I'm just trying to gather a general consensus on kids access and schedule with each parent , assuming the child is ADHD. I am finalizing my separation agreement and have advocated for one week on/one week off with each parent. My concern however is the dynamics of the ADHD and how that factors into routine visits with each parent. Right now I feel that my son would benefit form a schedule like that.....but that is my opinnion....

Squidward 39,

I was divorced two years ago. My kids are 20 and 21. I saw my son for the first time in two years last sunday. All I can tell you is they have a path they are going to follow and it will have ups and downs. We can't control everything. I think it is more important to be there for them and just show that we always care for them very much. They will work out alot of stuff their way by choice. I think the best thing is to listen more and make it about them.

X-Man

I have full custody of my 2 sons, one of which has ADHD. They stay with my exhusband every other weekend, from Friday night to Sunday night. During the summer, they also stay over on every Wednesday night.

My ex is not responsible enough to have them on school nights. In the past they went to school in the same clothes they wore the day before or they didn't have a lunch (we're vegetarians, so school lunch usually isn't an option), and sometimes they didn't make it to school at all because my ex didn't want to take them clear across town!

My ex works at the daycare the boys go to after school, so he also sees them for an hour every school day.

He gets them for most holidays, but I always get them for Christmas. He is also not responsible enough to provide a Christmas.

I just had him read "Driven to Distraction," and guess what? He's convinced he has ADD, too. It was all I could do to keep myself from screaming, "Duh!"

I think that as long as each parent is responsible enough to make sure a child with ADHD is getting the support they need, then an every other week schedule should work just fine.

My ex and I switch every other week, and we are only a mile apart. It works out okay, but once my son started 7th grade last year, I had to make sure he came to my house every afternoon after school, so that we could go through everythig together, as his dad wasn't doing that, and our son suffered because of his dad's lack of follow through at his home. Then, when we were through, he went to his dad's. We've been doing the everyother week now for 8-9 years. Well, we started with everyother day, and that was a disaster, even though he was little, he never felt really settled anywhere. So, after a full week with each of us now, he's ready to go back to the other.

I have the week on/week off arrangement with my ex wife. I think it's hard on a kid with ADHD, and he would be better off living one place most of the time.

I can tell you from a childs perspective it really sucks going back and forth. I remember when my parents split up, sometimes not wanting to go to the other parents house for what-ever reason. My parents were really nice about that. I am glad that they were. I would just recommend talking with your ex about the fact that you two need to try to stay somewhat flexible through the years, there will be times where your son needs a 'break' and may want to stay at one parents house longer, or may want to got back to the other parents place early. Also, one of the hardest things for me was not having my own space at my dads' house. When I did have my own room at each place it made the transition easier, then, I could go to my room when I was having a hard time adjusting to the new changes in my family dynamic.

Let me know if you ever need any advice from the childs' perspective, I remember being the child in a divorce well.

I think the every other week is very hard for kids with ADHD. My son has a hard time when his schedule changes to go with dad every Friday and every other weekend. Even though he loves seeing his dad, this is the more structured place and he needs that. I think visitation on a more structured basis is best for these kids...or at least it works best for my son.