It seems lately I can't count on my brain the way I used to. I have never before questioned my intelligence; it has always been the one thing I could always count on.
I started Adderall about two years ago; I am having a hard time not blaming it on that. There is no denying that Adderall slows my processing down, but all that filtering is what keeps me focused.
I am starting to feel it might be more than that, I am now struggling to "find" the words I need to speak articulately, I find myself floundering when I have a million things to do, and I childishly can't figure out what I should be doing next so I do mindless busywork to stay engaged, (the Adderall?) and the high priority stuff is not getting done
I always have been a doer, an achiever, now I am ashamed to say I have not "produced" anything of value in a year. It has taken me a long time to even care. I am not being hard on myself, I miss the passion for life that I had, and I want it back!
I don't think its depression, just a lack of being "in the moment" or present as my Yoga instructor would say.
Anyone else out there share my experience or fears?
Is it the drugs?
Perhaps since my diagnosis/medication have I let go of some of my old strategies that in reality kept me sharp?

I doubt very much it's the Adderall.

What you are describing is ME during the last couple of years. Slowly building up to what felt like a much less intelligent, less passionate, less interested person than I was just a few years before.

I continued to use all the strategies I always have, plus some, but they no longer got me where I needed to be.

This peaked in November when I finally admitted I had a neurological problem that needed to be dealt with & received the ADD diagnosis.

Since then, I've been taking Adderall and I've felt it ALL come back.

My guess would be that Adderall just isn't doing the job for you anymore. It may be that you just remember the impairments differently or that they've changed over time.

You didn't give your age, but I'm pretty certain my symptoms got so much worse mostly from hormonal changes; I've had 2 kids in the last 9 years, and I've entered an early pre-menopausal phase.

Thanks Barb,
You are probably correct about the drugs, although just in case I have reduced my Adderall dosage to just a "whiff” (that would be about 5 mg of regular release)
More than likely it is more the use it or lose it problem.
I am 43 with one 9 year old. Since he has been around I have slowly changed my work situation from one that was very social and required lots of thinking on my feet to running a business out of my home. With no one looking over my shoulder, I have not been able to motivate myself, and it has been a slow downward spiral.
For me it is a circle, I need to produce. I need to put effort into something and stand back and say “wow look at what I did”, it can be anything; stuff around the house, work projects, a clean desk whatever. I am then motivated to do more, and things are good, my brain is churning out ideas. I feel sharp and have the energy and drive to keep going.

Boy, this is like a therapy session for me; you can stop reading if you are bored but I am on a roll.

My thought is that it all comes down to self discipline. Prior to my current position there were all sorts of people with all sorts of expectations of me. Things were very public. I always had a tremendous work ethic and it was extremely important to exceed the expectation of others.
Now it is just me, my employees have no clue what I do, the vendors and folks I interact with just think I am really busy. My house has always been chaos so my husband and son think all is well.
I feel like I have this dirty little secret....

Now it is just me, my employees have no clue what I do, the vendors and folks I interact with just think I am really busy. My house has always been chaos so my husband and son think all is well.
I feel like I have this dirty little secret....
Strange how familiar that sounds. During my 20s I had phases when I worked 14hour days and phases where I'd go to work & read newgroups or play games ALL DAY for weeks at a time. I never understood that or the horrible waves of sleepiness that would hit me at certain times of the day after certain tasks.

Now I get it.

Strange how familiar that sounds. During my 20s I had phases when I worked 14hour days and phases where I'd go to work & read newgroups or play games ALL DAY for weeks at a time. I never understood that or the horrible waves of sleepiness that would hit me at certain times of the day after certain tasks.

I'm living that just now.. please tell me how it ends... if it does... :s

You didn't give your age, but I'm pretty certain my symptoms got so much worse mostly from hormonal changes; I've had 2 kids in the last 9 years, and I've entered an early pre-menopausal phase.The same thought occured to me --- adaptations one has made to deal with ADD can be rendered less effective due to changes brought on by hormone changes and the normal effects of aging (now if your 20 this may one not fit:p ). Stress can also have a huge impact on cognitive functioning. Not that I'd personally know anything about the effects of stress, aging or perimenopause!:faint:


Thomas Brown gives a very good explanation in Attention Deficit Disorder: The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults of how those and other factors can make ADD adaptations go belly up. John Ratey also has an interesting discussion of how mild ADD symptoms can get worse in his book Shadow Syndromes.

Scatter

I'm 20 but I also have trouble with word retrieval. It can't remember having it before Concerta but once I started it It's gotten worse for me. I"ve been of the Concerta for about a month but the memory lapses still happen a lot. THe embarrassment has made me more timid and unsure of myself and I think that makes it worse. I don't know if ti's the medication or maybe this is just a developing problem with my ADD.

I'm living that just now.. please tell me how it ends... if it does... :sWell, for me it ended when I realized I needed a new career. I spent a long time thinking about what would work for me and realized that I needed changes often. Teaching was what I wanted at the age of 9, so it was a natural to go back to.

But I still didn't understand what was happening during those sleepy times until I was diagnosed just a few months ago.

20 YEARS of this, and I'm just now "getting it".

At 21 my doctor said I had mono.

At 25 it was caffiene. Then carbs. Then aspartame.

At 26 they thought it was fatigue brought on by allergies (I'd get bad headaches that only pseudophed would help :rolleyes:).

At 30, I blamed pregnancy, and ever since then I've blamed the busy life of a mother, wife, teacher, student rolled into one.

So now both the sleepiness & lack of ability to shift into productivity are gone with meds.