I am new to this forum. I do appreciate all of the advice. My son's teacher shot me an email about my son. I posted it yeserday. I wanted to start a new post because I have specific questions to ask and for my beginning stages of all of this, I feel that I'm in the right place.

1) I suspect I am ADD. Thinking back on school, I had a hard time concentrationg and sitting still during lectures and boring classes. This isn't about me though! See I am already off topic! :)

2) Most importantly I don't want my child labeled at school. He is already lacking in self-esteem and his own abilities. Especially sports. ( I have him signed up for soccer (1st game this Saturday). I hope he can have fun and get some needed exercise. Our town is so competitive. So I worry.

3)My son's 9 years old. We started him late in kindergarten. Kid's in his class have already brought this to his attention that he is older than everyone and has told him he was held back. Holding boys back in the first place is a smart idea. At the time he wasn't ready. Now, it shows through his grades. A's-B's so far. He is such a sensitive kid and takes it all to heart. If you would meet him you would love him. Huge heart for a 9 year old boy.

4) He is an only child. When he was 14 months old I had his sister. (This is a whole story of its own) She passed away 25 days later. Not knowing at the time, she had a metabolic disorder. Nothing they could do. So, all of his life we have held him VERY close.


5) I'll make this my last point. I could go on for a long time though! I have filled out the questionaire and so had his teacher. I haven't gone to his
Dr. yet. Mostly because his prior Dr. moved away and this is a new doctor.
Plus, my husband has just come around. He has kept saying that there is nothing wrong with our son! Finally, he has agreed to have him evaluated. Under the condition that its not done locally. He wants me to go to a Dr. that specializes in ADD/ADHD.

You can email me or return a reply.
Thanks for the input in advance!

Getting the dx from a psych that specializes in ADD is always the best way to go. Not only to ensure the dx is accurate, but also because you get comorbids dx'd and you learn just how the ADD effects your child's thought processes, making it easier to understand how to help him.

Now, please don't feel ashamed of your son's ADD. He'll pick that up from you, even if you try not to show it.
There are so many kids dx'd with it now in schools, he won't be alone at all. And teachers generally respond wonderfully to the information and understand that ADDers are gifted in certain areas, but come at other areas from a different angle. It's so worth it to be upfront about your son's dx with his teachers so he can get an education tailored for him. He doesn't have to tell any of his school mates. They never have to know. But if you tell him not to tell, he'll feel flawed.
Of course, this is all dependant on whether he is ADD or not.

I have to say one more thing -
The way you described your son, his sweetness, my most ADD son was the same way. All heart. All empathy for others.
I believe the kindest people in the world are ADD people. They have such big hearts and are so openly caring.

And PLEASE don't feel alone! We all know how you feel. It's hard when your child is struggling! ((hugs!!))

Go for the dx for the reasons that chameleon posted. You can choose to not identify at school. Or...you can have it written in the IEP that he is sensitive to the label and teachers/staff should always treat him as if were not identified.

That usually works but there will always be a time when someone forgets. If you are ADHD, you feel pain at many points in your life. You can't protect a child from that and if you try, it may very well backfire.

This is about you too. If you also have ADD, it effects the way you parent. My eight year old daughter and I both have ADD. That is a blessing and a challenge. It's a blessing because I understand well where she is coming from and don't judge her character. I also truly enjoy her and the daydreaming and running around don't bother me. She is also a real sweetheart with a very tender heart. It's a challenge because consistency of consequences is one of the most important non medical tools for helping someone with ADD (as you might guess being ADD consistency and organization aren't my strongest suits:rolleyes: ).

There are a lot of very successful ADDers out there -- Edward Hallowell and John Ratey are both Harvard Professors and MD's who have ADD themselves and have written some terrific books (Driven to Distraction, Answers to Distraction, and Delivered from Distraction). If you want to understand more of the brain chemistry behind ADD, I'd suggest Thomas Brown's book Attention Deficit Disorder: The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults. If you'd like to know more how ADD looks in women take a look at Sari Solden's book Women with Attention Deficit Disorder. I think understanding more about it might make it less scary.

Getting someone who specializes in ADD is a terrific idea and will give you a lot more information to work with. Hopefully it will also enlist his father's support for treatment (if ADD is the diagnosis).

Take care and welcome to the forums!
Scattered

I was a bit concerned about the label thing too, but honestly, I could not do this without the help from my sons teacher. The fact is, she has him 6 hours out of the day. She also has him in the environment that is the most challenging to him, which of course means, this is where his symptoms are going to be exaggerated the most. I rely heavily on her for her input on whether or not what we are doing is working. I do not relay the information to his friends, or his friends parents though, as I don't feel it is any of their business.
At home I don't see as much of his hyperness because as a 9 year old, he's no longer a toddler bouncing off the walls. Now he is just out riding his bike, roller blading, etc. He has outlets to put his energy into. There also isn't a lot here that requires long term attention, except for homework. I generally don't see much of it, so even then, hard to judge without the teachers input.
I have actually found that my sons teacher knowing he has a disability has brought more understanding and empathy to him. She works around his weak points, and finds different ways to turn them into his strong points, instead of expecting him to learn the same way everyone else does. She is more willing to go the extra mile with him, and make sure he is really grasping things in school.
The truth is, diagnosis or not, they have what they have. You could never diagnose these kids, and they will still have AD/HD. Eventually they will get " a label" at some point in their life, whether it's "ADHD, spacey, goofy, or god forbid, the bad kid". The older they get the more obvious it will become to those around them that "something" is different, and they will likely get other labels anyway.
I believe I am an undiagnosed ADD'er myself. I believe it would have made a world of difference in my life to know I had ADD, over thinking I was just to stupid to follow a history lesson, or science lesson in High-school. Just to spacey and/or stupid to keep track of my check book as an adult. Just to spacey and/or stupid to stop myself from constantly throwing away my baby's clothes with their diapers every time I changed them:o . I could go on and on obviously, but even the little things that an AD/HD person goes through in life can make them feel awfully incapable and stupid. Not to mention the big hurdles that one can face. I think a label can be very helpful because at least then you know what you are faced with, and why.

I agree that AD/HD individuals are very empathetic and caring people. I read an article some where, can't remember the author, but she was saying that ADHD people feel so much that they will actually hurt as much you hurt, going even further then empathy, they will feel what you feel. I believe this to be true.
I've said before, but I'll say it again, don't be afraid of the diagnosis, be afraid of what will happen if he has a disorder but never gets help for it. Hugs!

Nice post ladym. I don't read many longer posts word for word, but you said it well.

I'm having to rush in/out tonight but the part that struck me from your post was "He is already lacking in self-esteem and his own abilities". This was my DD a year ago to a T. It is heart-breaking to want your child to be happy and successful and to see that not happening.

A long year and many tests plus a great counselor, a great doctor and a fabulous teacher later and my daughter (repeating K) is doing FABULOUSLY. She could not have had a better year and her self-esteem is off the charts.

We tried a lot of behavioral therapy (Dec - Aug) and then finally decided to try meds. We've tried 3 different ones (Strattera, did nothing. Focalin, worked for awhile then major rebound issues. Concerta - current med) and it amazing to see the light "click on" for her w/reading and see her confidence bloom.

I'll try to check in this weekend, but please know that all is not lost when you think something may not be quite right/normal (but what is normal?). I felt such despair and anger and guilt over not realizing DD's issues but the journey has been so good for us/her and we are SO much stronger and smarter than we were a year ago

I totally know where you are coming from!! My son is 11 and has been on meds for 3 months, and what a difference it has made. It all came to a head this year as a boy on our street that has quite a mouth, is in his class to boot!! My sons low low self esteem from this boy and the others at school as well after this boy got them all going on him, made him act out and his grades were going down. His behavior at home was so much worse as well, all my husband (undiagnosed ADDer) and I were doing was punishing and disciplining him to the point I realized this is not working cuz he really doesn't get it!!

Yes he is very sensitive and very emotional. All through his school years I have heard he can't focus, sit properly in his chair, etc (the typical stuff) and was told he was just immature cuz his grades were good enough to not make them (teachers) believe it was immaturity and some of his teachers felt it was behavioral (our parenting) not teaching responsibility to his actions crap!

I was wanting to hold him back to start school as well (didn't feel he was ready) he is late October so younger than most in his grade. But was talked out of it "he is smart enough" I was told. I went through the next 5 years beating myself up that I didn't hold him back. Obviously now that was a lot of grief I put myself through knowing his is ADD and I feel so bad for him that I didn't get it sooner. He never was able to develop any friends!

After put on meds, he asked if he could switch schools for his las year in elementary cuz he now sees why nobody likes him and he feels they will never see the "new" him!! Couldn't believe this but I did register him at another school and told him that if he changes his mind he can stay at his school!

Now he has been getting along with a group and he is happy!! He doesn't want to switch.
What I was told at that school was, it would be a good idea to have the letter of ADD in his file as it will help if anything comes up in the future and then they will be understanding. Also in high school they will give him the extra support that he may need. As long as his grades are good, there is no need to worry about being pulled out of class to go to some "special" class and no one (other students) will know! But the meds also give them back some of their self esteem, which was lowered by the teasing etc, and can cope much better.
Sorry for the long story but I feel it is always good to show a clear picture to help out
Good luck and the right dr is very important!! Keep trying until you find someone you trust I still have issues with ours but can't find a new pediatrician yet.
:)