View Full Version : ADD & Romance


Tara
03-12-03, 10:26 PM
<table align="center" border="0" width="475"><tbody><tr> <td width="27%"> http://livingwithadd.com/addrom.jpg (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/087833209X/ref%3Dnosim/addforums-20) </td><td> This book offers a basic understanding of how ADD affects relationships. It's a good book for a spouse or partner of a person with ADD to read. It's also not a bad book for an adult newly diagnosed with ADD. (1998)</td> </tr> </tbody></table><center>
(http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/087833209X/ref%3Dnosim/livingwithadd-21)</center>

Andrew
03-12-03, 11:16 PM
Yep, I agree...good book for a spouse of an ADDer to read. Too bad I can't get mine interested enough to even ask about the book.

Energizer_Bunny
07-23-04, 05:04 PM
I am not even married or dating and I bought this book to prepare. But I am reading it right now and it is so helpful, even if you are not in a relationship. I did not know that ADD people were kinesthetic learners, which is someone who learns through body understandings. I guess that explains why I had to end up with a second degree sunburn before I finally figured out I needed to stay out of the sun, even thought my parents told me over and over.

Whether you want to learn about ADD and Romance or not, the book is full of valuable information.

I am also going to loan the book to a person who is not ADD because I believe the book can benefit couples who are not ADD. She is going through a divorce and I would hate to see her jump back into a relationship without thinking things through first.

Toaster
09-02-04, 01:15 AM
are we married to the same person?Yep, I agree...good book for a spouse of an ADDer to read. Too bad I can't get mine interested enough to even ask about the book.

Andrew
09-02-04, 08:22 AM
If we are, that would explain a whole lot! lol

crime_scene
09-02-04, 01:29 PM
As a non add person very interested in a guy who is ADD, I read this book. Wow was it helpful.

I'll tell you, it's because of the key info in that book that I can say he has become my best friend and we've been doing a long distance thing for more than 6 months.

I'd absolutely urge any non add partner/friend/spouse/etc. to READ THAT BOOK!!!

EYEFORGOT
09-03-04, 01:29 PM
Yep, I agree...good book for a spouse of an ADDer to read. Too bad I can't get mine interested enough to even ask about the book.
Well Big, I don't know much about your situation but can you buy it for your spouse with a romantic card and say....please read this... for me?

I'll have to do that with the hubby. He thinks I'm too hyperfocused on the ADD stuff (especially this forum) and .....he's right. I guess he figures I'll just tell him everything I know eventually so he can just keep doing the things he needs and wants to do.

Andrew
09-03-04, 02:14 PM
Chel,

Quite honestly, I've asked her to learn about it and read about it for some time now. I even founded a website that has loads of information on ADD (and other disorders) and she's visited it twice, while I was standing there. She never has read anything about ADD, and her attitude is "just take your meds, so you can fix what's wrong with you".

It is a HUGE issue at the moment.

jaimegerise
09-03-04, 02:37 PM
Ack Biggydoot....kick her in da pants!

and maybe shove a copy of this book in them too! :p

Big, do you think that your relationship would greatly improve if the "walls" of this dootness about her would break down?

crime_scene
09-03-04, 03:30 PM
Chel,

her attitude is "just take your meds, so you can fix what's wrong with you".


I'm REAAAALLLY sorry to hear that, BIG. that is just so awful.

uh...counselling? Separate then together, maybe?

I did that in another non add based relationship a few years back. The counsellor acted as a facilitator to get my partner to understand my perspective and the negative impact he was having on our relationship. He did come to understand it and we only broke up over other issues later.

paulbf
09-03-04, 05:22 PM
Hmm that's from someone at the Amen Clinic. You can read the first 10 pages on the amazon.com link above.

Toaster
09-04-04, 11:21 AM
actually i am in the identical situation as BIG. she wont learn about it and also she constantly brings it up, like" did you take your med today?" "maybe you should double your dose" anything that she can thing of that is abusive, she will. it seems she has no ability to empathize.

lilthingsADDup
09-04-04, 11:39 AM
Why don't you guys ditch em'?

Seriously, a partner denying and not understanding your disability is a bad sign of something deeper.

crime_scene
09-04-04, 12:23 PM
I kind of like to look at the good side first, though. What if the reason for the denial is that the person is afraid their "rock" isn't perfect, and that they have to change their expectations of their partner and maybe themselves too? Change like that could be very scary.

I"m not saying that makes it suddenly possible to live with someone in denial, cos maybe you can't, but maybe that could be a reason for it.

Ultimately, I guess you have to decide for your own situation whether you have made enough effort to feel good about yourself whichever direction you take.

jaimegerise
09-04-04, 04:35 PM
Why don't you guys ditch em'?

Seriously, a partner denying and not understanding your disability is a bad sign of something deeper.
Unfortunately, it's not always that easy...especially if you are married, have children together, have a life together.....and everything else about the relationship is fine.

But if it were me...and it was just a boyfriend who was being a doot, I'd give a time limit, and once it was up, if they didn't try to be cool about it and take interest...then they would lose MY interest :D

falling
09-06-04, 06:35 PM
Hi All - Its been sometime since someone posted to this thread but i wanted to let anyone who is reading this know that Romance & ADD is an excellent book and it really helps alot in understanding how to work inside a relationship. I would highly recommend it to anyone, especially those who do not have ADD and are dating someone with ADD. When times get tough or a situation occurs its a great reference to help bring you back down to earth and focus on what is important and how things might not be perfect but workable. I hope others take the time to read this book.

paulbf
09-06-04, 09:38 PM
What if I got it & gave to her to read first? Is that weird?

tina
09-06-04, 11:01 PM
My husband asks me all the time, when I have a moment, "did you take you meds today". It really makes me mad, because everything that I do wrong, or forget, is because I didn't take my meds. I maybe forget once a month...not that often. I tell him that I'm 28 years old, I don't need you telling me how to take my meds. He usually backs off.

falling
09-06-04, 11:49 PM
dear paulbf - its not weird for you to get it and give it to her first to read. i would just let her know that it is a gift that you are giving to help in yoru relationship. it shows that you want things to work out and that this will be something that you both can use. I hope that she does read it as it will really help.

crime_scene
09-07-04, 12:11 PM
dear paulbf - its not weird for you to get it and give it to her first to read. i would just let her know that it is a gift that you are giving to help in yoru relationship. it shows that you want things to work out and that this will be something that you both can use. I hope that she does read it as it will really help.
I'll second that. Go for it!

Kelly
09-07-04, 01:24 PM
I just bought this book this weekend - my husband's all up for reading it, but his attention span is about as short as mine is, heh. I'm marking sections that REALLY explain why I am the way I am.

Alexa
09-08-04, 12:23 PM
I just have to say that since my daughter and I both have been diagnosed I started ravaging book shelves and printed out at least 2 paper reams worth of info on ADD. Some was generalized, some regarding children, some specific to females, etc., But I have to say the BEST 15.00 I have ever spent was on this book!!! It is a pretty quick read and even though I will go back through it again numerous times I read it in about 12 hrs. I saw SO much of myself and my SO and I in it. I read him a certain portion of it last night that when I first read it it just hit me dead in the face. It was rather lengthy and when I was done he said:" That was probably better than what we would have gotten out of a least 2 counseling sessions".(I believe it was Ch 4 and the story about the guy taking on the ADD artist as a 'project') I finished it about 1:30 this morning and left it on the coffee table. I have no doubt that he's going to be doing some reading today. I totally agree that this book should be read by singles,couples who are dealing with ADD issues and even those who aren't! I've read many a realtionship/self help book but this was by far the best. Thank You for the continuance of bringing this book to the forefront.

biker
09-20-04, 02:00 PM
I have gotten the book and read about 1/2 of it. I think it has some really good points.
I just have some questions that maybe you guys can answer.
I am inattentive and I do see that even in that I am doing things to get my dopamine going. My wife thinks that because you can pay attention when you are really interested then your not interested because you are not paying attention. I know this book addresses it. I am hoping to get her to read it.

I guess my big question and concern is they say with meds and counseling things will be much better. I beleive I am better, but I have a long ways to go. Have any of you experienced being "well"? I right now do not see myself ever getting there and it is a little depressing.

Ian
09-20-04, 03:39 PM
Yes Jim I have been well, as you say. I was well in a big way for two years until the fall of 2003. Life fell apart when I failed to recognise the role the "coach" was playing in my life and stopped seeing her. Six months later I was suicidal wondering where the heck all the good news had gone!

Things have changed in many respects since then and I'm finding it difficult to claw my way back to a place where I feel "well" again, but I have tasted it strongly and remember it well enough to know that it must be possible to get back there.

It's a struggle though. Today I'm all sweaty and anxious about everything and nothing. I'll go do something constructive in the addition and see if I can't improve things before the girls get home.
ian

windchimes316
10-01-04, 02:02 PM
I don't know why it is so hard for people to understand. I have had the same response from family members. They say, you were smart in school, you weren't hyper, I do the same thing. No one takes me seriously, except other people that are either diagnosed or undiagnosed and absolutely convinced they have it too. I think there are many of us out there. I don't really think we should be labeled as disabled, but just different...like being left handed, vs. right handed. This is my first time at this site. Thanks