Hi there,

I am 39 year old male, father to a 7 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. Since Jan 2004 when my (then) wife left home, I have been the primary caregiver, and have since investigated and through a theapists diagnosis confirmed what I have been suspecting for the last several years. My son is ADHD with some underlying learning disabilities. he is very injtelligent averaging A's and B's at school for grade 1, but is extremely disruptive and a huge draw on teacher resources. I find he is very cyclic...he will be great, attentive and joyful, only to be followed by a downswing with the typical behavoiral issues. Anyway, my new girlfriend and I have been trying holistic methods to try and stabilize and treat the causes and/or symptoms. We have done an elimination diet, removing all wheat, gluetan products, he has been on a product called Efalex and EFA supplement, I am combining that with a product called AD/FX which is a ginesing and ginko product that actually helps repair the neurological pathways.

At any rate I have read, researched and implemented some dietary change and introduced some supplements. Their mother is now on a 50/50 shared parenting schedule with me , but I am hitting a brick wall with her maintaing my son's nutritional and supplemental inputs when he is with her for the week. She feels that unless it is joint decision , then she will have nothjing to do with it. My reply is that it's not about me, it's about our son, #2, these are all natural supplements, not medication, #3, at least I am striving to, and willing to try different methods or combination of things that may work, or they may not, but I am determined to give it a try. All I am asking her to do is maintain the consistency, because it will fail if he has it one week and not the other...thease things are long term. She is fighting me tooth and nail, because I haven't had her approval, and she didn't approve of the diet chsange before either and said I was waisting my time. You know what it didn't have alot of effect on him, but at least I tried.

I am going to continue with my part and just hope she comes around....it's turning into a power struggle over who is authorized as a parent to initiate these changes. Her response all along is " you can't make me give my son something I don't agree with" and that's true.

I am a wits end......

Welcome to the forums, Squidward! An ADHD child and a seperated family who disagree on treatment is a very tough combination. Perhaps if you found a doctor or therapist you and your ex could talk with together a joint plan could be agreed upon.

One word of caution -- the cyclic nature of things is not particularly an ADD trait. Attentiveness and such with ADHD tend to be related to interest level. If the cyclic nature of things involves mood swings too I would encourage you to discuss it with your doctor to be sure bipolar issues aren't involved (especially if any bipolar tendencies run in your ex wife or your family)-- ADHD and bipolar in children can look very similar or both be present.

An excellent book you might find valuable is Taking Charge of ADHD by Russell Barkley. It gives a good understanding of ADHD and explores treatment options both medical and non medical. If you have trouble finding it, it can be ordered through www.addwarehouse.com (http://www.addwarehouse.com) or www.specialneeds.com (http://www.specialneeds.com).

Take care!
Scattered

I am also divorced mother of a 13-year-old son, and we have 50/50 also. I am the one that makes sure he is taken care of also. First, I want to commend you on your being so involved in your children's care, finding answers and seeking help for him. Anything I want to do with my son's care, I always run it by dad, and let him be as involved in his care as he wants. Fortunately he has agreed, and we are in line. In Canada, do you have the court system to back you up? It is not right, if the children were under your care for several years, and you have implemented treatments, and then for mom to just come back into the picture and say anthing at this point. I would try to get some documentation together, and maybe run it by your attorney or court system if all civil methods do not come about. I have been ready to do that in my case here. It's just called taking care of your children. Then, it might just come down to picking your fights too, and coming to a comprimise. Maybe court mediation may help?

Mediation might be a really great idea. Or anyone really that is well qualified in resolving issues between divorced people. It sounds like she likes the fight with you, more then she is thinking about your child, but there really isn't much you can do with that. I'm not sure what to suggest.

I was also going to mention the cycling of the moods. AD/HD people can be moody, I certainly am when I'm not medicated, but I don't cycle through moods. I just have things that set me off easily, like having to change my focus. I would say I was more irritable then anything. This is pretty common I think with AD/HD people. Actual cycling of moods is not though. As Scattered said, Bipolar can look really similar to AD/HD on early onset, so please keep an eye on that, and keep it in mind.
If you ever start stimulant medication, or anti-depressants with him (strattera would be included in that), I urge you to get a second opinion first and make sure it's not Bipolar. Throwing a stimulant or anti-depressant on a Bipolar person, makes many of them very unstable, and they become worse (although this isn't the case with everyone). Just something to keep in mind.

Good luck with this, it must be difficult.

Her response all along is " you can't make me give my son something I don't agree with" and that's true.

I am a wits end......Squidward39, have you tried showing her information from the controlled studies which show that your choice of treatment is successful? I have heard most women like to research things; I know I do.

ADHD behaviour is not cyclical. I have heard a neuro-psych is the new fav professional to see for an assessment.

Is there a reason you are not interested in trying traditional ADHD medication?

Thanks for all the support and suggestions. The biggest hurdle I have is the schooling issue...private vs. public. In grade 1 last year my son had a's & b's but that was alot to do with the extra attention he recieved from his teacher and an assisitant, they went clearly above and beyond the normal call of duty. On a typical day it took 2-3 teachers to help him through the day, or he would have an emotional breakdown if things wouldn't go exactly to his plan. He is extremely bright, but fails to produce any work and there lies the problem when he hits grade 2, 3 4, etc....students are expected to produce. He is currently getting a IEP (individual education plan) for grade 2, but in the public system it doesn't guarentee an educational assistant...only critical sitiuations with severe learning disabilities. His mother and I are looking at private schools where the ratio is less than 6:1 where he could have the necessary attention.

Anyway, I would like to hear some thoughts about schooling and what has been successfull for other children with ADHD.
Thanks,

His mother and I are looking at private schools where the ratio is less than 6:1 where he could have the necessary attention.

Anyway, I would like to hear some thoughts about schooling and what has been successfull for other children with ADHD.
Thanks,In my district, special needs kids usually attend public school while other family members may attend private schools. Private schools don't fund special ed. students here.

Squidward39,
Sorry for the lenght of this...
My daughter is very bright, has LD and ADHD. The school does not know about the ADHD yet (recently dx). She was previosly in a Montessori school and did great in the first grade, but her performance deteriorated during the second and third. She was moved to public school for the 4th grade, was dx with LDs (affecting reading and writing) and we worked out an IEP. At this time the school psychologist suggested we look into the posibility of ADHD (the Connor's questionaire results for parent and teacher had very high scores for posible ADHD). During the time of evaluations she had 2 quarters of mostly Fs due to unfinished work (at school and at home) and started showing signs of anxiety, depression and ODD. The special ed teacher worked with our daughter to find the best place for her to work (SPE room, small groups or classroom), get her extra help and to organize her work to help get it home. The IEP reduced the amount of written work required and allowed the use of a word recognition program for her work (they worked on her writing separately in special ed). A behavior plan was put in place to reward her for days that she stayed on task and did her work (at school and at home). With all of this, she was still struggling terribly and only completes work if someone is with her keeping her on track every minute. The diagnosis of ADHD just before the end of school. My husband did not want to medicate our daughter, but after some education and consideration of how this bright child strugles, he agreed to give meds a try. On 18mg of Concerta we saw very small changes and have just increased her dose to 27mg 2 days ago. She has been reading without being prompted for the last couple of days since we increased the Concerta. This is a big deal since she hated to read. We are working out the dosing based on her reading and keyboarding during the summer, and may have to further adjust the dose when school starts. She has no side effects on this medicine.

We really liked the school's reward system so have adopted Ogram's marble system (on another thread) and it is working well. Our living room stays clean, the kids bathrooms stay clean (still working on the bedrooms), my daughter goes to bed on time and stays in her room, they make their own breakfast and lunch, the animals are getting fed and the kids want to learn how to do laundry. When school starts again, I will add school and homework to the marble system.
This is a long road and I wish you luck on it.

Vickie, how exciting for your daughter! My mom still says that when she first learned to read, she thought she had died and gone to heaven. She raised a family of voracious readers. :cool:

It sounds like you are just trying to convince your Ex that you are doing the right thing. She probably has no idea what to do, but you should ask her. That is the first thing the mediator will do. They will determine the differences in your ideas and your ex's ideas. Then the mediator tries to resolve the differences. You need to put her on the spot and find out what her solution is.