I'm sure many others here have more circuitous stories leading to an eventual dx of ADD, but mine has been damn frustrating. In the past three years, I've been on all kinds of anti-depressants when the pdoc thought I had Unipolar Depression. Nothing worked, and a couple made things worse. Then she got the idea from a more in-depth discussion with me that it might be Bipolar that featured Dysphoric Hypomania (which could have explained the infrequent, low-level mania I sometimes experience). So it was on to the anti-seizure meds (Lamictal, then Depakote) used for Bipolar. Nothing worked, but I did get to "enjoy" the "thrill" of getting a rash from Lamictal that didn't go away for weeks. Meanwhile, I've been getting virtually no work done (I work from home as a writer) and the bills have been piling up. To say my credit is destroyed after this years-long odyssey is a major understatement.

So now it seems that the proper diagnosis is ADD with co-morbid Depression. I've been taking Dexedrine for three weeks or so, and I can definitely tell that it's helping my mind quiet down and focus. It also appears to be diminishing my depression symptoms, but as with many mental afflictions and the meds we use to treat them, it's probably impossible to say definitively if the medicine has any effect on the underlying imbalance causing the depression, or if I'm just feeling uplifted because my mind can focus better. I guess time will tell. I like not having to take long naps every day, and it's been a nice departure to go weeks now without a day of feeling like it's all pointless.

I lay out all these details because ultimately I have a question for the forum members who've been diagnosed with ADD for a lot longer and know their way around better than a newbie like me. The Dexedrine is keeping me alert and more mentally focused, but I cannot seem to locate my motivation to get the work done. I feel stuck, if that makes any sense. It's not writer's block, which I've dealt with several times in my career. Writer's block is fundamentally different and has more to do with the machinations of the craft, not motivation. This problem seems to lie totally in an inability to get started. Has anyone else experienced a similar state early in their use of stimulant meds? Perhaps this is a temporary condition and not unusual? Finally, can anyone recommend anything to get things flowing again? I can tell that, once I get off the dime here, the words will flow and I'll be able to stay focused. Thanks for the help, and thanks to those who started this forum for a wonderful resource.

Regards,
John

John,

Yes, a long circuitous path to an ADHD dx is not uncommon.

As to getting motivated. Do you find yourself locking in to something other than task at hand? Or just can't seem to get started on anything now? Before meds were you easily able get going on a singular task that interested you becoming almost oblivious to your environment?

Many ADHDers hyperfocus - get intensely focused on one thing. If you answered "yes" to the first and third question, it could that the dexedrine is making the "overfocus" worse. Just to clarify further, are you easily focusing on some low priority fun thing while neglecting something more important? That is classic ADHD hyperfocus. The worsened overfocus should lessen with time but may be an ongoing problem.

If you are unable to focus on anything now, talk to your doctor about aggressively treating the depression. I'll tell you, depression will kill my focus just as fast as good ol uncomplicated ADHD. Sometimes Dex exascerbates extant depression is a small percentage of users.

Being under-medicated is another possibility to explore with doc. Sounds nuts, I know, but under-medicated ADHD can be worse than unmedicated ADHD.

Let's talk more about the titration phase of stimulant meds. Most of us experience a tad of euphoria during initialization. I got over that pretty quickly, I can't remember exactly but no more than a week or two. A little "buzz" makes anyone feel better. It is why people nip on alcoholic beverages every now and then. Nothing wrong with it as long as it doesn't become addictive. When meds produce the "high" they can send a false signal that they are working on what ails us. Like the song says, "aint necessarily so." The "buzz factor" should not be a factor after three weeks. But I got to tell you, it wouldn't surprise to see another post proving me dead wrong. We are so unique as is our response to meds.

Stimulant meds can "correct" depression if the depression is a reaction to ADHD. That was me. I reacted to ADHD with depression. "Oh crap, just screwed up again" - got depressed. Meds gave me a much greater sense of control over my life, less screw ups, less depression. But if the depression is an entity of its own, comorbid with ADHD, stimulants are a damn poor treatment course because they only way to maintain their anti-depression efficacy is non-stop doseage escalation.

You are well aware from experience of just how complex all this brain stuff is. To add insult to injury, whether your doc admits it or not, trial and error is the only method that works. The first trial is initiated on a well educated guess by doc based years of education, experience and your symptom description list. Subsequent trials are based (or at least should be) on your response. Your feedback to doc is fundamental to the process.

Keep at it. I can't say "I've beat ADHD." Freddy Kruger is my personification of ADHD. Every now and then Freddy gets loose on me. Nevertheless, I'm making good progress with meds and behavioral modifications. You can expect no less. Hell, maybe better.

Best regards,
Bob

Hi John welcome to the forums. I hope you find helpful info/support here.

I've sent you a private message but basically said: I've had similar issues with feeling "stuck". Currently experiencing it around moving. My issues existed before I tried meds, so they haven't created my problem. That feeling of being stuck is what finally pushed me to seek treatment.

Some ADD books/articles/websites talk about problems with "activation" or "executive functions." Thomas E. Brown in his book "Attention Deficit Disorder" (2005) pgs 23-24, ""All my life I've had trouble getting started on my work when I have to work by myself. ... when I'm in my office and I've got paperwork to do, I just can't get myself started." Like this attorney, many individuals with ADD syndrome chronically delay starting tasks until they are face-to-face with the immediate pressure of a final deadline. ... They have a significant, chronic problem with cognitive activation."

My psychologist noted that part of what was contributing to my being stuck on my projects was some emotional baggage (i.e. negative self talk etc.) I'd attached to them. I avoided the project to avoid the baggage, which creates a viscious cycle. I don't know if there is something similar happening with you and your feeling of being "stuck". Maybe it helps to know that you're not the only one, and also if you can figure out if there's something else contributing to you're being unable to work that it can help you to break through.

Since we sometimes need that "hard" deadline it can help to have someone hold you accountable - set a "preliminary" deadline with them and agree to have a certain amount of work done (be realistic) by that date. Also, I've found it's easier to *know* about strategies than it has been for me to use them so far, but I'm working on it.

I don't know if this helps at all, but I hope it does.
Peace, ~~bythesea

P.S. You need to give meds a little time and evaluate how you're feeling, how they seem to be working or not working, but if you feel the current meds are not helping you might consider talking to your doctor about trying something else. Finding the right med(s) and dose(s) can take some time, and it can be frustrating and tough to be patient while you're in the trial and error phase.

Hey, thanks Bob and Bythesea! I appreciate the encouragement. It's been a couple of weeks since I posted this and I'm happy to report that the combo of Dexedrine (for ADD) and Wellbutrin (for Depression) seems to be working pretty well. At least I'm writing again, which is a huge relief, since we all gotta have an income (well, at least those of us not living off a trust fund).

Thanks again!
John

I'm gllad to hear that you have found some improvement. :)


ME :D