I have been diagnosed with ADD since I was 9. I am now 23 and a fairly intelligent computer science major. If I don't medicate or get some sort of help, I will fail in school and work. I have tried a plethora of stimulants and non-stimulants. Right now I am on strattera and things seem to be going well. I kinda miss the rush of the stimulants, but I am glad I can concentrate any time of day. Might try a mixture.

Ever since I turned 21 and right after a long and emotional breakup, I noticed that there was something seriously wrong with me. I was getting horrible anxiety anytime I was in any kind of social situation. Even my best friends didn't know me. I was physically and emotionally petrified to go out to a bar or anywhere I might have to talk to new people. It was even worse to talk to teachers or doctors or anyone of authority. It wasn't always like this. My last 2 years of highschool were the best times of my life. I had friends, fun, a girl, and everyone loved me. So I went to a counselor and took some tests, and discovered I had social anxiety disorder. I am taking Paxil CR (courage in a pill) and that is a miracle drug. I don't get physically anxious anymore. It's wonderful. I can walk right up to a beautiful woman, and not be scared. Looking back, it could be possible that I have been dealing with this my whole life, thinking it was my inherit shyness, but never noticed it till now.

Anyways, just wanted to give you some background on who I am and where I am at in life. Now what I want to talk about is not too simple to describe in words. If this has already been discussed, I'm sorry, but I didnt know how to search for it. It seems to me, that given my long history with ADD and continued struggle, there are things about life in general that I just don't understand. Things you wouldn't really know you didn't know until you did some internal processing based on your observations. I say this because I wonder if it is possible for me not to pay attention to my surroundings, just like I don't pay attention in class. If this is true, then how much did I miss out on? I was somewhat of a loner growing up, I had lots of siblings, but kinda did my own thing. I think that now that I am able to concentrate thanks to the strattera, I am starting to notice how far behind I really am. Is it fair for me to say that I am behind in life-learning for my age? Some of the things I do and say just don't seem normal, and I dont notice it until after the consequences or reactions. The best example I can come up with is my fashion sense. I know that some people just don't have fashion sense, but I am fashion retarded. I hate shopping, I didn't learn how to match until highschool, and I have the same pair of boots that I have worn almost everyday for the past 3 years. This had to do somewhat with my upbringing, but I could have given more attention to my peers and developed my own style. Is there a stereotype about people with ADD that I am just re-stating here?

Also with the Paxil in my ar.senal, it doesn't bother me to get involved in something, I'll just dive in head first. This brings up another "life-illiteracy" point. My "game" as some would call it or my ability to start a relationship with a new person, especially of the female persuasion, is not at the level that I would like it to be. I have no problem talking to women, its just that I can't seem to get them to want to stick around. I know I am an attractive looking person and I have a wonderful personality and a sense of humor that splits sides. But I am obviously lacking in something that will not come without some kind of practice that I missed out on earlier in life. This was especially difficult in my teen years as you can imagine.

I know I'm writing a book, so I'll try to wrap it up. There's so much more I'd like to talk about. I guess one could say it's just because I was or still am a "nerd" or "geek" is why I feel this way. But I don't feel like a nerd. I've always known I had special abilities in some technical areas, but I don't see myself as any less or more of a person than the next guy. As you can probably tell, my whole life I have had a variable low self-esteem. And I don't want to completely blame ADD for feeling this way, because I know there are other factors at play here, but I am concerned that it did have a large roll in how my life has played out. I am concerned for not only myself, but my friends and loved ones as they have to watch me go through life but can't say anything for fear of hurting me. I am also worried about my future children as ADD seems to be genetic and I want them to have a better childhood than I did.
So I guess I am writing this novel, in order find any others that are out there like me. If you are reading this and know what I was and am going through, let me know and give me some really good advice because I am tired of having a low self-esteem and feeling like my life isn't what it could be. I know I just need to look to the future and keep a positive outlook on things, but anything that could point me in the right direction would be appreciated. Thank You for reading this. ~Joey

Hi Joey...

Don't despair! You've got alot of positive things going for you. The best way to get a girl or friend to stick around is not to "talk a good game", but to Listen to them and ask them questions about themselves. I promise you that if you ask a simple question like- "So; do you have any fabulous plans for the Summer"? (insert an age appropriate word for f'abulous'); then really listen and make her feel important & at ease she will think very positively about you. We all want to be the center of attention at times I know, however give that up for awhile to really show interest in her. Don't compete or try too hardto impress her with material things.

Be sure to Introduce her to people you know, or are with, however Saying "This is Jane" leaves a difficult pause, we've all been there! Instead say -"Tom, I want you to meet Jane, she's from Atlanta. (Or 'She goes to NYU too", or 'she works at CostCo with me', or 'you should see her play pool', etc.)

The best gift you can give to someone is to pay attention and LISTEN. It's worth more than having a great car or the latest shoes.

Sincerely Addeline

PS Two things to remember: Don't try too hard. You don't want to appear 'needy', which is usually a turn off. Secondly; Be generous in your selection of girls to approach or chat with. Be a Man and give girls that are not your 'Total 100% Physical Ideal' a chance too. You will be surprised how a person can light-up and ooze attractiveness, beauty, & sexuality when they feel important and special. Feeling great about yourself in someone's presence is addicting and makes us all want more. The girls will unwittingly want to replicate the good feelings and want more 'JOEY'!!! (Hey; I'm just say'n is all...if I'm hopelessly out-of-date please let me know.)

Wow, what you just posted applies to me on so many levels you wouldn't even believe it...
Yeah, maybe the fashion thing is true for some ADDers. I've never had any real fashion sense either and am just now developing my own style. As for the girls, confidence would be your best asset, women love that. Keep in mind however, that talking to girls and picking them up is skill, it can indeed be learned. Try this site: www.doubleyourdating.com I think is the url, I haven't bought the book on this site yet myself but I've great things about. It's definetally worth checking out. (I'm getting a copy myself in the near future)

Just know that you're not alone... Other people (like me) are struggling with the same issues. I have just come to a similar realization of myself just as you had and it is pretty damn rough. Anyway, hang in there man.

~Talis

Brother, I've got both and then a few more. I've been where you are now. I'm here to tell you I made it through. I'm now happily married with a child. I just had to make myself do things, but with baby-steps. And, going to a bar may not be something you should try first off. Meet someone offline and just hang out. Maybe you can find someone who has ADD as well. That might help break the ice. I've found that my "faith" has helped me overcome tremendously. I used to neglect this spiritual side , and I think that was a serious issue on many fronts. If you follow a specific doctrine of belief at all, you may want to join others who share like beliefs, in an atmosphere of your taste and get involved.
Just remember, nothing will change until you do. However hokey this may sound, you have the power to make your life change. ADD and SAD aside, you can make a livable, happy life for yourself. Feel free to email me if you have any questions about my experience. Nothing special, but maybe it holds something relevant to you.

D

I know I just need to look to the future and keep a positive outlook on things, but anything that could point me in the right direction would be appreciated.

Some times the inability to pay attention can cause us ADDers to fall behind socially. You sound like you are pretty level headed. You are not in denial nor are you overly negative this is an excellent balance.

I am going to give you a “slightly” (your mother not ;) ) just a little older female perspective_`_`_ if ya don't mind.

First of all do not change who you are.. Speak just like you posted out of the genuineness of who you are. . . a healthy female will understand some nervousness A young woman who is emotionally stable will be able to spot phoniness a mile off and be turned off

I'll put it like this -*-. If the only choices you have are between appearing akward or appearing phony . . . . choose the awarkedness. . .women your age will not necessarily have it all together either but they will do what they can to appear so for the same reasons you will. . . normal expression of your age group that is all.

. There is nothing wrong with how you conveyed your thoughts although I understand that conversation “timing” can be a challenge for some but certainly not all.




David DeAngelo's exclusive Dating Secrets e-Letter...

There is no such a thing as a “secret body language” any more than there is such a thing as a man in the moon.

Personally as a woman I found David DeAngelo to be “phony”( if he wasn't so silly I would have been insulted) The guys attitude is a turn off in four sentences.

#1) Emotionally healthy women do not “want to keep you from being successful” unless this is eluding to “wham bam thank you mam” . . .#2) women do not not like being used any more than guys do.#3) Basically treat a woman the way you want her to treat you. Look for a friend some one to have fun with a progress slowly and naturally.

(btw- Young men thinking of adopting the attitude presented in the hyper-link please don't -there is a reason this David DeAngelo's feels woman want to prevent him from “being successful”~please think about that before buying his book or into his bologna)

Talis ~ I got more out of your post, than I did from this guys entire WEB site, and so will emotionally healthy woman your age . Talk to them from who you are this will go along way to helping finding a woman who is interested in you as a person (not a free meal-oh yea girls are that way too, don't be fooled)



Here is some useful advice.

get involved

Can't meet people staring at the TV.

My daughter met her boyfriend on some “space place “(???name brain fog) popular with younger adults.*Take precautions when meeting people on-line *not too much personal information - - - go = 1) slow 2)public and 3)safe, Internet has been the way some people have met. (just a thought) but there are those who are not nice and not worth meeting (second thought).

Maybe you can find someone who has ADD as well

Perhaps see if there is one of those meet ups for ADD in your area (try ADD meet-up's in search engine) and attend. They just get together at a local restruant like once a month or some thing. Getting involved with an ADD support group my serve a dual purpose. . . ADD education learning what works for others and social situations with people who are at least interested in understanding ADD.


Just remember, nothing will change until you do

Well said. . .