View Full Version : Aaahrgh!!!! - I must be nuts....


Gomery
04-12-06, 07:19 PM
Hi everyone… I don’t quite know where to begin… I’ve been meaning to write this for quite some time but I’ve always gotten sidetracked (typical… I know). I realize no one here can or should diagnose me with ADD… yet after reading about it on the internet; I realized how much it described me. I suppose my purpose for writing this is more as a confirmation that I’m not crazy, and that this is something I should genuinely ask a doctor about.

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Even as I sit here it’s as if I can’t even collect all my thoughts, even though just a moment ago it seemed so clear. I suppose I will start at the beginning. In elementary school my mother would always have such a difficult time getting me to study or do my homework. It was sheer agony for me (and my mother I’m sure). I remember instances where I would start crying while studying my French verbs… telling my mother that I just couldn’t remember them (I wrote them down multiple times just as my teacher suggested, but it didn’t work, it’s as if my mind would zone out while I was writing them… I didn’t even realize I was writing them… my mind began thinking of other things). My mother would simply tell me “well, I guess YOU will have to write them down more times then the rest of your class (obviously this made me feel stupid and inferior).

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Throughout my time in elementary school, it was a constant battle with my teachers. They were so disappointed in me, and they had to put me in special classes so I could catch up. I despised school, and avoided it as much as I could. In high school, things improved, at least in scholastic terms. I was always in the clouds (often described as zoning out or as an absent-minded professor), and most of my time in class would be spent looking at the clock wanting it to be over, or drawing on my assignments. I would get my assignments done… eventually, but only at the very last moment. If I tried to get them done earlier I would simply not be able to give it my fullest attention. My marks (which had been very poor in elementary school) were now A’s and B’s, and very often I was one of the top students of the school… regardless of procrastination and disorganization. My locker was always the smelly one… rotten muffins that smelled oddly like wine… my backpack full of lunches weeks old and notes that I would never read. At lunch time, when I would sit with the people that I knew (I didn’t have very many friends) I would just sit there and completely zone out… never contributing to anything they said… it was like I was lost in space.

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*Read below here- this is the bottom line :)*

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Well… I know I am missing so much important information… perhaps the fact that my room looks as if it has homeless people sleeping in it… or the fact that I have always tried to be organized and to stop procrastinating… but it doesn’t seem to be a matter of will… it’s as if I can’t. My grades in University are dropping, and nothing I do is preventing that. I need to pay attention in class… I have to stop zoning out when I do my homework… but I am incapable of that. People seem to just think I’m lazy… but when I try to describe what I’m going through they simple reply: “Oh, well that’s normal, everyone does that”. That is why I am here… I want to know if it’s normal to daydream all the time… as if you don’t know what it’s like not to be in the clouds… I want to know if it’s normal to have to read the same paragraph in a text book 5 times… because you always zone out when reading it… I want to know that it’s normal to be staring at the computer screen… knowing that you must leave and study… screaming at yourself internally to get something done… but being incapable of moving and doing anything…

I just want some confirmation that I’m not making excuses… and that I’m not weak and incapable of dealing with those things that everyone has to deal with in their lives. I guess I’m done now… I can’t remember what else I wanted to say…. Maybe it will come to me some other time…

chameleon
04-12-06, 07:32 PM
Welcome to the forum.
I couldn't read your whole post, my mind is too scattered today. But I read the first 2 and the last paragraph.
We all, I think, try to ensure we're not using our ADD as a crutch. There's been threads about that.
But a diagnosis is definately the next step for you, you could be jumping the gun and worrying for nothing

chloe516
04-12-06, 08:37 PM
Sorry, I had trouble reading the whole thing as well. One thing I do when making long posts is to use smileys and bold to mark the important things!

Going to a Dr. is a good idea. Good luck!:D

Gomery
04-12-06, 11:21 PM
Oh... I'm sorry... I probably wouldn't read the whole thing either...

I'll bold some of the important things from above:

" my room looks as if it has homeless people sleeping in it (is very messy)… :(

I have always tried to be organized and to stop procrastinating… :mad: it doesn’t seem to be a matter of will… it’s as if I can’t:(.


. I need to pay attention in class… I have to stop zoning out when I do my homework… but I am incapable of that. People seem to just think I’m lazy… but when I try to describe what I’m going through they simple reply: “Oh, well that’s normal, everyone does that”:mad::mad:.



daydream all the time… as if you don’t know what it’s like not to be in the clouds…

read the same paragraph in a text book 5 times… because you always zone out when reading it…


staring at the computer screen… knowing that you must leave and study… screaming at yourself internally to get something done… but being incapable of moving and doing anything…"

... I hope that helps

~boots~
04-13-06, 02:36 AM
same here :-)
Good luck though!!

addinbc
04-13-06, 04:17 AM
Gomery;

I'm not a doctor, but I would say it's a pretty safe bet that you are not crazy. I'm sorry you have had such a rough time.

As the others above have said, it seems as though an assessment for AD(H)D (along with a full psych assessment which is always the best way to go) is fully warranted, and might help to explain a lot for you.

It seems as though you are feeling very overwhelmed right now. Hang in there, stop screaming at yourself (boy can I relate to that!!!), and get yourself to a doctor ASAP so you can start working all of this out.

I wish you the best, and keep us posted! :)

Gomery
04-19-06, 03:17 AM
I apologize for the tone of my previous post... but my I'm actually quite

frustrated with things at the moment.


Recently I've been juggling with the idea of ADD and I have a few questions if I

may.

I haven't seen a doctor yet, but I'm wondering if the fact that I can pay

attention to certain things rules out ADD.

1. I have read books, not many, but I have read them and remember

some of them.

2. I have written essays before, short ones mostly (long ones usually

aren't very good), and I have been told that I write very well:D .

3. I can pay attention to things that interest me and I remember these

things effortlessly:confused: .

4. I do not talk excessively, in fact I don't really say anything at all.

I'm so shy and withdrawn that I've once been mistaken for a mute:eyebrow:

(true story).



You see.... I've tried to tell my mother that I think I may be ADD, but she dismissed the notion because she said that people with ADD can't pay attention to anything!?

Now... I find that confusing... because there are obviously some very learned people here that seem to write very well.... and it's obvious that they must have been able to pay attention to something.... otherwise how could they be so knowledgable??:confused:

Gomery
04-19-06, 03:31 AM
Oh... and also I did very well in High School (got A's and B's)... in elementary school I almost failed.

and another thing... I don't consider myself very impatient... when I'm waiting for something I just daydream.... so it isn't really like waiting at all...

meadd823
04-22-06, 02:49 AM
I would write a long detailed post but I would probably say a lot of stuff and never answer one question plus most here would never read it any way….so I plan to answer your question with hyperlinks to discussion on topic of question…okay I will try to complete at least one answer via hyper link ..the rest ????

That way you don't have to wander about the forums because this post will do it for you :p


I haven't seen a doctor yet, but I'm wondering if the fact that I can pay

attention to certain things rules out ADD.

Hyper focus (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21467&highlight=Hyperfocus)



I do not talk excessively, in fact I don't really say anything at all.

I'm so shy and withdrawn that I've once been mistaken for a mute


Social struggles / ADD (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27458&highlight=social+struggles)

Conversation zone out (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25408&highlight=conversations)

Difficulty talking (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1019&highlight=talking)


Quiet ADDers (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=15630&highlight=quiet)


I can pay attention to things that interest me and I remember these

things effortlessly

Last hyperlink (http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12354&highlight=focus+interested)

Hope this helps answer some of your questions. :)