Hi!

I posted my story in the Introduction Section, but will post again. I need all the support I can get! My 16 year-old son who has well above average IQ, gifted musically and athletically, has ADHD. He was diagnosed at age 10. He is non-compliant with medication this summer, but is willing to go back on the Focalin when school starts. We have had trouble in the past with stealing small objects from a friend and a local business, malicious mischief, poor grades, irritability, driving too fast resulting in 3 traffic citations, and experimentation with alcohol. Last night/this morning I was talking with the police and paramedics until 5:30 a.m. after finding out that my son snuck out of the house and went to a party with a female friend who was driving under the influence. My child admitted to drinking a "swig or two", but it has been my experience as a mental health professional that a "swig or two" is usually three or four "swigs." I can't tell you the amount of guilt that I have not only as a mom, but as a well-educated behavioral health professional. I will admit that I have not always been as consistent as I should have been, but there is the "battle fatigue." I do try to keep communication lines open and set reasonable limits. I did intervene this morning and made sure that three of the kids at this party where no parents were present received medical attention. They were so drunk and in danger of ETOH poisoning.

Sorry this is so long and rambling, but I am exhausted!!! What do I do now???

loulou:confused: :confused: :confused:

Non-compliant with medications? Have you tried asking him if a person who wears glasses does not need to see when school is out?
Just tossing ideas out here, you sound so frustrated! My child wanted to drop her Concerta dosage for the summer with the rationale that she did not need to focus as hard as when she was in school :rolleyes:, but after several days in constant trouble for uncontrolled impulses, she put herself back on her proper dosing.

Of course you have battle fatigue, we ADDers are nothing if not frustrating to live with. My house is just filled with ADD and ND people though.

Has everybody in the home been screened for ADHD?

I don't know what to tell you other than I feel for you.

I think I would take the car away though. No meds, no driving.

loulou,

I agree as well that no car for him if he cant go by your rules as well.Sneaking out is just a big no no,i would say.What is his reasoning to not wanting the meds this summer?I know that children just get fed up with all the meds as i have a little girl whom is gonna be 9 whom is already giving me issues with the meds but it has got to give somewhere.Does he not relieze from the sounds of it that with meds it is less of the acting out?I am sorry and hope i do not mean to sound as if im coming off too out spoken just my point of view on this as i am ADD as well and did a lot of this as a child and now do i ever regret it.I felt terrible when i started having children and thought of all the awful things i put my mother through as a minor.I would like to wish you the best of luck and please feel free to vent anytime.

Good point Lipz! If it will help any, LouLou, feel free to tell this young man that upon finding my proper dose of Concerta I announced to my psydoc that I am astonished I have not hurt or killed anybody in my 40 years before meds.

There are help associations. Talk to your doctor. Talk to everyone you can in your town/city. Sounds like you both need attention. I hear you loud and clear. Good luck.

Thank you, thank you, everyone!!! No, you are not too outspoken for me! I prefer people who just "give it to me straight!!":D :D :D I will speak to his doctor about the "no meds, no driving." It doesn't help matters that my husband and I do not see eye to eye on this issue. I have scheduled a counseling session for my son, but husband does not think it is necessary. I have to do SOMETHING!!

So far as having everyone checked for ADHD, I haven't, but I have Major Depression which is in full remission. I am being treated with medication and cognitive behavioral psychotherapy. I do know that children born to mothers with a major mood disorder are at greater risk for developing ADHD as well as a major mood disorder.

My husband thinks I just want to "label" things! No, I really hate labels, and only see them as necessary to understand an issue and deal with it!:soapbox: :soapbox:

My husband thinks I just want to "label" things! No, I really hate labels, and only see them as necessary to understand an issue and deal with it!:soapbox: :soapbox::eyebrow: Try asking your DH if the term "gravity" is a label, and if you stop calling it "gravity" will he then float away?

I feel for ya, I really do, its such a frustrating position to be in! I remember asking my own hubby about therapy, against cries of protest about "Telling my problems to a stranger" :rolleyes: and when I explained that I would not consult a plumber for an electrical problem he argued back "Well how do you know that? Some plumbers might know something about electrical work!" :faint:

Hello,

I just wanted to let you know that things will get better. Your son sounds just like me when I was his age. You sound just like my mom. I know I was a real pain in the *** for her. One good thing though, now that I am older and 'all grown up' she is so PROUD of me. She went through a lot with me, but, her being a great mom, and her standing by me at times that no one else did is what got me through it all.
My step-dad thought counseling was a bad idea too. I think sometimes men tend to view counseling as being "for crazy people". In all reality, it takes a person who cares about their life to go to counseling. It takes a special kind of person to be able to open up and admit things like we do when we are in counseling.
Anyway, I don't have the answers on parenting, I am not a parent, I can't tell you how to make your shoes feel better on your feet if I haven't worn them, but, I can promise you that things will get better. Your son will get more cozy in his brain as he gets older and his hormones calm down a little. I would definitely urge him to take his meds, at that age they are really essential.
P.S.-here is a virtual hug! :)

It is just really hard to be a parent of an ADHD kid. Be carefull with the car. A kid can do a lot of irreperable damage to himself and others. Zero tolerance with the car and drinking, that is for sure.

A seventeen year old just died in my area. Driving the parents brand new Mercedes back from a party (alone) slid into a tree at a high rate of speed. Blood alcohol 0.18. The tree hit the drivers door. The kid died at the scene. Even a quality vehicle like a Mercedes can't always save you.