. But, I like my sleep and can't handle any kisses, cuddles, nothing :( I know, I suck.

aularian
10-03-09, 10:40 AM
Ahh I think I'm the opposite to most of these posts, once I'm asleep I can sleep through any amount of noise, snoring etc. But it's getting to sleep that's the problem because I wriggle around, fidget, adjust blankets, pyjamas non-stop until I am asleep. Not a problem when I'm on my own but when I'm in bed with someone I'm so aware of how much I must be annoying them that I try to stay still - it builds up so much anxiety inside me that I have no chance of sleeping.

I can sleep through noise, light, snoring, music, yelling, traffic, barking dogs, jackhammers(!), crying babies - as long as they aren't in my bed!

Haha, my ex and I went on a trip through Europe and sleeping in a single bed in a hostel dorm room full of drunken backpackers was the best sleep I'd had in two years!