View Full Version : relationship with a BPD+ADHD

07-10-06, 09:30 PM
i am not a native english speaker, so i apologize in advance for any probable grammer faults.

i was diagnosed as an ADHD patient 4-5 years ago. i have a low functionality level and very cronic procrastination problem. but the thing i want to mention is my relationships with borderline women. in the course of my life i had 4 BPD girlfriends. my psych says i have a higher need for stimulation compared to other people and problematic relationships with borderline girls (ups and downs) constantly stimulates me.

my last girlfriend has BPD, ADHD, bipolar disorder and ODD. she is a psychiatrist by the way! i also diagnosed as BPD several times before. but after my experiences with borderline people, i don't think i have that. well, i may not be the most stable person in the world but i don't start arguments over nothing, i am not manipulative, my mood doesn't extremely change without an outward reason and my relationships with others usualy not unstable. those are the traits i observed on them in my relationships with borderline people.

when we first met she told me she wants a deep and meaningful relationship. she seemed so lonely and defenseless in this world to me. so i felt an urge to save her from her lonliness and tryed to do my best to being a good boyfriend. at first everything was fine. with the passing time she became increasingly manipulative and controling. she constantly complained about my incompetency of finishing tasks and inability to controling my life. she demanded my undivided and constant attention and when i tryed to draw some boundries she indirectly threatened me to find some other guy. probably i should leave then, though i wasn't sure she really would do this kind of thing. but i felt insecure about those threats and start to call her every day, trying to provide the attention she needed. that worsened the situation. this time she complained about my "invasive, controling, insecure and immature" behavior. i never been invasive or controling to women, on the contrary my former girlfriends complained about the distance i put between us. in the meantime she was over jealous. for example she talked about her former relationships all the time, but when i mentioned any of mine, she totally freaked out and verbally assaulted me.

when i found out she is an active member of a dating site we had an argument. but then i tryed to do my best again to make work our relationship. one day we were in such a good frequency she told me that i am the most reliable and sweet man ever been in her life. the day after that i suspected something about our phone conversation. i went to her home at midnight and waited until 4 AM. she came with another guy. when she saw me she attacked immediately. she said i am emberassing her front of her friends, and acting as she is a *****. the guy acted sensibly and told he don't want any problem. he said they are only friends and he also had a girlfriend, if he would in my place he would act exactly as i did then he left. if there was a slightest provocation from his side there would be a fight. she continued to complain about my invasive behavior. i was very confused at the moment and didn't expect such an assault from someone really guilty (it's a good tactic huh?). the day after that some sense find a way into my brain and i broke up with her.

then she start to calling me. i decided to see her. we gone to her place, i drank a lot. then i left. she came after me. when i returned to talk to her i tripped and fell. i badly injured my ankle (it didn't completely healed for more than a month) then gone to her apartment and asked if i can stay. she rejected me and we start argueing, she threaten me to call the police, i knew she would and wanted to saw she is doing that. she did. a few weeks later she started to call my friends. finally she called me, told me she need me very badly and cryed. i went again (ADHD sucks). she threw herself in my arms and cryed. i was cold at first. then she gone through a panic attack, yelling me that i was the only real thing in her life but even i am not real. i explained her i can see her but i don't want a relationship with her again though i doubt she was listening me. we saw each other few days more but she became even more jealous and told very hurtful things because i mentioned a former relationship of mine. i told her she is a cheap woman and i don't want her in my life, she swored at me and i left.

a few days later she called again and told me that she is pregnant. i felt very guilty of the things i said to her because she mentioned she may be pregnant before, but i didn't thought really she is. i wasn't sure the child was mine but according to ultrason test results she got pregnant at the date we were in vacation together.

there was another problem. she seemed obsessed with having a baby when we first met. i could even say she examined me as a probable father candidate. she was recently had an abortion back than and told me if this ever happen again she would bore the child. but she told me she decided to have abortion this time. i had mixed feelings. i don't want a child from such an unbalanced woman, i don't even feel as it was my offspring but when i remember ultrason view of fetus i couldn't help to think what would it become if we don't interfere.

i was worried for her most. because she had to go through such an emotionally disturbing process again. i tryed to support her every way i can but she stayed distant to me. she even didn't let me in her room at hospital. after the operation i wanted to stay with her, but she looked me hatefully and said she didn't want me around. i called her for a few days after the operation then sent her an SMS which says "i don't want to disturb you anymore, take care". she called immediately after message and the day after that she invited me to her place. we talk a lot she hugged me all the time. then i realized contrary to my fears, this abortion wasn't bothered her so much. her main focus was me. somehow that disturbed me much.

abortion was a week ago. now we are seeing each other. her control issues started again. i don't know what to do. i usually don't decide such things in my life, those things happens spontaniously. but i know i don't want a relationship that i got cheated, manipulated, and my partner trying to control me. i also don't want to hurt her while she is still in such a sensitive situation.

i don't think i can get help from others' ideas but i would like to read opinions of people who can understand the situation. and above all i felt desperately need to express my feelings.

william tell
07-21-06, 09:06 PM
I feel for you, good luck

Matt S.
07-25-06, 11:53 AM
sounds similar to a girl I was just dating... she cut herself all up when she found out she really wasn't pregnant and said she hated me and I haven't seen her since... she was dx'd "borderline" also