View Full Version : Why am I so messy?


fuzzybrain
04-28-06, 12:15 PM
It seems to be something of my nature to be messy, like living with stuff all around me in chaos does nothing to my brain to cause it to want to change things, I just go about my way-maybe I will clean it up, but maybe I won't, what is this-I need to change this thinking, How can I? Does it get better with meds? Just wondering. L.

nuffsed
04-28-06, 01:38 PM
yes, they do - to a certain extent - I've been on Strattera since July and I'm finally beginning to understand the "clean people" - not that I'm filthy or anything, I'm just messy - I figured that I had to get inside the thoughts of "CP" before I could fully appreciate "why" they are so clean - if I could understand them (what difference does it make) maybe I could be more like them.

It seems that they are clean because it is part of their whole philosphy of "taking care of things" - they have things and they appreciate these things and want to keep them nice - these kinds of people do everything "completely" - in addition to having clean homes they have secure jobs, good marriages, stable friendships and nice kids. It takes a lot (a lot) of focus to keep all these ducks in a row all of the time and that seems to be the difference between them and us. Like the Fly Lady with her sink, my goal is to keep my car clean and I think it is until I look at it and realize It's been two weeks since I washed it and where did that Taco Bell box come from? It seems things are easier for them because things are already clean and organized and all they have to do is put one cup in the dishwasher or something. Their organization keeps them from becoming overwhelmed. I think another big difference is their emotions. Not that they don't have any, but they seem to be able to keep them in check - they are not the kind of people who let stress stop them - I get all frazzled and forget what I'm doing and then it takes weeks, if not months, to get everything together again. Like I said, this has been a learning experience for me - I just didn't really understand why they needed to be so clean all the time, let alone how. Its just how they are and they can't be like us anymore than we can be like them, but medication does seem to help me by keeping some emotions and impulses in check so I don't get overwhelmed or buy too much so that I have to keep paying bills, keeps my mind focused so that I can SEE that taco bell box in the car and make the effort to clean without weeks lapsing. Time seems to be a big problem for me, there isn't as much as we might think. Meds have cleared up the fog in my brain until, most days I'm at like 85% instead of 40 or 50% - it seems to be a slow change but I can see definite improvement, maybe someday I'll be at 90% or above and be able to have my clothes hung in the closet without being on the floor, my bills paid and not be overdrawn, my calendar organized so my kids get everything done that they need done and the ability to get up on time so I can keep a good job. I'm not far off, but it needs to be thought about everyday. Hope this helps.

QueensU_girl
04-28-06, 01:51 PM
Internal disorganization is a hallmark of ADHD.
The mess is just an external display of this internal disorganization.

(This is also what might be happening when ADHDers have Anxiety/depression. we know how our internal disorganization affects our outer performance (eg disorganization, messiness, performance problems), so we get anxiety in anticipation of thing turning out badly. Depression can result from being an 'underacheiver" due to our performance problems; proof that success has nothing to do with IQ, huh?)

My thoughts, anyway.

fuzzybrain
05-01-06, 09:45 AM
Thanks guys,
I appreciate that, nuffsaid, I felt my inside going "OHHHH that's it", you know? It is very much because I don't keep current on the cleaning of something-if it is out of sight out of mind then forget it, so I have to keep "waking myself up"to this problem. I forget that it is even a problem, and yeah, I am so impulsive-not hyper-that is in my dreams, I am always like spacing out-but I do concentrate on something so hard and do it well for maybe a few days and then-I forget, so thats what happened when the kids were little and the house was like a tornado hit-constantly-I didn't have the energy to deal with it so I said-"whatever", but in this day and age to get very far in life you can't have that attitude, this might be a different post, but how do I get to be like particular about things cause right now I couldn't give a flying fig about most things-but in my heart of hearts I want to stand up for something, just don't know what. So messiness is in my nature, and clean is not. Okay, gotta think about this, thanks. Lori

skel1977
05-01-06, 12:52 PM
Walk in the door, first thing I do is throw my jacket keys and anythign else in my pockets on the floor. I dont get it either. You should see my kitchen...

literati
05-02-06, 10:55 AM
...medication does seem to help me by keeping some emotions and impulses in check so I don't get overwhelmed or buy too much so that I have to keep paying bills, keeps my mind focused so that I can SEE that taco bell box in the car and make the effort to clean without weeks lapsing. I completely agree nuffsed. When I'm on meds (Adderall XR25mg) I can actually "see" the things around the house or my car (which my DH refers to as my trash can) that need to be picked up, thrown away, etc. Normally I'll walk around the house and not notice the fact that the trash is overflowing, or that laundry needs to ironed and put away, or the fact that cat toys are scattered all over the place...

Non-ADD people just don't seem to have this problem as nuffsed was saying. As I like to say, we're not wrong, just different :D. I'm far more creative than any "clean and organized" person, LOL!!!

fuzzybrain
05-02-06, 01:46 PM
Just a thought-really good conversation guys,
As I try to understand myself, maybe it is a protection thing, like a defensive mechanism-I know I can't deal with that right now, so I don't think about the stuff all over the place-just looking at it makes me tired. But the reality of that is, if I deal with it a little at a time, the irony is, it isn't there to begin with-it is dealt with -now-so maybe it is the deal with it now that I have problems with, there might be a neat bird to watch or something he he.

So what I need maybe meds too, but is awareness, not letting stuff stack up b/c I know I will have to deal with that all at once-it is seeing into the future and making decisions NOW about what I want to spend my time doing, or not doing. I am sorry, but these things I think I can do without medication-I really don't want to depend on it to "bail me out" thanks so much for your input. time to wake up and smell the coffee for me. Lori

meadd823
05-03-06, 05:03 AM
So what I need maybe meds too, but is awareness, not letting stuff stack up b/c I know I will have to deal with that all at once-it is seeing into the future and making decisions NOW about what I want to spend my time doing, or not doing.

Meds aside the true question as I see it is

#1) How much does being messy really bother YOU!

#2) Exactly what do you consider “unacceptably” messy?

I don't like my house so messy I can't walk around without having to step over stuff! The stepping over stuff is bothersome so I don't let things lay on the floor too long. About the second time I bump into some thing or have to step over it I move it put it away or throw it way!

Dishes in the sink annoy me also. I get a sink full and I am tired of looking at them, so I wash them!

Neat and messy are relative not absolute, as a general rule. What may be messy for me may be "normal" for you! What is normal for me may be a pig sty to some one else!

Knowing exactly what about your home bothers you the most may help you work on one area that is important to you, thus preventing "over whelm"!

Does this make sense?

ADDELINE
05-11-06, 01:43 AM
Yes, Tammy, it does! I want my space to be 'Mother Approved'! In other words; if my Mom dropped by I'd want her not to say anything deroguetory; like that's ever gonna happen! Even the positive's turn to negative's when she critiques me!
I do wish I could be motivated to clean more often, because I really do like my home clean. Several times today I looked at my clean kitchen floor & said to myself, "You better Swiffer today because this floor will begin looking dirty-ish tomorrow if you don't"; and then promptly forgot all about it! Two days ago I got my kitchen really clean and I love it, but I'm afraid I'll just forget to keep it up. On some day's it's gotten so bad that If I remember to brush my teeth that's major! Ohhhhh; I'm new here & now you're gonna think I'm a disaster! Well, I guess I am.
Sincerely; Addeline

stevek182
05-11-06, 02:13 AM
Internal disorganization is a hallmark of ADHD.
The mess is just an external display of this internal disorganization.

(This is also what might be happening when ADHDers have Anxiety/depression. we know how our internal disorganization affects our outer performance (eg disorganization, messiness, performance problems), so we get anxiety in anticipation of thing turning out badly. Depression can result from being an 'underacheiver" due to our performance problems; proof that success has nothing to do with IQ, huh?)

My thoughts, anyway.
ok that makes sense, but how do i get my self to clean, it seems like i try to and my mind tricks me away from it and ill wake up the next day and itll be 2ce as bad

fuzzybrain
05-11-06, 10:00 AM
I gotta say ADDELINE-
I love you!! That is so me. I love the "ish" you add to stuff, that is my life, it is ishish-you know, not really here nor there. I love the way stuff looks when it is clean, but it wears me out to think what I have to go through to get there, and then I will always find something more interesting to do-for example, I still have Christmas presents I have not sent to my niece and nephew-how lame is that? I know somewhere in my mind that I need to do that today!, but somehow it doesn't get done. I am an underachiever with an overachieving dream-I want to be and do and go, but it is all too much, you know, and yet I know I can do this without meds, I hate to be dependent on them. I need to be dependent on ME. thanks so much. Lori

meadd823
05-16-06, 12:53 AM
I still have Christmas presents I have not sent to my niece and nephew-how lame is that?

Not very if they are for next Christmas.

Meds do help the “fogginess” that comes between need to clean the house to what needs to be clean. I have found that I no longer intend to clean my entire house.

I clean mine in “pieces” One day off I may do the floors, all of the floors. The next day off it may be dusting. However on days I work I am able to maintain what already is….i.e. spot clean the little drips that manage to accumulate in front of the frig!




Yes, Tammy, it does! I want my space to be 'Mother Approved'

How about addeline approved? If you are paying for your own place then you have earned the right to keep it messy if that is what you want. In my family visiting is done to see our loved ones, if their messes bother you then not one person in my family will stop you from fixing the perceived problem!

When I visited my sister dishes being piles up in the sink annoyed me. Guess who did the dishes?? Okay this was an OCD phase that lasted all three of my five day visit!


If the messiness is a real bother then perhaps let me help you figure where to begin. For me when my home reaches “hyper-piles or “ADD induced disaster area” the problem normally lays in the amount of stuff per square inch” A home that is 1200 square feet can only have so much stuff in it and still be maintainable.

I start by getting rid of stuff and trashing things not really needed. Gary hates this because I will put car parts and tractor pieces on the porch and tell him they have to find another place to live besides the dinning room table!


Also the amount of people making messes per mess cleaner can be great hindrances to clean and semi-orderly resembling dwellings. If you have five people making messes and only one cleaning them up then it is going to be next to impossible to keep it picked up unless home keeping is a full time job and then some.

design8r
05-23-06, 07:09 PM
I can attribute the terrible disarray in my house to exactly one thing: nothing ever gets put away.

Well, not nothing. When I am motivated enough, I can find the time to wash all of the dishes (three days will create two sinks full of dishes), which takes about an hour (we don't have a working dishwasher). After that, it's all I can do to pick up the recyclables and bring them out to the curb. I listen to music to motivate myself, but since we have summer ten months out of the year where I live, it's not long before I get exhausted. I'm lucky (fortunate?) if I get around to vacuuming more than twice a month.

But I realize that the origin of the mess is that things don't get put away. My wife likes to horde things, and (especially in the kitchen) needs to have everything within arm's reach, so there are no horizontal spaces that aren't quickly piled up. If everything had a place, and we put everything in their places, I'd be a much happier man, but it's going to be a long, difficult road before that happens.

Cause #2 is probably that we just have way too much stuff to begin with.

So yesterday I went to Target and bought eight $6 clear plastic bins, about 4' by 5' each. I'm going to sign off now and put on my headphones and see what I can make fit in them.

Nice forum y'all got, here.

gracefulstreams
05-23-06, 08:31 PM
I can really relate! I need to do our dishes no w. Everything needs a place. Now if i could just remember to put it there. Structuring time to clean is helpful. I think that is my struggle. I don't put it in the planner and it doesn't get done. Then it gets out of control and it overwhelms me. I don't know how mom did it!:-P Gracefulstreams

ADDELINE
05-23-06, 08:34 PM
Dear Fuzzy and All...

I also have gifts galore for nieces and nephews, siblings, etc! Even Baby Gifts from last October and a Wedding Gift from a marriage last July!

I keep thinking storage containers will help me as well. Let us know how those work out for you 'Design8r'.

I wish I lived next door to you guys. You make me feel better! I'd invite you over to have a cup of coffee in a styrofoam cup cuz I can't keep up. But hurry cuz my kitchen floor is really getting dirty-ish! Addeline

susane
05-24-06, 11:55 AM
Dear Fuzzy and All...

I also have gifts galore for nieces and nephews, siblings, etc! Even Baby Gifts from last October and a Wedding Gift from a marriage last July!

I keep thinking storage containers will help me as well. Let us know how those work out for you 'Design8r'.

I wish I lived next door to you guys. You make me feel better! I'd invite you over to have a cup of coffee in a styrofoam cup cuz I can't keep up. But hurry cuz my kitchen floor is really getting dirty-ish! Addeline
Thanks for reminding me that I need to send my niece and nephews their Christmas gifts...seriously, I totally forgot. :o

I also get nervous when someone gives me something to mail for them because I know that I am going to forget to mail it...and I never have the stamps on hand to do so. So, you know what that means...a trip to the post office, which pretty much insures I won't mail it. Since I have ADD I have all my bills automatically taken out of my bank account so I never have to mail anything...which means no stamps on hand...ever. I had to do this because my electric was forever getting turned off because I would forget to pay the bill. Whew...I am so thankful for automatic withdrawal...before that it was torture.

fuzzybrain
05-25-06, 09:48 AM
Susane,
I can SO relate to you!! My aunt and uncle had to come to St. Louis to pick up a present I had ready to send my parents for Christmas-this was January-it was just sitting there ready to go! I am so bad at that-out of sight out of mind, I guess. Thank fully my husband takes care of the bills-I would love to help but I make such a huge mess of everything. I guess it comes with the territory-and I get sidetracked and lose track of time-and then my energy is gone-----ah well, better get busy, thanks.

susane
05-25-06, 11:27 AM
Oh me too...when something is out of sight it is definitely out of mind. I think that may explain why I hate putting things away...it's kind of a survival tactic. If I put it away and it is important, I will definitely forget about it.

I've gotta get busy too. I am working on a beta software agreement...the research part is fun, but spending the time to get it down in words is making me procrastinate a bit. I must stop now and get to it!

prettyblonde
05-25-06, 02:16 PM
Oh me too...when something is out of sight it is definitely out of mind. I think that may explain why I hate putting things away...it's kind of a survival tactic. If I put it away and it is important, I will definitely forget about it.


This is completely me! Thank you for writing this, it really turned on a green light and made me realize something about myself.

design8r
05-25-06, 02:35 PM
So yesterday I went to Target and bought eight $6 clear plastic bins, about 4' by 5' each. I'm going to sign off now and put on my headphones and see what I can make fit in them.

So, I did get things done after I wrote that, but it was just the dishes. However, now that I have concentrated on the dishes for two evenings, the sink is entirely empty and when I get home, I really will start putting things in boxes.

I think the first thing I might store is software CDs. This might be kind of a process, because a large number of them are unlabeled, so it'll be a lot of loading and unloading with help from my pal Mr. Sharpie. Nevertheless, if I don't take care of them they will become scratched and unusable.

Speaking of software, there are probably a dozen computer-related topics I'd like to discuss on this board as they relate to our particular brain quirk. I almost feel like it should be its own category, but I'll start a couple of threads and see how it goes. :)

susane
05-25-06, 05:57 PM
This is completely me! Thank you for writing this, it really turned on a green light and made me realize something about myself.
You are welcome prettyblonde, glad I could be of help. It wasn't so long ago that I realized this about myself.

susane
05-25-06, 06:19 PM
The bins are a great idea design8r and I just realized what your username says...sorry, ADD moment. Anyway, I use bins too, the only problem is they sit around until I finally get around to it...by then I use them for something other than what I originally intended. I bought bins a while ago to put in stuff that doesn't need to be sitting around and is not important...they sat for months. Now, they are being used to house office supplies from my job because I am working from home. I guess you can say my company is using them now. Oh, and one is being used as a temporary end table in my den...it is empty of course...but makes a great place for a lamp. :D

fuzzybrain
05-25-06, 09:28 PM
I can never buy plastic bins because it is now a sore spot between my husband and me. I just look at them and sigh thinking of all of the fun I am missing out on. I think my problem is just too much stuff I don't use-I read somewhere that we add'ers need see through bins, envelopes, storage items so we can remember what we put in there and can get to it fast.

susane
05-25-06, 10:33 PM
I agree, see through bins are the best! I have some see through ones and I do go to those more often. I have a small one on top of the fridge that I go to all the time and it is because I can see what is in it. Amazing!

Is it that your husband won't let you buy bins or is it that you are afraid to? I have an idea....and I think I will do this too....maybe you can go through the house (time permitting of course and no pressure) and get rid of stuff you don't use anymore. Then buy bins to organize what is left over.

During one of those moments in my pre-med ADD past I decided to organize my house. When I looked around it was really overwhelming, so I decided to break it down to one project a week. I didn't put any time restraints on myself, I just made a promise to get it done by the end of the week. It worked! I picked projects like clean and organize my bedroom closet and in one week it was done. It may seem like it will take forever to complete the whole house, but really it doesn't. I was surprised by the results. Plus, I was more motivated to keep other areas neat and tidy because I felt like I was accomplishing something.

Thanks fuzzybrain! You have motivated me to organize my house again.:) Hopefully, since I am now on meds, it will stay that way.:confused:

design8r
05-26-06, 07:26 AM
I read somewhere that we add'ers need see through bins, envelopes, storage items so we can remember what we put in there and can get to it fast.

In addition to clear plastic, I think it's a good idea to

1) group similar items as much as possible, maybe even try not to care if the bin ends up half-full as long as its contents relate to each other (in my case this might mean all the data cables, power cords, speaker wires go together, since they'd fall under the label "Electronics")

2) Print out either the actual contents, or intended content types, on a sheet of paper and attach it to one of the shorter sides of the box, fold it over and write the category label in big block letters. So, I'd have a sheet of paper with something like:

* Computer games
* Operating Systems
* Boot disks
etc.

on the sheet of paper, but folder over, it would just read "Software".

That way the bin can be stacked against the wall and you can see at a glance what's in it, and if you need specifics, it's just a matter of unfolding the paper.

All that being said, I'm sad to admit that all my bins are still empty. After I got home and washed yet more dishes (I don't know where they keep coming from!), I had no intention of watching any television, but I got distracted by a "Ghost Hunters" special.

But you know what? Long weekend coming up. I got an extra day to put stuff away :)

fuzzybrain
05-26-06, 09:58 AM
Thanks Susane,
That is a good idea, but I wouldn't know where to start-I have little organizing cards that help you get the big picture-of why you should and how you should feel in your home-relaxed, comfortable, and make it truly a reflection of who you are and the things you love-so I started with my dresser, just a basket full of "me stuff" in the center, with a little tiny turtle my son gave me and candles on either side with a pretty dresser scarf under it all, it looks really peaceful and pretty. It motivates me to clear the rest of the room so I can make it somewhere I like to be.

It is the paper in my house that drives me bananas. What do I do with all those brochures from everywhere we have ever been, my husband picks them up from everywhere, but I really don't know where they "belong"? And bills, and this and that, makes me absolutely crazy, if I put them in my filing cabinet, it will be in the "black hole" which means I will never find it again, and yet I want the house to look nice, you know? thanks for the help though I will just take it slow.

susane
05-26-06, 11:31 AM
All that being said, I'm sad to admit that all my bins are still empty. After I got home and washed yet more dishes (I don't know where they keep coming from!), I had no intention of watching any television, but I got distracted by a "Ghost Hunters" special.

But you know what? Long weekend coming up. I got an extra day to put stuff away :)Ghost Hunters...I love that show! I just watched their "Favorite 20 Episodes" the other night.

Good luck with your project. I am going back to accomplishing one project a week...it worked in the past, so I hope it works now. This week's project is my laundry room....I have until next Friday to GET IT DONE!:)

susane
05-26-06, 11:36 AM
It is the paper in my house that drives me bananas. What do I do with all those brochures from everywhere we have ever been, my husband picks them up from everywhere, but I really don't know where they "belong"? And bills, and this and that, makes me absolutely crazy, if I put them in my filing cabinet, it will be in the "black hole" which means I will never find it again, and yet I want the house to look nice, you know? thanks for the help though I will just take it slow.
You are quite welcome fuzzy. I have a clear bin that I keep my bills in and it is right next to me when I am working. I get the mail from the mailbox, throw out all of the junk mail (it used to really pile up) and the put the bills in my clear bin. It seems to be working for me. I keep all my DMV, bank statements and insurance stuff in that bin too.

Consolidation is the key for me. One place for bills and important stuff that I can see...one to do list with all of my personal and business stuff listed.:)

fuzzybrain
05-26-06, 06:03 PM
Susane,
Thanks again to you for making me realize this is doable-it just never seems that there is an end to it, and that depresses me. I need to feel that I am accomplishing something. What is a DMV? Please forgive my ignorance-I have heard of it. I think..... Where do you keep your clear bin? Do you have a nice desk area? I wish we had a central location-but upstairs is just a small little cubby hole that all the paperwork gets stashed into-how messy and unorganized I am, I swear I used to be better. thanks for getting me going again Fuzzy

susane
05-26-06, 07:21 PM
Susane,
Thanks again to you for making me realize this is doable-it just never seems that there is an end to it, and that depresses me. I need to feel that I am accomplishing something. What is a DMV? Please forgive my ignorance-I have heard of it. I think..... Where do you keep your clear bin? Do you have a nice desk area? I wish we had a central location-but upstairs is just a small little cubby hole that all the paperwork gets stashed into-how messy and unorganized I am, I swear I used to be better. thanks for getting me going again FuzzyHi fuzzybrain, no need to apologize, to answer your questions:

What is a DMV? That is our Division of Motor Vehicles (State of New Jersey)

Where do you keep your clear bin? I keep my clear bin with my bills and stuff on an open shelf right next to my desk since that is where I spend a lot of time during the day. I also have a clear bin ontop of my fridge that holds sweetner packets, take out menus etc. Stuff I use, but don't want cluttering my counters and drawers.

Do you have a nice desk area? Not really. My desk area is in my bedroom so I can close the door when I am working. My bedroom was a mess before I started working from home so I had to clean and organize it so I could work. I put up a little divider so I feel like I am in a cubical and not my bedroom.:)

Maybe that cubby hole you mentioned is a good place to start. Don't focus on any of the other areas until your done with that. If you are able to accomplish organizing the cubby hole then you will have accomplished something.:) Then it will be easier picking other projects (only one at a time) to work on. And, don't worry about the time it takes...take all you need.

I know that it gets depressing, I think much of my depression over the years has been due to my disorganization. But, don't worry there is hope and all you need to do is take it one step at time.:)

I know that is over whelming to look at everything that needs to get done that is why I decided to cut myself a break and take it one thing at time. I made a pact with myself that all the other stuff can wait until I get to it...it just seems easier that way. It is kind of a positive reinforcement in a sense because you are working toward a goal...and that is a positive thing.

I am glad that you are able to get started too. Feel free to reach out to me anytime if you need encouragement and support...I am happy help.

fuzzybrain
05-27-06, 06:31 PM
You are indeed a jewel, Susane, just where were you months ago-now my kids are home for the summer and-well-you know-they make it difficult. I love goals-it is like I am driven with blinders on until I accomplish it....just not right now-ha ha. I know that you are supposed to take one little area and get it looking nice and keep it that way for a month-before moving on-I have had a lifetime of clutter-I am not sure (part of the problem) which stuff needs to be kept, and which doesn't-eye dr bills, dentist bills, my husband opens every credit card offer we have ever had and leaves them sit. Just have to make piles of each thing. I can do this, thanks to you. fuzzy

susane
05-27-06, 07:03 PM
I am glad to help. My boyfriend, keeps recent bills for a few months, but shreds the ones that don't really need to be around. I eliminated as much as I could with automatic withdrawal.

MIGirl
05-27-06, 10:07 PM
I am new here, and just bumped into this thread. I have always had a hard time keeping clean, from when I was a kid keeping my room clean, to being an adult and keeping my house clean. I never knew how anyone else could do it! I'm glad to know that I am not alone. I'd like to have a clean house. Not a museum, but a lived in place, with stuff put up and not piled in the corner or in a big pile on the coffee table or on the floor. It seems like no sooner do I sweep the kitchen then there is a mess under the table again. It's nice to know there may be a reason for my messiness, and not just laziness on my part (which is what I always thought).

Anisah

ClearConfusion
05-28-06, 06:14 AM
I'm glad you're starting to find these things out, Anisah! I remember how relieved I felt when I first started to learn about ADHD realising that there might be something else behind my problems than that I didn't apply myself enough or was in some way lacking in character.

Welcome to the forums!

fuzzybrain
05-29-06, 09:32 PM
Thanks-welcome Anisah, maybe we can help each other through this. Kind of proud of myself-got some laundry done (I had not done any for like 4 days-I just forgot)made some cookies, cleaned the toilet, just random things but boy they feel good-they look good and that really helps me-like a visual reward-!!It motivates me to do more, and empty spaces are beautiful to me!!!And clearconfusion, thanks for saying that-that it is not my character lacking-or not applying myself-because I do every day-but still feel that I am lagging-it is setting priorities-I can't sense which ones are more important-Can't ever "get" that. thanks so much.

Hudson85255
06-07-06, 05:52 PM
Hi.
two things: I found Flylady useful - to a point. She is right on so much of the stuff, but with the ADD I find I can only stick to her ideas/regimen for a short period, and then I am off it. Just like everything else.

The other thing is that, as everyone here knows, I guess, the messiness is certainly a flagship symptom; my psych/assessor, when he saw the photos of my place, which has been getting worse and worse over the years, with only one chair in the place not inhabited with piles of stuff, that was a big sign that I had ADD. Overwhelming it is.
(And you should see my jungle - oops, I meant my garden...)
Keep the chin up, although it's not easy at times.
Hudson

bbduck1
06-07-06, 11:19 PM
I admit it...I suffer from "horizontal surface syndrome". Every horizontal surface in my house is covered in clutter: piles of mail, homework, magazines, newspapers, nail clippers, bottles of lotion, CDs, books, etc....to the point that half the time, I can't find the remote or cordless phone. My house is generally clean (can't STAND a dirty bathroom), but the clutter is beyond me. I know...a place for everything and everything in it's place. But I can't seem to find a place for everything, so it just sits there because I don't know where to put it. Any organizational ideas?

epoh on
06-07-06, 11:43 PM
Trash cans work wonders I'm the the most organized persn either maybe the floor is one big shelf:)

monalisa7
06-08-06, 04:44 PM
I have been messy my whole life too....my ADD/ADHD revolves around compulsive binging and purging. A few months ago I started some medication that finally curbed my "appetitte" to the point that I can actually function and get things done even keep my house somewhat clean...I used top have dirty plates and food everywhere all the time.

Proscrire
06-09-06, 12:11 AM
I want my space to be 'Mother Approved'! In other words; if my Mom dropped by I'd want her not to say anything deroguetory
Ok, my humour is sick and twisted but this made me think of the flip side of the coin. Without my meds, my house is decidely on the messy side too. My sisters-in-law are both total neat freaks, one's OCD and the other is just obsessive about neatness. I absolutly love it when they come over take one look at my living room, pale slightly and then sigh. They've mentioned wishing they could live without the compulsion to be neat and just relax. I may not have control over the clutter, but at least is doesn't have any control over me either.

Crazy~Feet
06-09-06, 12:23 AM
Heh. One of my best friends is OCD. We have lots of conversations about the differences between our "D's".

She loves her hardwood because she can sterilize it (no germs and she can relax). I hate mine, because it needs constant tending (BORING!) and when stuff sticks to my feet it distracts me.

I like the carpeting myself, if stuff sticks to my feet I vacuum and its clean to my eyes. She never forgets that it needs shampooing or else it is NOT clean, its just crumb-free.

fuzzybrain
06-09-06, 10:46 AM
yeah that is me, I always wished I could be ocd, just for a day, what does it feel like to have that need to be clean, germ free, and then scared to death you will come in contact with some-feel like? I am so the opposite, I just don't care. I don't care at all to the point of-oh well-how do you get to the point of caring about how your place looks, generally it looks pretty good, but I forget stuff easily-even if it is routine, guess it isn't if I forget it huh, but do you do this? I do fine for a day or even a week, and then it gets boring to keep doing the same stuff over and over, so I quit. Or I just "light in" if I can't stand it anymore, why am I like this, why can't I just gradually do a little at a time to prevent the pile ups? Thanks.

mejasha
06-09-06, 11:12 AM
My problem is that I do have ocd but just periodically when I hyper-focus on cleaning one thing. I will say "O.K. I am going to do the dishes." so I start doing the dishes and I load the dishwasher and so forth. Then I am wiping down the cabinet and the stove and notice that the stove is extra dirty so I start cleaning that. I've got it all taken apart and am soaking the (what do you call them, burner bowls) while I am scrubbing every tiny spot on my stove. Then, I have to use the restroom and while I am in thier I start cleaning in there. Then, the kids need me for something and I go take care of that. Then I remember that I need to do a load of whites because the kids need socks so I go start that. Anyway, by the end of the day I have started and hyperfocused on many projects but only finished the dishes and still have to put the stove back together. Just an example! Anyone relate?

Proscrire
06-09-06, 12:25 PM
She loves her hardwood because she can sterilize it (no germs and she can relax). I hate mine, because it needs constant tending (BORING!) and when stuff sticks to my feet it distracts me.

That so reminds me of my sister-in-law, Sarah. She got a real anxiety about germs too. One labor day we were all at our husbands' parents' place for barbeque. I was talking to her hubby when she comes running out going "Oh my god, your mom just wiped the silverware down with a sponge. Do you know how many germs are in those?". Jake just laughed it off so she turned to me for support. "Don't look at me," I said, "I ate dirt as a kid."

BTW my mom-in-law, sterilizes her sponges in bleach and hot water evertime she uses one. She not obsessive but her dog eats them if she doesn't.

On the messy topic, I post this anytime I can cause it worked out so great for me. I got it from my dr who is also ADD
-For tidying and cleaning, we set a timer for 10-15mins and do only one room or one chore for that time. If we drift onto other things,it's cool so long as we keep tidying. It took about a month or so but now it's enough to actually tidy my entire living room and put on a load of laundry (which I fold durning evening tv). I do about 3 or 4 of these sessions a day and can keep on top of things pretty well. Caveat: does work best with medication :)

This also works with kids. I used to babysit a couple of ADD kids each summer in high school while watching my little sisters. For finacial reasons, their mom took them off the meds during summer. Each day after breakfast, I'd declare 15 mins of chores. Once they got into the routine, it was actually pretty easy to keep up. Each kid had a set chore for the day so that if they finished early, they were free to go without guilt. And if they did it without too much hassle, Friday would be a trip to the movies or zoo etc with ice cream to follow. Anyone who didn't earn the trip, had to stay with my best friend (w/ parent's ok) (who, the boy, the only real toublemaker, said was too strict and mean) while I took the others on the feild trip. I didn't know about my own ADD at the time, but looking back I can see how those were all the sturctures that work so well for ADD.

fuzzybrain
06-12-06, 01:28 PM
Oh Mejasha-
I wish I knew how to copy everything you said onto my reply because that is exactly my problem-in fact I think it has happened that very way-when I was teaching way back when I couldn't figure out how people do their laundry when they work full time-I guess I am ocd to a point to because I couldn't bear to leave a load of wash in the washer all day and put it in the dryer at night-It would be all wrinkly- I just couldn't do that, but people do it I guess, I would just get it all done on the weekend-it was just my husband and me-but I had to completely stop teaching after the kids were born-there is no way I could do it all-it wears me out just thinking about it. Yep I am a mess-could never have people over-I would probably die of fright. I guess it is hard letting go of perfectionism-and I work way too hard too, I go out of my way to do something totally unrelated to what I first was doing and then forget to ever come back to it. Yep I need help too to find the answer.

lbawd
06-13-06, 10:18 PM
So funny!!! It has been suggested that I have OCD tendencies that are in a battle with my inattentiveness!!! I want things done to my OCD specifications but my inattentiveness leaves all these projects unfinished!!! Just started meds a few days ago and I am so excited. We were packing for a trip and normally I wander around and try to write down all the flashes of things I need to remember when my brain spews them out and if I leave enough time for me to wander around I can get them all. For example I think oh I need to go get the ear plugs and on the way down the hall I think don't forget your sunglasses so I start heading to the car, while I go through the garage I think oh the kickboards would be fun to have and this circle keeps going on and on for hours while nothing gets packed but with my meds I can remember my thoughts and get the sunglasses then the ear plugs and kickboard and done in 2 minutes where no meds I wonder around trying to figure out what I was trying so hard to remember!! I can apply that to housework, the grocery store, the office you name it.

Corina
08-30-06, 08:38 PM
Sorry dd started typing.

Grade A
10-16-06, 09:34 PM
The only time I make things neat and really clean around my house is when my mom comes to visit ( 3 times a year ) or when I am having company over, even then sometimes I just mask the mess. Wish I could just get it together, once I go see the doctor maybe things will change with her help.

I know what needs to be done around the house, and it is obvious there are things to be done, but it is like my but is crazy glued to the couch, computer chair, bed...just can't get up and do it even if I wanted to most times.