First time here and not sure where to start. So much to say, but I will try to be brief at first. Just need to vent.

Been dating a long time friend. We have been seeing each other for about 10 months now. It first started just hanging out, dinner movies stuff like that. Then became friends with benefits. Which worked out well. We were both busy and didn't want a relationship right now. She is a singer and message therapist. So we only saw each other on the weekend an once during the week.

Just a few months ago, we started getting closer. We would show affection in public and in front of our friends. Holding hands became normal.

Well then of course, I wanted to see her a bit more. But I knew her schedule was very busy. So all I asked her to tell me when she could see me and stick to that schedule. But lately she couldn't. So my first thought was she was seeing other people.

Well, I found some things that made me believe that was true, so I asked her about them. She denied she was sleeping with anyone and seeing anyone romantic.

Its was hard to believe so we got into an discussion/argument. We let it go for a while and went to dinner. Well at that time after a few drinks, she told me how she felt about me. She was falling in love with me and that scared her. (She even threw out marriage at one point.)

So now, she didn't know what to do about us. I was in her words, either "the right guy, the right time" or "the right guy, the wrong time" She didn't know if she should take that next step with me.

We let a day pass and talked again. She finally told me she had been seeing other people (not romantically) but for stimulation because of the ADD. She admitted she was a flirt and will take it to the limit. But won't do anything about it. That hurts because in a sense I was right about her going out. (Is that cheating)

She is taking a vacation to a place where she can get into sexual trouble. So my first thought it she broke it off with me so she wouldn't feel guilty if she did. She wants to talk about us after she gets back.

So now, I have no idea what to do. I care for the person. But I don't think she can be there for me than she is now.
I am her security blanket. A place she can wind down when she is over stimulated. Could she give me more?

(I also had to put my dog down in this same time period, so I am sure I went to her for emotionally support)

Thanks for letting me vent. :)

You know how there are always "signs" in the beginning of bad relationships that you can look back on and see?
I think you're encountering a few of those "signs".
IMO people are on their best behavior when you're dating them - more emotionally supportive, honest, open, and faithful.
That's just my opinion.

My experience, and that of many others I've read on this board, is that when you first get involved (fall in love) with someone with ADD, they focus on nothing but you. It's incredibly romantic and intense. Many of us have problems later when that wears off and they focus (intensely) on something else. You might want to look around the boards at older posts and see what I mean. If you're concerned at the beginning of a relationship, when people usually try a lot harder, imagine what it will be like in a year.

Thats not it, she wasn't trying very hard at all in the beginning and I was never her focus of attention. Her music career was her first priority. We even agreed on it. She was scared that if she let in to her feelings, I would be the focus and her career wouldn't get off the ground.

But when she gave me the time. It was all about me.

She did tell me she tried to hide most of the ADD at first and didn't want to scare me off. I dated an ADDer so I understand it. She slowly shows more of it to me day by day.

She does keep a messy house, she does forget, she sometime forgets to give me attention. But that I all understand.

What hurts me the most, is she will continue to see other people and take the flirting to the limit. Could she take it further? She tells me no. That she would only be with me that way. So confusing when she tell me she is falling in love.

She was the one showing more affection that me. I never pushed her into anything. Everything was on her terms.

What I don't understand is if she decides to go to the next level with our relationship and call it that. What does that mean for her? I don't know what will change for her and what she could give me.

I guess I don't know what to do. And why I am so hurt.

She is sending mixed signals, isn't she? I don't know what to think either. Maybe she doesn't know either.
Hopefully you can get clear answers when she gets back.
Do you have a trust issue with her now? Or not, since it wasn't labelled as "serious" yet when she was seeing other people?
Sounds like you'll have to make sure you both have the same definition of "commitment" if the relationship advances.

Well that is the reason she wants to back off with me. To get a better perspective on our relationship. And to decide what she wants to do and what she can handle. (That is what she tells me) And I want to believe that.

If she wasn't an ADDer, I would think she is seeing someone else and is wanting to see if it will work out with them before letting me go. Or to be able to have fun on that trip and have a fling.

I guess I crowded her emotionally after I put my dog down. Then accused her of being with someone else. There was alot of evidence, but she tried to disproved everything.

All along we always talked about our relationship, we had it defined and it worked well.

It is normal for ADDers to be with different types of people for stimulation? To be real flirty? The center of attention? She told me she would be such a flirt, that the guy would think they had a chance with her. But would stop it before it would go anywhere.

If she could stop seeing other men for that type of attention it would help alot. But I don't think she is willing to do that for me. She tells me she needs that type of stimulation for her ADD.

And I don't know if I can handle that.

So yes I guess I have a trust issue with her now.

I have a hard time with such generalizations as ADDers Are Typically With Different Types Of People For Stimulation.
I mean, ADD effects our brain, not our morality. Or if it does, there's been no proof to that effect.
I would be afraid to say that ADDers are typically flirty or crave being the center of attention too. There's both ends of the spectrum displayed by the AD/HD members of this board. Even if you found out that there WAS a typical type of ADD behavior, you couldn't know if SHE had it.
Here's the rub though - If she's a flirt, she's a flirt. ADD or not. Doesn't matter. If you don't like her being a flirt, don't go into a relationship thinking she'll change. That's never a good way to enter a relationship, under any circumstances.

Well, I have always known she was a flirt. I took that as part of being a performer and smoozing with the crowd. Didn't bother me.

But to tell me she takes it to the limit. What exactly is that? She says its never romantic or sexual. Going out have dinner with someone to talk about music seems to be innocent enough. But seeing emails from her to a guy who is married, "is it bad to look foward to seeing you?" or to ask him to go have drinks? She blames it on her flirty nature.

The thought of getting into another relationship, scares her.

Flirting IS romantic and sexual.


It can be harmless, but don't fool yourself into thinking it's every anything but romantic and sexual. That's what flirting is made of!

Your absolutely right and it is harmless.

If she was with someone else like she is with me, that would be too much. And she told me there is no way she would be with someone like that. I just have to decide if I can handle it. I wish I knew what she was thinking.

Thank for talking it out with me. I feel hurt and want to call her, but I know I need to leave her alone.

And this forum helps lot.

Just to give another point of view, I tend to flirt with other guys to make a guy I like jealous, a bit of a game although it is not always intentional.

But then again, if the guy I was interested in showed an intense interest back, that extra flirting would be less.

That extra flirting is completely harmless for me, I wouldn't act on it. if someone actually expects me to act on it, I end up thinking "oh, sh*t!!" Because it is harmless in my mind, I expect others to see it the same way.

I like the attention flirting generates, but I would never (I am absolutely sure of that one...) cheat on someone.

I hope you figure out what will work for the both of you!

The flirting is very VERY stimulating, and I imagine she is being very honest with you. When she says take it to the limit, I believe she may mean she'll take it to the point where she gets a distinct sexual offer from the guy she's flirting with.

I dont' think this is something that she would be interested in stopping, to be honest, so if you want to consider a relationship with this person, do consider VERY thoughtfully whether it would matter to you that you may find it harder to get that intense "special" time, while you see her off giving same to another guy, even though you know she won't go home with him.


I also think she may be testing her feelings with you and might appreciate some time apart to think about whether she truly loves and misses you or whether you are feeling more like just friends but fun to be with and some folks with ADD find it easier to understand their feelings when they are not in the middle of them, if that makes sense.

I think you are getting the straight picture from your girlfriend, just consider that she will not become the girl of your dreams, she will be as she is.

As my dear ADD friend said to me once, you can trust me to be me. And happily I realize I could, but it something to consider seriously.

Hope things work out the best for you both

cs

Just to give another point of view, I tend to flirt with other guys to make a guy I like jealous, a bit of a game although it is not always intentional.

But then again, if the guy I was interested in showed an intense interest back, that extra flirting would be less.

That extra flirting is completely harmless for me, I wouldn't act on it. if someone actually expects me to act on it, I end up thinking "oh, sh*t!!" Because it is harmless in my mind, I expect others to see it the same way.

I like the attention flirting generates, but I would never (I am absolutely sure of that one...) cheat on someone.

I hope you figure out what will work for the both of you!
Wow, thats exactly what she told me. She also told all her guy friends she is a flirt and she wouldn't act on them.

The flirting is very VERY stimulating, and I imagine she is being very honest with you. When she says take it to the limit, I believe she may mean she'll take it to the point where she gets a distinct sexual offer from the guy she's flirting with.

I dont' think this is something that she would be interested in stopping, to be honest, so if you want to consider a relationship with this person, do consider VERY thoughtfully whether it would matter to you that you may find it harder to get that intense "special" time, while you see her off giving same to another guy, even though you know she won't go home with him.


I also think she may be testing her feelings with you and might appreciate some time apart to think about whether she truly loves and misses you or whether you are feeling more like just friends but fun to be with and some folks with ADD find it easier to understand their feelings when they are not in the middle of them, if that makes sense.

I think you are getting the straight picture from your girlfriend, just consider that she will not become the girl of your dreams, she will be as she is.

As my dear ADD friend said to me once, you can trust me to be me. And happily I realize I could, but it something to consider seriously.

Hope things work out the best for you both

csYou also hit it on the nose. Everything you all have told me, she has already talked to me about. So I would have to say she is most likely sincere.

So I guess the time away from me, work and her normal environment is her way of dealing with it. And its not about breaking it off with me so she can have a sexual fling on vacation.

I guess it also makes sense that I cannot give her everything that she wants so she will need others to stimulate her mind.

I know it will take longer for her to figure things out. So I know I need to give her time. Which will be hard. Since she already wants me to come up this Wednesday to help her with her computer and then next week to watch her record.

Now to keep my mind occupied so I don't call her. :)

Well, I broke down and called her this morning. She sounded a bit perturbed. I told her I missed her and just wanted to say hi. She didn't really want to talk and told me to call her tonight.

I guess I was hoping for her to greet me like she used to. She almost sounded mad. Makes me wonder why.

She called this afternoon just to chit-chat for a minute. That one call actually took away the pain for a few hours. I guess because she thought of me.

She called this evening. Talked for a bit. We had plans for me to come up and see her, but she may have to change them. I told her I missed her, she just said we will see each other this week. Actually I think its because she need help with her computer.

Before the fight, we had plans on Sun to spend it with my parents in the morning and at one of her friends party in the afternoon. She won't spend anytime with me this weekend. (Normally the weekend was ours) She couldn't handle the parents right now, (which I think I understand) and didn't want me to come with her to the party. (My first thought was she was taking someone else.)

I don't know if I can wait for her to decide our fate, or should I just try to talk to her. I don't want to push her away. Thinking back, I may not have told her how much she meant to me, but I did show it alot.

I guess I just don't know what to do. Still my first thought was she replaced me because she found someone else.

Her previous relationship was about him. Her focus was him. So I know she can give me more.

Even though I know she has ADD, and have seen the signs. I still want to see her. Her quirks have never been a problem.

you have to give it time confuzzed she wont go any faster than she is right now for what ever resons she see fit two see were it gose from here pull back a bit an see what happensss ,,,,i wish you the best dorm

We talked again. It sounds like she just wants to focus on her. And her feelings for me were getting in the way.

She doesn't have a problem talking to me. Me being needy when I put my dog down, really got to her. She could only handle so much of that. I guess that makes sense.

So my guess is we will just be special friends. She still won't make a decision till after she gets back from her trip.

Of course that a long time for me, but I guess for an ADDer, that will be real quick. :)

She called me twice yesterday to my surprise. Just talked about her day, which we would normally do. I really never expected her to call at all. So confusing.

We still have plans for me to come up this evening.

Got through the evening. Took her to dinner. All we talked about was her work. She was real hyper the whole evening. I pretty much kept my quiet and let her vent. Didn't want to bring up what happened before.

At that point I almost didn't want to be there. It was all about her. Her focus was her music. Maybe she is starting to show the real her. I had no idea.

Got back to her place. She was glad I there. I guess me being there helped her to get some of her stuff done. I caught her a few times, wanting to give me affection. But she caught herself. It was somewhat awkward. I also wanted to show affection, but held back.

For the rest of the night, she finally calmed down and relaxed. We didn't say much, just hung out.

If this is the way its going to be, I can't do it. I need more attention and affection that this. And no affection won't work. I don't need her attention 100%, but some would help.

I am pretty sure we will just end up as friends. I really doubt she will be the way she was for the previous 8 months. I don't know what else to do, but let her go.

Thanks for giving me a place to get it out. :)

Should I just give her that month to think and talk then? Or should I try to arrange some time to talk about us before then??

I don't think I can deal with a whole month not knowing, even know I think I know what she wants.

She did say she needed to be hit over the head for important things.

i'd try to arrange time to talk before then. but that is me..i dont like to let things sit on the back burner for awhile, makes it harder and more painful to deal with later on.

Let her go! IF she comes around to her senses (not just a booty call) AND you are still interested, then persue it. Chill out and enjoy your time alone, go out to a bar with the guys and dont sit around feeling all beat up and emotional. it will not help!

Actually that is what I have been doing. Keeping busy with my own things.

And of course now she starts calling again. I already saw her on Sun, Mon night and Tue.

But I think thats enough for this week.

All in all I am feelling better about the whole situation.
The saddness about putting down my dog has almost passed, so it making me less emotionally about her.

I called her today because something fell out of my truck when she was in it, and I wanted her to look for it.

Damn if she wasn't really short with me on the phone. I guess she will only talk on her terms or when she needs something.

I have come to the conclusion that I will never be her focus of attention ever. And that the only reason I was ever in her life was for her. I think back now and we only spent time together when she wanted to. And never when I wanted it. It was all about her and her career.

It sucks to have done so much for her. And get nothing back. I helped her with her career, getting her laptop and other items. When we went out, I paid for everything.

I know there isn't anything I can do about it. And I am sure she doesn't understand how I feel.

She called last night and I didn't answer. The message she left was just a question about her music. Nothing about me and how I was doing. Just about her.

I never called her back, and she hasn't called me. I am not even on her radar screen.

I need to let her go, since she won't even give me the time to talk about it. If she cared, she would make some time for me.

Anyways just venting.....

Here's the rub though - If she's a flirt, she's a flirt. ADD or not. Doesn't matter. If you don't like her being a flirt, don't go into a relationship thinking she'll change. That's never a good way to enter a relationship, under any circumstances.
I couldn't agree more.

I can understand your pain and frustration. Nobody likes falling for someone and not having the feelings returned. She has been honest with you and gave you some very clear signs that she doesn't want a relationship (at least not in the commited sense like you want).

It comes down to this: If you want more commitment and she doesn't then just call it quits.

You cannot get any more clear than that. Don't hang around for a month hoping she will change her mind. The chances are rare that she will. Plus you are just giving her what she wants, a relationship with no strings attatched.

Move on, get some new interests, get comfortable in your own skin, then find someone who can appreciate you for who you are and what you have to offer.

yes sara i been there my self but in my case there did reten the feeling but went upto going feather with it at that time ,,,,,but your soo right they ither reten them or not you have to deised what you really went and if the freindship is wouth more then a realtship then you must think carefully on it dorm

First time here and not sure where to start. So much to say, but I will try to be brief at first. Just need to vent.

Been dating a long time friend. We have been seeing each other for about 10 months now. It first started just hanging out, dinner movies stuff like that. Then became friends with benefits. Which worked out well. We were both busy and didn't want a relationship right now. She is a singer and message therapist. So we only saw each other on the weekend an once during the week.

Just a few months ago, we started getting closer. We would show affection in public and in front of our friends. Holding hands became normal.

Well then of course, I wanted to see her a bit more. But I knew her schedule was very busy. So all I asked her to tell me when she could see me and stick to that schedule. But lately she couldn't. So my first thought was she was seeing other people.

Well, I found some things that made me believe that was true, so I asked her about them. She denied she was sleeping with anyone and seeing anyone romantic.

Its was hard to believe so we got into an discussion/argument. We let it go for a while and went to dinner. Well at that time after a few drinks, she told me how she felt about me. She was falling in love with me and that scared her. (She even threw out marriage at one point.)

So now, she didn't know what to do about us. I was in her words, either "the right guy, the right time" or "the right guy, the wrong time" She didn't know if she should take that next step with me.

We let a day pass and talked again. She finally told me she had been seeing other people (not romantically) but for stimulation because of the ADD. She admitted she was a flirt and will take it to the limit. But won't do anything about it. That hurts because in a sense I was right about her going out. (Is that cheating)

She is taking a vacation to a place where she can get into sexual trouble. So my first thought it she broke it off with me so she wouldn't feel guilty if she did. She wants to talk about us after she gets back.

So now, I have no idea what to do. I care for the person. But I don't think she can be there for me than she is now.
I am her security blanket. A place she can wind down when she is over stimulated. Could she give me more?

(I also had to put my dog down in this same time period, so I am sure I went to her for emotionally support)

Thanks for letting me vent. :)
I am not gong to read all these other responses right now.

First thing first... You never mention having the talk with her about being exclusive, so you have no right or reason to worry about who she spreads her legs for.

Second... when a girl says she needs space, that means she needs space for other mens' genitalia.

Third... A girl who flirts a lot and takes it to the limit with other guys is good for one thing and one thing only. I suggest you use her for her intended purpose (which it sounds like you already have) then be done with her.

Whatever you do, don't waste time and energy chasing after some booty call like her. She isn't worth it.

I am not gong to read all these other responses right now.

First thing first... You never mention having the talk with her about being exclusive, so you have no right or reason to worry about who she spreads her legs for.

Second... when a girl says she needs space, that means she needs space for other mens' genitalia.

Third... A girl who flirts a lot and takes it to the limit with other guys is good for one thing and one thing only. I suggest you use her for her intended purpose (which it sounds like you already have) then be done with her.

Whatever you do, don't waste time and energy chasing after some booty call like her. She isn't worth it.Yes we had the talk about our situation. And we were exclusive sexually.

But of course we aren't now.

In any rate, everyone is right. I need to let her go.
Funny, she just called as I was writing this. I let it go to voice mail.

"I miss talking to you, making my plans this weekend and wanted to make time for you on either Fri or Sat evening."

Ya whatever..........I guess the other day is for him.......

I know what I have to do. Just venting here helps alot.

Damn...she just called again! "I am trying real hard to get a hold of you. I miss talking to you"

I guess eventually I will talk to her and tell her I will be busy and won't be able to see her this weekend. Thats all I can do, is think of me now.

Thanks for letting me vent.....again.:)

CONFUSED you put this: Maybe she is starting to show the real her. Maybe on the other hand she really really likes you and is scared to death of you seeing " the real her" and when you did you didn't like it!

I think you need to give it a little more of a chance, but that's my own pesonal opinion after reading your messages.

Yes we had the talk about our situation. And we were exclusive sexually.

But of course we aren't now.

In any rate, everyone is right. I need to let her go.
Funny, she just called as I was writing this. I let it go to voice mail.

"I miss talking to you, making my plans this weekend and wanted to make time for you on either Fri or Sat evening."

Ya whatever..........I guess the other day is for him.......

I know what I have to do. Just venting here helps alot.

Damn...she just called again! "I am trying real hard to get a hold of you. I miss talking to you"

I guess eventually I will talk to her and tell her I will be busy and won't be able to see her this weekend. Thats all I can do, is think of me now.

Thanks for letting me vent.....again.:)Stay strong! Don't give in and pick up the phone. Don't return any calls. Go out and keep busy.

Second... when a girl says she needs space, that means she needs space for other mens' genitalia

I hope your not referring to all females, because when i need space, it means i need space, to chill, relax, unwind, to be with your own thoughts so you can balance things out in your head, make decisions, i find it very noisey all the time even when it's quiet. sorry for getting on my :soapbox: but not all females are the same.

I hope your not referring to all females, because when i need space, it means i need space, to chill, relax, unwind, to be with your own thoughts so you can balance things out in your head, make decisions, i find it very noisey all the time even when it's quiet. sorry for getting on my :soapbox: but not all females are the same.
Thats what she told me. A month may seem like a long time for an non-ADDer. But for one with. it may only seem to be a few days.

Don't know if I can believe that.

Oh i'm sorry now i'm confused lol i did'nt know she actually said that to you, i must of got lost somewhere along reading your posts, i apologise to automaton i thought you were giving advice out , sorry.

No worries...OMG she is calling again!

A month may seem like a long time for an non-ADDer. But for one with. it may only seem to be a few days.

Don't know if I can believe that.<!-- / message --> I can believe it because i'm forever saying things happened only last week when in fact they had happend 3 to 4 weeks previous.

I can believe it because i'm forever saying things happened only last week when in fact they had happend 3 to 4 weeks previous.So is that an ADD trait??

So she must really like you to keep calling you?

I don't know i'm new to this great forum ask around!

So she must really like you to keep calling you?
She only started calling me this much now, because I have not answered or called her back.

Saying "I need space" to anyone is just a nice way of breaking up. "Space" is just not a great word to use if all you need is time to clean house, hang out with old girl-friends, do homework, and other various necessary tasks. In those cases I think a person should be more specific and say I need some time to take care of chores and such.

Anyways, the girl did say she wants to be with other people and is a flirt that will take it to the limit. To me, that says it all right there.

I hope your not referring to all females, because when i need space, it means i need space, to chill, relax, unwind, to be with your own thoughts so you can balance things out in your head, make decisions, i find it very noisey all the time even when it's quiet. sorry for getting on my :soapbox: but not all females are the same.No. Not ALL females. Just most.

Regardless. She can have all the space she wants now while he is out dating other people.

She only started calling me this much now, because I have not answered or called her back.
You got it. She wants you now that she can't "have" you where she wants you. If you pick up that phone and start talking, you will end up back at square one again. Back to you being played.

Stay strong :)

So she must really like you to keep calling you?This is not true. She is what we call an "attention seeker." She wants all the benefits of male attention to fulfill her own needs, but she doesn't want to give anything of herself to fulfill a guy's needs.

She only started calling me this much now, because I have not answered or called her back

So that means she must really like you because personally i wouldn't bother if they wasn't worth it!
No your the centre of her attention, i'd now see what she wants, does she just want to talk about herself again or if she really intrested in you, find out i would, that's only if you really like her that is :confused:

yes o.k i agree with the above if this is true, but pick up the phone and you tell her straight how it is! if she listens and she settles down, she must really like you, if not then yeah she's a dead loss, because you sound like you've been good to her, so then cut your loses because you would of lost nothing, but think of what you could gain if she's willing to listen and that it sounds like you really like her or it wouldn't be hurting this much!!

Why not you call the shots for a change?

yes o.k i agree with the above if this is true, but pick up the phone and you tell her straight how it is! if she listens and she settles down, she must really like you, if not then yeah she's a dead loss, because you sound like you've been good to her, so then cut your loses because you would of lost nothing, but think of what you could gain if she's willing to listen and that it sounds like you really like her or it wouldn't be hurting this much!!

Why not you call the shots for a change?
It is already beyond that point. This chick has already displayed her true intentions. She has sucked the life out of this guy for long enough and given nothing in return.

Now he just needs to unceremoniously kick her to the curb.

awwhh i just like happy endings oh well, i feel for you confused, sorry your having to go through it.

You got it. She wants you now that she can't "have" you where she wants you. If you pick up that phone and start talking, you will end up back at square one again. Back to you being played.

Stay strong :)Thats exactly what I am thinking.

She has already called me two more times. Didn't answer, she is wondering if I am mad at her. Well it ain't peachy here.

This is not true. She is what we call an "attention wh0re." She wants all the benefits of male attention to fulfill her own needs, but she doesn't want to give anything of herself to fulfill a guy's needs.That does kinda make sense. I guess she has been wanting to go out with me for a long time. I never thought of her that way. I never gave her attention, so I guess I was a challenge.

Now that she has my full attention, its no fun for her. Games, thats one thing I hate.

I will eventually call her, hope I don't give in. Damn, maybe I should ignore her. :dunno:

She called me two more times and left a message. You guys are right, she is being needy right now. She isn't feeling good. So its all about her again.

I think maybe I just won't call her tonight. I think I will cave, if I do.

She called me two more times and left a message. You guys are right, she is being needy right now. She isn't feeling good. So its all about her again.

I think maybe I just won't call her tonight. I think I will cave, if I do.
Don't call her. Everytime you get the urge to call her just come on here and post out your frustration. Just don't give in. It is hard now, but will get easier as time goes on.... Trust me on this one. Don't let yourself get played. Don't even bother listening to the voicemails just delete them.

Just remember, she was not exactly the kindest when it came to you and your emotions.

Don't call... Vent here. Save yourself a world of hurt.

Take care,

I didn't see your post.

I answered the phone late last night. It was her. She was wondering why I have not called her. She wasn't feeling well and wanted me to come up. (About her again)

She wanted to make plans to see me this weekend either Fri or Sat. I caved and told her Sat.

This morning I started thinking why we couldn't hang out on Sun? So I called her to see what she would say. Talk about getting defensive. She had other plans.

We all know what that meant. I told her that she must be dating. She said no, she was just hanging out. What's the difference?? She told me she was not dating or sleeping with anyone else. (Ya ok :rolleyes: )

Anyways its like we all thought. She wants to "hang with other people" So I guess its time for me to do the same thing.

awwhh i'm sorry she let you down again mate! I feel awful now for sticking up for her.

I'd tell her to get lost now or your going to keep getting hurt!

good luck and take care.

Thanks, its all good. I am just going to try to move on. This forum has helped alot. Thanks!!

In fact, I have already asked another girl out. :)

Well done confused good on you.

i'd try to arrange time to talk before then. but that is me..i dont like to let things sit on the back burner for awhile, makes it harder and more painful to deal with later on.Well she wanted to talk this evening.

Talk about a confusing conversation. I am not sure where to start cause I am still confused.

She still won't know what she wants till after her trip. She actually told me again, she considered marrying me. (Wow, wasn't expecting that. Since she wasn't drinking) But also wanted to follow her career. And falling for me would have jeopardize it.

Then it was, she needed her freedom and didn't want anyone to tell her what to do. If she did or didn't do something it was because it was her choice. I have never told her what to do. I guess she started feeling guilty if she did.

She doesn't want to lose me. I am her support, her foundation. She can be herself with me and wind down.
I guess she is a whirlwind with others and doesn't want to be that with me. I mean too much to her.

She still tells me that she isn't seeing anyone and doesn't plan to.

Can ADDers keep that busy? Because one of her goals has been completed. So she will have more time.

I pretty much think that she doesn't want a relationship. So I don't really know what she is trying to decide.

I still plan on doing what I said. Just don't understand what she is doing...

Well she wanted to talk this evening.

Talk about a confusing conversation. I am not sure where to start cause I am still confused.

She still won't know what she wants till after her trip. She actually told me again, she considered marrying me. (Wow, wasn't expecting that. Since she wasn't drinking) But also wanted to follow her career. And falling for me would have jeopardize it.

Then it was, she needed her freedom and didn't want anyone to tell her what to do. If she did or didn't do something it was because it was her choice. I have never told her what to do. I guess she started feeling guilty if she did.

She doesn't want to lose me. I am her support, her foundation. She can be herself with me and wind down.
I guess she is a whirlwind with others and doesn't want to be that with me. I mean too much to her.

She still tells me that she isn't seeing anyone and doesn't plan to.

Can ADDers keep that busy? Because one of her goals has been completed. So she will have more time.

I pretty much think that she doesn't want a relationship. So I don't really know what she is trying to decide.

I still plan on doing what I said. Just don't understand what she is doing...
Bah, don't even bother trying to figure her out. She has issues and will only turn you upside down. You deserve a woman that can treat you well... not some confused player. And that is what she is doing--playing you or at least trying. Says she thinks about marrying you , yet doesn't want to commit.... that doesn't make any sense and is completely ridiculous. Thank goodness you have the sense to understand how stupid that even sounds. Consider yourself high in the common sense category.

You gave her a chance (one time too many if you asked me) and she blew it. Move on... enjoy your time alone, rebound, or find yourself a real woman who can commit to even being exclusive.

Good luck :)

Be strong!

I just can't believe a long time friend would play games with me. I tried to believe her. But it's very hard.

I keep telling her I don't want a serious relationship right now. Just exclusive dating. Just like it was before. It worked well for both of us.

Oh well....thanks again.

I don't think I mentioned this. Before all this, she also gave me her key to her place. Which make this whole situation confusing. She still talks like we will hang out. But nothing sexual right now. Maybe when she get back.

Anyways, just venting.....

Broke down and called her. She was very happy to hear from me. We talked about her day and mine. Once I brought up us, you could tell she wanted to get off the phone.

Since putting down my dog recently, I have been real needy and emotional. She finally told me, she couldn't handle that. And that she coudn't be there for me like that anymore. Once she goes on this trip, she hopes I will get over it and be like myself.

I am normally the strong one. So now I am looking for her for support. I am guessing ADDers can't handle that.

So now its three things she has told me.

1. I was getting in the way of work
2. She was getting to close to me.
3. I was getting too needy.

Talk about being confused. Anyways just venting.
I need to not worry about her, and just get pass the pain of losing my long time friend.

Then I can be strong with her and let her go.

Well that last phone call really bother me. I couldn't believe that she wouldn't be there for me regarding my loss. I was thinking maybe I misunderstood. So I called her.

We talked and clear up a few things. She will be there for me, she just can't talk about us right now.

With all that cleared up, I feel much better.

Confused,

That's too bad you are having such problems. I would agree that at this point it would be best for you to move on. If you need someone who is going to be there for you and even at this point, which should be the honeymoon phase, she is not giving you all that you deserve, she is (in my opinion) less likely to later on in the relationship.

I know it will be hard, but I agree with Sehrita, it sounds like it's time to move on.

Yes you are right. First thing I need to do is get over the grief of my loss. Then I can deal with her later. And with her leaving. I should be able to do that.

You can do it! Do you have a hobby? Other friends to call instead of her?

I can understand how hard it is to let someone go...but you just gotta do it.

I know, it will take time. I do have hobbies and other friends. Just have to focus my time on them now.

Just an update. She called Monday. Wasn't expected that. I didn't answer. She just called to say hi and ask how I was doing.

Why even call?

heh, who knows... maybe just to see if she can get you back where she had you?

God I hate games!!!

She called again. Talked for about an half hour. She finally told me that she just wanted to be friends. I guess we all knew that was going to be her decision. Still hurts to know that she can just turn off her feelings just like that.

But she still wants to be affectionate, hold hands and hangout like before. Just no sex. She doesn't want to get that close again to anyone right now. I am her best friend and doesn't want to lose me.

Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. I still think she is seeing someone else. She still says no. She wants her friends and not have to worry about another person. Basically she said she is selfish right now.

Anyways just venting.

I think your friend is being as honest as she is able to in defining what she wants in a friendship.

The biggest problem you have, at least from my perspective, is that she wants less and you want more in terms of the depth of your relationship.

There is really very little chance that you can come to a negotiated settlement on this, because you cannot really feel more than you do, so whoever feels "less" sets the level of the relationship.

Right now, you really want a woman who can give you more depthy relationship, love, commitment maybe? And that is not possible with this woman.

I think you should be comfortable with yourself and know that your needs are perfectly valid, and there are more women out there who can be a better match to those needs.

You may, once you are emotionally sorted, decide that this woman is worth keeping as a friend, maybe without the hand holding part as that blurs your lines.

See how you feel, and good luck with this. It's a tough one.

crime scene

I just need to get past this. You right, there is nothing I can do. But that doesn't make it easier. At least I am not wondering anymore.

I really don't know what I am so hurt about. We were never officially BF and GF. We will still hang out like before. The affection will still be there, just no sex. I can deal with that. I even told her too.

I guess I will try to be her friend. But will do my own thing too. I have all ready started dating. So I guess that will help.

You may, once you are emotionally sorted, decide that this woman is worth keeping as a friend, maybe without the hand holding part as that blurs your lines.

I think what Crime Scene said here is a valid point.

I think feelings for you are too intense for just "friendship". Don't talk to her for a while. Do your own thing then maybe see how you can handle friendship.

You guys are right. Its just hard to go from feeling like BF and GF to just friends only. And for her to just switch it off that fast. I guess the ADD helps in that respect.

Just remember friendship, like a relationship, is a give and take relationship. If she only wants to be friends and hang out on her terms it is not working for you. Breaking off a long term friendship is tough but sometimes it is best. Don't let her ADD be an excuse for treating you like dirt. Yes, she is different and some allowance need to be made but it is still no excuse for making you feel crummy and affecting your self-esteme.

Just remember friendship, like a relationship, is a give and take relationship. If she only wants to be friends and hang out on her terms it is not working for you. Breaking off a long term friendship is tough but sometimes it is best. Don't let her ADD be an excuse for treating you like dirt. Yes, she is different and some allowance need to be made but it is still no excuse for making you feel crummy and affecting your self-esteme.
well said!

Your right and it shouldn't be only on her terms.

I am feeling much better and starting to do my own things. If our time coincides. Then maybe we will hang out.

But I am not waiting for her.

And she did call. Talk about being predictable.

She talked about her and her trip. She mentioned that she needed to get something from my place she left there. I asked her when and expected her to stop by this week.

She didn't couldn't get it for a week or so. So why call now??

She did hint for me to bring it up this week. By saying we should go out and look for a replacement puppy for me.

She knows by the time I get off work. The Pound will be close. Then she said to come by after work on Sat. I told her I will let her know. Normally I would have said yes.

So what is she doing now??? ugh

I think you know what she is doing....

Be strong!!! Fuhgetta bout her and find yourself a "good girl"!

Move on

Thanks. I ended up seeing her because she needed her stuff. Went out to a nice dinner and a movie. She pretty much acted like friends. Except that I paid for everything again.

So I guess thats the way it will be. Friends. But right now thats a bit too hard for me. I wanted to hug and kiss her. But I didn't.

So distance is what I need to get over the feelings I have for her.

And maybe in time I can be just friends.

Hey Confused what happened to the other girl you asked out?

We went out once. We hit off very well. Alot in common. Had a real good time. She is very pretty but alot younger than me. We were suppose to go out this past week. But I didn't call her.

But now she tells me she has a BF. WTF? Her friends say she doesn't. I stopped contacting her and she still emails and text's me. She always wants me to stop by her work and say hi.

In fact, she just emailed me wondering where I have been and why I didn't stop by??

Women...AHHHHHHHHHHHH.... :)

Lol yeah i know what ya mean and i am a women, oh well i'd just concentrate on the new one and try and get over the other women!1

good luck

I guess I didn't word that correctly. That whole post was about the new girl. ;)

hi Confused how's it going matey?

I am doing much better. I still see her once in a while. But I pretty much let her go.

There's something to be said for taking "some time off" the market and picking up a new hobby or going for a trip or something.

When the opposite sex gets too unpredictable, maybe you just need recharging and a new perspective!!!

Its funny that I don't call her anymore. But she will call me once a week. Even the others girls call me. And I don't call them anymore. :)

I have already focused back on my hobbies. Which is now taking up more of my time.

I don't worry that much about what she is doing or what may happen. I am doing my own thing. :)

I thank everyone here for the support.

Its funny that I don't call her anymore. But she will call me once a week. Even the others girls call me. And I don't call them anymore. :)

I have already focused back on my hobbies. Which is now taking up more of my time.

I don't worry that much about what she is doing or what may happen. I am doing my own thing. :)

I thank everyone here for the support.
Good for you :D. Whoo hoo!!