View Full Version : Life story


jonnyg1
03-28-06, 08:11 PM
I have decide to post a little summary of my life and how ADD has affected it. If your not up for reading a life story then don't bother, but if anyone is then please feel free to read on.

OK well here it goes. I'm in my mid 20's and to this point my life has been like a train wreck in slow motion. I always knew something was wrong with me but until recently I had no idea what it was. I, like most unaware people, thought that ADD was only for kids and was outgrown by people as they became adults. However the more I read about it the more I realised that it applied to me perfectly, especially when I read that ADD can go unnoticed in kids and adults with hi IQ. Every IQ test or abilites test I have scored extremely well on. Everyone that has ever got to know me has had moments where they just got fed up and said "What the **** is wrong with you! How can you not have your #### together? If I had what you had I would be so successful by now." It's has got to the point that I have automatice responses for these moments and they're like water off a ducks back to me. I want to stress that I'm not saying I'm smart to tto my own horn, but rather to give people an idea of how much of a dissapointment I have been to the people around me, which had made it all even harder.

As a child things started out great for me. In grades 2 and 3 I would always get my work done long befor everyone else. The teachers would then use me as a teachers aid and get me to help the struggling kids in the class. Then at about age 9 everything changed, I stopped doing well in school, I stopped paying attention, I would only work when I had to, and talked all the time. At the end of the year in grade 4 my teacher would give awards to the kids in the class "best athlete" "nicest laugh" and so on. I got "talks the most" I actually talked so much that a buddy of mine got the award for "person who Jon talks to the most". One year and that much changed. By the time I was in grade 7 the teacher wanted to fail me. My mom wouldn't allow it and said I just had an attitude problem that could be fixed, as long as I was as smart as the other kids she wanted me to keep going. He told her that I was actually smarter than the other kids but if he had another year with me he thought he could get through to me rather than another teacher starting from scratch. I hated him at the time but looking back I guess it's nice to have people that want to make you their own personal project.

By the time grade 8 hit I had developed a very complicated system of coping mechanisms for myself in an attempt to not let grade 7 happen again. Nearly every day I was sent home with detention slips for my parents to sign. Once in a while I'd have my mom sign them, once in a while my dad would, but for the most part I would forge my dads signature so my parens wouldn't realise the amount of detentions I was getting. In high school I used the same system for skipping classes with my absent book. I was good, I was damn good. The truth is that I liked detention, I never told anyone that at the time, but I did. It was the only place that I actually did work, there was no sounds, nobody to talk to, I couldn't just get up and walk around. If it wasn't for detention I never would have got as far in school as I did. It's sad but it's true. The defining moment of school for me was grade 11 math, I skipped about 1/3 of the classes that year and the year end exam would make or break if I failed or not (this happened in nearly every class, but exams under pressure was my thing) the night befor I got the notebook off a buddy of mine so I could actually study up for his one. All of an hour of studying befor going into the exam and I felt ready. A 92% was needed for me to pass the course. About 5 days later my math teacher was at my door and asked to talk to my dad. He told him that I needed to get on track and everything we had both heard befor. He said that he hs never had a student miss as many classes as I did and still pass his course let alone get a 97% on the year end exam. I'll never forget that moment cause I managed to feel both prowd and ashamed at the same time.

My family life wasn't a good one. Parents divorced when I was very young. I spent my whole childhood spending one week with one and the next week with the other. I liked it because neither household was much better than the other and this way I wouldnt' have to dissapoint eitherby having to choose one. My younger sister also lived under the same arrangement and despite being unconventional I think it actually worked for us. Both of my parents had drug and alcohol problems, not to mention relationship problems. Booth of which I inherited from them. They both loved my sister and myself and never abused us or anything so it wasn't all bad. But they were both definetly broken homes and the support that I needed wasn't there. My sister is currently in college and doing very well. She has no disorders or substance problems and is generaly living a life unlike the rest of my family and I couldn' be happier for her.

My personal life has been very bad especially my adult years. Things just keep getting worse. Friendships lost (if it wasn't for msn messenger there would be so many more lost) and relationships that are disfunctional from the start. I have gone through countless jobs and lived in many places. Moving home has become a habit for me and I am so glad my mom has shown patience with me as well. I have been self medicating with marijuana for about 8 years mainly. But caffeine, ciggarettes, alcohol, pain killers, sleeping pills and othr hard drugs have also been sonsumed off and on for a few years now. I'm not going to act like all the drugs have been self medicating as some have been only for the purpse of getting high. But the marijuana has been the one constant and is definitly the self medication. If I get stoned tonight then tommorow will be much easier than had I not got stoned at all. Any time I have tried to quit weed it never worked out, not because I'm addicted but because every day I actually got a little worse as the weed gets out of my system, scatterbrain thoughts and unable to concentrate at work are the main problems, not to mention the boredom. I haven't burned in about 10 days and it's getting hard and the people around me have all realised it (my habt is no secret among my family or friends). But there is a good reson I have quit...

In 2 days I have a doctors appointment at which time he will probably prescribe me ritalin. I have never been on any ADD mdication befor and am axious to see if it works and how well it works. Although in high school I remember trying ritalin recreationally once and it did nothing to me. My buddy said he was pretty high but I wasn't at all. After reading aobut how the medication works it says that people who should be on it don't get a high while people who shouldnt do. Hopefully this is true. I just thought I would post my story to see if anyone can relate to it. Feel fre to post your own story or comment on mine. I feel very alone at this moment of my life as the people who are close to me have no idea how to relate to what I have and am currnetly going through. I'll come back on here and post how the medication is wokring for me in case anyone is interested.

P.S. due to my horrible attention span it took me about 4 hours off and on to post this, and I've gotten up and walked around about 20 times by now.

QueensU_girl
04-03-06, 12:13 AM
Welcome to the boards, Johnny.

A lot of people here have similar stories, give or take a few details.

Hope you keep coming back.

Uminchu
04-03-06, 12:50 AM
Hi Jonny:

Welcome to the forums. Your story sounds really familiar to me. I had to go to summer school to repeat failed classes every year of high school. Even so, I graduated with a 1.87 cumulative GPA.

If I had a nickel for every time some teacher told me a variant of "if you would just apply yourself," I'd have about $43.87 (tax included).

I'm 35 now, and have somehow stumbled my way into a pretty good career and a great family. The only thing I can say has helped me has been an almost pathological insistence on doing only what I like. Kind of like the "success through self indulgence" school of thought. :)

Good to have you here, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of your posts.

CdnJulie
05-15-06, 08:07 AM
Glad to see you wrote about it. Very hard for most to be honest. That is the first step. Sorry to hear of your struggles.