My son wasnt diagnosed until he was 15. He was previously thought to have a learning disability but that was all. When he was finally diagnosed, he was sent to a psychiatrist for therapy and put on different medications. The medications kept causing side effects he couldn't tolerate or they just didn't work. The Psychiatrists turned out to either not help or they left the practice and we would have to start over. The school has not helped. They wanted to put him in special classes and my son refused. However, he just flunked 11th grade and is taking summer school. I have gone through all of the typical problems with his behavior, lack of focus, procrastination, losing things, homework problems, etc. He is now 17 and will be 18 in December. He and his stepfather do not get along. His stepfather is practically the opposite of him. I have tried to explain his problem to his stepfather but he listens and tries to understand for about a week and then it all goes backwards. His stepfather is a very organized man and a perfectionist. He thinks my son is just lazy and deceptive and wants him to move out as soon as he is 18. My son's father has been in and out of the picture for the past 6 years. He has not always been there for my son and he would probably have been a big help to him since he himself is also ADD. Anyway, I am stuck in the middle trying to understand my son, trying to understand my husband and not feeling like I'm getting anywhere. My son has been making some really bad choices over the past year and has been involved with drugs and lying. He seems to be trying to clean up his act but I just feel so frustrated as to how to help him. He is a musician and very talented but gets extremely bored w/school. I can't do homeschooling because I work fulltime and help take care of my sick mother. I am so stressed out about all of this and am afraid I am losing my son. I have tried so many things to help him but I can't help but feel that his relationship with his stepfather has really harmed our whole family interraction. I don't know what to do with it. My husband is not a totally unreasonable man but he does not understand ADD and has very little compassion for him. He thinks that what he does is intentional and sometimes it feels that way to me too. I really need help. Any advice?:confused:

If there is any way possible that you can get your husband to go into some sort of parent training where he can be educated on your son and the best ways to deal with him, that would probably help a lot.

If he won't do that then find some good articles and see if he will read them.

The person that diagnosed your son, are they really experienced in childhood disorders? The list of things you said here, just had me wondering. Learning disabled, all the ADHD symptoms-yet bad response to medication, gifted musician....those can point to other disorders as well. I don't want to say you have the wrong diagnosis because I'm not a doctor, this is the Internet, dont' know you, your son, etc, just have a paragraph of information. But, when someone has all bad reactions to ADHD meds, or no reaction at all (as my son has as well), it can be a red flag that either the diagnosis is wrong, or you have the right diagnosis, but there are other disorders with it that don't respond well to stimulant meds. It doesn't mean this is the case. Sometimes it's just a wrong med, wrong dosage type thing, but I did want to throw it out there as something to think about if you really feel like you aren't getting anywhere.

I'm sorry you are struggling so much. I hope things get better soon!

A good book on ADHD to gain a better understanding of the problems and treatment options is Russell Barkley's Taking Charge of ADHD. I agree with ladym that getting the diagnosis rechecked might be a good idea. I'm sorry things are so difficult right now -- it is especially hard if you feel you have to deal with your partner's skepticism as well as your child's problems. I hope you can find a good therapist or doctor to work with you on figuring out the be approach for all this. Have you checked to see if there are any parent support groups dealing with these issues in your area (ie: CHADD, ADDA, etc)?

Take gentle care,
Scattered

Thank you for your feedback. I have tried to educate my husband w/different reading materials but like I said, it works for a short time but always seems to revert back.
I tried speaking w/my son again this weekend and basically he is not interested in getting any help. He feels he doesn't have a problem.
It may be something else but we had him tested for a number of things and they came up w/ADD and OCD. Primarily, he has O.C.D. that affects his thoughts only. He obsesses on certain thoughts and can't shut them off. The Prozac helps a lot w/that though. Different medicines might have worked in time but he was not cooperative and just hated the way he felt on them. I've never been really big on taking drugs so that probably contributed to my decision not to push it harder.
I feel at this point that I need to just back off and when my son struggles enough with it, maybe then he will ask for help. Hopefully, once he moves in w/his biological father, maybe that will give us all a little space and time to heal from all of the raw emotions. I think the saddest thing is that we went for so long without knowing what was wrong. If it had been caught sooner, maybe it would have produced better results. I have resolved to just try to maintain a good relationship w/my son and keep the communication lines open. And pray a lot! Thank you again.

There has been some reported very good success in treating OCD behaviorally. It involves not only the normal behavoral approaches but replacing the urge with a positive alternative. They've found in a study in southern California (I forget which univeristy) that there are actual difference seen in the brain after this approach is used. There is a new book on it that I'm planning to get but I can't remember the name at the moment, but if you'll PM me I'll try to let you know the name of it. An example of how it works would be the obsession comes and instead of dwelling on the obsession or acting on it one goes and does a positive alternative -- exercising, getting together with a good friend, doing something for someone else (this one seemed to be especially helpful). John Ratey also discusses this in his book Shadow Syndromes in the chapter on "The Hidden Epidemic". Ratey also discusses in his book how exercise is so helpful for both ADD, OCD, and related depression and such. I'm very ADD and a little OCD and before meds exercise was one of the biggest factors in helping me stay on track. I think music, spiritual growth, and certainly a supportive family were also big factors there.

I hope thing settle down and improve for you and your son.

Scattered