Thank God there are only a few weeks left in school. My son's teacher has basically given up on him/me...believing that it is not his ADHD but his "manipulative choices" that are causing his bad behavior. Yesterday they had a field trip for all the 2nd graders who met a reading goal every month since March and my son met it. Apparently he had trouble listening to directions and was being silly and distracting other kids first thing in the morning, so he was not allowed to go. The day before she put him and another student in the hallway to partner read and (surprise surprise, he is ADHD) he was fooling around and playing under a table, so she called him in and he could not settle down so he was sent to the office for the morning. We are in the process of getting him a 504 plan and unfortunately without that piece of paper she refuses to accomodate him any more than any other child. I have met with her at least once a month all year to discuss him and how to help him, but she wont acknowledge his disability. I believe she is angry with me for pushing for classroom accomodations for next year via the 504 so she is now taking it out on him. She is all about medicating him though (he is on 15mg Adderall and 25mg Zoloft and does well everywhere except her classroom) and wants me to keep increasing his meds until he is "under control". Ok, a little hypocracy here, it isnt the ADHD causing the problem but give him more drugs to fix it?? I dont think so. I give him consequences at home when he deserves them as he certainly isnt a saint and I am the first one to admit when he makes poor choices that are within his control but give the kid a break. AGGG it is so upsetting. Just needed to get that out to people who understand my frustration. Thanks.

What a JERK for a teacher! Have you spoke to the principal??

If he is on meds and well behaved in the other classes and at home ..... it may just be the teacher.

Hang in there!!!

Because the teacher is SO frustrated he/she may not realize he is being a bad teacher. He may be so stressed / mentally upset he is not thinking clearly. :faint:

It is so hard when all we want is a "fair situation" for our kids! :eek:

Thanks for your support! It is a hard line we walk as moms, I dont want the reputation of being the "B**ch Know it all Mom" that teachers dread seeing (especially since I am a teacher myself), but I have to fight for what my son deserves and should get!! Anyway, two weeks to summer and here is hoping for a better year in third grade!

It's funny how he only plays up in one class. It's probably just a personality clash, which hopefully will pass. Increasing he medication won't fix the problem..
If I have more medication than usual, I get quite hyper and mouthy!!! ( a bit like the unmedicated me LOL)

Since when are teachers, (who aren't also doctors), qualified to prescribe medication and decide on doses? This is the second case of that I've heard of.

maybe he not happy in that class have you asked him?????? teachers should not give drugs dorm

Hello All!


This is my first post on the forum. I was compelled to finally register and post because I relate so much to what you are going through. Our son (grade 2) was just diagnosed ADHD this year. Dealing with his school has been such a nightmare for us too. I'm just holding my breath for the last 3 weeks. We're now trying him on generic Ritalin. We were very apprehensive during his first week and wanted his teacher's observations etc. It was like pulling teeth to get her to acknowledge our request and her reply was curt and unhelpful.:mad: She can't get past demonizing everything he says & does.

Anyway, I have been reading this forum for awhile and am so thankful to have found it. I just wanted to lend support to how you are feeling and let you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

karen (that's nerak backwards:) )

Welcome to the forums, Karen!:)

My heart goes out to both families. Teachers can be the greatest ally or the worst obstacle you have in helping your kids. Hopefully next years teacher will be much better. More meds don't equal better behavior. There is a small window and too much just like too little is less effective.

Also stress can render med almost ineffective -- ADDers have poor streess intolerance according to Wender and others. Even as an adult, when I'm in a stressful, critical environment I look like I'm unmedicated.

Take care!
Scattered

I had to reply! I feel your pain. My son's teacher this year seemed like she just got tired of helping him about halfway through the year. Stopped helping him make sure he had his stuff, stopped filling out his day notes. I'm pretty much disgusted with the public school system....if only my military pay would let me afford a good private school. Hell, the DoDDs school system had it all over the
VA public school system. At least they got recess! I hope that your son's teacher is better next year, and that your 504 gets done soon. Amazing how much help a piece of paper can be.

Hi & my name is Caprice, I am from St. Louis, MO. My 9 year old is ADHD. I certainly can relate to the school issue & even as far back as daycare. My son has been told, on more than several occasions, he was not allowed back in the daycare. Unfortunately people lack patience & education about ADHD. Although, I have been frustrated, I have still addressed there concerns in addition had to put a plan in action in THEIR school on how we can modify my son's behavior. All of this on top of a family & a full time job. My suggestion is to stay involve, speak w/them continuously and stand firm but yet flexible. This is my general attitude toward everything & it works. Don't get down @ all. You are doing great! Always remember this, what my closest friend used to tell me, "Their issue, is not your issue". That has helped me in many ways. In addition, I pray alot due to this is my source of encouragement, direction & wisdom. I am not trying to preach, however, this is just an idea. Make it a great week all!

Well we survived the end of the year and my son and I both have our sanity in tact! :-) We are going to enjoy the summer and approach third grade with a new attitude. I am meeting with his new teachers including special area teachers (which seems to be an area where they have no clue how to deal with him) prior to the first day of school in September to set in motion his 504 plan and my expectations for good communication. We'll see where it leads us, but in the meantime we can relax and play!! Happy Summer!

We survived to the end of Grade 2 too! I'm still fuming at the comments on his report card though. It's apparent that the teacher did not understand ANYTHING we discussed about his ADHD & learning weaknesses. He's got identitifed (by a psychologist) written output disabilities and others.... so the teacher's critical of his lack of written output (huh?) and says he needs to challenge himself to perform better. OMG! He had just started on meds near the end of the school year & clearly needs help. [deep breath]. Anyway, we are going to enjoy our summer too & relax. I'm going to work through my anger & then let it go....

karen.

. . . We are in the process of getting him a 504 plan and unfortunately without that piece of paper she refuses to accomodate him any more than any other child. I have met with her at least once a month all year to discuss him and how to help him, but she wont acknowledge his disability. Have you contacted the Special Ed. department of your son's school? It is up to them to meet with you and the teacher to implement a 504 or an IEP.

whats 504 am iep???? dorm???

http://www.bigsplace.com/IEP504.html

For information about a 504 and an IEP.

I just found the Forum, and this is my first post here, but school is a major part of my frustration, too!

My son was diagnosed (both by the school's Child Study Team and a ped neurologist) with ADHD in 2nd grade. He was placed on Concerta but wasn't "classified." There were good and bad years, depending on the teacher. But when his 5th grade teacher e-mailed me that "things would have to change, because she didn't want to put him out of class," I drew the line and replied that I would be requesting an IEP for the ADHD. Principal called me and talked me into a 504 instead. He had a great 6th grade teacher, so no major issues. 7th grade (this past school year) was a NIGHTMARE! He failed honors math (but is recommended for 8th grade honors math, because it's not that he can't handle the material) and came close to failing 2 other core subjects. The school didn't even forward his 504 plan to the Jr. High School, so it was like starting from scratch.

We also just started with a new counselor (who came highly recommended for AD/HD and ODD). He doesn't think my son has ODD, but rather that his ADHD was mismanaged. He also strongly suggested that we get an educational evaluation. We've just finished one of the two-day sessions, but already the educational consultant said that my son is VERY bright (21 out of 21 in concept formation part of assessment), but that he has a "working memory" deficiency (which would have been causing him to forget to turn in homework, bring home books, etc.).

Other than just sharing frustration in dealing with the school, my real message is to be wary of the 504 plan. My general impression is that it's similar to an IEP, but without the teeth. Neither our new counselor or the educational consultant is a fan of 504s either. I'm sure that the school is not going to want to see me coming with the results of the educational evaluation. I'm tired of "playing nice," and advocating for my son's (and only my son's) best interests. I figure I've played by their rules all this time (at my son's expense), so how much worse can it get if I dig my heels in and be firm in what the school needs to do to help my child succeed at school?

Sorry for being so long-winded. Good luck with your son's school. Hope you're enjoying a nice "school-free" summer!

Welcome to the forums, Uptolatemom!:) Sounds like you've got someone more helpful in your corner now -- hopefully things will improve this coming year. No need to apologize -- this is what we're here for! And definately enjoy the summer off from school!


Take care,
Scattered

I know exactly what you went through in school. My son is going into 5th grade. He was diagnosed in 2 nd grade and had a great teacher, did well in school. Did well in 3rd grade. Don't get me wrong, we have been dealing with crazy temper and him not doing anything he is told. He gets disciplined for it. Yes he has a problem but has help to remember things, but when he is told to do something or stop something and he blatently says no, he has a control over that---anyway off the point---3rd grade, again, did well, enjoyed school. We moved last summer and he started 4th grade here. OH my god, the difference was unbelievable. I met with his teacher to let her know that he had ADHD and that we were trying out new meds. The first 2 weeks we had notes about his behavior and how something needed to be done. Continuously he had work missing, turned out she had marked it but not remembered(I kepp all work throught he year to avoid this). Continuosly through the year we had calls, notes, meetings. Even when he suddenly perked up and was doing great she called to complain that he would put his feet on the chair and that, although not a rule, it was her "pet peeve". I told her that I thought it ridiculous thta she complain about a petty matter like that. We had a meeting at home and set up a reward system to help motivate him at school. She would give him stickers daily for things and when he had so many different rewards were given, both home and school. She never brought the stickers in. So that didn't work. She was a new teacher(first year) and I just feel like they do not get training for kids that need that little extra. If they are not special needs children then they should function and obey like everyone else, but it doesn't work like that. My son does need a little extra help remembering to turn in the work he packed, or pack up books to take home, nothing that will affect her doing a good job, but she just couldn't stretch herself that far. I am hoping that he is better next year and has a teacher that understands what these kids need.
I know I kinda went on a ramble. I have posted on another board-to let you know my son is currently on no meds(AGHHH!!!)but goes back to doc on Friday to work out meds that work well for him. Tried 3. Concerta seems to be the one both he and I like but we are also dealing with some temper flares.

Anyway I hope that school is better next year and you also get an understanding teacher.

hi,
I have the same problem! My daughter is "manipulative" was what the teacher said ! she does not have ADHD either !I think that they think im a bad parent .
They obviously haveno understanding of ADHD .Because my daughter is very intelligent and is top of her class the teachers put her down to "knowing exactly what she is doing and so she is manipulative!"
I now just ignore their remarks - they are Teachers and not medical proffessionals !

Since when are teachers, (who aren't also doctors), qualified to prescribe medication and decide on doses? This is the second case of that I've heard of.
We are not!!!! I could be sued in Illinois! Document this-write down everything you remember.

I have been a parent going through similar things and am now a teacher. I understand what it is to feel put down my some (not all) teachers. I have 3 kids. 2 were no major trouble in school. Middle child-not major but the little things added up. Plus, they would not test her. I did not know my rights back then.

Funny how respected I was with my "good" kids, and how condescending some were when we had problems with #2. I work hard to treat all parents with dignity, although the ones who scream at me make it hard.

I am a 2nd career teacher and have ADD. And yes, some of the ADD kids drive me to distraction. However, I know how to work with them and can separate the ADD factors from non-ADD behavior. I believe the student, parents, teachers, and other school personel are a team of equals, working to help each child succeed in school.

I really struggled as a child and had some wicked teachers. It in 3rd, 6th, and High school that I experienced positive, caring supportive teachers.

As a parent, I often felt guilty. But now know it was not all me. I will take the blame for my mistakes though.

Since this is an area I am also researching, I am going to go through your posts and make a list of your concerns, teacher statements and reactions, and details about your childrens' struggles. Any more info you would like to email or pm me would be helpful. My goal is to do workshops for teachers on working positively with parents of all kids but especially the ones w/ADD and LD. I have to be careful and not voice my opinions about this to any other than like-minded teachers.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to make a plan for how you will work with the school. Writing it down and even practicing some of the scenarios will really help-I have to do it in many situations. Suggestions:

Stay tactful and kind-sort of like Kyra Sedgwick on The Closer on TNT
Be very positively assertive
Get the doc/counselors documentation on needed accomodations
Try to walk in the teacher's shoes-This can be hard
Tell the school you are an EQUAL partner here. :)
Come to the forum for support
Don't tell them (school) a teacher helped you. Please. Administration does not like that. Many Spec Ed teachers have warned me.

Keep in touch, there are teachers who care.
Working together to help all kids succeed!!!

We have a meeting on August 1st to discuss my son's needs and hopefully things will be set for third grade!

Do you ever feel that nothing will ever be easy?? I met with the CSE on August 1 regarding my son. I sent them a letter prior to this meeting indicating my requests for my son's 504 plan. I even had my "significant other" proof it and help me revise it so it was not angry or confrontational. We had the meeting and I left feeling good. We discussed everything in my letter (which included 2 testing modifications and several classroom modifications) and agreed to all but one of my requests. Finally things would start with my son being on an equal playing field with his classmates. Or so I thought until today, when I received the official copy of the 504 plan in the mail. The only items that are listed on it are the two test mods, NONE of the classroom or behavior mods are there and I am furious!!!!!:mad: I don't know if I mentioned this before or not, but I am not only the mother of a child with ADHD, but I am also a special education teacher with nine years of experience in this field, so I know what I am talking about when it comes to what my son needs. I have tried very hard to be patient and reasonable and not come off as the "thinks she knows it all mother/teacher" who the school dreads when she walks in the door, but I have about had it with this distict!! ( I do not teach in the same district as the one my son attends school in) So first thing Monday morning I will be calling the chairperson of special education services to see if she remembers being at the meeting I was at becasue the 504 plan does not reflect it. Then I must decide what direction to go...request another meeting or take it to the next level..............any advice/suggestions would be greatly appreciated at this point.

Write up minutes of the meeting that you had. List who was there and the date and time. Then make a bullet list of the things discussed and agreed to. Send them your meeting minutes and ask specifically why your classroom modifications were not included in the 504. If you don't like the answer, send it up the chain of command at the district.

BTW, what were the classroom accomodations that you were asking for?

Good news has arrived! I called the head of CSE and calmly discussed my concerns. She was apologetic and remembered the meeting and said she would investigate. Turns out that the psychologist had a 504 plan made up prior to our meeting and after the meeting did add what was discussed, but failed to delete the original. Due to that, the wrong 504 was mailed out. So now the correct one is being mailed to everyone and I expressed my thanks and relief that "the system" worked. My son will now receive:
*extended time for written assignments
*frequent movement breaks as needed
*flexible seating (including being allowed to stand or kneel at his desk)
*use of a stress ball
*a behavior plan to be determined by the teacher and myself

Finally I think we are ready to face yet another year. Thanks for the advice!

Another example of the consequences of a lack of attention to detail?

Glad to hear someone caught the error and the system is still healthy.

An important accomodation that we have requested for our child is that instructions be written in addition to verbal. Especially for multistep class activities.

Thank you, I had not thought of that one. It is nice to have this forum to share ideas, frustrations and happy news with!

I've already typed it all once so I won't do it again. Check out my entry on school expectations to read all about my horrid experiences with schools.