I wasn't sure which forum to post this under - so here goes.

My daughter (21 next month) is severely ADD. She was diagnosed late (senior year in HS) and has been on Adderall and Paxil since then. About a year ago, to break up a bad relationship we allowed her to move into her own apartment. While it did help her see the light about the ex-boyfriend, things have not gone well.

She refused to let her college know that she has ADD (her psychiatrist would gladly provide documentation) and she gets forced into doing things like taking 3 final exams on the same day. She says she doesn't want people to think she is different. I just found out that for the last year she has been taking her Adderall "sporadically" which amounts to about once or twice a week. Totally useless.

I had been asking her to talk to her psychiatrist as I didn't think the meds were working (now I understand why). In a years time she has had 3 speeding tickets, 1 ticket for no seatbelt, 4 traffic accidents, let her puppy get injured (which cost me $4000 in surgery) and just recently, through her negligence, allowed her $65,000 show horse to get injured and end his useful life. She is also on academic probation at community college, having failed to pass more than one course in the last year. I recently stopped by her apartment and it is a pigpen- there is not a surface not covered in junk- empty McDonalds containers, pizza boxes, dirty clothes etc. Food was stuck all over the counters and stove because she ran out of papertowels. Her bathroom was totally dark because the lightbulb had burned out. She failed to maintain brake fluid in her truck and destroyed the brakes, not to mention practically killing herself and others.

She has credit cards (I co-signed and pay the bills) and a debit card which she constantly overdrafts to buy $3.50 at Burger King.

I am baffled at what to do to help her if she won't accept that ADD is a brain chemistry problem, that it is real and won't go away and requires her to take meds and work on learning to cope. She seems to think she's "doing okay". I live in fear everytime the phone rings- what new disaster is it now?

People have advised me to "cut her off" assuming that she will "straighten up" and suddenly be able to cope. I don't think so. She's never held a paying job (she works for her horse trainer and gets discounts). My husband says we need to have her move home and treat her like a little kid again.

Is there anyway to help young adults learn to survive and also accept the reality of their ADD without destroying all of their self-esteem?

I'm not as severe as your daughter, but I was also in denial about my ADHD for 4 years. I was diagnosed when I was 20 and didn't begin to accept it until this year at age 24.

It is hard for me to tell people as well. I don't want to feel like I am being treated differently or using it as an excuse. I guess part of me is also worried about what people will think of me if they know I have it.

Has she ever had the symptoms fully explained to her? For me, that made all the difference, as well as sitting down and thinking about how my life has fit into those symptoms.

For me, having my parents completely cut me off would not work. I would fall so flat that I would be in bankrupcy and it would crush me. I think there is a difference between cutting people off for things they have control over and cutting people off for things that are not within their control for legitimate reasons. My parents have been gradually helping me less and less. That may be the best option for you. I had to live with my parents until I had a job that paid enough for me to afford the apartment on my own. My parents helped me get started, but monthly bills and rent are my responsibility. I still overdraft my account sometimes, but not as much as I used to and it is because my parents only helped me out twice when that happened. After that, they made me take responsibility and if I didn't have enough money to get something I wanted, I had to wait until I could buy it myself. They still help me out when I have an emergency or if it is something I abo****ely need.

It will be hard for her to move back in with you and your husband, but if you outline what you will be willing to help with and what you will start to make her be independent for, she will probably realize she needs to.

At 21, she really needs to be learning how to manage her money and life. It is surprising how much less you feel you "absolutely have to have" when you have to pay for it yourself. Is there a way you can make her take her Adderall for a while so she can see how it helps? Or maybe make a deal, she will seriously try her adderall for a month and you will pay one more month on her credit card.

Why has she not held down a job? Has she been voluntarily changing positions or has she been fired? That can make a difference as to how much help you give her as well.

It is still very hard and I wish my parents would help me as much as you seem to help your daughter with money, but deep down I realize that it is in my best interest that they are making me be more independent.

Thanks for the reply. It helps to get an "inside view" from someone like yourself who has been there.

She's never been the kind of kid to cause trouble knowingly. She's really a good kid- just doesn't think about what she is doing. And has absolutely no problem solving skills. She actually took (and PASSED) a Personal Finance course in college but doesn't seem to remember anything about it.

The job situation (or her lack of one) has alot to do with the horses. She's been very seriously riding and showing since she was pretty young. She's gone all over the country with her horses and trainer. And while she has won a decent amount of money, it is nothing compared to what it takes to keep 2 showhorses on the road. So her idea of money is "I just made $2500 in 2 minutes in the ring". Or her trainer will pay her $10 a horse that she rides for him, which is $30 in an hour. She has never held a job outside of the horse world. Working for her trainer does give us significant discounts on training and showing the horses (sometimes thousands a month). But it doesn't help her understand the value of a dollar or how hard you have to work to pay a $400 speeding ticket.

I am baffled by her unwillingness to accept the assistance that colleges give for ADD students. She CAN'T pass without it or so it appears. But she won't accept it.

My husband has just about given up trying to work with her and help her learn to cope with life. He is now just hoping that she'll marry some rich young man she meets at a horse show and he can deal with her.

I know that there is no way she would be able to survive if we just cut off our support. She'd end up living under a highway overpass within a week.

I had talked her into going to a therapist/coach who was trying to help her learn some time management skills for college but she quit going within a few months saying the lady was "an idiot". She honestly doesn't think she has a real problem.

When she was first diagnosed in high school she started on Adderall and immediately went from failing to straight A student. She went from 5 car accidents in 6 months to none for almost a year. But since she broke up with the "fiance" (who was very controlling and manipulative but also extremely bi-polar) she has not been taking the Paxil or the Adderall. She calls me in tears after the vet tells her that her favorite horse may never be able to be ridden again due to her negligence and proceeds to whine "Why does everything happen to me".

If she were still a younger child I would seriously consider putting her into a boarding school for ADD children where they help teach them life skills. As she is now an adult, I am at a loss.

And on top of it all, I can't believe anything she tells me as she lies or leaves out significant details. A year ago she had an abnormal pap test and was supposed to go in for a biopsy. I asked "Have you made an appointment?" to which she replied that she had. Unfortunately, she never went to the appointment I find out a year later.

She has made some gains in independence since she's had her apartment and I'd hate to destroy what little confidence she has in herself by making her move home and treating her like a child.

I understand this is hard for you, I am about your daughter's age, so it makes me feel a bit like a traitor to say this, but I think in the long run it more helpful to have her assume more responsibility.

I sometimes lie about things like making appointments too, it is easier than admitting that something so simple was really hard to do, or I completely forget about it and I lie planning to actually do it later (so I don't lie intentionally) but end up forgetting again. It's also scary if it is something irregular and health related, so that can be it too.
If she stopped taking the medication after breaking up with her fiance, do you think it could be in part because it is easier to deal with the other stuff than to think about the relationship?

I know you don't want to treat her like a child, nobody wants to be treated like a child either. But I think you have to ask yourself, which would be better for her independence in the long run, you still paying her bills and her sinking with all of the responsibility or living with you and gradually working back up to more independence. I understand you said she made gains, I am not a parent and I cannot give you advice for how to deal with this from a parent's point of view, but I can tell you from a viewpont similar to your daughter's that it is no picnic feeling like nothing goes right either.

There is an educational model called the gradual release of responsibility, it is used for teaching, but could work for your situation as well. Essentially, you would give her support, but gradually take away your support to give her more and more independence. But you should take away support for any non-necessary things now, (I'm talking about paying her credit card bills, food at restaurants, anything that is not essential for her to live. It sounds like the horses are so important to her I would consider a large portion of the costs for that essential for happiness). If you think it is essential for her to continue to live on her own, give her a deadline, you will continue to give her x amount of $$ for ___ months, then you will give her x amount less per month, give her time to get used to that level of support and take some more away, gradually working your way down. (And keep reminding her, those of us with ADHD have a hard time with elapsed time)

Motivation can do a lot for gaining responsibility too. If your daughter already has her own apartment, what motivation does she have to assume more responsibility for her own finances? You could say the level of independence, but it is a lot easier to have someone else pay the bills than to be responsible for it yourself. It sounds like she has so much on her plate that she is sinking even with all the support you give her, and from what you say she tells you, I think deep down she realizes it.

Your daughter can live with you until she has enough money to afford an apartment on her own and still not be treated like a child. You would just have to respect that she is older and curfews and a lot of questioning about where she is going would not work. As long as you are respectful of her independence it seems like it would be more helpful for her in the long run.

If you gradually take away the amount of support you give her, she will not sink and she will be able to gain the independence and responsibility she needs.

I understand completely what your family is going through, it sounds like your daughter has a lot of the same feelings and frustrations I have. My parents have probably been having the same discussions you and your husband are having. Sometimes tougher love is the best thing you can do.

I wish you the best whatever you decide.

Honestly, I can't see why she should face the truth. She has her parents to clean up all her messes, so she needn't face "consequences".

The denial of her ADHD Problems seems VERY similar to what is heard in addictions circles about "denial".

She is in denial, and you let her stay there by being her codependent family member.

Please read up on CODEPENDENCY and stop ENABLING this young woman. Stop bailing her out of her disasters. You are ONLY helping her stay this way. (Which prolongs YOUR agony.)

Alternately, you may want to take it one step further, and "raise the bottom". (Initially, by closing your wallet !!!)

Codependency and Addiction literature will tell you how to do that, as will a good Social Worker (MSW).

Sorry to talk tuff, but ADHD could take her life, just like Drugs or Alcohol.

To all members: Lets try and remember that this these forums are for "SUPPORT". Responses to posts should be supportive. Even if you're objecting to the actions of another, one can still SOUND supportive, even when talking frankly and honestly.

QueensUgirl- You aren't saying anything that I haven't heard from other parents before. One of our best friends did the tough love thing with his daughter, albeit because she was using drugs, living with her dealer and stealing from him for her habit. He ended up many nights searching under freeways and in roadside ditches looking for her. And it did take hitting that bottom before she would accept her problem and go into rehab.

But I hesitate to do something so drastic as my daughter is a wonderful kid except for the stupid, ADHD moments, the lack of forethought about her actions and the "leap before you look" mentality. She does truly regret her screw ups and vows to try harder. And it lasts for awhile and then she screws up again. She has never been a "problem" kid (such as drugs, drinking, partying, cutting school). She is a problem kid in the sense that she collects stray dogs from the sides of freeways, she drives badly, she appears to be failing out of prevet classes at college though she seems to have learned alot about pet medicine.

We are considering converting part of our 3 car garage into an apartment- would give her a little more space and privacy and she would still be "at home". I would love to find some program that helps ADHD people accept and learn to deal with their problem, just like a drug rehab program but I can't find anything like that for adults.

I am going to try and get her to go to a new therapist (I go to him once a week to vent about her). He seems to think having a neutral 3rd party work with her on accepting and taking responsibility for her ADHD will be better than mom fighting with her about it.

I hesitate to take the horses away from her as it is her life and the one thing that she does that gives her a great sense of self-esteem. Her trainer relies on her to organize the barn at home and on the road and he says she does an excellent job of keeping track of the schedules of 15 horses. So obviously she can accept responsibility sometimes. Of course she does admit that her trainer knows much more than she does- whereas I, her mother, am viewed as an idiot I think.

Resources for adults with ADHD are scant. It is hard enough to find a psychologist to diagnose adult ADHD, and then finding a psychiatrist who can treat adults is another thing altogether.

The thing that convinced me that I might have adhd was the loss of a friendship that I valued so much, along with the kind advice of another friend who also has ADHD. It did not take a lot of persuading as I was having a lot of trouble coping with my adhd, and I wanted to find answers to my problems.

The thing is , at some point, a person has to be willing to accept the idea that something is wrong, and then act on it. The sad thing is that some people never do, while others just take a little time.....

By now, your daugher has learned that she is "different" than other people and she is probably happy with that. What she lacks now is making a connection with her problems and her being "different".
Once she realizes there is a real, tangible, treatable biochemical problem at work here, she won't need much persuading.

I'm betting that if she had a friend or a coach who was also ADHD, she would begin to see herself in that person and perhaps realize that it is time to act.

good luck

ME :D

I think it's admirable that you're so willing to help your daughter.

It seems to me that she is not ready to be living on her own. People with ADHD tend to mature slowly, so maybe she's just not ready. Until then, if you can keep her at home, that would probably be a good idea.

I'm not sure how your garage is set up, but personally, having my own room would be better than chilling in my undies as the garage door came up...

Your daughter actually reminds me a lot of my sister. She was never diagnosed with ADHD; I am convinced now she has it, but whatever she had she was low functioning. She basically lived with our mother, an aunt, or grandparents until she got married at about 25 -- to a complete SAINT. She definitely bears a lot of the scars of an untreated mental condition -- alcohol abuse, depression, self esteem in the gutter. She has made some very bad choices, luckily picking her husband was one of the good ones.

Uminchu- Your sister's situation is what I am trying to avoid with my daughter. She already has fairly poor self esteem except when it comes to the horses due to always having been close to failing in high school until she was diagnosed, and always being less emotionally mature than her peers.

And no fears- if we decide to put her in the third garage we would have a contractor convert it into an apartment (with bath and mini-kitchen, air etc). As nice as it sounds to just "shelve" her, I wouldn't do that.

I want her to be able to live her own life if she chooses and not have to live with a "caretaker", be it her parents or a husband or her trainer.

Very true tho that there are virtually no programs to deal with life issues of adult ADHD while there are a number of programs and schools for children with the same problems.

It is extremely frustrating as I am ready and willing to do what we can to help her "learn to survive". I don't know if other parents of ADD children have the same problem but any suggestions or attempts to help her "get it together" from her father or myself are met with disdain. We are merely parents and therefore fools. I think at least part of that is just teenage attitude as my 17 year old also occasionally lets that attitude show. Not as often as my daughter tho.

Have u checked out Landmark College in Vermont? It is just for students with LD's or ADHD. I have not gone there, but have read alot about it and it sounds wonderful! Its a college with dorms, sports teams and clubs. I know it is very expensive, but there are tax ways to help with it. Please check it out. www.landmark.edu (http://www.landmark.edu). Not only would this be good for your daughter, but u as well. Everyone there is the same, all with some type of "disability" I think that is huge and a great concept. I wish I would have known about it a few years ago, I would have gone myself!

Good luck

I understand exactly where you are coming from, my daughter who is 19 and a college freshman, was diagnosed her sophmore year in high school. She was ADD long before that though, but because she wasn't "hyper" teachers, etc thought she was just a dreamer, not "academically inclined", I hate that word! Anyway she is a very creative, gifted child...different of course...which I am totally glad of, who wants to be just like everyone else(thats me talking not her). Anyway she struggled through high school, tolerated taking Strattera because I insisted, but never really accepted being ADD. Recently I have discovered these forums and have found alot of resources that I was never aware of, I wish I had found this 4 years ago it probably would of made a few things alot easier to understand and might of made things a little smoother. Anyway when she went to college, which I thought she was prepared for...WRONG...she decided to quit her meds, and be totally free of the parents! I think this has been the worse 7 months of my life and I'm sure her life hasn't been rosy either. She was not prepared to be on her own, making decisions on her own, dealing with life in general and on top of that to not be taking medication that was helping her get through the day to day and school. You could say this last year has been a waste of her time and our money...but thats not what its all about...she is failing all of her classes including her beloved art classes that were her reason for living. We are having her come home at the end of the semester and basically we are starting over, we are trying to treat her as an adult but there will be restrictions...she still is fighting it...but when it comes down to it she is going to have to earn her "freedom"...that sounds harsh but I'm not giving up on her and I know you won't give up on your daughter no matter how hard she tries to make you give up...we don't just want our children to "get by" in life, we want them to live to their full potential...and boy do they have potential. From everything I have been learing people/kids that are ADD are extremely gifted intelligent amazing people, they just have this stupid problem that they can overcome with help and yes with medication. But it takes work...for them and for those that love them...I won't give up...EVER...and I know none of you will either.

dupesmom- Sounds just like my daughter. She is also an extremely gifted artist but will not take art in college as she doesn't feel she is "good enough" (low self-esteem raising its ugly head).

I realize that the young adult years are tough for all kids. I have no doubt that my 17 year old son, who has always been a wonderful, helpful child who excelled at everything, will probably have a difficult first semester at college in the fall (he's looking forward to the "Animal House" type boys dorms:eek: at a college with a reputation for partying even though he doesn't go to parties now even tough I'd allow him to).

I had never heard of Landmark College but I am going to look into it. It is quite expensive but it would be worth if it if my daughter could get a secondary degree and learn some life skills. She needs an safe environment where everyone understands the disability so she can test her wings without some of her more serious "crash landings" (it is very possible that she will lose her driver's license due to her many tickets, her show jumper is now a lawn ornament, she is failing out of community college).

What is most frustrating to me is that most people have no clue just how serious ADD can be. The average person pictures some hyperactive 5 year old boy who can't stay in his seat.

Uminchu- Your sister's situation is what I am trying to avoid with my daughter. She already has fairly poor self esteem except when it comes to the horses due to always having been close to failing in high school until she was diagnosed, and always being less emotionally mature than her peers.Exactly -- treatment is a much better alternative.

Hello At Wit's End.
I'm a 26 year old sufferer of severe ADHD and I too like your daughter lived in denial for a long time and I can understand where she's coming from...c'mon lets face who really wants to be different from the majority of society??....if she had a choice trust me she probably wouldn't choose to have ADD, she would probably choose to be like everyone else, the reason most people accept their differences is mainly because they have no choice in the matter as there is no magic cure for these sort of problems and when people accept and even embrace their difference life does get a lot better for them.

I was that severely in denial I almost took my own life at the age of 16, I hated being different and everything that was associated with it, I got picked on constantly at high school, I got verbally abused, shunned and even unfairly punished at times by my mother for simply being different, I have other family members that either don't understand or don't want to know me at all, I still to this day cannot complete any form of study or have a full time job.....all because my ADD symptoms interfere chronically with that, I have difficulty with friendships and relationships....all because I have ADHD and I'm a little slow on the uptake when it comes to reading people and social cues or because one of my ADD symptoms get in the way, while there are positive with haveing ADD, they're also negatives as well.

My advice to you is to start letting your girl learn to be more independent and perhaps read some books together and let her see the positives of having this conditions, she's got it for the rest of her life, so she may as well try to accept it and make the best of her situation just like the rest of us have to.

Take Care
Selena:) I wasn't sure which forum to post this under - so here goes.

My daughter (21 next month) is severely ADD. She was diagnosed late (senior year in HS) and has been on Adderall and Paxil since then. About a year ago, to break up a bad relationship we allowed her to move into her own apartment. While it did help her see the light about the ex-boyfriend, things have not gone well.

She refused to let her college know that she has ADD (her psychiatrist would gladly provide documentation) and she gets forced into doing things like taking 3 final exams on the same day. She says she doesn't want people to think she is different. I just found out that for the last year she has been taking her Adderall "sporadically" which amounts to about once or twice a week. Totally useless.

I had been asking her to talk to her psychiatrist as I didn't think the meds were working (now I understand why). In a years time she has had 3 speeding tickets, 1 ticket for no seatbelt, 4 traffic accidents, let her puppy get injured (which cost me $4000 in surgery) and just recently, through her negligence, allowed her $65,000 show horse to get injured and end his useful life. She is also on academic probation at community college, having failed to pass more than one course in the last year. I recently stopped by her apartment and it is a pigpen- there is not a surface not covered in junk- empty McDonalds containers, pizza boxes, dirty clothes etc. Food was stuck all over the counters and stove because she ran out of papertowels. Her bathroom was totally dark because the lightbulb had burned out. She failed to maintain brake fluid in her truck and destroyed the brakes, not to mention practically killing herself and others.

She has credit cards (I co-signed and pay the bills) and a debit card which she constantly overdrafts to buy $3.50 at Burger King.

I am baffled at what to do to help her if she won't accept that ADD is a brain chemistry problem, that it is real and won't go away and requires her to take meds and work on learning to cope. She seems to think she's "doing okay". I live in fear everytime the phone rings- what new disaster is it now?

People have advised me to "cut her off" assuming that she will "straighten up" and suddenly be able to cope. I don't think so. She's never held a paying job (she works for her horse trainer and gets discounts). My husband says we need to have her move home and treat her like a little kid again.

Is there anyway to help young adults learn to survive and also accept the reality of their ADD without destroying all of their self-esteem?

Selena- What was it that made you accept the fact that you have ADD and start learning to deal with it, rather than just denying that all the problems are caused by it?

I ask because daughter and I have discussed ADD and how it impacts her. Every time she calls me with another disaster (car accidents, speeding tickets, injured pets etc) I always ask if she took her Adderall that day. Unfortunately, while I have a HUGE collection of books about ADD my daughter is not much of a reader (she is also diagnosed dyslexic so reading is a struggle).

I spoke with her yesterday and tried to make her understand that if she can't show her father and me that she can cope with life on her own or she loses her apartment (and alot of her freedom I would assume).

I've even been in to talk to a therapist that works with her psychiatrist to discuss how to make her accept the reality of ADD and start to work with us to help her. I've got some ideas but she still is stubborn (pigheaded etc).

As I told the therapist, what we need is an intervention such as they do for drug addicts.

Hi, AtWitsEnd! :)

I surely understand that you're worried about your daughter.

What does she say when you discuss how ADD impacts her? Do you talk about it at other times than when she's had a disaster, as well?

What kind of arrangements would you have if she were to have sort of her own apartment in your garage? You said that you recently stopped by her apartment and it is a pigpen- there is not a surface not covered in junk- empty McDonalds containers, pizza boxes, dirty clothes etc. Food was stuck all over the counters and stove because she ran out of papertowels. Her bathroom was totally dark because the lightbulb had burned out. Would you be able to accept that her apartment at your house might at times look like that?

Do you think she would be willing to, for example, listen to a book on tape on ADD?

I hope things work out! :)

I'm sure if she lived back at home, even in an apartment out in or above the garage, my husband would be constantly inspecting its condition. She is currently about an hour from us (which is basically just the other side of town but its a very spread out town) so we don't just "drop in" on her. Since it can be a week before she returns phone calls to see how things are or even to ask her a question, we tend to let her "live her life". Until of course I see things like the disaster she made of her apartment.

If she lived back at home I'm sure that my husband would MAKE her take her meds. And if she takes her meds she is messy but not downright filthy.

Personally, I don't really want her back home. I'm sure it would be difficult for her and it is more peaceful here without her. While I have a quiet sense of desperation and despair about her my husband tends to explode in anger of her many disasters. And while I go about quietly figuring out how to help her out of her disaster, he tends to rant and rave at her. Which just makes her angry, sullen and oppositional on principle.

I currently go to a therapist because I'm very "stressed" between my job and my daughter and he and I often discuss various ways to try to help her without continuing to "enable" her. I am just very worried about how she will cope without someone constantly bailing her out. We currently have 3 tickets she's received in the last 3 weeks that need to be dealt with and paid, including 2 court appearances. I'm positive if I just let her deal with them she will ignore them, possibly blaming me because she doesn't have the money for the fines and she can't find the courthouse alone. And then they will put an FTA on her and issue a warrant.

then they will put an FTA on her and issue a warrant.
Please, keep going. What would happen then, what would her response be... on to the likely ending(s).

Is it possible she would learn more from the unpleasant outcome than she would learn from being bailed out again?

Are you sure my sister didn't sneak off and move in with you?

If she goes to jail because of her tickets it's your fault -- yep, sounds just like my sister. Everything is somebody else's fault.

By the way, does dad show ADHD tendencies by any chance?

Do you think sharing an apartment with some other people might help her? Where she'd have her own room, but she'd be sharing a kitchen with others so she would need to tidy up after she cooked cause somebody else would need to use it.

When I was a school girl my mother went to the doctor because she had chest pains. She was of course afraid it would be something malign, but it was due to the stress she felt trying to make me go to school every morning. Personally I fear the day when I'll have to make my own future children go to school (in case they won't want to) cause I remember vividly how I did not like it myself.

Do you think she would be willing to take her Adderall regulary if she could continue to keep her ADD a secret from college etc? It might not be the ideal solution, but since it seems to be so important to her to not be singled out.

Did she mention anything about why she thought the therapist/coach she went to in order to learn time management skills was "an idiot"?

I don't want her to get a police record if I let the FTA work itself out. That would just be another obstacle in the road to her ever getting a real job that doesn't pay minimum wage.

I know the scenario- next traffic stop they will see the FTA when they run her license and arrest her, impound her vehicle (which is in my husband's name, our insurance policy etc). She will call us in tears as usual. First words out of her mouth will be the same as always "Mommy, I have a problem". I'm Mommy when there is a problem, Mother when I am my usual plodding idiot self. I will be required to get the cash, go downtown to the jail, pay her bail, arrange for our attorney to deal with it etc. Dad will have to go collect her truck, pay it's ransom etc. And I doubt she will pull anything from it that would lead her to think that it was anyone's fault but mine as I didn't handle the original tickets.

Prior to this apartment she was living for about a year with her boyfriend/"fiance", who was over twice her age, had a deadend job which provided very little income, he'd never been outside the state in his life, had hardly ever eaten in restaurants etc. Sort of my daughter's opposite. Once she moved in with him he began to show signs of wanting to be her- bought the exact same model truck, in the same color; applied for the same vet program at the same college even though he didn't have the money to do it nor the time due to his job; and began hanging around the barn where my horses were kept, trying to learn to ride, going so far as to buy himself a very cheap horse which he put in his backyard (daughter's trainer hated him).

He was extremely controlling and my daughter was easily led. Briefly "broke up" daughter and her trainer, who has been like an older brother or father to her for a number of years and has been a saint about her ADD moments. Also had periods of rage at her, belittled her and then cried and apologized. We put her in the apartment to break them up and it worked.

But back to the original point- he was obsessive about cleanliness and daughter actually vacuumed the house every day etc. He also forced her to keep her dog outside (she'd sneak the dog in when he wasn't home). But she did maintain a pretty good house for awhile. Unfortunately, current boyfriend is younger, more of an average college student in his cleanliness habits (a slob).

I have suggested a female roommate or two. She tells me she hates girls but could find a few guys to share an apartment (though not her bf who doesn't want to get to the "fiance" level yet I think). She hasn't given it much thought as to what the bf would think of her living with a couple guys.

Her bank account was overdrawn again today- second time in 2 weeks. I paid $36 penalty for her to buy Burger King. Again.

The solution is simple- kill her. Put me out of my misery.

Actually, my therapist gave me the number of a therapist who specializes in ADD. He is ADD and has 5 children, 3 of whom are ADD girls in their late teens and early 20s. Sounds like he knows what I'm going through. Perhaps I see a peak of light at the end of my tunnel. Now to just get her to go.

I get that you do not want her to end up in a situation that will give her a record, but it seems like you are worrying so much about having her like you that you are doing more harm to her life skills than good. If she gets a record for not paying the tickets it's her choice, not yours.

Burger King is not essential, stop paying her overdrafts and let her live off of ramen for a while, if that's all she can afford. It wasn't until my parents stopped giving me money for when I overdrafted or put too much money on the credit card that I became more responsible.

As children, we learn how to manipulate our parents to get what we want. I still do that, my mother actually has me talk to my dad when she is getting nowhere because I have learned how to manipulate him to get what I want in a way she has never learned how. I know exactly how much to whine and push before backing off for a bit and trying again. Most of the time, I get what I want from him. Trust me, your daughter is aware of exactly how much she can get away with and have you and your husband bail her out.

Obviously, from how you described her ex, your daughter is able to do some of these life skills when she feels like she has to. Right now she does not have to be responsible, her credit is good and she is able to do what she wants because you give her the money. Right from the beginning, my parents made me pay speeding tickets. Guess how many tickets I got before I slowed down? 2. Once I realized that I was spending over $100 a ticket for speeding I slowed down and have not had one in 5 years.

I realize I am being pretty blunt and to the point, but your daughter will not ever accept responsibility if you keep bailing her out. If you want your daughter to become responsible and make your life easier, shut your wallet. Her education should be the only exception. Let her flounder for a bit. If she gets evicted, offer a room in your house, this doesn't mean you are letting her live on the street, you are just giving her responsibility and making her see that she needs to shape up.

I hope you at least give shutting your wallet a try. It sounds as though you are very frustrated and it's the one thing you have not done. Just remember that just because you don't bail her out doesn't mean she is going to end up on the street, in the end you will be helping both of you so much more than you are now.

We currently have 3 tickets she's received in the last 3 weeks that need to be dealt with and paid, including 2 court appearances. I'm positive if I just let her deal with them she will ignore them, possibly blaming me because she doesn't have the money for the fines and she can't find the courthouse alone. And then they will put an FTA on her and issue a warrant.
I don't want her to get a police record if I let the FTA work itself out. That would just be another obstacle in the road to her ever getting a real job that doesn't pay minimum wage.

I know the scenario- next traffic stop they will see the FTA when they run her license and arrest her, impound her vehicle (which is in my husband's name, our insurance policy etc). She will call us in tears as usual. First words out of her mouth will be the same as always "Mommy, I have a problem". I'm Mommy when there is a problem, Mother when I am my usual plodding idiot self. I will be required to get the cash, go downtown to the jail, pay her bail, arrange for our attorney to deal with it etc. Dad will have to go collect her truck, pay it's ransom etc. And I doubt she will pull anything from it that would lead her to think that it was anyone's fault but mine as I didn't handle the original tickets.
Do you think it would work at all if you were to tell her something along the lines of: "It's your responsibility to sort this out, but I will help you. I'll go with you to the courthouse if you want to, but you have to ask me to. I'm not going to pay your fines just like that, but we could make some kind of arrangement. Do you have any ideas?" (E.g. You could lend her money that she'll pay back over such and such a time., She agrees to do something in exchange for getting help paying the fines.)?

Maybe you could also ask her "Do you want me to call you and remind you about this?" in case she'll forget all about it and then all of a sudden she's missed the court date and the last day to pay the fines.

Now, this might be a stupid question, but does she need to have a car?

Actually, my therapist gave me the number of a therapist who specializes in ADD. He is ADD and has 5 children, 3 of whom are ADD girls in their late teens and early 20s. Sounds like he knows what I'm going through. Perhaps I see a peak of light at the end of my tunnel. Now to just get her to go. Good luck with that! :) Hopefully your daughter will also find out what it's like to have someone who understands what she's going through. Things that might be difficult for you and your husband to understand simply because they are difficult to understand for non-ADDers.

Does she know anyone else with ADD? Do you think it would be a good idea to try and find someone who's in an area she's interested in, like someone working with horses or a vet, who's ADD, and who handles their ADD successfully?

Would it be possible to bring in a third part to help her take care of her finances for example? Some kind of arrangement that would give you some breathing-space, that would let you distance yourself from some of her problems and you'd still know that she wouldn't be sliding totally?

One problem is that she has no education beyond hs, barely got out of there and I don't think she learned much. Even in high school she spent almost 40 hours a week working with the horses. She currently works for her trainer and gets earnings in cash or in lessons and training rides on our horse (which while a great savings to me doesn't put cash in her pocket). So she really has never held a job except working for her trainer- who understands her ADD and puts up with it. We've told her to get a part-time job, even if it is Burger King but so far she claims to have had no luck. Of course she is putting down "current salary" of $30/hr (which is approx. what her trainer pays her to ride horses for him). If she travels with him she gets room, board and horse expenses paid which comes to several thousand a week usually but it isn't cash in her pocket).

Yes, she needs a truck as the barn is over an hour from my house and about 15 min. from her apartment. Sort of out in the country. Also, she needs to drive when they go to various shows- some a thousand miles away or more. She follows the horse trailer and her trainer, carries a load of trunks and hay etc. plus when they are on the road it is her job to get up at the crack of dawn, get out to the showgrounds and feed the horses, clean stalls and start grooming and set up for the show day. She is actualy very helpful and functional on the show circuit.

We are working on setting up a budget for her and giving her only enough cash to survive the week with, per the budget. I'm afraid tho if her "Gas" cash runs out early she will abandon her truck whereever it stops and blame me if it gets stolen or broken into. We do not need to lose the truck. Just the daughter.

And yes, she has lived a life on easy street. I've handled all her problems, she has always had credit cards, cash etc provided by us (even when she lived with fiance- hell I was supporting him too). And while I realize it is time to "let go" and let her sink or swim, I just can't see her being able to get by.

I've been looking into a "coach" that would check up with her on an almost daily basis. Unfortunately, the cost is almost prohibitive. Most are talking about $100 a day or there abouts. Hence the psychologist/therapist I mentioned-while insurance won't pay he has a sliding pay scale. Based on daughter's income (or lack thereof) it would only be $65/per.

And since she's been out of the house (with bf or on her own) I usually don't even speak to her unless she calls with another disaster (or to check up on my horses). Unfortunately, since going off her Adderall, the emergencies have come fast and furious. She claims to have started taking the Adderall again.

Maybe you have to stage a sort of "intervention" type approach, either she goes to see the ADD specialist or you won't support her.

I just thought of that as I watched a drug intervention show last night on television. Maybe the same type of thing would work, but on a different level.

While you are looking after though, i sense your frustration, and your daughter does deserve the right to have an independ life and look after herself, although she'll have many trials and tribulations, do you agree that to protect her from that doesn't really allow her to become her potential and attain full independence?

Tough call, I can feel how much you care for her even though you are frustrated.

cs

Let her lose it. Completely.

Let her live off nothing, scraping by for food and shelter. Let her know what it's like to be poor. If she gets a traffic ticket, and ends up in jail with an impounded car, let her deal with it. If that impounded car gets her fired from her job as a trainer (arrange this one in advance with her trainer, so that it's actually "temporary" without her knowing it, since she obviously relies on the horses to do well in life), let her deal with the consequences.

When she's so overwhelmed that she can't go on, she'll come crawling back. That's when it's time to change the nature of your relationship. But she's gonna have to realize she has a problem before you can do that, and so far, it seems as though she hasn't made that crucial step. She has to understand she has a problem, and she has to truthfully ask for help.

Good luck. it's a hard battle.

Life just gets more humorous everyday. I came home from work yesterday (after a lovely 12 hours - tax time for accountants) and found her most recent speeding ticket pinned to my refrigerator, one of her dogs out in the yard with my 3 (one was hers but its a pitbull and no apartment will take it), and my digital camera on the counter with a bunch of badly taken photos of daughter (and dogs) in it. Guess she'd been by to visit. HAHAHAHA

She has made an effort to cut down on her expenses and needless spending and I figure the dog is with me because she's off to a weeklong horse show and her trainer will only let her bring one dog. So there is a logic behind this. Just wish I'd known.

Worst thing is that my other child, a 17 yr old boy, is the exact opposite of his sister- smart, honest, industrious, independent. Just makes daughter's "life issues" so much more obvious and frustrating when you see how easy life would have been if she'd been AT ALL like her brother.

I have been thinking that an "intervention" type thing might be what is needed. Anyone have opinions on whether it would be worse or better to have her grandparents there too. All 3 grandparents will be in town in another month or so for son's high school graduation. My dad has a stake in daughter's life as he has paid for one of her VERY expensive show horses with the hope of helping her move forward with her horse career. Or do you think bringing in others would be bad?

It sounds like you and your husband have been talking and you're blue in the face. ;) I wouldnt' have too many people, but having more people may help her see that it's not just you. If she values her tainer so much, maybe you could have her trainer be there with you and your husband if you are worried about the grandparents being too many people.

Hi
I'm sorry I was a little harsh in my last post...I wasn't in the best mood.

What made me accept my ADD??....well I guess it was the fact that being different can be a positive thing and not the worst thing in the world and after learning more about ADD through books and talking to people with it has helped me a great deal to learn to live with it and the last thing is that, I have a condition I can't change, so it's either sink or swim and I'm choosing to swim.

Has your daughter thought of seeing an ADD specialist??...is she depressed?? because she does sound it.

Take Care
Selena:)


Selena- What was it that made you accept the fact that you have ADD and start learning to deal with it, rather than just denying that all the problems are caused by it?

I ask because daughter and I have discussed ADD and how it impacts her. Every time she calls me with another disaster (car accidents, speeding tickets, injured pets etc) I always ask if she took her Adderall that day. Unfortunately, while I have a HUGE collection of books about ADD my daughter is not much of a reader (she is also diagnosed dyslexic so reading is a struggle).

I spoke with her yesterday and tried to make her understand that if she can't show her father and me that she can cope with life on her own or she loses her apartment (and alot of her freedom I would assume).

I've even been in to talk to a therapist that works with her psychiatrist to discuss how to make her accept the reality of ADD and start to work with us to help her. I've got some ideas but she still is stubborn (pigheaded etc).

As I told the therapist, what we need is an intervention such as they do for drug addicts.

Selena- No need to apologize. Everyone has bad days. Somedays I'm mean and cranky and some days I just whine to my therapist (or anyone who will listen tho husband is tired of my whining about how daughter is driving me nuts. She NEVER calls him when there is an emergency or disaster. Only me. I suppose that is a sort of warped compliment).

She was on Paxil for depression for the a couple years. Something about Paxil changed- possibly they stopped making her version. She was given "a reasonable facsimilie thereof" which she said gave her migraines. So she stopped taking all her pills, adderall included. She's been without the Paxil for almost 9 months now.

My therapist has alot of experience with ADD high school students and often I use my entire appointment to discuss daughter's ADD and ways to deal with her and help her. He has even said that what I need is a third party, not a parent, to play "bad cop" and tell her to get it together because her parents aren't going to be there forever to clean up her disasters and be a constant flow of money. I'm just feeling a little wierd about using the same therapist- of course he'll hear both sides of the story. Possibly it would be beneficial. Can't decide.

Also, he's recommended an ADD specialist who while not accepting insurance does use a sliding pay scale and on my daughter's income ($000000), payments would only be $65 a visit. I'd like her to have someone who can be a coach and teach her life management skills. Plus a therapist to help her deal with self-esteem issues, dependency issues, OCD etc etc.

If any of you are older and have children, you know that you spend your life trying to save them from making bad decisions and mistakes. And you want them to always be happy and have a wonderful life. Sometimes the child can make it really difficult tho.

Worst thing is that my other child, a 17 yr old boy, is the exact opposite of his sister- smart, honest, industrious, independent. Just makes daughter's "life issues" so much more obvious and frustrating when you see how easy life would have been if she'd been AT ALL like her brother. Hmm, and she's probably comparing herself to him as well. Not the funniest thing to have a seemingly "perfect" sibling, although I'm sure he's got his problems/faults as well.

It might seem like life would have been easy had she been like him, but you can't really know.

I hope she's not made to feel like she should be like him. Do you think she feels like she's accepted as she is except for the way she manages (or doesn't manage) her issues? Is she?

I hope I'm not sounding too harsh.

It's only recently, in light of her last few months (without Adderall) and the incredible devastation she has created around her that I've been actually noticing what a nice and easy going kid my son is. And I've never mentioned anything to her beyond the fact that her brother drives all over, in heavy rush hour traffic etc etc and has only had one ticket. So yes, I do compare her driving record to her brothers. Zero accidents compared to 15 and counting.

But no, she has always (possibly unfortunately) been treated like a princess and in fact refers to herself as "Princess -----". It's her email addy, screen name, she has t-shirts, a jewelled belt spelling it out in Swarovski crystals. Possibly one of the biggest problems with her is that I've always tried to let her do what she wants, have what she wants etc. And in so doing I've created the monster I now must deal with. (I've also rarely told my son NO either but his wants and needs appear to be much lower than my daughters).

She and I are actually very much alike and I enjoy spending time with her. But I have let her know that her lack of responsibility and what appears to be any thought to her actions is driving me insane.

She thinks her brother is a loser, an idiot, a "dork". I imagine she would hate to be compared to him.

ALSO- I've been looking into LANDMARK COLLEGE which someone earlier mentioned. Does anyone know anyone who has been there or has anyone gone there?

I don't know anyone who has or is going there, but everything i have heard is totally positive. U can go on thier website and they will send u a CD or DVD about the school. LIke i said earlier, I only wish I had know about it when I was younger as i would have pushed to go there.

Hi AtWitsEnd.

I don't have children of my own, but it seems that you and your daughter are very attached to one another and one of you HAS to let go, there is no point in being as involved as you are in her life, she DOES have to learn to be independent, Mum was the same with me for a long time and I started to resent her to a point where I no longer speak to her for this reason and abuse issues as well, I know you want the best for your girl but you have to live your life as well as you girl living hers, the more you're involved in her life, the more she'll expect you to clean up her messes with your trusy dustpan and brush.

I feel it's high time this girl sees a therapist, one of HER choice and perhaps find someway to discuss her problems and find solutions to deal with them.

I have a message for your daughter, Listen girl, your parent's AREN'T going to be around forever and they shouldn't have to constantly clean up your messes in life, LEARN TO BE INDEPENDENT...trust me it's a great feeling once you get there, your parent's are people with lives of their own that they want to live and you're supposedly an adult and in that case you should be mature enough to look after yourself and your life, if you have trouble perhaps you need professional help and if so...go and seek it! there's no shame in getting help if you really need it, one day your life might be good to the point where you don't need help anymore but from what your Mum has said you definitely should seek help for the problems you're having now, girl I hope things get better for you, trust me, I've had my share of bad days too and it can get better if you let it.

A message for Mum now, I hope things work out between you and your daughter and you need to stop allowing her to rely so heavily on you....you only have one life, live it while you can!

Take Care
Selena:)

Selena- No need to apologize. Everyone has bad days. Somedays I'm mean and cranky and some days I just whine to my therapist (or anyone who will listen tho husband is tired of my whining about how daughter is driving me nuts. She NEVER calls him when there is an emergency or disaster. Only me. I suppose that is a sort of warped compliment).

She was on Paxil for depression for the a couple years. Something about Paxil changed- possibly they stopped making her version. She was given "a reasonable facsimilie thereof" which she said gave her migraines. So she stopped taking all her pills, adderall included. She's been without the Paxil for almost 9 months now.

My therapist has alot of experience with ADD high school students and often I use my entire appointment to discuss daughter's ADD and ways to deal with her and help her. He has even said that what I need is a third party, not a parent, to play "bad cop" and tell her to get it together because her parents aren't going to be there forever to clean up her disasters and be a constant flow of money. I'm just feeling a little wierd about using the same therapist- of course he'll hear both sides of the story. Possibly it would be beneficial. Can't decide.

Also, he's recommended an ADD specialist who while not accepting insurance does use a sliding pay scale and on my daughter's income ($000000), payments would only be $65 a visit. I'd like her to have someone who can be a coach and teach her life management skills. Plus a therapist to help her deal with self-esteem issues, dependency issues, OCD etc etc.

If any of you are older and have children, you know that you spend your life trying to save them from making bad decisions and mistakes. And you want them to always be happy and have a wonderful life. Sometimes the child can make it really difficult tho.

What strikes me about this website is that alot of you replying to posts aren't much older than my daughter and also have ADHD. And you all seem so aware of what your problems are and have worked and are working to learn how to deal with them. I suppose you wouldn't be posting here if you were in denial about ADHD causing any problems in your life. But it is soooo different from daughter's opinion that her ADHD doesn't cause any problems and she is fine.

Unfortunately one reason that daughter and I are "bound together" is that we have a business together- a sporthorse breeding, training and sales business in which I am manager, cpa (the brains) and daughter is rider, trainer (the talent). My father is a primary investor in the business with the hope that eventually daughter will be able to take over entirely and be making enough money to hire a professional manager for the corporation rather than having mom do the work. Unfortunately daughter currently allows personal issues to get in the way of business ("I'm not going to show horse X today- bf called and we're going out instead" or "So and so wanted me to look at a horse today but I told her I didn't feel good and we'd do it some other day"). That stuff doesn't cut it in the business world, esp when you own a business. Personal issues are second to the business if you want to be profitable.

Could be a failed business venture- grandpa was just trying to help start daughter off in a difficult biz by being her "investor angel" before he dies. But she has made some bad business decisions and let her heart rule over her head (purchasing a mid 5 figure horse which she now admits wasnt so much talented as "sweet". Argghh.. Unfortunately, on some horse issues I need to accept her evaluation- tho I usually get an opinion from another professional trainer and the horse is not a total dud- just not going to be a $200,000 horse ever).

Hey Atwitsend, I first want to commend you for really staying through the tough fight. What your trying to do by understanding and get help and support for your daughter is daunting task that deserves a bow of honor.

That being said I read most of the post on this discussion as I am just entering it now and my mind was racing with too many ideas to be able to really continue reading this discussion. That being said and with the absolute chance of sounding redundant I think that maybe its time to release some control.

I myself lived a very sheltered life getting all the gifts apraisal and support that really I think was too much, and with my parents shunning ADD as a nonfactor I was ill prepared for being out on my own. Still I moved with friends and began the arduous of learning to live life. Now I mentioned that I didn't really want to accept my disabilities because my parents were against it, it seems to be the other way around but I think my story will still work. I built a huge debt continued to overcharge my bank on 7/11 food and my place was a complete mess.

This went on for many years and I began to slowly loose the support of my parents. By the time I was 22 I was going to loose all the support I had, still struggling toward a major I loved but would couldn't focus on all my other classes to ever get through, and loosing friends from stupid little mistakes that were consider insensitive. Then after meeting my present girlfriend I finally succumbed to being what I was ADD, I told her, and we began to put the pieces together. It wasn't and easy task and it took 3 years to really get myself back in one piece, but we ADDers can do stuff once we learn that how we can do stuff.

Just to let you know I finished all of my community college classes and recieved a Associates in Arts, and English, and got a certificate in Japanese studies. I'm going to be starting my first semester at George Mason University, my first time at a 4 year institution, and I have all the support to really make it through college. I still have my GF that helped me through all of this not even knowing what ADD was and we are going to be having our 3rd anniversary of when we started dating, as well as moving in together.

I'm not saying that this is the only way to go about things, but I fill that sometimes it is the only way to get people to move beyond their doubts.

Hi AtWitsEnd.
May I ask when your daughter was diagnosed with ADHD???
Some of us were diagnosed when we were younger, sometimes in childhood and adolescence...like myself and other in early and late adulthood, I've found the ones that were diagnosed early in life usually cope a lot better with it even though there are issues of denial and grieving and so on than the ones who were diagnosed later in life....this would only be some of the ADHD population, there are many older ADDer's that cope quiet well with the new diagnosis and young ADDers who don't cope so well....so overall it depends on the indiviual, their personality, their doctor's approach to it, their family background, their social background etc etc.

Maybe your girl needs take a seat back and try to look for why she's feeling like this, is it because she's different to the majority of society?? has she been bullied a lot in life for simply being different?? has she had a bad experience with a particular teacher, workmate or friends regarding her difference???.......I guess one wonders?

Whatever the issue is, she does need to address it in order to live a fufilling life, does she read or come on the forum ar all?? if not maybe she should, it will either put her further in denial or help her open up her eyes to the positives of being different...who knows??

As I've said before I hope things start to look up for everyone in your family!

Selena:)

older than my daughter and also have ADHD. And you all seem so aware of what your problems are and have worked and are working to learn how to deal with them. I suppose you wouldn't be posting here if you were in denial about ADHD causing any problems in your life. But it is soooo different from daughter's opinion that her ADHD doesn't cause any problems and she is fine.

Unfortunately one reason that daughter and I are "bound together" is that we have a business together- a sporthorse breeding, training and sales business in which I am manager, cpa (the brains) and daughter is rider, trainer (the talent). My father is a primary investor in the business with the hope that eventually daughter will be able to take over entirely and be making enough money to hire a professional manager for the corporation rather than having mom do the work. Unfortunately daughter currently allows personal issues to get in the way of business ("I'm not going to show horse X today- bf called and we're going out instead" or "So and so wanted me to look at a horse today but I told her I didn't feel good and we'd do it some other day"). That stuff doesn't cut it in the business world, esp when you own a business. Personal issues are second to the business if you want to be profitable.

Could be a failed business venture- grandpa was just trying to help start daughter off in a difficult biz by being her "investor angel" before he dies. But she has made some bad business decisions and let her heart rule over her head (purchasing a mid 5 figure horse which she now admits wasnt so much talented as "sweet". Argghh.. Unfortunately, on some horse issues I need to accept her evaluation- tho I usually get an opinion from another professional trainer and the horse is not a total dud- just not going to be a $200,000 horse ever).[/QUOTE]

You say in the end of that quote, that "ever since going off the Adderal..." I am a 30 y.o wife and mother who was just put on Adderal. I was first diagnosed at the age of 19, and put on Ritalin...then my husband and I got engaged to be married, and my med was switched to Wellbutrin (as Ritalin is not recommended for child bearing)...we have been married 3 1/2 years and have a 22 month old son. We are also Military, and the last primary care physician at our last duty station questioned why I was on Wellbutrin, and whether or not it worked. I said, I think it works, I don't know, I have not taken it in a while. He just kind of laughed, as he later confided in me that he has Adult ADD too. He put me on Adderal. I noticed IMMEDIATE results...I mean, my husband was overseas for a year, and my son and I were living with my parents, and hubby was due to come back in a few weeks. and I had my son and I completely packed and all the bins organized! My mom came home from work one night, and looked at both my sons and my room and smiled, saying "Adderal's working, huh?! " (I just had to scroll up to remember my point ), ...my youngest brother is a 3rd year Pharmacy student, who told me that Adderal is a very strong drug, and suggested not letting the script run out before I refill it...basically don't quit taking it. My husband and I just moved to a new duty station, and a week after we were here, I ran out of Adderal! OH BOY.....was my brother right! I was IRRITABLE. CRABBY. SNAPPING AT MY HUSBAND AND MY 22 MONTH OLD SON FOR NO REASON AT ALL! I did not like myself when I was not on the Adderal, so I quick called Tricare, and got a doc in the area, and called them explaining the situation, and they got me in at 3 that afternoon. I filled my script, and was a whole new person the next day...I am rambling,,,i guess my point is do you think that is causing your daughter's mood swings? Hope this helps, usnavyabh2

Just wondering if anything new has happened. Was an intervention done? Have u made any progress ??