Hi, all- This is a slightly differnet version of my previous post ("5.5 y/o inability to play alone")..trying hard to get some input here so thanks for bearing with me.

Our 5.5 y/o son is severely ADHD and is medicated as best we can right now. He is creative, bright and wonderful except when his behavior is maddening.

He finds computer games and TV the most wonderful things on earth.

We try to limit his total sceen time/day to 1.5-2 hours but he has great difficulty playing alone unless he's on computer/TV.

We've got lots for him to do - he likes to build and draw and all of that-but- he continually needs to show us what he's done, gets frustrated, etc...He's not yet reading enough to curl up with a good mystery.

He's an only child. We have two terrific goldens who like him but have grown wary of his intentions (see my previous posts for gory details). We get his ADHD, his need for stimulation as well as close supervision. We don't want to leave him alone to fend for himself (okay, on bad days we do..)- we just want another 20 minutes /day without having to be right with him.

Sometimes it feels as though we are way too drained too early in the day.

He's on a behavioral plan with point sytem, we reward him for playing semi-quietly alone for 5 or 10 minutes, we have read and studied about everything we can on behavior management-we're all in therapy...I mean, we got lots of things in place.

We do go out to parks, playgrounds, playdates and all. He's in morning camp all summer (all there is that we can afford).

The problem is when he's *here*- back home as an only child with severe ADHD and parents who are too often very near the end of their rope.

questions:

How much screen time do you allow your ADD kids (and how old are they)?

What else do your ADD kids do on their own to entertain themselves for 10-15 minutes?

Thanks for listening.

Amy

1.5-2 hours is a lot, but not THAT much. I know plenty of parents that put TV's in their kids rooms. One issue is video games. Our MD really really dislikes fast paced video games. He really thinks that it affects their behavior. He feels that once they adjust to the fast pace of the video game it makes it difficult for them to adjust to the normal pace of the real world.

I have two kids and could only imagine how hard it would be to only have one child. We have issues with the kids fighting, but we have the benefits of them being each other's play partner.

It is very hard with an ADHD only child. Our kids are 4 1/2 years apart and it was very draining. I know I let my daughter watch too many videos and spend too long on the computer video games, because I was desperate for a break. The problem was that in her case the more she watched the worse her behavior was when she wasn't watching. The amount you've set doesn't seem outrageous to me (as long as it isn't making his behaviors worse at other times) -- you have to survive too. It's a lot easier since my daughter is eight now and loves to read and has a little sister to play with.

You know I think it depended a lot too on what my daughter was watching or playing. Video games tended to be too exciting and caused problem behavior. Movies with story lines or too much action were problems too. She did very well with children's music sing along videos (IE: Kidssongs) and nature videos. She became a veritable walking encyclopedia of nature facts. The music and nature didn't seem to hype her up or send her imagination into overdrive.


Hang in there!
Scattered

Thanks so much for the reassuring feedback. Thus far, he doesn't have a gameboy or such, and we try to have him play only age-appropriate software ...What he watches or plays doesn't seem to impact his behavior much- trying to get him to *stop* is a whole different problem.

He is generally an aggressive/super-reactive kid who needs constant stimulation *unless* he's hyper-focused on the screen...It's perversely refreshing to hear we're not the only ones to desperately need a break from their high-maintainence kid(s).

Thank you.

Is there nothing else that he becomes focused on for long periods of time? My daughter would watch TV all day if we let her. However, she will draw for long periods of time. She also likes to set up little "environments" in her room for her stuffed animals or dolls.

I agree it is much more draining dealing with an ADHD kid than a Non-ADHD kid.

Rarely and without warning he will draw for fairly long stretches. He will also sometimes build with legos for 10-15 minutes at a time, though lately he has
not had the focus/patience to stay with much (except screen time)for more than 3 minutes.

We are in the process of addressing his sleep disorder...his tiredness worsens all of the ADHD symptoms and somedays we are convinced he's not at all medicated...We hope that better sleep will help lessen his reactivity and general ADHD-ness.

Amazing how his symptoms run the house, our lives. And we're allegedly pretty much on top of things and doing the right things most of the time.... yikes.

Anyone else out there with an ADHD only child?

I do think his inability to play alone is worsened by his "only-ness" but there are no more children coming to this family. We can barely handle this one..I have no idea how you parents with more than one-(ADHD or not)- can do it!

Take care,
Amy

I just read your post here and the previous one about playing alone... I could have written them myself! I am a mom of a 5.5 year old son with ADHD. He is an only child and incredibly high maintenance. I am a sahm and my dh travels all the time. I am usually awakened early in the a.m. and as soon as my feet hit the floor, I hear "mommy, play with me". I know my son wants to play with me all the time because I represent structure, predictability and security to him --- I provide the framework in which he functions best, just as you do for your son. Without sibs to interact with, I am his "safe" person with whom he can learn boundaries, practice social skills and play without stress. My dh is great with my son and takes him places to do things/be entertained, but won't just sit and play with him at home. The result is that I am "on" all the time. I am struggling with burnout, so I know what you mean about the intensity of parenting an only child with ADHD.

I, too, try to keep TV to 1 hour a day --- only videos that I have seen and approved. If I am at the end of my rope, I allow my son more time. Since my dh is only home on weekends, it sometimes comes down to a choice between an additional hour of TV and my sanity. I think my son likes TV so much because it is no stress and one-dimensional --- he is not expected to react to, examine or organize the experience --- only receive it...and this makes me cringe all the more that he picks it over virtually anything else.

I, too,think my son will be an avid reader --- like your son, he is almost there, but not quite reading. There are two wonderful things that I have found that capture his attention for a half hour! The first --- books on tape. I started him with disney storybooks that have 4 stories on a CD and a well done, colorful book with it (they are pretty easily found --- the CD is in a clear window on the outside front cover of the book). These books challenge an almost-reader to use the pictures, sight words and context to know when to turn the page. I moved on to books on CD without an accompanying book. It took a little time for my son to get used to it, but he has enjoyed them very much. I started these early, and I really think they helped my son develop his auditory skills, which test in the superior range.

The other favorite thing we have is a Leap Pad. They are expensive, but so worth it. They cultivate all kinds of learning skills and are very well done and appealing to children. They don't get outgrown, because new books and cartridges are available for various ages. My son has literally worn out two Leap Pads, and at one point I even wrote the company thinking there was a problem because we were replacing batteries every 5 days! This toy is so worth the money, because the books have real age appropriate educational value. I usually buy at age level or a grade or two ahead. It is really thrilling to see my son master concepts in the older age books, as he plays with them. Although this is electronic, it is interactivein a way much different from computer or video games. It necessitates following directions, careful listening and learning concepts.

Hope this helps. I really do empathize --- I love my son dearly, but sometimes I just need a break.

Can you tell me some more things please. Is it that he loses focus and jumps from project to project, as is pretty typical with AD/HD children? Or, is that he doesn't actually know "how" to play with typical toys that require some imagination (not an AD/HD issue)?

Also, what do you mean by constantly needing stimulation? As in just always being bored, and wanting to do things (typical AD/HD), or is he doing self stimulating behavior constantly as in rocking, hanging upside down, spinning?

I saw in your other post that he is in social skills classes. Is this just for typical AD/HD social issues, being hyperactive, impulsive, etc? Or does he have some significant social problems?

The reason I'm asking is because I have a child that sounds much like yours. Was exactly the same as you described, at that age. He's always believed to just have AD/HD, and was diagnosed as such until recently. He has never played with toys unless they have a specific purpose, as in blocks, air hockey, golf, cards, some board games. Anything beyond that, he doesn't play with them. I always though it was because he was so hyper, but he's not so much hyper anymore and still won't play with these things. We've come to realize it's because he doesn't know how. He lacks the imagination to play with things that don't have a specific purpose. Unless the toys can be mimicked by real life experience, like cars, sports, etc, he doesn't know what to do with them.

He also seeks constant stimulation, but goes beyond the typical AD/HD stuff, and rocks sometimes, hangs upside down, chews on clothing, etc.
He is social, or at least tries to be, but doesn't know how to interact with kids his own age. If they are playing sports, or tag, then he can participate. If they try to do other things beyond that, he just doesn't know how to play, and he instantly tries to wrestle, which never ends well.

I'm telling you all of this because my son is now believed to have Aspergers. Almost all children with Aspergers will fit the diagnostic criteria for AD/HD, but they have many other things going on with them as well. There were just a lot of things that you said in your post that reminded me so much of my son that I wanted to throw it out there to you. I hesitate to ever mention the possibility to parents, because sometimes when you know about a disorder you can see it everywhere, in everyone. But you seem to be really struggling, and there are so many similarities there, that I thought I would just mention it, as something that maybe you might read up on some. Just to see if it fits your child "if" the things I mentioned above seem to be beyond the typical AD/HD quirks.

To answer your original question:p . I don't really limit t.v., but my kids are really good about doing lots of other things. To me, that is what is important, that it isn't their focus. If it were to become their focus, and all they wanted to do, then I would limit it, and use it as a reward for good behavior:)

The reason your child wants to play with video games is because it can be at the same pace or even require creative avanues to be challenged to get success. It's like a golden that doesn't get tired. The world you live in is at a different pace than your childs. That is why you get tired. Think of things that have the same opportunity at the video games without having a screen. It has to be a challenge and require creative thinking. It has to keep going for atleast the amount of time you want a break for and have praise for success at the end. You can add the values thing to it as it relates to your family's value system.

X-Man ;)
Hi, all- This is a slightly differnet version of my previous post ("5.5 y/o inability to play alone")..trying hard to get some input here so thanks for bearing with me.

Our 5.5 y/o son is severely ADHD and is medicated as best we can right now. He is creative, bright and wonderful except when his behavior is maddening.

He finds computer games and TV the most wonderful things on earth.

We try to limit his total sceen time/day to 1.5-2 hours but he has great difficulty playing alone unless he's on computer/TV.

We've got lots for him to do - he likes to build and draw and all of that-but- he continually needs to show us what he's done, gets frustrated, etc...He's not yet reading enough to curl up with a good mystery.

He's an only child. We have two terrific goldens who like him but have grown wary of his intentions (see my previous posts for gory details). We get his ADHD, his need for stimulation as well as close supervision. We don't want to leave him alone to fend for himself (okay, on bad days we do..)- we just want another 20 minutes /day without having to be right with him.

Sometimes it feels as though we are way too drained too early in the day.

He's on a behavioral plan with point sytem, we reward him for playing semi-quietly alone for 5 or 10 minutes, we have read and studied about everything we can on behavior management-we're all in therapy...I mean, we got lots of things in place.

We do go out to parks, playgrounds, playdates and all. He's in morning camp all summer (all there is that we can afford).

The problem is when he's *here*- back home as an only child with severe ADHD and parents who are too often very near the end of their rope.

questions:

How much screen time do you allow your ADD kids (and how old are they)?

What else do your ADD kids do on their own to entertain themselves for 10-15 minutes?

Thanks for listening.

Amy

I too limit screen time to 1 - 2 hours per day, but am trying to reduce it further. I admit to using the TV when he is manic and the medication hasn't kicked in yet. 20 minutes in front of Tom and Jerry usually keeps him in one place until he is 'medicated'. I have too other children (older) and they argue all the time especially when he is more hyperactive. Each of them have issues and they find it extremely difficult to play together, without adult supervision.

We all have to do what we can to get through the day, and if it means a short spell in front of the TV, so you can cook a meal, so be it. I am fortunate that my 7 year old enjoys messing around in Word documents on the PC, usually changing all the settings. May be fortunate is the wrong word when i have to sort it out.

It's great to read that you have a behavior program set up!

I have a couple ideas for you :)

I'm not a parent, but in my line of work I have dealt with this issue before (behavior therapy).
It's important for a child to be able to play independently while a parent needs to get things done. It helps their independent skills grow, as well. At some point they need to learn to entertain themselves.

The first thing that came to mind was . .

Do you use a timer?

I've found that a timer either works great or is horrible. I've done it where I explain to the child that when the timer beeps/dings, that's when you ask mom or dad to check out the accomplished activities.
If a child tries to elicit attention before the timer goes off, we either ignore the attempt or (only 1 time) tell him/her that if he/she wants reinforcement he/she has to wait for the beep to talk.

I've also worked with several children who stim on the timer (I work with kids who have autism), so rather than using a timer I set out a specific number of activities the child needs to finish before eliciting attention.

It's also important that the child has already learned the activities you want to keep him busy with, so he has no reason to ask for help.

Here's what I've done with a few children:

- Set up a specific area for independent activities, usually with a desk and floor space
- Get a timer
- set out a specific number of activities (that can fill a specific amount of time)
- each activity has it's own small storage box
- tell the child to find mom/dad when the timer beeps/dings
- practice with the timer, so child knows what to expect
- slowly build up time (or number of activities)

- - sometimes rather than using a timer (some of the kids I worked with stimmed on the timer) I set out 5 boxes of activities, when the child finished all 5 activities then he needed to find mom/dad
(each box had 1-2 items in it, example box 1: 1 puzzle, box 2: 1 coloring page + crayons, box 3: 1 matching worksheet + pencil or crayon, box 4: popsicle sticks + glue)

Activities I've used:
Playdoh & cookie cutters (or other playdoh toys)
Puzzles
Popsicle sticks (+ glue)
wikki sticks
preschool/kindergarten worksheets
Clay
Plaster molds (trains, planes, shapes) + paint
string beads
Pop beads
Shape sorter
Grow foam shapes/objects
blocks
legos
Mr/Ms Potato Head
Fake snow (+ shovel, etc)
Matching
Sequencing cards
Gears
Lacing Cards
Coloring pages
Hammer/nail & screwdriver/screw toy set
Read Aloud & follow along w/ Book stories
Sketch pad
Lotto Games (Use to for matching rather than actual lotto/bingo)
http://www.superduperinc.com/L_Pages/lot100.htm
Sound Lotto
- this is a neat game and can keep child busy for a bit of time!
- find it here: (or they're pretty easy to make)
http://www.superduperinc.com/L_Pages/ll10171.htm


Oriental Trading is a great catalog to find cheap crafts/activities
http://www.orientaltrading.com/

http://www.superduperinc.com
is a super place to find a HUGE variety of toys, activities, etc. (LOL)

A cool TV/Game activity kids I work with also love: (once they master using the remote - they're easy games to play)
Leap Letter Factory
Leap Talking Words Factory


Best wishes!

Courtney