Hi all...
First off I am new to the forums but not to ADHD. I am 35 years old and have been DX for about 3 years now. I am not working at this time but did from the age of 13 to the age of 34 with many ups and downs. But I want to talk about me being ADHD and a stepmom to a 16 year old boy who has aspergers and possibly ADHD as well. This is a very strange and tough situation. He is only with my husband and I during the summer and Christmas so it is not a constant thing. This summer is very different than all of the others because he came by himself this time. (He has a 17 year old sister who is brillant. She just took the SAT'S and got a 3070 out of 3200.) Anyway, since he is here by himself, all of the attention is on him which is somewhat easier....but....he demands more of my attention which is driving me insane. I don't know how much you all know about aspergers, but one of the aspects is that the person with it tends to ask questions....constantly!!!! And to the ADDer, it can be a huge challenge to deal with. My husband is going to be out of town for 4 days next week so it will just be me and "A". I am somewhat dreading it. I am afraid that I will lose it. I get very frustrated with the questions and the constant demand for my attention. (hence the main reason I don't have kids of my own.) So I guess I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions keeping in mind my "son" has aspergers. I am sorry if this seems disjointed in any way. Sometimes I have trouble putting down on "paper" what I am thinking in my mind. :confused:

Hmmm, perhaps you could buy him a book....a very very very long book? There was actually a series of books by a Russian guy whose name escapes my memory that were called "Tell me Why" or something similar to that, which basically answered all the questions that people might have like "Why is the sky blue?"

Alternatively, if he's never seen it before, just park him in front of a computer and set it on http://www.straightdope.com

Welcome racing thoughts..

it's totally weird, I also have ADHD and a step-son of 16 with Aspergers and a 17yo step-daughter..

I hear you!!!!

Tracy,

Wow...what a small world! Any strategies you have on how you deal with it would be welcomed. I would love to talk to you more about your experiences with your stepson too.

I have a 9 yr old son who's initial diagnosis was ADHD, then was thought to have Bipolar (although I never really agreed with that one), and now, 3 doctors later, they think he may have Aspergers. We are waiting for some more testing first before getting a final diagnosis.

Anyway, I get the constant questions too, and he is so extremely attention seeking, good attention, bad attention, it makes no difference to him.
I'm not sure where your sons functioning level is at, but if he can do lots of different things, then I suggest keeping him busy during your 4 days alone. Talk with him and see if there is something he would like to do that maybe you two could do together. If you two are out having fun together, there is a better chance of it not being so emotionally exhausting for you. Go fishing, golfing, anything you two could do that you would enjoy together (if possible).

If you can't go out, then maybe some good books, rent some movies, rent some video games, just something to occupy his mind a bit.

Good luck :)

I am ADHD and son and DH are aspergers and adhd.

They get very interested in things(overfocus) so find an interest and have him do it.

Or better yet, time to get a part-time job? Possible?

My husband has Asperger's and likes to be alone and do things alone, so here are just some suggestions from what I've read:

All Aspie's have at least one intense interest. What is your step son's? Can he stay busy doing activities (reading, building, organizing) around his interest?

He doesn't understand that you're not interested in the same things as him. But Aspie's respond well to blunt truth, so you can say, "I'm not interested in that," if he's bugging you with his personal obsession. You may need to tell him a few times. But I'm sure you're happy he has certain likes, so tell him that, if you're being honest.


Is there a non-profit autism group in your area? They may have activites for teens during the summer, too.

Tracy,

Wow...what a small world! Any strategies you have on how you deal with it would be welcomed. I would love to talk to you more about your experiences with your stepson too.I am sorry, I forgot to get back to this post :p
I am not dealing at all well with the SS right now. Generally he is quite easy to have around. He always does as he is told, when he is told, and he never shows anger...that in itself is not a good thing at all though. He is only mildly (IMO) affected though..

He has lived with me for 10 years...
I am hopeless at strategies..I just send him to his room, or cut off his net account. Often I used to send him to his room, and forget I had done that, and wondered hours later where he was, and there he would be, sitting on his bed, for all that time:o
One agreement we did make a while ago (becasue he frustrates me so much sometimes) is if I am totally losing the plot with him, and ranting and raving (like I can) he can say to me
"Mum, can we talk about this tomorrow please?" and that is my cue to shut up, and calm down..

funnily enough, we haven't got that far again..so I don't know what will happen if he tries it :p I figured the next day, I can be more rational and calm...

he is a compulsive liar too...and he will lie to get out of trouble, as all kids do, but he can do it to the point, if i don't know the truth myself, I can't even tell if he is lying or not. :(

He is trying to correct that though, so I must give him credit for telling the truth each time I have asked him something these past few months:p

I am sorry I took so long to reply

Hi...I guess it's too much to hope for that he'd have a cousin or two in your town that he could hang out with? You know, take them to the Movie store and let them rent everything. You say he is 16...does this mean that he bugs you to let him drive? That could be a problem if he disrespects your authority.

I think the website mentioned by Hyperion is a very good idea. When he asks you a wierd question ask him to go find out and let you know the answer. Not nearly as frustrating as you having to know the answer.

I suppose I'm giving my 'old lady-ish' age away when I suggest that he put a model airplane or car together, or that the two of you play cards or chess?

My favorite ideas were the two from Hyperion. Actually reading a 'spell binding' Long Book is something i'd really enjoy this summer!

Good Luck and enjoy him now for next summer he'll be 17...and I'm not sure I've ever met a 17y/o that I could really stand to be around! LOL!!!

Addeline

hi all....thanks for all the replies. i am so glad to meet others with aspergers kids and family members in their lives. i never have and it is a big ol lonely place not knowing how to deal with it sometimes. we are on our second day alone together and so far we have had good times and frustrating times. we do well together when we go out and do things he enjoys. he is very much into DDR (dance dance revolution) so i have taken him to do that twice already and have also taken him to buy some new air nikes which he just thinks are the coolest because they were the most expensive shoes in the store (or so he thought...they were really on sale 20.00 less than the sticker price heehee) at home it is much more difficult. he woke me up to tell me there was a cat in our front yard. i guess it was very strange to him or very important to him??? not sure really. but i said thanks for waking me up to tell me about a cat in our yard. I felt bad afterwards though and told him it was ok when he apologised for it. he is a genuinely sweet caring kid but just bugs the crap out of me with constant questions he already knows the answer to. is this part of your loved ones aspergers?? would love to hear back from some of you on this.

I am sorry, I forgot to get back to this post :p

no worries tracy. i am just now getting back on here to reply to some of the posts as well. :rolleyes:

hi addeline...

he is a good boy who minds me and my authority. he just bugs me too no end sometimes and with my adhd and severly short attention span and short amount of patience, he can be very taxing. his favourite thing to do is play a game called DDR at the arcade. i don't mind taking him even though it is a bit boring for me. but he gets good excercise from it and it keeps him occupied for a couple of hours. thanks for all the suggestions from everyone. i guess i was really trying to find advice on how i should best handle him/the situation within myself....but i just think keeping him busy is the best solution.

now this is kind of off the subject, but still has to do with aspergers. i wonder if those of you who have kids or spouses with aspergers can tell me how it has been for them to find girlfriends/boyfriends and jobs and do you know if aspies can get disability if they are unable to get jobs if their condition is more extreme. i am so worried about his future and how and if he will be able to provide for himself. he desperately wants a girlfriend but i am just not sure how others see him. he is a good looking kid but he does have some problems with his speech and it is obvious to others that he is different though most have no idea what it is. anyway sorry for rambling on and on...i probably lost most of you a long time ago lol no offense :)

My SS is a sweet caring kid too...he is also the most frustrating...LOL..

He is only mildly affected...and he thinks there is nothing wrong with him. I hate to burst his bubble, so I don't give him any allowance at all..if he wants to think he is *normal* then I will treat him as if he is *normal* (gee I sound heartless! LOL)
He gets exactly the same treatment as the other kids, same jobs, same punishments, same pocketmoney, same school, etc etc...

There was one other thing I did to stop the incessant question asking that works really well...He was only about 7 or 8...

He used to ask every morning "Is it going to rain today?" I tried everything..

..watch the weather
..take him to look in the sky
..explain about summer/winter etc

One day a friend suggested reversing the question to "what do you think?"
the next morning, I was ready for it
"is it going to rain today?"

so I said
"what do *you* think?"
and he looked up at the sky, thought for a sec, and said "no"!!
He never asked that again!!

So when he asked stupid things..I'd just say
"what do you think?" and he'd answer it himself..
Now-a-days he hardly bothers to ask LOL

If he gets obsessed by something, we make a point not to go along with it, as it gets worse and worse. He bio-mum feeds his obsessions, which is a right pain..so she used call daily to talk about bikes etc, just so she can talk to him, and he'll bother talking back....
We ended up getting a silent number and she is not allowed it...

sigh....kids...sigh...LOL

now this is kind of off the subject, but still has to do with aspergers. i wonder if those of you who have kids or spouses with aspergers can tell me how it has been for them to find girlfriends/boyfriends and jobs and do you know if aspies can get disability if they are unable to get jobs if their condition is more extreme. i am so worried about his future and how and if he will be able to provide for himself. he desperately wants a girlfriend but i am just not sure how others see him. he is a good looking kid but he does have some problems with his speech and it is obvious to others that he is different though most have no idea what it is. anyway sorry for rambling on and on...i probably lost most of you a long time ago lol no offense :)
Hi Racing Thoughts

I'm new here as well as of tonight. And I was going through your posts my son has a step-mother i would think is going through the samething. LOL.. I'm begining to think my ex has aspergers as well they act to much a like. We were in theraphy with my son a few weeks ago. And i just had enough I told my ex it was like dealing with two 19 years. You get to the point your the one that has to be alone or your have a melt down.

But I can understand your thoughts about worry about his future I've been going though the samething here lately. I have a ex that has fight me on this all the way. His way of dealing with my son's aspergers is by running a way from it. Did you know I found out a few weeks ago that a news report came out saying that 7 out of 10 father leave the family because they can't handle it. I was shocked! I guess my Ex was one of them. : ) I've been handling my son on my own now for 7 years. Believe me it has not been easy. I'm the one doing all the work. My Ex even had my daughter turn aginst me and my son we're just now talking to each other this past Christmas. { it's late I'm trying to spell} But I can't even push my son out the door, I'm like you I want him to have friends and a girlfriend a good job and so on. I'm trying to get him enrolled in Woodroll Wilson center here in Va. So they can teach him to find a job/training and to live on his own. Cause he not listen to mom right now.

i wonder if those of you who have kids or spouses with aspergers can tell me how it has been for them to find girlfriends/boyfriends and jobs and do you know if aspies can get disability if they are unable to get jobs if their condition is more extreme. i am so worried about his future and how and if he will be able to provide for himself.Racing Thoughts,

You might get an bit of idea in answer to your earlier question by taking a look at Temple Grandin's book, Thinking in Pictures. She has mild autism and it's both a biography and a good source of info on things Aspie.

Scattered

I suffer ADHD and SID and I lived with my step-grandfather for 6 years and he has suspected Aspergers, I guess it's the other way for me..

maybe we are just drawn to each other us adhders and aspies lol

what is SID?

I have asperger's disorder myself and I am the same way to my mom. I ask her a lot of questions myself. I guess it's something that has to be dealt with. i'm sorry I can't provide more information as this is all I know. Sorry.

netsavvy,

do the meds help at all?
do you get upset if your mom ignores you or tells you she is busy etc?
just curious.

hey RT..how are you? how's things?
my step-son decided to live with his bio mother when he turned 16, becasue she said he was fine, and could work in the real world..and he has been fired from EVERY JOB..sigh..and his self esteem took a huge tumble


hugs
xx

netsavvy,



do the meds help at all?Yes, the meds do help but are not a cure and not the best way to deal with things. Try to find something that works but is natual k? Of course, Speak with a doctor first...


do you get upset if your mom ignores you or tells you she is busy etc?



just curious.I don't get upset, just a little annoyed because sometimes if I don't tell her then and there I'll forget and then she'll never know what I wanted to tell her.

SID stands for Sensory Integration Disorder. Basically it means you are either hypo- or hyper- sensitive to something of either the 5 scences...

SID is Sensory Integration Dysfunction otherwise known as Sensory Processing Disorder and it can co-exist with ADD, ADHD and Autistic Spectrum Disorder but it can also occur with Bipolar Disorder Intellectual Impairment, Cerebral Palsy and on it's own.

It's a neurological condition where a person has difficulty processing sensory stimulation as quickly as other people, some people with SID can't stand certain clothes material such as rayon because of the feel of it etc etc, there are several websites that can tell you more about the condition

Some of the sites are

www.sifocus.com (http://www.sifocus.com)

www.sinetwork.com (http://www.sinetwork.com)

www.siforums.com (http://www.siforums.com)

www.sensory-processing-disorder.com (http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com) this is the BEST site on SID

www.sensoryresources.com (http://www.sensoryresources.com)

I hope this helps explain SID

Take Care
Selena:D




maybe we are just drawn to each other us adhders and aspies lol

what is SID?

I think I have some SID in the visual (eyes) aspect which could help explain my panic attacks. I notice that Risperdal helps with that...

well I'm new here, but I was finally diagnosed with asbergers, at the age of 26... 27 now. living all my life with this, now I'm gotten to understand what it's all about. best example I can give you on this question, is to keep your son busy? does he like the computer? ( I do and use it 16 hours day) I would either try to focus on what he enjoys. if he likes playing video games, playstation, etc take him to the video game store or ask him what kind of games he would like (simulation, military game, etc) or whatever and get 2-3 games, you would be suprised of how glued he may be, and how good he is at video games.( Like me :0)) keep him busy for hours and days. If he likes all kinds of different stuff (and can do multi tasking) get him a laptop/computer/ with dsl, or high speed internet, and add the links of youtube, some computer games available, ETC, not sure if hes the same as me, but I'm clued to computer games,youtube and other related stuff. Keep him alone if possible, other people near him may get him anxious. in my opinion utilizing youtube can help with social skills too. also he may be interested in web design and most people with asbergers who have computer knowledge is a fast web design expert too. (not all, but I sure am)