A bit of background: My 14 year old son began having trouble in school in middle school, and we thought it was changing classes, lockers, etc. Then we thought it was laziness. Now he's a freshman in high school, and things are REALLY falling apart. My psychologist mother who is also ADD and the parent of an ADHD kid (my brother) suggested years ago that we have Jake evaluated, but we blew her off because he was doing so well at that point.

Now we know he needs some help. So I began doing some research and found that most likely, I have ADD too. I made Jake and I doctors' appointments on consecutive days. I went first and received my diagnosis and Strattera. Jake went the next day, and while he was resistant at the first suggestion of ADD, by "doctor day", he was expecting a quick fix as well. His doctor wanted to run some other tests before trying meds (EEG to rule out seizures, etc), and this frustrated Jake.

While waiting for appointments for his tests, I have tried Strattera (bad side effects) and have switched to Concerta (much better, still tweaking dosage and timing). I had been hopeful that my success would inspire Jake to hang in there.

In the middle of all of this, Jake had nasal/sinus surgery last week and missed 4 days of school right before exam week. He really needs to finish strong to salvage what he can of his GPA. He's stressed out in a major way with recovery, school work, EEG for tomorrow, ADD meds starting soon, etc. This morning, he had a major 10 year old temper tantrum meltdown.

He was fiddling around in homeroom (they had about a half hour to study for their first exam), and the teacher sent him to the office because he was distracting others. He sent him out to minimize distraction, not as punishment. Jake argued with him and began losing his cool (an inappropriate anger response to the situation). The principal saw the altercation in the hallway and sent Jake to her office. She continued on another errand, and by the time she got back to see him, he had thrown his lunch all over her office and was pacing, fuming. She told him to get a grip and calm down and then they talked. He began to cry and finally settled down. She put him in the ISS room (again, not as punishment, but to give him some space to study and work and not distract others), and then she came to see me (I work at his school).

I am so frustrated for him. I know that given the pressure he's under, he's a ticking time bomb. We keep telling him to hang in there and it'll be over on Wednesday. I know his irrational response was an ADD thing but don't want to use it as an excuse. I know that my meds have helped me tremendously, but he has to finish this week without that help. And I'm embarrassed as a parent for his behavior. ARGH!!!!

I'm sorry this ended up being so long, but it was therapeutic just writing it. I just needed to get it out somewhere where people would understand. Thanks for reading.

A bit of background: My 14 year old son began having trouble in school in middle school, and we thought it was changing classes, lockers, etc. Then we thought it was laziness. Now he's a freshman in high school, and things are REALLY falling apart. My psychologist mother who is also ADD and the parent of an ADHD kid (my brother) suggested years ago that we have Jake evaluated, but we blew her off because he was doing so well at that point.

Now we know he needs some help. So I began doing some research and found that most likely, I have ADD too. I made Jake and I doctors' appointments on consecutive days. I went first and received my diagnosis and Strattera. Jake went the next day, and while he was resistant at the first suggestion of ADD, by "doctor day", he was expecting a quick fix as well. His doctor wanted to run some other tests before trying meds (EEG to rule out seizures, etc), and this frustrated Jake.

While waiting for appointments for his tests, I have tried Strattera (bad side effects) and have switched to Concerta (much better, still tweaking dosage and timing). I had been hopeful that my success would inspire Jake to hang in there.

In the middle of all of this, Jake had nasal/sinus surgery last week and missed 4 days of school right before exam week. He really needs to finish strong to salvage what he can of his GPA. He's stressed out in a major way with recovery, school work, EEG for tomorrow, ADD meds starting soon, etc. This morning, he had a major 10 year old temper tantrum meltdown.

He was fiddling around in homeroom (they had about a half hour to study for their first exam), and the teacher sent him to the office because he was distracting others. He sent him out to minimize distraction, not as punishment. Jake argued with him and began losing his cool (an inappropriate anger response to the situation). The principal saw the altercation in the hallway and sent Jake to her office. She continued on another errand, and by the time she got back to see him, he had thrown his lunch all over her office and was pacing, fuming. She told him to get a grip and calm down and then they talked. He began to cry and finally settled down. She put him in the ISS room (again, not as punishment, but to give him some space to study and work and not distract others), and then she came to see me (I work at his school).

I am so frustrated for him. I know that given the pressure he's under, he's a ticking time bomb. We keep telling him to hang in there and it'll be over on Wednesday. I know his irrational response was an ADD thing but don't want to use it as an excuse. I know that my meds have helped me tremendously, but he has to finish this week without that help. And I'm embarrassed as a parent for his behavior. ARGH!!!!

I'm sorry this ended up being so long, but it was therapeutic just writing it. I just needed to get it out somewhere where people would understand. Thanks for reading.
Some Tips for you

It can be extremely difficult for the entire family to raise a child with ADHD. But learning specific
parenting skills in relation to ADHD is extremely important for the health of the child as well as the
relationship between child and parent.

One thing that would be really useful for parents is to join a
support group that is both educational and socially supportive. Here is where parents will learn how to
deal with their special children and become effective.

One very important thing a parent needs to do is set clear goals for themselves and their children.
After these goals are set, it is crucial to be as consistent as possible.

When your child has misbehaved, try to stay as calm as you possibly can. The more out of control you
act, the less seriously discipline is taken. Make sure when rules are broken that there are very clear
consequences and that they are delivered in an unemotional manner. Yelling at a child with ADHD is
extremely destructive.

Give your child choices for what they can do. Do not tell them exactly what they will eat, wear and do.
The more choices they have, the more independent they will be as time goes on.

Thanks for the tips...all of which would be impossible if I hadn't recently started medication as well. Last Friday afternoon (a bad time of day for Jake anyway), he had a meltdown at home with me and his father. I was able to remain calm, got him some caffeine (to ease the transition home from school), and get him to calm down for a productive conversation. My hubby was amazed at my transformation! In the past, I would have taken his anger and irritability personally, and we would have just "pinged" off each other. I couldn't believe the change in me!

I went to the ISS room between exams this morning, and Jake is calm, cheerful, sweet and productive. After his meltdown with the principal, he is completely over it and has finished several assignments. I must say, the principal (and whole school) is wonderful at helping us through this difficult time. They truly love and care for my son.

Thanks again for responding...I just needed to know I'm not alone.

We resisted medicating our #2 son through most of grammar school. In 5th grade we started doing the old, we sign that we saw the assignments, sign the assignments, the teach would sign that we signed the homework, then sign that we saw her sign, blah blah blah. That removed responsibility from him and in effect lowered the performance bar. By sophomore year, he'd been on ritalin, adderal, etc and hated them all.
He transfered to a technical school for awhile, but eventually stopped participating there as well. He gave a somewhat sincere effort to finish HS as a fifth year senior, but he couldn't handle the scrutiny and never finished. I eventually got him to take his GED, 98th percentile. The moderator/teachers were mortified at him for wasting his high education. He wouldn't even try to learn how to drive until he was almost 20 and that's only because I'd drag him out. Very few jobs because of the way he'd dress and act.
Son #3 came home for a year then left again with son #2, they moved to Las Vegas. Little by little, son #2 is having small successes and making stuning progress. He's highly gifted and scattered all over the universe. We're all ADD, myself, my husband and all 3 sons. #2 is AD/HD. He'd get aggressive from frustration and ritalin made him snakey and he hated it. He refused to take it and hasn't been on any meds since.
Son #3 was never a problem until we relocated to California and it messed him up completely. He was a sophomore. Junior year he acted out by tagging the new football stadium because he thought he was losing the starting QB position - and other things, but this is long already. He was eventually found out and called to the office. He had taken pictures of the grafitti and had the camera in his back pack. The teachers had a field day at his expense. 'I can't believe you'd be stupid to keep pictures...' He was totally mortified, was pressed by everyone and flipped out. He scared them all enough that the police were called. They also found a tiny little knife in the bottom of his pack so they took the opportunity to expell him - 0 tolerance.

Therapy, school board meetings, restitution, etc resulted in his being able to attend a BD HS for a semester then return to a different comprehensive school given he sign a contract, etc. Embarrassed?
OMG.
His first therapist diagnosed him as ODD, disthymic and adjustment disorder but he wasn't much help. We recently switched to a psychiatrist and a different therapist. He's being reevaluated for inattentive ADD with hyperfocus and bipolar II and delayed stress syndrome! Prozac is doing nothing but making him glum.

I've always considered my sons as people first, and I never received much guidance nor was I moderated - very independent and I've always resisted authority. Sons #1 and #2 belong to this current drop out nation and I can't help but feel that I've facilitated that. I'm an engineer and my husband has a college degree. He went to HS for thirteen weeks before they kicked him out. Luckily the marine corp straightened him out - sorta. LOL, and he got his GED and then did college after the corp. We both have a ferocious work ethic.

I didn't think we'd make it, but we're all getting 'better' and certainly a work in progress. So I totally understand and empathize with you. I sure don't have any answers except to hang in there and always try and figure out what's going on. The more opinions, the better and revisions and periodic reevaluations are truly important as well. Maybe you can get your son to participate actively in the analysis of his treatment options? I feel like this, this helps this, messes up this, etc.

Thanks for the tips...all of which would be impossible if I hadn't recently started medication as well. Last Friday afternoon (a bad time of day for Jake anyway), he had a meltdown at home with me and his father. I was able to remain calm, got him some caffeine (to ease the transition home from school), and get him to calm down for a productive conversation. My hubby was amazed at my transformation! In the past, I would have taken his anger and irritability personally, and we would have just "pinged" off each other. I couldn't believe the change in me!

I went to the ISS room between exams this morning, and Jake is calm, cheerful, sweet and productive. After his meltdown with the principal, he is completely over it and has finished several assignments. I must say, the principal (and whole school) is wonderful at helping us through this difficult time. They truly love and care for my son.

Thanks again for responding...I just needed to know I'm not alone.
Good luck to you

Therapeutic vents are one of the great things about the ADD Forums -- we all need to blow of a little steam safely and get some validation for how hard and frustrating this can all be sometimes. I'm glad the meds are helping you so much (I've had the same experience on Concerta). Hopefully they'll help you son as well. Also helping him find something he really loves to do and where he can shine and make friends is really important. Stimulation from life (in addition to from medication) is very helpful in any ADDers life and self concept.

Scattered

Putting him in a quiet room is not usually the best thing for an ADDer. Exercise, or even a walk is much better.

Is it possible to postpone some of his medical procedures until summer? Why would you schedule them during exam time at the end of the year? Sorry, about being direct.

For Jake, putting him in the ISS room removes the distractions of the other kids in the room, and they can allow him to listen to his IPOD in there (he can't in the classroom). With the IPOD on and a soda (also a no no in the classroom), he was much better able to focus. Generally, exercise/walking, etc is a good idea, and as he finished each assignment, he had the freedom to leave the ISS room to take it to various teachers. In the classroom, he didn't have that ability. I guess what I'm trying to say is that when he's in the office, they can accomodate him (IPOD, soda/coffee, etc) without it being a "big deal" with the other kids.

I posted in the parenting forum (I think) about how we went to a theme park to study for his French exam, and it worked great. Last night, we studied in the back yard for biology while he ran around playing with the dogs and throwing a ball against the back of the house. He would have never made it if I had asked him to sit while we worked. He got a 94 on the exam.

As far as the medical stuff goes, he played varsity baseball as a freshman, was preparing for a missions trip (lots of fundraisers, teambuilding, etc), and has a trip already planned for the end of the month. His surgery could not be put off due to health reasons, so we scheduled it the best we could between baseball and the missions trip. At the time, end of school/exams were scheduled for another week from now, but the school decided to let out a week or so early since we didn't use all of our snow days. The surgery had already been scheduled and couldn't be changed. So.....we did the best we could with what we had to work with.

Dear 'bbDuck1'

Your son must be quite an athelete! I'm glad he has that success to counteract the despair he is feeling right now. Hopefully he is receives positive reactions from his peers & family for being a Freshman on the Varsity squad! (So often we ADDer's feel like we are 'total losers'. I know, I have.)

Regarding the teacher's and principal's reaction to his negative conduct, I can only say 'Bravo'! Liking the child MORE than you Dislike his behavior,and acting accordingly is what is best for him right now.

I feel really good about your son's chances to turn his Behavior & Academic performance around with treatment because he has such an understanding Mother in you, as well as an ADD/Specialist MD, and with his teachers on board as they are now, he should do very well. Hopefully he'll find a Med that helps soon, and will come out of this difficult time with few, if any permanent scars to his self-esteem.

Your son sounds like an all around great kid! And bbDuckie...you get
'The ADD Mother's MVP Trophy' from me for the way you have handled this challenge. In years to come he will look back on this time with love & admiration for you. It would have been so easy to blame him and make him feel slow-witted, or stupid, as the majority of parents sadly end up doing. I can tell you really love your son, so I know he feels it too!

It's nice that you have the summer to try different meds and dosages if necessary, so he will be all set next September. Keep us posted as to his and your progress.

Sincerely; Addeline

PS...I guess I should say MVM Award. 'MOST VALUABLE MOM'
BTW; Where were you when I was a Freshman???