Okay here is a question for all of you parents.

My hubby and I are thinking about parenthood. And, well, I think he'd be ready to jump into it anytime. I, on the other hand am quite nervous about the whole situation. I am sure this is no surprise to those of you who have read my posts on the subject. :D

What I am looking for is your parenthood stories. The good ones and the bad ones.

- How did becoming a parent change you?
- What kind of things have happened (good or bad) that you did not expect?
- What kind of advice would you give to your children about parenthood?
- What do you wish your parents had told you?
- How do you think ADD affects you as a parent?
- MOMS: Did you experience the "baby blues" or worse?

I would like to hear from both dads and moms.

Thanks!
:)

All I have to say is... enjoy your freedom, money, sleep, and relaxation while you still can... :D :D :D

Having my daughter completely changed my way of being. My priorities completely shifted and I became a responsible adult (gasp!). I never thought I would love anyone so much - it has actually been quite overwhelming. It was a pretty stressful pregnancy (the father didn't want to stick around) so I don't think I'm the one to ask about baby blues. Strange thing is, I was blue during the pregnancy, but after I saw her... magic! I was completely in awe. I didn't bond with her immediately, like they say in novels... that took time. But I have loved her more than life itself since the moment I looked at her.

Having ADD has never really affected me as a parent until now. My girl is in Kindergarten and she's bringing homework home. I am utterly convinced that she has/will have ADD. She can't concentrate, she loses her books, she gets frustrated with the assignments... and I'm no better! I'm so frustrated/irritated that the book is lost and we are so unprepared that I have given up and tucked her into bed already. But at least I know that if she does have an attention problem, then I will be able to understand and offer her some guidance.

Go for it - no one's ever ready, but it's definitely worth it.

P.S. I'm due with my second daughter in March 2004 :)

Originally posted by ferrette1976
Okay here is a question for all of you parents.

- How did becoming a parent change you?
- What kind of things have happened (good or bad) that you did not expect?
- What kind of advice would you give to your children about parenthood?
- What do you wish your parents had told you?
- How do you think ADD affects you as a parent?
- MOMS: Did you experience the "baby blues" or worse?

Thanks!
:)

I can't compare or answer in a constructive way coz I was not diagnosed when I had kids and we didn't all get diagnosed until last year. What I can say is that you might be at a greater risk of developing Post Natal Depression. If you are going to do this you need to have support systems in place and a good doctor. Also, you will need to keep a close watch on your childs development and record all major incidents (eg - was expelled from day care at age 4, didn't talk until age 4 and a half) etc..

- How did becoming a parent change you?

I originally didn't want children. I feared my abusived childhood would repeat itself (Hence why I started counsiling in 7th grade, Secretly) My first husband begged me and I said yes. It was the best decision I ever made. I found out after my child I was born, that I wasn't like my parents and that I was a loving and caring individual. At times in my young life I wanted to kill myself, but after having children I found a purpose to living which aided in my counsiling and now I have no suicidal thoughts at all.

- What kind of things have happened (good or bad) that you did not expect?

I kinda answered this question with the privous question. What was bad was how disorganizing my mind was before children and how it increased with the childrens added hours of work and chores to my life. But I learned to be more organized. Before children my work desk would be a pile, now at work its clean and well organized. See you can learn.

- What kind of advice would you give to your children about parenthood?

That if you have issues of lack of organization, frustration, impatientness, um.. depression or anxiety that you need to at least get some counsiling or doctors help. You won't cure the problem but at least you can take steps to handle them. I guess the most important thing is take what you don't know as a learning opportunity. Don't panic, take a deep breath and ask for help if you need it. ( Ps, As a mom of teens, I'm available :D )

- What do you wish your parents had told you?

I wish my parents let me cook, help with bills, do my laundry, and other skills that are needed when you are an adult. I was clueless. Also I wish my parents taught me to deal with Anger and frustration in other ways than hitting, yelling (My Dad) or silence (My Mom)

- How do you think ADD affects you as a parent?

Good news: I have boundless energy, and am an amazing problem solver both key in raising children. I'm always curious and the fact I'm always in the moment, I appriciate all stages that my children in. (Never had I said, oh how I wish you were a baby)

Bad news: This is the times when you will discover not so great things about yourself: Do you swear? Do you rough house? Do you get distracted easily, frustrated easily, hyperfocus when the TV is on? Don't panic, take a deep breath, and learn how to alter or reduce your behavior.

Example: I hyperfocus when the TV is on. So when my baby was sleeping I would not watch TV I would do a a non hyperfocus thing such as reading, quilting, house cleaning... now everyone can hyperfocus to different things.

- MOMS: Did you experience the "baby blues" or worse?

I had the baby blues bad. I also have anxiety which makes me very sensitive to them. If you feel sad the day after your baby is born, tell the nurse, doctor, mother, father... anyone you can who cares and can help you. My mom had the blues and when I had it the second time with my son, I was able to talk to her about it. Awareness that the Blues can happen is the best thing. I had no idea what the Blues were so you can guess how upset I was that I was sad with the birth of my daughter! Again. Pause, take a deep breath and ask for help.

The best advice is that you need to be positive about learning for parenting is done on-the-job. Be patient with yourself.

Ps. sorry this is so long.

Ahhh parenthood,
I love it! I had a great pregnancy inspite of a rough relationship with the father. A very tough labor, I did it all natrually, and don't regret it.
I have been in constant awe as this child grows, (just turned 8).
Parenthood gave me direction, and a little too much, but I do it my way. Clearing a path as I go.
It changed me the most because I owe my son my life. Which means to me that I must do everything to the bestof my abilities to prepare him for the rest of his life. Wow quite an obligation!

Good stuff that happened....
He taught me patience.
I get to watch the world through his eyes.
He brings out the best in me. Because I want to bring out the best in him.

Advise I'd like my child to utilize..
Ways to effectivly communicate.
The differences between the sexes, brainwise, so he doesn't go into romance as blind as I did.
to embrace his uniqueness (he does)
The golden rule..and,....introspectivness.

I am not sure what advise I would give my child about parenthood,
except to wait!
The rest I hope that i will have installed .
The importance of teaching/taking the time to take them to music lessons or allowing them to make some messes, like taking apart unwanted electronics, help them to take in all they can or want when that learning window is open.

And most of all.
The truth of the resposibility..You owe your child the best life.


I wish my parents had told me... the difference phycologically between the sexes.
I wish they had told me they loved me and how special and important I was to them.

ADD affects parenthood
I am disorganized, and have a unruly brain. I needed to learn to shut down and go to bed. My brain doesn't turn off! Still working on that one. You need lots more sleep, especially when nursing
I am able to be more creative, therefor I can think out of the box and I have more possibilities of relating my child. And soothing.
And getting my way. I guess i mean; creative solutions help keep us from having power struggles.

I had no baby blues. I am, was very lucky.

My best advice to you is to cut your own path for what will bring out the best in your baby/child.

Janine

Parenthood really has changed my life. I was never sure I wanted to be a parent ... the responsibilities sounded too awesome. But I fell in love with my kids, and they have enriched my life in many ways. Now I can't imagine life without them.

I did have the baby blues. I'm prone to depression anyway, and I got very depressed and anxious and overwhelmed, especially after my 2nd child was born. Later, when I got the ADD dx, I realized how much that had to do with it! I didn't have very good coping skills, but I had gotten by until having kids made my life more complicated. Knowing about your ADD going into parenthood would be much better, I think. ;)

Yes, it does affect your parenting, too. I have difficulty being consistent sometimes, especially if I'm trying to hyperfocus on something else. I'm still struggling with the anger I feel when I get interrupted (which happens constantly). The demands of small children are overwhelming sometimes. But I'm trying to just treasure this time while it lasts, and not stress over all the other things I'm not getting done.

OTOH, I think of many fun, creative ways to interact with the kids. Since I never really grew up, I'm really enjoying our time together. I'm trying to show them that life and learning are fun, and I'm trying to teach them to value their differences. Ideally, I'd be helping them learn to focus, too .... we're sort of working on that together. :D

What I wish my parents had told me... I don't know... I'm convinced they were both ADD-inattentive, but they had no idea. If they had been able to teach me organizational/life skills, that would have helped me a great deal.

I think having kids has made me a better person. And having at least one kid who takes after me is giving me some incentive to get my life under control. He's going to need to learn life strategies, which means I need to learn some too... ;)