Anyone else got a problem talking on the phone, especially RINGING people?
I mean I have trouble approaching people and asking for help/information/assistance face to face but on the phone I am even worse!

This is something I've had huge meltdowns over as a kid, I am just petrified of talking to people on the phone and even more terrified of RINGING someone up (to the point of breaking down in tears as a kid when my Mum tried to encourage me to do so), and to this day it is nigh-on impossible for me to ring ANYONE (even a takeaway or a taxi) unless I know I am asolutely ALONE in the room and nobody is listening in.

I'm OK-ish taking calls these days but "can't" ring people unless I ABSOLUTELY have to, I'm OKnowadays ringing very close friends (of which I don't have many!), my parents and my boyfriend but preferably on their mobile because not knowing who is going to pick up the phone (being afraid of mistaking the person or not knowing who I'm talking to) just TOTALLY freaks me out! When I do ring anyone other than that then I keep stuttering, getting stuff wrong, my mind goes blank and I feel like a total idiot!

I've read on an Aspergers/ADHD forum that this is VERY common, especially for Aspergers it is apparently common to have problems with audio perception anyway (which I have, might be CAPD from chronic ear infections?) .

What's weird is though how I NORMALLY struggle interpreting visual clues when face to face (as well as toen of voice etc.) so why the heck am I struggling SO MUCH MORE when I DON'T have to deal with that?

This is really doing my head in and complicating my attempts at finding someone to help me/diagnose me, I've written hundreds of Emails that haven't been answered and everyone tells me to RING a self-help group and ask if they can tell me more about diagnosis in adults, but how the heck CAN I when I'm scared even to ring a close friend?

Anyone else as pathetic as that? :(

I don't have a fear of the phone... at least I don't think I do. What I have is an extreme dislike of it. I don't WANT to waste time on the phone and I can't stand people who won't get to the point and let me go...

Originally posted by waywardclam
I don't WANT to waste time on the phone and I can't stand people who won't get to the point and let me go...
When people (in the same office) ring me at work to ask silly questions instead of getting off there backside and asking me face to face, or writing a concrete, to-the-point E-Mail, I feel the same :rolleyes:

I absolutely HATE talking on the phone!

It always seems to ring at the wrong time (is there ever a right time though?) ;) So now I have finally gotten used to the idea that I don't have to answer - and just let the machine get it.

I really don't have problems calling people if I have a good reason to, and it is someone I already know well - but to call someone I don't know and try to explain a problem etc. is awful for me. I always end up tongue tied. It was horrible for me last week at work when I got pushed into scheduling job interviews for people. I had to call 5 candidates and one of them had a Japanese name! UGH! I am starting to get better at it though. It takes practice and I have to rehearse what I am going to say before I dial.

I am also severely annoyed by people who talk and talk on the phone ALL the time. It's like "don't you ever shut up?!" Not to offend some of you hyper ADDers out there who do talk a lot - it's just, I am the inattentive quite type ;)

Diane

Originally posted by waywardclam
I don't have a fear of the phone... at least I don't think I do. What I have is an extreme dislike of it. I don't WANT to waste time on the phone and I can't stand people who won't get to the point and let me go...

I feel like that too. Although i hate ringing anyone. Even if i know them (like relatives etc) I dont know why this is but i just do. It really sucks!! I like texting and i like it when people email etc. It gives me something 2 do. I hate having 2 talk 2 people who i dont know on the phone also. I also used 2 be really...well...i think the word would be shy. I used 2 be so shy 2 come downstaris even if it was my aunty who i have known 4 years. This may just be me though. I am not very good at showing my emotions like at christmas when u get a present i dont know how 2 respond. I have just learned the responses other make. I dont show it very well even though i do feel it. Anyone the same??

I have a silent number so I don't get many calls. I also have calling number display so I can choose whether to answer it so I don't get any nasty surprises

I have my mobile which shows the number calling and if i dont want 2 talk 2 them i just cancel the call.

Originally posted by BigDaddy
I have my mobile which shows the number calling and if i dont want 2 talk 2 them i just cancel the call.
Yeah I do that too, don't get many calls though thankfully.

Sometimes when I don't know who is calling, I just shove the phone back in the pocket and tell myself I haven't heard it ringing :rolleyes: (Instead of cancelling it)

Don't do that with the landline though, although I have the BT answer service so in theory if it's important they could always leave a message. I should really set up my answerphone at some point, I dread speaking onto it though - got the built-in one before I realised that the service comes free with BT anyway :rolleyes:

I have got an answerphone on my mobile but since it costs so much, even if it is important i wont get the message. I just rely on them 2 text me or ring me when i feel like answering!!

LOL well thankfully my answerphone on my mobile is free, it's just a pain to access. Most people know better than to ring me anyway, so they just stick to texting!

Darn just noticed, not a single vote from people who have managed to overcome this problem. Ah well :rolleyes:

It can be overcome given time etc

LOL yeah but since I was a wee bairn my parents (esp. Mum) have been trying to confront this with me until I broke down crying or gave in - isn't 25 years enough? :confused:

Much easier to use Email methinks ;)

It is. I mean it can get easier. U will find that u will still not like talking on the phone but it gets easier. I have big problems relationship wise. Always have. Im rtying 2 overcome that and i have come a long way. Thats how it is with the phone phobia.

In my home I have no problem with the phone....I've had jobs where I would sometimes need to answer the phone and I'd get all nervous. I know why, don't messages right.

Paula

what would it take to make the phone a less fearful experience for those of you who are feeling the fear?

Originally posted by healthwiz
what would it take to make the phone a less fearful experience for those of you who are feeling the fear?
LOL, well if I knew the answer to that... ;)

In my case, it is just aplain irrational fear, the worry that things are going to go wrong, that I will look/sound stupid or say something stupid. Fear of rejection plays a part in this too, I guess (which is silly when you ring for a pizza or a taxi!), and not being able to do it when someone is listening might be because if I said something stupid then they'd rub it in or something.

I often used to stumble over my words as a kid when I was nervous (still do but I got much better) and I guess I am still scared that this will happen :confused:

This is just like reading all the ADD books just after I was diagnosed and going "wow! that describe me exactly!" over and over. I have a very big phobia about talking on the phone to someone I don't know, especially initiating a call. It's weird how some people can just pick up the phone and start talking to strangers. I feel like I have to prepare for the call and make sure I know exactly what I'm going to say. Maybe it's the social cue thing - there are no visual cues available. I'm afraid I'll get confused or flustered, or I'll hang up and then think of something I should have said or asked.

Originally posted by Daddio
I'm afraid I'll get confused or flustered, or I'll hang up and then think of something I should have said or asked.
That is exactly why I prefer E-mails to phonecalls - you get a chance to re-read if you don't understand somehting first time round, and you also get a chance to add things or turn them round over and over again.

In my case I think a lot of that has to do with the desire to hide the fact that I often don't *get* something straight away. I hate to admit it when I don't understand something, misunderstand something etc. so with the written word it's much easier to just re-read and try and get it into my head, without having to admit to anyone that I didn't understand it straight away.

email is cool. i love computers for that!!

I go in and out of phone-a-phobias. Usually I just can't do the work related phone calls. Sometimes I can't return social calls.
My friends seem similar, so at times we may not talk for months.
(The ones that are out of town)

I like talking on the phone, always have. Every once in a while I will let the call go to voicemail if I don't know who it is, but for the most part, I answer the phone if it is ringing.

Most times I must admit, I don't answer it when it rings....(what did we do before answering machines, voice mail, etc.).....I like to talk on the phone ONLY when it's convenient for me....I'm afraid of the other person talking so much that I can't get off......

Hubby just bought me a mobile phone. OMG it's so complicated! I don't like the sound of a ringing phone so I changed it to Sweet Child O Mine and it's better. I think that the text messages are a better idea instead.

I can relate to this quite accurately. I only use the telephone if I absolutely have to. Even though I am not very comfortable conducting business face to face, it is still much easier to conduct business face to face than it is to do so over the phone. If I have to converse or get information from the university that I am attending, it is more than worthwhile for me to spend $10 to drive out there (45 minutes away) rather than calling them. I don't even call the friends that I have (friends is barely plural in this sentence). The number of calls per year for personal reasons that I initiate can be easily counted on one hand.

I am not the only person in my family with this problem. I used to see my biological father on a bi-weekly basis. About 20% of the time, he simply would not show up at my house. There were no phone calls conducted ahead of time to inform me that he was not coming.

^^^same here. I cannot stand using the phone, calling or being called. When i'm forced to then i'll just try to make the call as short as possible. But I'd much rather do something face to face rather than using a phone. It's just something i'll have to learn to get over because it's impossible to go without using a phone. Man I wish everything could be done through email lol.

Originally posted by healthwiz
what would it take to make the phone a less fearful experience for those of you who are feeling the fear?

Having an appointment to be called, and an intermediary to uncover the details and through which to speak...

A "social secretary" and a "work secretary" would work nicely. Thank you.

Again, I thought I was the only one. So it's a real thing. "Phone Phobia" was only a term I'd heard tossed around. "Pop psychology," perhaps.

I get the "WHAT IF's?"

I have a very hard time calling/ringing people, especially when I have to ask for something (like a favor), change plans made earlier, or ask for information and then decode the response. Uncomfortable calling would include "phone trees" for organizations I belong to, and sales. I cannot sell anything, especially if I have to ask others to part with their money or to commit over the phone. I won't respond to things like that. Why would I expect others to?

How bad is it? I have essentially lost friends and business I could have had because the people involved have just said, "Give me a call." I sometimes dread calling even those I love very much.

Exceptions: Receiving calls, because the I am capable of postponing things or, if need be, hanging up. Most pleasant are phone calls FROM loved ones who don't expect me to solve their problems, have low expectations, lots of time, don't set deadlines, and who say nice things and/or make me laugh. It's a special kind of "ear candy."

Email is fine. No problems with Email. I feel like I am in charge and can manage the outcomes better.

I seem to have a phobia with anything that rings or expects a direct interaction from me.

The only phone my boyfriend and I have is MY cell phone. Who answers it- the boyfriend. I don't care who's calling. I don't know why exactly. If it's for me, he says, "hold on" and hand it to me- that way I can't deny it. I've missed many opportunities and procrastinated many important things just because it required me making a phone call. This is a serious problem. I can call my family if I need to touch base; but other than that I guess I'm just nuts.

The doorbell rings- if I'm by the door and my boyfriend's home; I'll run upstairs without a second thought. If i order a pizza, I'll watch for the pizza guy and open the door before he gets a chance to ring the doorbell.

I used to NEVER use e-mail. I have to now; because most of my professors can only be reached that way. I've gotten much better about that, but don't keep in touch with people I know by e-mail. Frankly I'm amazed that I'm even responding on this forum so much (it's probably because I can relate to so many people here, and everyone is interesting and kind- so I feel free to babble away! Thanks people!)

I appreciate the idea of email, but if your accounts are ANYTHING like mine, I have so many emails, I rarely read all of them. I prefer the phone call so that I can instantly interact with the other party, hear their inflections and take what notes are needed. As opposed to email, I've approached my problem, discussed it, and have either resolved or prompted necessary action for it to be resolved. I guess all those years on the phone as a kid have FINALLY paid off.

Now at home, good luck on getting me to answer the phone...and when I do, whoever decided to get a telemarketer to call ME on the phone...wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrong thing to do.

My suggestion for phone calls...when you know that you are calling, make a fast script of what you want or should say. I may be good with the telephone but even I script myself.

I am continually complimented on my phone manners. I have been told multiple times that I am sweet and courteous and proffestional on the phone. So much so that sometimes people who know me well do a double take ;)
But that is mostly at work or when I answer other peoples phones. I have a only a cell phone and I hate when it rings. It's my mother 9 times out of ten. I adore my mother, but if we don't talk at least 3 times a week she gets antsy (we were not that close growing up, but we are close now. I just hate talking on the phone). Ugh.

I am constantly amazed that people don't understand this feature of ADHD people being "superb" at the same thing they fail at misserably, when properly cued by external circumstance.

i get the same thing about my pateince with teaching others, but my family could hardly believe either, patience or teaching being anthing i'd be good at!

"Its the SETTING stupid!"

The BEST 'treatment" for ADHD is control of the SETTING, NOT drugs, NOT therapy, but Company and SETTING.

ARGH!!!!!!!

Originally posted by Andilavit2
I may be good with the telephone but even I script myself.

If anyone else has mentioned this then I've overlooked it; it was a while ago that I read this entire thread- but I'm glad you mentioned this! I do that too, and get quite embarrassed about it! Sometimes ridiculed! Thank you!

Especially if I'm making a call where I can anticipate general information asked about me; such as birthdate address and telephone number... even WHY I was calling- otherwise I'll blank out and hang up! I had to script my questions in my math class too, and read them verbatum.

Yes, Wheel; I often wish I could change the board that my life is a playing piece on... but that power is beyond me!!!

Originally posted by waywardclam
I don't have a fear of the phone... at least I don't think I do. What I have is an extreme dislike of it. I don't WANT to waste time on the phone and I can't stand people who won't get to the point and let me go...
Boy is this how I feel! People call & want to chat for ages instead of just giving you the message & letting you go. What the heck more is there to say after the hello, how are you & the message?
That's why I do not answer the phone at home. Have also stopped using voicemail as it creates an unrealistic idea on the part of the caller that I will actually call back. When in reality they should just tell me what they want me to know & leave it at that.

Just realised that makes me sound a little grouchy - but I'm really quite friendly :)

some days it takes herculean effort for me to force myself to make certain calls - and there is really no good reason for it, except that I just don wanna! My husband doesn't understand. ("What are you waiting for?") Glad to see I'm not alone with my phone annoyance.

I am convinced that there are reasons, i just don't often give them creedance.

I refused to use the phone till i was nearly 16 years old. Now i do use it but i dont like it. People always coment on how polite i am on the phone and never realise i am only perfectly spoken when i am tense.
Hubby hasnt even twigged after all this time and he has made jokes about knowing people are on for it cos i got my posh voice on.

The worst kind of telephone is the kind you cant walk about with though. If i have to stay by a corded phone i may as well not bother with the conversation. I need to move to think and not only that my kids see me hooked up to the phone and go "Yay time to trash the house".

I hate buisness type calls most of all though.

I also find that even if there is a slight crackle on the line i just cannot follow the conversation at all, just too distracting.

i have always been afraid of the phone - maybe not DEATHLY afraid of it... but i used to avoid calling people at all costs. I hate making business calls more than ANYTHING though.... If my getting somthing done on time depends on phone calls you can basically forget it.

If it's absolutely imperitive that i call someone i don't relaly know, (or someone i'm afraid of calling, or anything...) i have to sit for a half an hour or more just making sure i'm calm and running over stuff in my head that i'm supposed to say or ask about. i check that everything's silent, it's not freezing... etc... once i've initiated a call i'm usually fine though... it's kind of weird.

Wow.. I thought I was the only woman on earth who hates the phone!!

If someone else is with me I will always get them to call..

The worst is calling in sick to work!! I'm afraid to sound too healthy even if i am really really sick, I always get a feeling that no one is going to believe me.. Probably cause I used to fake sick so much in school that I started not being able to believe it lol
Ok this is the 3rd time I have come back to add something..
I used to thing it was my old boyfriend who cut conversations short... but now I think it was me.. LOL

Originally posted by brilliantmoment
The worst is calling in sick to work!! I'm afraid to sound too healthy even if i am really really sick, I always get a feeling that no one is going to believe me..

And here I thought I was the only one. Thank goodness our union rep is an (undiagnosed) ADDer, and she sent around a memo about sick leave - as in, don't feel guilty. Only you know how sick you really are; and thank you for not sharing your germs.
So, now I feel a little less guilty. But I still feel like people are saying that I'm just faking, when I'm not there...
:D

I called in yesterday because my first dose of Concerta knocked my flat on my butt.. Even if I managed to make it to work without wrecking my car (dizzy-like), I don't think they would have appreciated my fantastically happy mood (when I'm happy- drug induced anyhow- I start babbling, and when I start babbling, I don't know what I talk about until its already out of my mouth and instead my foot is there LOL)
Luckily I think that was temporary, I feel great today *grin*

i don't think the manager i spoke to was sympathetic, but shes not the one thats right above me anyhow hehe

Oh.. and I hate not answering the phone, for fear I will have to call them back... LOL

Originally posted by capri

The worst kind of telephone is the kind you cant walk about with though. If i have to stay by a corded phone i may as well not bother with the conversation.

this is sooooo true - how can anyone expect you talk & not walk!!!!!:confused:

I have phone anxiety too which is really ironic since I do my ADD coaching over the phone. I also do a lot of AD/HD related volunteer work over the phone.

When it comes to ordering pizza or something like that I hate doing it.

Dear All,

Namaste,

I didint know this was an issue with others too and I am glad that there such a thing called phone anxiety cause up till now I have been getting funny reactions from everyone whom I tell my probs related with such a kind of issue.

I have a anxiety about ringing phone or expected phone calls. It has also to do with my various jobs, friends who bothered me, people who have got questions, probs, for me on call...and everytime it rings...I get a anxiety ball in my stomoch and my heart beats faster...cause i dont know how to deal with such kind of calls.


Is the anxiety that all of you have to do with a specific reason backgroud behind it? I think I have some background, reasons for being anxious to attend calls but as again I am clueless, impulsive on phone calls so it also have to do with my add probs.

At times i feel silly over having such a kind of anxiety and I wonder if this anxiety is recongised as a pattern, of mental disease by docs..

I hope to get rid of it

Nachi

Originally posted by spasepeepole
I am continually complimented on my phone manners. I have been told multiple times that I am sweet and courteous and proffestional on the phone. So much so that sometimes people who know me well do a double take ;)

I'm the same way! Everyone is amazed by my phone "personality".

A co-worker kind of forced me to get over my phone phobie:

I worked at the front desk of a bookstore, where I was supposed to call people and let them know that the books they'd ordered had come in. My co-worker left me alone at the front desk, wouldn't let me take a break, lunch, or anything, until I'd called every single one of the people. EEP. It was terribly mean at the time, but it worked :)

I detest the telephone; I dislike both taking and making calls, though I've got slightly more of a phobia when it comes to calling people than when it comes to answering the phone.

One of the main reasons is auditory processing; it's already hard for me to understand what people are saying, and the lack of visual cues (such as lip movements) and the filtering out of higher frequencies just makes it even more difficult for me to guess at what's being said.

My boss just started me on a new project this week - verifying the address and telephone number for over 3000 MRI sites in the US. *falls over dead* The woman thinks I can make 100 calls a day. What does she think I do, twiddle my thumbs all day?

Actually, it's not too bad - so far more than 50% of the numbers I have are disconnected *snicker*

The worst part is the script I have - I sound like a super sugery-sweet telemarketer. Granted, I'm a very sweet person in general, but this just makes me want to hurl ;)

Telephones don't bother me so much but after what codeman just said I wonder if that's why I detest using many radio circuits so much. Circuits of the "Drive thru teller" type quality drive me batty, and while many have gotten substantially better and two way comms have gotten worlds better in the last ten years too, there are always a few out there that I get stuck with unexpectedly. YICK!

I hate using the phone to ring people unless it's family and sometimes that bothers me too. I know where your comming from.

I must admit I have no problems on the phone! I love talking on the phone and my husband says I get a phone high! I am a people person; I not afraid to talk face to face or on the phone!
I should become a telephone operator, eh! There some nasty calls I get the odd time at work but I shrugged it off. I swear I can't leave my phone alone because I love to chat!

I can call people and sometimes I love talking on the phone. But for some reason I hate answering my phone, I never answer it.

I have caller ID so I will usually call them back if they leave a message, if I don't get a message I will most likely not call them back.

I have no idea why I am like this, I can't figure it out. When the phone rings I just stare at it, but won't answer! Wierd!

-Britawn

I have always had a problem with phones,I speak on them at all,this is part of my AS as i've recently found out.

I can be sat down and a relative rings up,my parents bring the phone in and push it to my face or into my hands and they expected that to actually make me do something,when I would not say anything at all.

I hate people like that,people who do not want to understand that others can-and will be different to themselves.

I never used to and usually let the machine get it now. There have been periods, although, when the bad news of my father and brothers suicides, came via the phone. I would hear my name at work over the speaker for a phone call, and immediately revisit every horrible tragedy that somebody could be calling about (in my head) Of course, inevitably it was a call from my wife telling to get something for dinner. I don't like talking when people are listening as I talk on the phone either. The real payoff though, was when my wife told me that she absolutely wanted a divorce, through the f***** email. I immediately found out where she was and told her in no uncertain terms that it was the most cowardly thing I have ever encountered in my life. And if she wanted a divorce, than look me in the eye and tell me so.
She couldn't do it, quickly scampering off. So I guess I come by these fears with some substantial foundations. The interesting thing, though, is the fact that somehow this ties in with ADD as well, where we have this quirky similarity. I thought I was just strange, that nobody is afraid of a phone call... Thanks for bring it up....Addlee

I can definatly relate to the phone phobia comments, I have never liked caling people and am marginally better at taking calls. Now for the irony: I spent 2.5 years in a call center doing tech support for a computer company. Also I got my ham radio license in '99 (not that I talk on it all that often, for emergency use only :) )

On the plus side, after that much time in a call center, once I am on the phone it is 100% reaction. I just go into a diffrent personallty.


p.s. call sign is KG4AOI, if anyone can relate.

I really do have that problem, in fact one of the reasons I failed my work experience (and have to do the stupid thing over again) is because I wasn't "professional" enough on the phone. I just get really nervous and I forget how I'm supposed to answer and speak on the phone in the office, so in order to not completley blank out I'll speak like I normally would on the phone at home. It just bugs me when you can't see the person's face.

Hmm, I'm actually pretty good on the phone. I don't like to chat but I can sound much more confident on the phone than in person.

For some reason I hate to order food over the phone, other than that I'm fine.

I hate ordering food over the phone.. especially if other people are listening.. it tends to make me nervous.. lol.

I've never had trouble on the phone but I try not to think about it. I must say that if I stumble I usually correct myself which makes the other person laugh and then I'm back on top again. One thing that I do sometimes is write out cues...there are times that I've forgotten important information and use the info that I've written down in order to remember...but that's me.

I've written out "q's" for important calls....works very well. I also check
them off as i go because I have difficulty remembering what i just said.

:) yep, so do I

I do quite well on the phone at work (I have a good phone manner, etc.). But I no longer answer the phone at home at all. I have had so many bad experiences of answering when it was a call for my wife and I forgot to tell her or got the message wrong, or forgot the name of the person who called etc. Yeah, like I can really find a pen and paper when someone calls! And then if they tell me their name and I don't quite get it, for some reason I will not ask them to repeat it. I don't understand that one at all.

So I just let the machine get it even when I am the only one home and am right next to the phone.
But I HATE to call anyone to ask for favors or to complain (such as to a store) or to demand things. But I don't like to do that in person either.

LOL I made a big compaint to the local newspaper about their editorials today which is totally out of character for me.

best wishes for you chazinmo!

I find the ring of the phone to be disturbing. I do not want to pulled away from what I am doing. I dont like to be distracted. And many times the ringing makes me feel aggitated because someone needs something from me. My cell phones really anoys me, yet I feel that I must carry it around.....just in case. I mostly will avoid answering and rely on caller ID. I really prefer e-mail because I feel more in control.

ps. is there a spell check anywhere? I know, off topic but I need it. :o thanks

I tend to turn my phone off if i dont wanna be disturbed!?? i think that button is there for a reason?!

ok ive read most of hte popsts on this thing. i really did think it was only me who was scared of phones... mind you i worked on an IT help desk for 3.5 yrs and that tends to stuff anyone up.
My main problem is talking about, or having to explain smeothing i dont understand myself. if its for a job intervew and they want to know about me, then thats fine.. but other times i just stuff up what im saying and just wanna cry.

i dont like talking on the phone either. its not too bad if it is a friend or relative, but i rarely ever call anyone and they have all pretty much gotten used to that. i just dont like the confrontation part, but its easier on the phone. i worked in customer service so i had to get used to it real quick. its not so bad anymore, i can pretty much handle things on my own......i used to make my mom do it......lol

I avoid calling people for long periods of time. I no longer feel guilty about. My kids are aware of this. Yet if I havent called them in over a week I begin to feel a need to get in touch. Overall, though, I will put it off and rationalize (hope) that they are okay.

I have several calls that I need to return but I just dont want to do it. I guess it's rude of me but I just dont find the time. I'd rather be alone. How sad! :(

hate the phone!!

In my job, i have to call customer, email customers. Most of the time its ok because i can email them. However the few times that i have to call the customers, i pray that their number is no longer working. :eek:

I try to put off calling anyone. Incoming calls go to my voicemail, and I might call them back. It is even hard to call my daughter. I do well with e-mail and talking face to face. I am kind of a recluse anyway.

I hate talking face to face even more.. cos i know i'll probably stuff up what im going to say and they'll see that.. rather then on the phone.. i duno

I sound like total shmuck and go blank out and stutter even worse than when I talk to people in person.

I absolutely HATE making phone calls. I also become somewhat of a wreck if I am expecting a call. I end up convincing my husband to make most of my phone calls.

I was offered a job a few days ago that would have involved making phone calls to get business clients for a service that the company provides. I quickly turned it down. I would be a miserable failure at a job that relied upon my ability to use the telephone.

I am also very bad about keeping in touch with family and friends. I almost completely rely on Instant Messaging and E-mail...even to talk to my mother!

I do great on the phone especially at work. But when it comes time to talk on the phone at home, I don't mind it except for the people I don't l like to talk to. Either that or it depends on my mood. I can't stand for the phone to ring in the middle of my favorite TV show, or when I am sleeping, oh yes and why does it always ring when I am in the bathroom..........????

The phone! I used to hate talking on the phone. I could never, ever maintain a conversation, which made it quite awkward. I would consistently trail off, forget what I was saying, or just not have anything to say about what the other person is telling me. I suppose a program known as Skype has helped me with this, as now I frequently have voice conversations with some of my Internet friends. I'm perfectly fine in person, and on the Internet, but the phone tends to be awkward.

Now though, I'm OK with using it with most people. I have Asperger's, but I'm very "high functioning" most of the time. I'm fairly confident with my social skills, and I know how to make a good impression with people. I'm just extremely lucky, and I'm glad that I am at least able to use the phone without sounding completely lost in my own world anymore. Hopefully some of you are on your way to overcoming this obstacle of using the phone. It is indeed annoying...

i either turn my phone off or i use it for a straight three hours with my best friend...
i have a huge commute in houston. so i talk to my husband and my best friend and do errands..but sometimes i just want to throw it into traffic and be left alone...but whats weird!!!
is that i have the same kind of fear about PEOPLE not phones. i don't necessarily fear ppl themselves but rather when i'm in any place public, it takes me so much to talk to a cashier, a teller just anyone that i have to ask a question to..even my waiter etc. i make my husband do the talking when he's with me..and i used to try to avoid going to the grocery store and such b/c of it..the phone helps me when i'm shopping b/c i can talk to my best friend, which is comforting, and then just ignore everyone around me. i feel kind of protected that way.
i'm just wierd.

I never turn the cell phone on unless I am out and Andrei may need me, and I hate being called as I never know who it might be, and it might be one of those people that I have to put a front on for, regardless of how I feel.

• Introverts prefer to communicate in writing. They may feel exhausted by too much verbal communication that “isn’t going anywhere”. Introverts hate small talk and cell phones.
• Introverts need to give themselves permission to communicate via email or in writing and to ignore phone calls or get a good answering machine.

• Introverts prefer to communicate in writing. They may feel exhausted by too much verbal communication that “isn’t going anywhere”. Introverts hate small talk and cell phones.
• Introverts need to give themselves permission to communicate via email or in writing and to ignore phone calls or get a good answering machine.
Velvetcactus, you talking about me:D:D Spot on the mark;)

I voted yes, but only when called.

Like others I can't form my thoughts quick enough when I'm called to chat, I get very impatient and feel interrupted. I lose focus on what I was doing, and have trouble doing two things at once. I can't really hear them due to distracting background noise (3 kids is a touch distracting). I went through a bad experience with a former friend who didn't like to communicate via e-mail. We were having an argument...I needed time to think through my answers and she was quick to the cut.

I did overcome calling people by finding a reason to call. I seldom call to chit-chat. I'll call to see how they have been since we hadn't seen each other in a long time, would they like to come to dinner, are they over an illness they had, etc. Business calls are much easier because I only call for information and I love information, contacts. I must have called 100 different places for various things when I was doing the last two plays. Advertising, costumes, props, sets...it was great...my children missed me though. :o

Old thread...BIG issue for me-

Absolutely hate the phone...but of course I come running up to the answering machine, listen to the message (doesn't matter if it's work/friends/family)...and just stare at it...:(

I think the biggest reason I do this is because I'm afraid someone will want something that I can't deliver.

Examples:

1. Social Commitment-(Egads!...How can I possibly know how I'll feel in advance of an engagement? What if I'm crabby/ugly/prudish/badly dressed/nervous/out classed/uncool...what if people find out I'm such a loser?)

2. Commitment, period.-What if I really want to stay home and watch TV?
People will think I am selfish, and don't care about them. They will know I am lazy, and useless. They will never call again...and they will tell other people who have never met me and will prejudge me.

Sometimes I think, as I'm torturing myself, or being tortured, by the phone, that I am just in the habit of finding ways to feel like crap-and reinforce the message-I have generally recieved in life...

Another variation on this theme...Fill in all the birthdates/anniversaries on the calendar, buy cards to send in advance of these dates...and then don't send them...another opportunity to beat myself up-before someone else can.

God, isn't it ridiculous to know this, and do nothing about it?
I am not sure that I will ever really belly up to the bar, and change what need changing.

I'm ok with the phone now. But it takes me so long to get where I'm going in a conversation on the phone that I think others find me irritating. I think it is harder to talk when you can't see the other person; especially their eyes. Sunglasses totally throw me too. I hate talking to someoen who is wearing sunglasses!:cool:

Only time the phone really bothers me, is when I'm calling someone I haven't talked with in a long time...and I "care" about it.

I read this thread over a month ago.
I voted over a month ago.
Then I went and hid from it.
I don't want to post, but I need to.
I hate phones.
They terrify me.
I quit a job once that had some incredible potential because I had to make cold calls.
Now I've got my own business, and I have to answer it, but I have my partner check the phone messages--that's even worse than answering the phone.
I don't make calls unless I have to.
Personal relationships that require phone calls are stressful.
I got a cell phone last month, but don't give out the number.

wow
i never knew there were others with phone phobia.
I dont know what my stupid problem is but phones give me total anxiety. Ill sit their and just stare at my cell phone feeling a wierd irational feeling. Ill go a week before I check my voice mail, and it stresses me out more than most things.
when I have customers who called and waiting for a reply. the silly thing is I absolutly depend upon the phone for my income, and I am always getting in trouble for not calling customers to scedual jobs. in fact I just got in trouble again an hour ago by one of my clients. then I slap myself for being so stupid. Ive lost more than a few good jobs and clients for not doing my phone work. In fact even thinking about now it is giving me the willys.
It would be a really comical thing if it didnt affect my income so much.

I'm not afraid of phones per say, I just hate them. Especially cell phones but that's because they're always going off during my exams, and I find it rude for someone to be talking on the phone in an elevator or on a bus.

The only kind of phone use I'm really comfortable with is for business. I think it stems from the fact that I'm no good at small talk. I try but it always comes out awkward. Why speak if you have nothing meaningfull to say? In business calls I have a specific agenda that needs addressed and thats that.

Petrified might be a stretch, but this was one of the main things that confirmed my diagnosis. I think mines related to needing both visual and auditory input to communicate. I feel ill at ease not seeing the person talking

i prefer to keep my calls as short as possible....i dislike talking on the phone, and hate answering it. but have gotten better. now i'll just hang up on persistent sales people if they don't understand "no, thank you!"
it's all practice with me. but, if i don't know what to say, phone calls can still be painful....

Anyone else got a problem talking on the phone, especially RINGING people?
when I'm scared even to ring a close friend?

Anyone else as pathetic as that? :(
I am! I am!

I HATE answering the phone and the door! I rarely do it as a matter of fact. I have a cell phone that only people I want/need to hear from know the # of. My house phone I never answer.
I got really bad news over the phone once, every since then the ring of a phone sinks my stomach.

If I have no man living in my house I won't answer the door at all! LOL! I REALLY don't! Not even for my own mother! LOL! I make my sons duck and hide with me. :D
So, is anyone as pathetic as that? - More!

~Susan

Yeah Girl, I get the not answering the door thing. Stranger Danger. Salesmen did it for me, I can't think of answers quick enough as to why I don't want to have any of their coupons, scholarship cr*p, religious tracts or whatever. Give me an e-mail any day to compose my thoughts. I also had a scary experience answering a door once. I kept the chain on, and good thing. A very suspicious person wanted to clean my carpet, had no cleaning van with him, only a shifty looking "side kick" that acted more as a "look out" and no business card. After he left I called the apartment manager who called the phone number he gave me. A business didn't answer, just a clueless woman "Oh yeah, I'll tell him." Didn't take a message or anything. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if I had unlocked the chain. Too creepy, let me just hide in my little corner of the world thank you.

"Why don't you just leave me aloooooone" (some vague Michael Jackson song I don't remember all the lyrics to)

Eyeforgot,

"Stranger Danger!" LOL! I remember that! I always think of The Dream Police song when it comes to answering the door!
yup
I had a bad 'answering the door experience'. I don't advise it to anyone. Seal the sucker shut and plaster it over, I say. :D

Eyeforgot,

"Stranger Danger!" LOL! I remember that! I always think of The Dream Police song when it comes to answering the door!
yup
I had a bad 'answering the door experience'. I don't advise it to anyone. Seal the sucker shut and plaster it over, I say. :D
Love that song E-girl :cool:

I also have a phone phobia, but only at home. I hate receiving personnal calls. And like Ane des marais, retreiving a message on the answering machine is as if not more terrifying then answering. Even calling someone back is ....i do procrastinate a lot returning phone calls, i am terrible. I can call someone up weeks later. HUmmm maybe that is why i dont have any friends lol.

I only started being like that in my thirties tho. Before i was terrible and constently on the phone. What i miss the most now, is not receiving anounymous phone calls like back and the old days. Where sometimes you would get the phone calls from , i do you say that word in english? Men that call and say sexual stuff to oyu on the phone. LOL i use to be more outrageous to them, and they would hang up on me...Jeez lol

Yeah Girl, I get the not answering the door thing. Stranger Danger. Salesmen did it for me, I can't think of answers quick enough as to why I don't want to have any of their coupons, scholarship cr*p, religious tracts or whatever. Give me an e-mail any day to compose my thoughts. I also had a scary experience answering a door once. I kept the chain on, and good thing. A very suspicious person wanted to clean my carpet, had no cleaning van with him, only a shifty looking "side kick" that acted more as a "look out" and no business card. After he left I called the apartment manager who called the phone number he gave me. A business didn't answer, just a clueless woman "Oh yeah, I'll tell him." Didn't take a message or anything. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if I had unlocked the chain. Too creepy, let me just hide in my little corner of the world thank you.

"Why don't you just leave me aloooooone" (some vague Michael Jackson song I don't remember all the lyrics to)I will tell you what i do. If i answer the door and it is a salesperson , and he starts saying yes we have....i cut him right away NO thank you...and close the door. That is simple as that. It is a very freeing experience LOL. :p People that call on the phone for lets say newspaper sales, i will say i am blind ... just have fun turning people away LOL. But always be nice and smile.

Too creepy, let me just hide in my little corner of the world thank you.


Little trick if ever you feel you are in danger, act really crazy. I dont know why but it freaks people out when you act creepier then them.
One time i had someone come to the farm and we lived really far from other persons. One night, i was alone with my boys, who were young then. This guy comes and knocks on the door, and i opened the door, and he said can i make a phone call, i have problems with my car. His car was in my drive way...i said give me the phone number, i will call for you ,and you can wait in your car. He said no, i have to call myself, and i am lilke thinking ''I dont think so dude!!''. So i told him, if he did not want me to call, he can walk to the other house,and i started to close the door, cause i was getting really scared. He put his hand on the door and stop me from closing it, and he said, now come on , you dont really want me to walk all the way there, it's only a little phone call. I dont know what came over me that time but i said hold on let me ask if it's ok for you to call. and i looked beside me, where there was nobody and started talking to someone who did not exist. I was saying ''what do you think we should do, let him or not? And then i turned to the guy and said, she wants to know if it's a long distance or not? And the guy looked at me with this like ''man what is going on here''I said Well is it or not?.....He was going to say something and i cut him by looking over is shoulder ( like someone else was behind him and screamed, What the hell are you doing playing with those knifes, get in the house, you little monster. The guy just ran of my balcony...i swear to you, i even think he flew of in his car. And started it and went away. I was shacking , crying i was so freaking scared, just thinking if this guy was for real or not. And what could have happen. So after that, if i felt danger , i acted very crazy and unstable...and it works LOL.

Yes but ONLY ringing people


I did not really understand that one in the poll, what does it mean??

In other words you're only nervous about calling someone but not nervous about answering a call.

I HATE calling people. Anyone. No matter what. Hate it.

Made my job as a phone caseworker lots of fun.

I don't mind answering the phone, though. And I'm okay with calling for information or whatever, because I know I'm totally anonymous.

This conversation is so funny! I just said to people that I'm no good with phone conversations, normally. There are some people that I can converse with comfortably, and I have to do it at work. It's the open ended questions from people who don't know me, that I have serious problems with. I don't talk on the phone that much at home anymore. I tell people to contact me if plans change only.
I can't believe you guys.. it's like you read my mind, lol !!
Nova

I just hate calling people, so I always try out the e-mail or sms solution.
It takes me ten minutes to decide what I am going to say and finally I just write everything down on paper. I never know where to start and whenever I do make a call, I always mix up my words and blurt everything out too fast!

Calling friends is easier, but yet I prefer having a face-to-face with the other person.

I think it would probably be easier if I had one of those phones with video with it, so that you can see the person you're calling. That would be a whole lot better!

In contrary, I love answering the phone. When I call, I just feel I am getting crushed and I lose control, but when I get a call, I feel that I am the one in control. this is weird.... logicaly, it should be the opposite.... :confused:

I have a love/hate relationship with the phone. I run my own business, and without the phone I couldn't get some things done; the thing I hate the most about the phone is it always rings when I'm on a ladder with something in both hands. At one company I worked at (briefly) we coined a new term for the hated Nextel radio: Long-Range, Battery-Powered Workflow Interruptor. I swear they called me so many times to ask if I was "done yet" that everything took twice as long as necessary. And most of the other questions were about stupid stuff that coulda waited til I was on the way home. People who work at a desk and computer can talk on the phone and work at the same time, but most of my stuff is either/or. I sometimes leave the phone in my truck or put it on slilent and just check it later, cause otherwise the constant interruptions just put me in a bad mood.

If there were subtitles! I hate and fear the phone because I cannot understand what people are saying.

I would be willing to pay a lot of money for a service which would transcribe my voicemails into e-mails. I can't stand listening to voicemail.

Have you tried TDD? You're not hearing impaired, but in an e-mail to them, would they really know that?

I was telling a woman I like about my phone phobia the other day (via e-mail) and that I would get over it to call her, lol... She seems ADD and won't admit the phobia but it is painfully clear, she has it too.

Two of the very best inventions... caller ID and individual voice mail boxes (one for me, one for hubby- so not only do I never forget to give him a message, I never have to listen to them in the first place!)

I think I dont have phone phobia because I just recognize that I'm going to babble and go on with it. I figure that if I do go off on tangents or make no sense, the worst the person on the other end can think is that I'm a complete dingbat and the best is that they'll think I'm some kind of genius and they just didnt understand what I was talking about.:)

Have you tried TDD? You're not hearing impaired, but in an e-mail to them, would they really know that?
I assume that's the thingy that types out your phone calls? I don't have a land line anymore, but that would be a great idea if I did.

I'm the very same way...it makes me giggle to know that so many ADDers have the same phone issues. I always let it go to my msg system if it isn't my bf or my sister. Also I will ALWAYS choose texting or email if I have the option.

Reading this thread made me wonder why we all have this issue. My dad has ADD and he is the same way. I wonder if it is a switching gears type of thing...even when I call a girlfriend I have to work myself up and get ready to focus on her without distraction. When someone calls out of the blue you don't have that luxtury. Also when you are on the phone you don't recieve the facial and body cues that tell you how the person is feeling, which seems to be a problem with some ADDers. Also, I find it hard to maintain my focus when I am receiving no visual stimulation and I often start in on something else and just loose track of the conversation.

Anyway that's my thought....

Reading this thread made me wonder why we all have this issue. My dad has ADD and he is the same way. I wonder if it is a switching gears type of thing...even when I call a girlfriend I have to work myself up and get ready to focus on her without distraction. When someone calls out of the blue you don't have that luxtury. Also when you are on the phone you don't recieve the facial and body cues that tell you how the person is feeling, which seems to be a problem with some ADDers. Also, I find it hard to maintain my focus when I am receiving no visual stimulation and I often start in on something else and just loose track of the conversation.

Anyway that's my thought....

I think it is that I need context...I need to see someone and their surroundings. I need to see their face...without context it just feels so strange.

I have to agree with chain. Plus, the phone always rings at the worst moments. I am usually focused on something else and do not wish to disengage. Plus some ppl that call me I know it will not be a short conversation. It will be long and boring, and very annoying. I try to use the computer to communicate. I dont even like ordering stuff over the phone. I prefer to do it over the internet, no pressure ppl trying to get me to buy other stuff that I have a hard time saying no to.

The way I see it, less committment. I can respond on my time, when it is convenient and I have given it some thought.

I have a strange relationship with the phone, I rarely call people,
possibly why i don't get many phonecalls.
but when I am on the phone, I feel uncomfortable and end up overtalking.:eyebrow:
I don't really have conversations, can't deal with them.
I just talk people off the phone.:D

I really dislike the phone. I hate it. I think that the answering machine is a much better invention, and e-mail is the best. I can't understand why so many people walk around with a cell phone just waiting to be interrupted. And when it rings, they light up like a christmas tree. It's like the cavalry has arrived to the rescue. Now they can share with someone the ultra-fascinating details of their day. Like the quality of the burger that they had for lunch. And they have no problem blabbering about their private life in the company of total strangers. Did I really need to know about the details of the mole that was removed from their backside? It's like they are totally unaware of their surroundings. Nothing exists in the universe except their ear and their mouth. And now, nothing exists in my universe except their mouth. My brain has now turned to hamburger, contemplating backsides. And it was such a beautiful sunset.

haha...glad to know it's not just my problem...

i always wonder how others (especially other female friends) can keep talking on the phone non-stop for hours...and their conversational skills seem so natural...even a normal phonecall they can expand it and talk for a few minutes...

for me...i just get to the point and end the call...

first of all i almost never call my friends...which explains why i don't get phonecalls from them...

sometimes i just let my voicemail to pick up the phone...i guess i wanna know and practice what to say before i call them back

i almost never initiate calls...but with some friends call me...we can talk for hours...i still don't understand why i can't hold a long conversation with some ppl Vs long conversations on selected individuals...

For me it's just...I hate talking on the phone cuz u can't do something else when ur on the phone...can't watch TV, or play video games, or do anything, without the person on the other end knowing and getting offended. That's why I like AIM...I can do whatever I want and the person im talking to doesnt know or get offended, and i dont have to try to focus my attention on them.

Why would anyone be afraid of the telephone? If anything, using the phone works to my advantage because I can plan out what I'm going to say and write it down before I make an important call. Then when the person on the other line picks up, I can just read off the paper, only I make my voice sound like I'm just talking instead of reading.

I hate answering the phone, it is the surprise factor I think....who are you and what do you want-did I do something wrong-I don't know why I am like this,....

I've always hated ringing people up, unless I knew exactly that the person I actually wanted to ask something would be the one to answer. Always forget to tell people who I am too, and if they ask "Uh, who are you anyway?" it completely throws me off track because I'd assumed they would know :D

I really hate the sound of a phone ringing. Talking on a phone is mildly stressful.


Me :D