Being married was hell for me. I couldn't stand to have someone touch my back when I was asleep, I would tense up and then the next touch would just about make me jump out of my skin. The snoring drove me crazy, even wearing earplugs didn't help. I would lay there and wait for the furnace fan to kick on and that would sooth me enough to finally go to sleep - and then it would shut off and either my husband would start snoring again or he would touch my back and I was wide awake and all tensed up again. I suffered from sleep deprivation the whole time we lived together. Sometimes I miss having a relationship, but mostly I'm so glad I can get some sleep and not be so tense all the time.


Anyone else have this kind of problem?

Wow that must have been horrible!
I like it when my partner and I are touching when we fall asleep.
I'm can't sleep in bed right now though and we have both grown a bit accustomed to having our own space - him sprawled out like a starfish on the bed :p
But I hope to get back to bed soon.
It's my turn to play starfish :D

Hmmm.....we have a California King with one of those beds that you cannot feel the other person move and a fan on every night for white noise...try those if you end up in a good relationship again. Also, just tell your mate that you don't like contact when you're sleeping, it's not that unusual or weird.

chameleon, thanks for the sympathy even though you don't share the feelings.

Hmmm.....we have a California King with one of those beds that you cannot feel the other person move and a fan on every night for white noise...try those if you end up in a good relationship again. Also, just tell your mate that you don't like contact when you're sleeping, it's not that unusual or weird.
My ex certainly made me feel unusual and awfully weird when it meant not sleeping with him so that I could get a little sleep. I tried to get him to go see a doctor about sleep apnea or having that surgery so he wouldn't snore so much, but he felt like it was my problem and I was the one who needed to be 'fixed'. I know that's typical for guys, they would rather 'fix a problem' than do something about themselves.

Even if we'd had a king size bed he would have wanted to snuggle. And he would snore for a while and then get quiet and I'd start to get to sleep and then he would suddenly snort and start snoring again. I did sleep better with a fan on or the air conditioner running, but that sudden snort got me every time and then I couldn't go back to sleep because the snoring was so loud. It got so that I couldn't even sleep when he wasn't snoring because I was waiting in dread for it to start.

Oddly enough, we lived less than a block from the railroad tracks and had freight trains going through ever night and that didn't bother me at all. I guess I knew that the train would be gone in a minute or two. But the guy snoring next to me would keep snoring and snoring and snoring...

Sounds like he was just a jerk....you're not strange at all and he should have tried to address his snoring problem. I must have a fan on or I cannot sleep and I have heard of tons of people who feel the same way. I like to snuggle BEFORE we are actually going to sleep, but once I am ready for bed, I don't want anyone near me or any body parts touching. I get really warm body temperature-wise and just don't want to snuggle while sleeping. So, if you're strange, so are a bunch of us too!!

Ooh! Ooh! I'm the same in the sticky hot summer nights situation - so's my husband. NO touching!

Another "no touchy" here :) I can't stand being breathed on either. And I simply cannot sleep in the same room as a snorer.

Thank you all for comfirming that I'm really not so weird. Yeah, my ex was a butthead, shows you how low my self esteem used to be that I stayed with him for 25 years. :o

oh oh oh This thread rings the bell
I know exactly what you are talking about, I loathe to have anyone touching me when about to nod off.
It makes me feel trapped, the snoring thing I am not familier with, being a dude, I have had reports that I occasionally snore, though not lately, slimming down and being a stomach sleeper probably helped :D

Another "no touchy" here :) I can't stand being breathed on either. And I simply cannot sleep in the same room as a snorer.omg that's the WORST!

When I get trapped with my face under a man's open mouth seething out sleep breath where I'm trying to breathe....
Well I'd like to do this to him - :foot:

Lunacie.
I can partially relate to what you're talking about, but I have to have complete silence to go to sleep or I have to rock to some music to put myself to sleep depending on how I'm feeling at the time. but I'm half and half when it comes to touch.

I do feel what you're going through so don't feel alone.
Selena:) Being married was hell for me. I couldn't stand to have someone touch my back when I was asleep, I would tense up and then the next touch would just about make me jump out of my skin. The snoring drove me crazy, even wearing earplugs didn't help. I would lay there and wait for the furnace fan to kick on and that would sooth me enough to finally go to sleep - and then it would shut off and either my husband would start snoring again or he would touch my back and I was wide awake and all tensed up again. I suffered from sleep deprivation the whole time we lived together. Sometimes I miss having a relationship, but mostly I'm so glad I can get some sleep and not be so tense all the time.


Anyone else have this kind of problem?

Thanks Selena. How the heck do you ever get complete silence? I would love that.

Yes I am the same way. I cannot sleep well with my significant other. Just his presence is irritating because I wait for him to roll over and then I have to kick him so he gets back to his side of the bed. Sometimes I think that I tense up because the expectations that he has just because we are in the same bed together.
Men, they get all aroused and then you say NO and then they whimper and make you feel like a frigid beech.

I'm so sorry you had to go through such a long time of unhappiness, Lunacie. Glad that you got through that one!

I have the problem of waking up upon "contact sweat". My hubby has a high metabolism and gives off so much heat that a touch from him that lingers on for more than 10 seconds sends me off in an itching frenzy and wakes me up instantly. I love cuddling with him, but I love my sleep, too.

However, I found a couple of solutions. 1) I wrap myself in my own sheet so when he touches me, the sheet absorbs his sweat, and my sleep does not get disturbed. We also keep the ceiling fan on so that he stays cool. 2) I bought a body pillow. I use it as a barrier between myself and my partner. My hubby loves to cuddle with me, and he doesn't seem to notice the pillow between us during sleep. (We cuddle without the pillow when we're awake of course.) If he gets too grabby, I just use the pillow as a decoy, and he takes it away from me, snuggling happily with it and not me! :D

It's hilarious when I think about it, but we do what we can to get our sleep, right? Well, take care, and I hope it all works out for you! :o

It's not unusual to be hypersensitive to touch and/or sound if you have ADD - I always was like that, and felt guilty pulling away from dh when he touched me in bed, or retreating to another room to sleep when his snoring was too much. But once we both knew it wasn't personal, it became a non-issue. Plus, I finally realized one of the reasons I'd always been an insomniac - I thought my hypersensitivity to noise was a character flaw, but now I know it's normal! W00t! I grew up in a quiet suburb, but with five other family members in the house. Even with them in separate bedrooms, all it took was one of them snoring (even on the other side of the house) or getting up to go to the bathroom, and I was bolt upright in bed. When I was living in apartment buildings later, a 5-hour night was a miracle of restfulness. In any case, you know that you want to sleep, untouched, and in quiet, and if you've really found a good partner, he'll understand that and do what he can to accomodate you. If he doesn't, you've saved a lot of time you might have wasted trying to make the relationship work. Win-win all around.

Wealthy people have slept in separate bedrooms for centuries; because they could.

I can go both ways, I love to snuggle. But when it actually gets to blankie time, no touchy, or I go bonkers! I go to sleep very well by myself, but when I have a blankie buddy, I have a rough time. I have to roll over and be back to back to get some sleep, or I'm unwittingly obsessing over every heartbeat and breath, like I might miss something. And any touch makes me have resltess leg syndrom, and I just feel extremely CRAMPED and TRAPPED! I must have sleeping FREEDOM! :-)

My ex was the same way to, lunacie, he had sleep apnea real bad, and of course it was my problem because I was the one who "suffered" from it. It is very bad for the health and the heart though, so tough bleeps if they don't want to go get it checked out and treated.

I really do love my own bed, and my two teddy bear pups, they don't TRAP and CRAMP me as long as they stay on the side of me and I can roll away. I love them there, I feel safe. I think a lot of it has to do with the status of the relationship and the feelings involved with the person, (or teddy bears) in my case.

I wake at everything. If DH moves, if one of the kids gets up to use the bathroom, ect... I have been told I have a sleep disorder, in which I don't hit stage 4 sleep, but have never had a study to prove it, and the meds perscribed did not help, just made me lathargic. I would love to sleep all night long, and for more then 4-6 hours a night. I feel so tired most of the time. I have wished many times for my own soundproof room with my very own comfy bed. Maybe when my kids get older, and start moving out I can arange it :D

i have had that too-i used to always be wide awake if i was being touched even a little. it's not as bad now but it is still there a bit. i'm not a super sound sleeper most of the time-i wake pretty easily.

had new ceteins for window an driveing me mad to much light at night going to have to get dark blind for the back ....sleeps suffering an so me spelling lol

dorm