View Full Version : Parent's anger stops and son's rises


AndreaM
07-18-06, 04:20 PM
Hi All!

My son has not yet been diagnosed with ADD but we have an appointment with a specialist tomorrow and have already filled out the Conner's form. We are sure he has it. I just finished reading Scattered Minds by Dr. Gabor Mate. It's a great book! After reading only the first chapter my husband and I started to totally change our way of dealing with our son. My husband tends to have a lot of anger outbursts when dealing with Max (our son). In fact he is angry with him a lot of the time because he just wants to control him and the situation. After lots of discussion, plus my husband is now reading the book, he has done a total flip with his attitude towards Max. He has not reacted in an angry or frustrated way towards Max for about 10 days. I'm really proud of him because I know how hard it is to change. I have much fewer angry outbursts but I still am guilty of it. It has all stopped. The problem is that my son's behaviour has gotten much worse. He is throwing fits about every little thing and has become more defiant and rude than he has ever been. I'm hoping this is just him not knowing how to react to the "non-angry" approach but it's been going on for days now and we are exhausted by it. I started out against the idea of meds but after reading lots on the subject I'm willing to try. I must admit that a big bottle of Ritalin is looking pretty good these days! Any advice on how to handle these fits of rage and anger where he is yelling insults and crying for sometimes 20 minutes? It happens mostly at bed time but can happen at any time during the day. Should I be taking away tokens (we are trying the token economy thing) for insults and rage or should I just try to ignore it. A lot of it is directed at my husband since his behaviour has changed the most. Sorry for rambling.....I'll stop now :D

Andrea

Crazy~Feet
07-18-06, 04:30 PM
Hi All!

My son has not yet been diagnosed with ADD but we have an appointment with a specialist tomorrow and have already filled out the Conner's form. We are sure he has it. I just finished reading Scattered Minds by Dr. Gabor Mate. It's a great book! After reading only the first chapter my husband and I started to totally change our way of dealing with our son. My husband tends to have a lot of anger outbursts when dealing with Max (our son). In fact he is angry with him a lot of the time because he just wants to control him and the situation. After lots of discussion, plus my husband is now reading the book, he has done a total flip with his attitude towards Max. He has not reacted in an angry or frustrated way towards Max for about 10 days. I'm really proud of him because I know how hard it is to change. I have much fewer angry outbursts but I still am guilty of it. It has all stopped. The problem is that my son's behaviour has gotten much worse. He is throwing fits about every little thing and has become more defiant and rude than he has ever been. I'm hoping this is just him not knowing how to react to the "non-angry" approach but it's been going on for days now and we are exhausted by it. I started out against the idea of meds but after reading lots on the subject I'm willing to try. I must admit that a big bottle of Ritalin is looking pretty good these days! Any advice on how to handle these fits of rage and anger where he is yelling insults and crying for sometimes 20 minutes? It happens mostly at bed time but can happen at any time during the day. Should I be taking away tokens (we are trying the token economy thing) for insults and rage or should I just try to ignore it. A lot of it is directed at my husband since his behaviour has changed the most. Sorry for rambling.....I'll stop now :D

AndreaHey Andrea :)

Most children will escalate bad behavior before a positive change is made. It worked before and now it does not work, so they try harder.

Fighting and excitement create an adrenaline cascade in the mind of people with ADHD. We do not realise why this feels good (ask him why he is behaving so badly when he is calm, bet he says "I don't know!"). Adrenaline is a stimulant that occurs naturally in all brains, and stims tend to focus ADHD people, so it feels good to us, even though we do not mean to be so awful. I am not sure we realise that it makes our brains focus while our emotions feel so bad, but that's the way it works according to the specialists.

In time he will no doubt back off once he realises it is no longer working, or perhaps meds will curb that tendency (they do for my child and for me too...sometimes! Old coping mechanisms become hard to break habits in time).

Please do not remove tokens earned for good behavior, he deserves those. I have a good time-out plan I can describe in PM if you wish.

Best to all of you and stay strong!

Crazy

AndreaM
07-18-06, 05:21 PM
Thanks for your advice. I'd love to hear about your time out plan. What is PM? I'm new to this forum thing...


Andrea

AndreaM
07-19-06, 08:07 AM
I guess PM would mean the opposite of AM!!! Duhhh....:eyebrow: I'm still interested in hearing about that!

Thanks!
Andrea

Crazy~Feet
07-19-06, 10:31 AM
I guess PM would mean the opposite of AM!!! Duhhh....:eyebrow: I'm still interested in hearing about that!

Thanks!
AndreaOMG Andrea I am so sorry! My bADD :o a PM is a private message.

Click once on my username, and you will see a drop-down window, choose send a private message, type and send!

HTH!

Crazy