Hey everyone,
I was just wondering if any of you have trouble keeping friends? I seem to have no problem making them, but, keeping them doesn't work well most of the time. I seem to offend people or make them jealous, but, I don't know why:foot: . Sometimes I think it's because I am just a difficult person for 'normal' people to stomach. Sometimes I think I am just not someone people get attached to.

So, my husband has a lot of friends that he has had forever, he seems to wonder a lot why I don't have a lot of interest in making friends. He says I keep people at a distance and sometimes push them away. I don't really want to make friends, I am tired of getting hurt by them and I am tired of people treating me like I am a whack-job. :faint:

The people on here that I talk to are pretty much the only people I talk to and it has made a world of difference for me to feel like I have people I can relate to and open up to. I was just wondering if any of you feel the same way or have ideas on how I can stop feeling this way?:confused:

Okay, well, I am going to stop my out-pouring for now because, if you are at all like me, you can't pay attention to anything much longer than this. :)

Chele,

I do not have problems making and keeping friends. I think it is just a matter of what our unpredictable brains spits out our mouths. For instance, a friend recently told me "never know what is going to come out of your mouth next Bob" while she was laughing. I do make people laugh but never intentionally. It is usually saying something everyone else in my circle is afraid of saying but wants to. Now, do not get me wrong, it has nothing to do with courage. Stuff exits my mouth before I have time to edit. At times, at the last second, I realized "oops" and chased the sound waves trying to stop them before hitting target but at .75K/h they've always got there before I could prevent target destruction - usually a superior with bigger guns than me.

Bob

Look at my sig babe

I don't get it -what is "persona non grata" and why are you calling me BABE ?? :p

Look at my sig babe
Sorry, I didn't mean to use your sig as the title. :)

Chele,

I do not have problems making and keeping friends. I think it is just a matter of what our unpredictable brains spits out our mouths. For instance, a friend recently told me "never know what is going to come out of your mouth next Bob" while she was laughing. I do make people laugh but never intentionally. It is usually saying something everyone else in my circle is afraid of saying but wants to. Now, do not get me wrong, it has nothing to do with courage. Stuff exits my mouth before I have time to edit. At times, at the last second, I realized "oops" and chased the sound waves trying to stop them before hitting target but at .75K/h they've always got there before I could prevent target destruction - usually a superior with bigger guns than me.

Bob
I get what you are saying, I am just wondering how to stop being scared about making friends, its like I have a new friendship phobia. Consider yourself lucky for having such an easy time making and keeping friends. :)

Hey Chele...I don't play well with others either :rolleyes: but I do have friends going back for over 20+ years and slowly, I am realising that none of them are NTs :eyebrow:. I am OK with that. I have a few close friends and that's it.

Crazy :)

I just wanted to say.. growing up I had few friends. All the friends I made ended up having serious mental problems...

Serious depression, jealousy issues, compulsive lying, theifs, insecure sexual addicts, etc.

Needless to say.. I discovered all of them (exact for 2, 1 of which I lost contact, and the other I occasionally speak with) turned out to hate my guts "underneith". I never did anything that constitutes a bad friend. I was always there for them when they had problems..always saving their asses in situations...but I could tell any time they looked at me... that they hated my guts.

Sad but true.. At the end of each friendship that reality became fact. since then I have been reluctant to make friends. I keep to myself.. and have lost interest in sharing information with others about myself.

Plus most.. "normal conversations" are boring anyways.. or so overdone.. "so how's that weather we're having".... I just find traditional conversation uninteresting. Plus.. I have a different sense of humour then most people. I dont laugh at the what everyone else laughs at. The entire class can be laughing at something.. and I will have a puzzled look on my face. Not because I dont understand what they are laughing at... just puzzled that they find it funny.


As it stands now.. I dont have any friends. But I would not choose those friendships in place of none.

Today, if I meet people I dont bother to invest energy into that friendship. Plus, I feel like I cant be myself around people. Sometimes I say things that are not quite "appropriate" although what I say isnt extreme....just things that make people twitch their eyes brows at me in question.

In the back of my mind, I still ponder wether what I say will be handled well with the people I speak with....but I cant tell. Those people will either like me as I am .. or not at all.

It kinda sucks, but the older I get the more I am slipping comfortably into my own skin... with comfort, comes confidence... the ultimate attraction. Time will tell, I suppose.

Finally, someone understands. No one in my whole life has ever understood. That's why I get confused, when I am friends with people, I am a very loyal, caring friend. My counselor says that a lot of people with ADD have a very strong sense of self in the eyes of other people. She says that when people see that, a lot of the time, very emotionally needy people are drawn to it because, they want to be stronger.

The only problem is, she says friends like that never make good friends, they drop you like a hot potato when they don't need you anymore. She says I attract people like that because I am so emotionally strong. We are trying to work on my selecting other emotionally strong people for friends. I hope it works, I am tired of feeling lost whenever I just never hear from someone again, but genuinely didn't do anything wrong.

:faint:

Reminds me of the "freak girl" character in the Breakfast Club:

"I don't have any friends. I think the kind of friends I would have wouldn't mind though."

Words to live by can come from the strangest places!

Crazy :)

Applause!!!!! :D

I will take a bow, as long as everybody promises not to kick me in the backside while I am bowing...I know that would be funny, but I might fall on my face and injure myself :p.

Crazy

I would never do that to you Crazy, I love dancing and watching people dance.:)

I don't really have trouble making/keeping friends--the only bad part with me is that I tend to stay out of touch for long periods of time because I forget to return a call, etc. But I will say this--I only like being friends with people that I think are "nice." No political, gossipy people (I could never keep up with gossip even if I wanted to). So maybe I haven't felt the brunt of rejection simply because I haven't really made an effort to be friends with interesting but mean people.

My sister, on the other hand, has always had a hard time making friends. In high school, she would get picked on a lot, and I would end up sticking up for her (even though I was 5 years younger). She does have friends--many of whom she's met through her husband, actually. The friends she has retained are very very kind people. They are willing to see past the things that slip out of her mouth, and see her for who she truly is: a very sweet, kind, loyal friend.

Sometimes, she'll be totally confused on why someone dropped her--but I can figure it out (especially if I've seen her saying some of the odd stuff that comes out of mouth). But at this, point, I don't really have the heart to point out all the obvious reasons she loses friends--I'm not sure she can change. So....perhaps for those who do have a hard time making friends, find people who are really kind--because they are the ones who won't judge you like everyone else. They will take the time to see your true self.

Chele,
I was talking to an old friend the other day, and asked him if he could help me figure out the same thing about why I have failures in staying connected to people. He said that people have certain things that they do over and over in certain situations and I need to figure out what I am doing every time to make things go the way they do. He then told me two words that have helped me alot. He said "Lighten Up". I know the intensity level of everything I do was unbearable to most people. It has been a slow process, but I get a little better all the time. One thing that helps me also is that I live the day and enjoy it. I don't worry about the next day or days. Try it for a few days. It really is relaxing.

X-Man

I don't really want to make friends, I am tired of getting hurt by them and I am tired of people treating me like I am a whack-job. :faint:

I don't have troubles making friends or keeping them but I sure do know how you feel.

I'm not one who looks for friends, I meet people, I'm friendly. If that person seeks me out again I'll talk and then it takes alot of those times for me to trust. Even then I'm alway on my guard. I have people in my life who think they know me and I can tell you they don't really I keep it that way

Hey Chele,

Do you have any live Adda/Chadd groups in your area? Not that we don't love you here of course...and I come here now as much as I can...but since you feel at home...maybe there are some live bodies near by you can get to know..the support groups etc?

I always had a hard time making friends too, I am really brash, and intense...but I consider myself real. So I don't want anyone around that can't handle real. or even rude...I am what I am...what you see is what you get..and it can be really annoying...but I find most of the relationships I have that have lasted the longest...and the one's I have recently made are with my ADDer bud's...
mostly the opposite types of grumpy , brooding, melancholy...good grief lighten up self...the bouncing happy ADHD types...like my sister ....
those are my buds..I can't keep up...but what a joy to watch!

Good luck....on the friend search..and until then...we're here.

Thanks everyone. Yeah, I think it could be my intensity that drives people nuts, that and my lack of trust for them as well. I will think long and hard about this and see what I think I am doing wrong. I might try the ADD friends in person thing, I haven't ever, to my knowledge, been friends with another ADDer. The only other ADDer I know is my brother, and he is one of those people who doesn't believe ADD is real.

I really appreciate all of the great advice, thanks guys. :)
Chele

1) A true friend is someone that doesn't take what I may impulsively say about someone and go tell the other person what I said just to get in the other person's good graces.

2) A true friend doesn't sarcastically poke fun at me when I mix my words up.

3) A true friend doesn't argue with me about whether or not I really have ADD.

4) A true friend understands that I may sometimes become a hermit when I'm going thru one of my low moods and will come over with either just kind words, or maybe flowers, and chocolate, or they will just help me get some things done that I have let go because I can't seem to function at the moment.

5) A true friend will forgive me when I say or do the ADD things that I will sometimes do, and will know that I didn't really mean to hurt their feelings or cause them any harm.

6) A true friend won't talk down to me as if I'm a child or tell me that I just need to grow up so I can get my **it together.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok Chele I could have written more, but I only wanted to start us off with a few criteria that we (ADDers) hope to find in a true "Friendship".

Please share with me what you want out of a true "Friendship"!

Or perhaps you think I am already asking to much from a "Friendship"??????

Well, maybe so, but I ask for nothing that I wouldn't freely give in return if they are truly a friend! :) :)

Peace,

I am pretty much the same as you Chel...I have a few long standing friends, that have been around for years (about 16, one longer) but we only catch up every month or so..
My best friend, said I can be *difficult* to play with :-) She's also ADD...

I make friends but, they drift off...usually it is something I have said, or done..but they never tell me why!!

Seek..true friends don't do this either...

"TRACY!! what did I just say?? I am sick of you not listening, repeat back WHAT I said, in front of everyone :-( ""

I hear you Chel

Yeah, it's weird. I think what I mentioned earlier about what my counselor said is true. I have four friends right now. One, I have had for years, since high-school. Two others I have made in the last three years, we talk about once a month or two. Then, the fourth one, I have had about 5 years, but, there is nothing for me in the relationship. She is jealous of anything I have, when she gets anything, she really goes out of her way to flaunt it.

It seems like the friends I have made in the last couple years are the healthier friendships. Maybe now I know how to select better people for friends. My husband is in the military, I knew when we moved here we would be here a year, we are moving in a couple months. I wonder if that might be part of the root of my issue, maybe I push people away because, I know I am leaving and don't want to put forth the effort.

1) A true friend is someone that doesn't take what I may impulsively say about someone and go tell the other person what I said just to get in the other person's good graces.

2) A true friend doesn't sarcastically poke fun at me when I mix my words up.

3) A true friend doesn't argue with me about whether or not I really have ADD.

4) A true friend understands that I may sometimes become a hermit when I'm going thru one of my low moods and will come over with either just kind words, or maybe flowers, and chocolate, or they will just help me get some things done that I have let go because I can't seem to function at the moment.

5) A true friend will forgive me when I say or do the ADD things that I will sometimes do, and will know that I didn't really mean to hurt their feelings or cause them any harm.

6) A true friend won't talk down to me as if I'm a child or tell me that I just need to grow up so I can get my **it together.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok Chele I could have written more, but I only wanted to start us off with a few criteria that we (ADDers) hope to find in a true "Friendship".

Please share with me what you want out of a true "Friendship"!

Or perhaps you think I am already asking to much from a "Friendship"??????

Well, maybe so, but I ask for nothing that I wouldn't freely give in return if they are truly a friend! :) :)

Peace,
7) A true friend will be as happy for me as I am for them when they get or accomplish things.

8) A true friend will love me for the big heart I have and let my ugly spurts (crankyness) slide off their back.

9) A true friend will pick you up and carry you when you are having trouble

10) A true friend will walk with you and enjoy your day on your normal day

11) A true friend will applaude you and cheer you on when you have a real good day

I true friend knows you really well, but likes you anyway ;)

True friends, provide an endless supply of 'hope', for one another.




Nova

true friends love all your cute little quirks

true friends love all your cute little quirks
And the not so cute quirks too! :)

A true friend will meet ya in the forum chatroom when you are bored or need to talk...hint hint hint!

A true friend will meet ya in the forum chatroom when you are bored or need to talk...hint hint hint!
LOL :D

Well, I showed up in chat and you left! What's up with that! LOL :D

I did have a wonderful time last night in chat, so I'm glad you let me know people were in chat, so thank you! :)

That was the most people I have ever been in chat with at one time!

I wish you were there though!! :)

Oh, and I made some new friends too! :)

BTW, nice chatting with ALL of you last night!!!! :) :)

I really enjoyed it! :)

Ditto, it was great getting to know you guys, I feel like I actually have some friends now :)

I have exactly two freinds. Most social situations with more than two people make me very bored and I have to leave. I think if I was a better conversationalist I would have more freinds but most of the time people talk about stuff that to me has zilch in the way of meaning and therefore I have no comment to add...

my best friends are ones I have known forever, and they are great about understanding my sx. My best friend always tells me to be somewhere 15 mins earlier than she will be, because she knows I will be late. And she is amused by it. Other friends, I let them know that I do care about them, even though I may not call as often. I do notice that I dont trust people easily. Dont know if that is from ADD, experience, or a little of both. I also get disctracted when conversating, so that makes people a little irritated.

Hmm, the lack of trust thing.....I have that too. I think sometimes, I have a hard time making friends because, I never really give them a chance, no trust over here. Sometimes, I think it's because maybe I don't want friends all that much. Do you ever feel like friends take up too much time? For example, I am really busy with school and my husband, one of my friends literally will talk on the phone for 4 or 5 hours and still not want to get off the phone. By the time I hang up with her, I am exhausted and have no fuel left for the rest of the day. So, I end up never calling her. I am not excited about seeing or being around my own friend. With this being said, maybe, I don't really want friends all that much, since I am not willing to put in much effort. Weird, huh?:faint:

If you don't ever call me Chele, I won't mind! And I'll still be your friend too! :)

Ok Chele, here is a wrap up of what we have gathered so far! :)

1) A true friend is someone that doesn't take what I may impulsively say about someone and go tell the other person what I said just to get in the other person's good graces.

2) A true friend doesn't sarcastically poke fun at me when I mix my words up.

3) A true friend doesn't argue with me about whether or not I really have ADD.

4) A true friend understands that I may sometimes become a hermit when I'm going thru one of my low moods and will come over with either just kind words, or maybe flowers, and chocolate, or they will just help me get some things done that I have let go because I can't seem to function at the moment.

5) A true friend will forgive me when I say or do the ADD things that I will sometimes do, and will know that I didn't really mean to hurt their feelings or cause them any harm.

6) A true friend won't talk down to me as if I'm a child or tell me that I just need to grow up so I can get my **it together.

7) A true friend won't intentionally embaress you.

8) A true friend will be as happy for me as I am for them when they get or accomplish things.

9) A true friend will love me for the big heart I have and let my ugly spurts (crankyness) slide off their back.

10) A true friend will pick you up and carry you when you are having trouble.

11) A true friend will walk with you and enjoy your day on your normal day.

12) A true friend will applaude you and cheer you on when you have a real good day.

13) I true friend knows you really well, but likes you anyway.

14) True friends, provide an endless supply of 'hope', for one another.

15) True friends love all your cute little quirks, and the not so cute quirks too.

16) A true friend will meet ya in the forum chatroom when you are bored or need to talk.

Does that mean I am still a true friend to you, SEEK? Can you forgive me for my poorly worded replies in my Title thread?

My meds are for crapola right now. :mad:

Crazy (who does feel guilty even when she cannot help herself)

I know what you mean Chele, I also feel that I guess I dont have time for friends. Sometimes I will sit down and realize that I have not talked to one of my friends for a month and then I feel weird just calling them out of the blue, so I guess that is how I lost a lot of friends. Prime example: one of my friends just called me on Monday and said "we havent hung out in a while, want to hang out tomorrow?" So of course I did not have time and then I didnt feel like it so now I am meeting her on Friday and for some reason I am not really looking forward to it. ANYWAY, its great to know that I am not the only person that feels like this.

Does that mean I am still a true friend to you, SEEK? Can you forgive me for my poorly worded replies in my Title thread?

My meds are for crapola right now. :mad:

Crazy (who does feel guilty even when she cannot help herself)
Well of course we're still friends!

I would be a pretty poor friend to let anything as insignificant as a poorly worded reply come in between a wonderful friendship! :)

And you just confirmed that the friendship we share is just as important to you as it is for me! :)

So now it's my turn! :) Will you forgive me for being overly sensitive and cranky because of this sinus infection I have! :)

And just to make this fit nicely into this particular thread!

17) True friends don't hold grudges!

Well of course we're still friends!

I would be a pretty poor friend to let anything as insignificant as a poorly worded reply come in between a wonderful friendship! :)

And you just confirmed that the friendship we share is just as important to you as it is for me! :)

So now it's my turn! :) Will you forgive me for being overly sensitive and cranky because of this sinus infection I have! :)

And just to make this fit nicely into this particular thread!

17) True friends don't hold grudges!Dang skippy! I knew you have been ill and I have been too distracted to ask how you are lately. Does not mean I stopped caring.

It does fit nicely doen't it?

Crazy

If you don't ever call me Chele, I won't mind! And I'll still be your friend too! :)

16) A true friend will meet ya in the forum chatroom when you are bored or need to talk.
Seek,
I will meet you in the chat room whenever you wish.....just don't ask me to call you :D ....please stay patient with me, yes, I am home from my trip, but, now it is the end of finals week for school, and, I have saved all for the last minute. I will be all done Sunday, so I can finally return to the ADD roller derby. Miss you guys, BTW. Sorry about your sinuses, I will think of you every time I get a sinus headache;) , hope you get better soon.
Chele

I know what you mean Chele, I also feel that I guess I dont have time for friends. Sometimes I will sit down and realize that I have not talked to one of my friends for a month and then I feel weird just calling them out of the blue, so I guess that is how I lost a lot of friends. Prime example: one of my friends just called me on Monday and said "we havent hung out in a while, want to hang out tomorrow?" So of course I did not have time and then I didnt feel like it so now I am meeting her on Friday and for some reason I am not really looking forward to it. ANYWAY, its great to know that I am not the only person that feels like this.
Yeah, I really wonder WTF my problem is. My counselor told me yesterday that, I tend to attract friends who are really needy, when I told her the details about one of my friends, she said they would breast-feed off me if I let them :D . I thought that was SOOO funny, ROFL....Anyway, she said, when a person is introverted like me, and they have had friends that ask for more than they can/want to give, it is healthy to want a break. It felt really good to hear that, I thought her advice was great. I long for a friend that I actually WANT to see.

Seek,
yes, I am home from my trip, but, now it is the end of finals week for school, and, I have saved all for the last minute. I will be all done Sunday, so I can finally return to the ADD roller derby.
Good Luck on your Finals! :)

I will think of you every time I get a sinus headache LOL :D Well, Ok, Thanks! LOL :D
I will think of you every time I get an in grown toe nail! LMAO :D


BTW. Sorry about your sinuses, hope you get better soon.
Chele
Thanks Chele! :)

Now get off the Internet and get studying for your finals! :D