This happens to me a lot! As an example: I'm a nanny and the other day my boss asked me to stay a little longer and he EITHER asked me to finish up the dishes OR to watch the children while he finished up the dishes....(he was walking away from me while he was talking so the words just kind of ran together).

So any normal person would have asked him to repeat himself but NOT ME. My ADD brain is so used to feeling rushed to respond before it's even processed the question that I just said "okay" and waited to see if something in his next action would help me figure out which one he meant!
I find this also when someone explains something to me. They will say "You know what I mean?" and I often say "uh-hum" before I know if I understand! Especially when it's just a conversation in a social situation and someone is explaining a problem with a coworker...it's not really the kind of thing you want to respond to with " Just a sec....let me ponder that for a minute" cuz that would just make me seem kinda dumb right when really I'm very bright!

This slow processing really bugs my sister. She always thinks I'm not listening to her...trouble is I am but I'm still thinking of ways to help with her first problem when she is halfway through the next one!!! Oy!

Yeah, I'm the same way. There's a big difference between hearing what you said and knowing what you said.

I am exactly the same way. It's like a subconscious function that I've developed out of habit. My subconscious mind tends to pick up on the patterns of speech (pauses, tones, etc.) while my conscious mind is on something else. There are positive an negative consequences to this habit; positive meaning that people usually think I'm truely listening to them, though I don't really comprehend what he or she has to say. I believe we do the same thing with reading (scanning the words with our eyes subconsciously while the conscious mind is elsewhere).

What HF said! I do it too, all the time, and actually warned my family of that tendency after my DX. Now they ask "Ya sure about that?" and call me on it from time to time.

Now to get this point across to my kid :rolleyes:....she is just full of "I KNOW!!" before anybody finishes talking to her.

I do this All the time! It's really annoying.
It often gets me into trouble at school, for example, if a teacher says something like "Are you trying to be smart with me?" I'll nod and say "yeh" Then I realised what the teacher has actually said and then im in trouble.

Or when someone asks me something like "Do you wanna stay behind with me to catch up" or "Do you wanna go round so and so's house because I'll be bored on my own" and I just say yeh before they finish then I realise that im just gonna be bored out of my mind and I can't go back on what ive said.

lol im annoyed about it now because I really cant help doing it. Is there anyway I cant stop it?

I do this all the time too! Then I feel like a REAL idiot during times when I have to say "Actually, I'm not sure, can you say that again?" Because there are times when I do have to ask them to repeat themselves after I already said I understood. I usually try to rephrase it so it seem like I'm just reiterating what they said to make sure I understood, rather than let on that I didn't really listen.

all the time:rolleyes:

I also often do not understand what is being said and just nod in agreement. sometimes it works and I actually figure out what the person said/meant a minute later and other times....well, other times it doesn't work at all and by that time (especially in work) I can become totally lost.

LOL! I do this all the time and it ticks by boyfriend off to no end. When it happens, he thinks I am bored with the conversation and I am just placating him by nodding yes.

At work, I sell customized software, so I communicate with computer programmers. One in particular can go on and on with intricate technical details, of which, I have no clue what he is talking about, so I nod yes...can't stop myself. The trouble is, I nod yes when he asks me something like, "have you come across this before?" and then later he asks me to explain...uhh snagged! Our technical director knows I do this, so he will explain something over and over until he sees a sign that I get it...LOL. He constantly says, "in other words"...what a good boss...has tons of patience. I just sell the software and don't really need to know all the technical details, but they are proud of what they create, so I try to listen...LOL.

Now to get this point across to my kid :rolleyes:....she is just full of "I KNOW!!" before anybody finishes talking to her.


One could look at that in both a good and bad way. From my experience, appearing not to be listening is quite embarassing, and if I can figure out what was said in the end (through filling in the gaps in my mind), the outcome tends to be more positive. But that's from someone who spent a childhood uttering "What?" more than other responses indicating comprehension.

One could look at that in both a good and bad way. From my experience, appearing not to be listening is quite embarassing, and if I can figure out what was said in the end (through filling in the gaps in my mind), the outcome tends to be more positive. But that's from someone who spent a childhood uttering "What?" more than other responses indicating comprehension.I will take that into consideration HF :) It just may be she is actually figuring it out in the end, but her actions indicate to me that she is not...and that's coming from someone who spent a childhood uttering "I KNOW!" before people were finished talking to me, in the situation where people = parents most times :o. The other thing, well, yes I did actually figure things out by the end quite often and I suppose she does too. None of her friends have complained yet, at least none that I know of.

I did alot of this nodding today. We are looking to buy a smaller car and the dealers lost me after the first couple of sentences. Thank goodness for my dh otherwise I'd be driving who knows what.

I guess I'll try again. Guess I wasn't fast enough. I chuckled when I started reading this. I do this a lot. Try to catch myself now but it's not easy.:eek:

I usually try to rephrase it so it seem like I'm just reiterating what they said to make sure I understood, rather than let on that I didn't really listen.

This is the method I employ myself. I used to answer questions before the person was finished asking but I have been able to pretty well break myself of this habit. I quit feeling stupid because I took a minute to process what was said as I have noticed most people without ADD do exactly that. They give themselves time to process what is being said, then answer. The repeating back directions is actually encouraged in my profession for good reason(perhaps due to the amount of ADDers in the medical profession-lol).

I never knew people could actually think before speaking until I started medication! I thought that was an urban legend! :rolleyes:

I try to think before speaking now, I do a better job of it and it's definitely helping my social skills! :D

I get asked if I have hearing problems because I ask "what?" so often. :o

This is one of my greatest problems/challenges. For me I think it's tied into my self-esteem in many ways. I feel as though asking for the person to repeat themselves or slow down makes me look incompetent. I suppose I lack the necessary confidence in these scenarios- 90% of which occur in the office. If a friend is explaining something, even something hard to grasp, I'll always ask them to slow down or help me understand it in a different way. In the working world I struggle with setting the ego/shame aside and really getting to the bottom of what is expected of me (or what the task entails, etc).

I feel as though asking for the person to repeat themselves or slow down makes me look incompetent.

I don’t feel incompetent, I just had this problem less than 15 minutes ago when Gary’s brother was trying to give me some product code with numbers and letters over a cell phone no less. I asked him to slow down a minute as I was having problems understanding the “p” from the “b” from a horse’s hinny.

What does he do he adds words to the already confusing mix – like “betty” , “David” “alpha” with Gary yammering some thing off in the back ground.

I handed the phone to Gary and told him;
You figure it out as apparently your brother speaks the same foreign language you do and comprehends slow it down about as well.

What part of “can you speak more slowly please” does ones get speak same speed and add crap to it? :mad:

I don’t feel stupid I have processing problems both auditory and visual that are part of my dyslexia. It isn’t my fault these guys are not educated about my learning disorder nor is it my fault they can’t follow the simple instructions I gave to facilitate communication. :rolleyes:




I'll always ask them to slow down or help me understand it in a different way. In the working world I struggle with setting the ego/shame aside and really getting to the bottom of what is expected of me (or what the task entails, etc).

It is the opposite for me. Work I have no problems I simple ask the person to allow me to repeat the instructions back to make sure I understand. I also write every thing down. I never go any where without paper and pen.

I had a doctor begin spouting off orders I said to her “hang on let me write it down”

She looked at me in an odd way I simply told her “You do want your instructions followed do you not? This is the best solution I know of because if I don’t write down what you say it just aint going to happen because I will have forgotten half of it before you get to your car”

That was the end of that odd look department. She even allowed me to repeat her instructions back. Had the odd side effect of allowing time for her to think of a better way to accomplish one of the task. I smiled because this system works for every one not just those of us with ADD!

Btw- I did not mention my ADD or dyslexia I simple stated the truth=I will forget half of what is said in less than five minutes.

I need do accommodations due to my ADD and dyslexia; however I have learned the best way to get them is to accommodate myself. Most do not mind once they see that I am interested in doing my job to the best of my ability = done right the first time. All I did was let the doctor know what she had to say was worth remembering. When it came time for the patient to have the procedure sure enough every thing was done as the doctor had requested. My writing of her instructions doubled as a list that I checked off each item as it was completed.

P.S.=I have just enough narcissist “w”itch to not feel bad about it! :eek:

What part of “can you speak more slowly please” does ones get speak same speed and add crap to it? :mad::o Now I feel pretty crummy, Tammy. I may be going OT but...the kid and I have the hyperspeech component here, and well, before meds we thought we sounded pretty dumb when we slowed down. Waaaaaaaaay toooooooo slooooooow, almost as though we were mocking the person asking us to go slower.

Whoopsie! I think we did add crap to it when asked to slow down too :o.

Crazy (who never meant to offend anybody or be so hard to understand)

He he he, yet another perfect description of something I've experienced my entire life, yet didn't realize what it was until recently. Like others, I asked people to repeat themselves when I was younger, which only served to get me singled out for hearing tests. Of course, they dropped it after they realized I had perfect hearing, and didn't look further into what the real issue was.

And so I developed the coping mechanism of acknowledging-before-understanding. It reminds me of Memento, where the main character thinks a client is faking a memory disorder, because the guy seems to recognize him each time they meet, whereas he should be forgotten within minutes. What he realizes (all too late, of course) is that when you live with a condition like that, you learn to fake it really well - to the point of doing it subconsciously. :P

In the working world I struggle with setting the ego/shame aside and really getting to the bottom of what is expected of me (or what the task entails, etc).
Ugh! The worst is when people are too huffy to accept your questioning. Like meadd823 said - you do want your instructions followed, right? Well, my boss can't grasp this concept. He once assigned me a rather involved task, wanted it done in a bass-ackwards way, and spoke in vagueries on top of that. Looking back on it, I'm pretty sure he didn't even know what he wanted me to do.

So I ask some questions on specifics, humbling myself so that I could complete his task, and he treats me like an idiot! He asks "what's the problem?" and proceeds to explain it again in the same, infuriating manner. As if that wasn't enough, I heard later that he had talked to my manager about the incident and referred to me as a "bumbling idiot." The only thing that kept me from walking out the door when I heard that was the fact that my manager defended my engineering skills and argued that what the boss tried to have me do was not my job. So the moral of the story is, my boss is more forgiving for jobs done wrong or not at all than he is for asking questions. :(